We begin the episode with Carrie's voice-over informing us that Charlotte's Insta-Wedding is only a week away. Miranda is freaking because not only is she 34 and a bridesmaid, but also dateless for the big event. So we see her at a singles function where men and women are organized in pairs and participating in seven different eight-minute "mini-dates" each, with the partner switches announced with a bell ring. Carrie VOs that Miranda was only charged $20 for this event, which seems to be a bargain price to me considering how most dating services gouge the lonely and desperate, but we can see that the experience is also costing Miranda untold amounts of esteem loss and grief. A hotshot guy sits in front of her and speed-talks a lot of boasts about his investment career and Ivy League education and fluency in foreign languages, then gives Miranda (or "Mandy," as he smarmily calls her) a minute to try to one-up him. He loses interest the moment she says she's an attorney, because I guess Wall Street brokers are so reputable. Whatever. Then we see a montage of Miranda getting increasingly despondent as the bell rings and she reveals her profession to a series of mini-date men who don't even disguise their disgust with her and just frown and look monumentally dismissive. Miranda reaches her breaking point with the last guy, a bland Zeljko Ivanek lookalike, and tells him that she's a stewardess. He raises his eyebrows and leans forward in fascination as the bell sound effect chimes repeatedly. Oh, for the love of Mike, just add a GODDAMN LAUGH TRACK to this show already. Groundbreaking sitcom, my ass.
Then we're at Charlotte and Kyle's rehearsal dinner, where Miranda, Samantha, Carrie, and Chris in the Morning are all seated at the same table. ["And why is the rehearsal dinner like a week before the wedding? Usually the wedding rehearsal is a day or two before the wedding, and the dinner is after rehearsal. Since Charlotte arranged this wedding with almost no time to spare, could she not get a restaurant reservation close to her wedding date?" -- Nicole] Miranda has told Carrie about her "stewardess" experiment; she's used it to prove that "men are threatened by women with powerful jobs." She adds, "Men don't want a lawyer, they want a --" "Liar!" CIM interjects, then smirks as if he said something especially witty. Carrie looks uncomfortable when he says this, and she helpfully provides exposition in VO about how she was still keeping her recent affair with Mr. Big secret from CIM, as if we'd forgotten. Miranda, looking pretty foxy in a sapphire blue strappy cocktail dress although her hair is back to flaming red and the cut is a bit too Carol Brady for my taste, ignores CIM's interruption and brags that she got a date by using this flight attendant ruse. Then Samantha, who's wearing this ugly black low-cut gown with a pleated top that makes her shoulders look about four feet wide and needs to be sent back to Geena Davis's 1986 wardrobe already, makes one of her usual attempts at ribaldry by giving an example of how she makes the statement "I work in PR" convey the meaning "I give great head." Carrie tries to shield CIM from this raunchy repartee. Yeah, I would be embarrassed if my boyfriend had to hear this, too; not because it's raunchy, but because it's so lame. Miranda brings the subject back to her date, and says that he's an ER doctor at New York University. CIM says, "Yeah, but you see, you can't date the guy now because you lied to him." Miranda says she'll tell him eventually, and "besides, if he got upset, he'd look completely shallow." Carrie adds that if Miranda confessed to the guy, "[she'd] look schizo." Why does this scenario seem so familiar? Oh, yeah, because it reminds me of this girl who was interested in this guy who designed furniture so she stalked him at his store and lied to him that she was a designer, too. Oh, and then she lied to him about quitting smoking. And then she lied to him about being faithful. For the life of me, I can't remember where I heard that story. Oh well. My point? Maybe Carrie should find that girl and warn her about pathological lying, lest this girl appear "schizo" to her boyfriend and ruin their relationship.
Kyle clangs a butter knife against a water glass and stands up and blathers about the upcoming nuptials. He re-establishes his "momma's boy" rep by crowing about finding Charlotte and adding, "See, Mother? I told you I'd become a 'we' sooner or later." Hmmm. Then he proposes a cringe-inducing "wee toast" to a cousin of his who traveled all the way from Edinburgh to be a groomsman. There's a cut to guy with shoulder-length hair and a beard and an unintelligible brogue who gargles out something about coming across the Atlantic to bring "ye good Scotch." Samantha exclaims, "Yum!" and announces her intention of making, uh, a nightcap out of this Scotsman. Kyle finishes his toast by publicly declaring his love for Charlotte and saying "All righty then! Let's eat, drink and be merry." Clink, clink, clink. Kyle and Charlotte mack. CIM snuggles with a guilty-looking Carrie. Miranda bitches that Charlotte looks "so damn happy." Samantha expresses her unhappiness at being a bridesmaid. Carrie feels for the groomsmen, who have to wear kilts. Samantha says…well, I'm sure everybody can guess how Samantha would react to a man in a loose-fitting, potentially genital-revealing piece of apparel like a kilt, so I won't bother to repeat what she said. Miranda wonders if it's true that men don't wear anything underneath the garment. Samantha goes on a fact-finding mission that leads her over to Groundskeeper Willie's table. She introduces herself. He brogues something indecipherable about his visit to New York. Carrie VOs that Samantha couldn't understand him, "but if his tongue could do that to his 'r's, she wondered what it could do to her." Thus a mattress is thrown into the back of the Welcome Wagon, and Samantha offers to "show [him] around town."
We're at the fitting for bridesmaid's dresses at Vera Wang's showroom. The dresses are all this beige champagne color, but cut differently for each gal; Carrie's is tube-top-ish, Samantha's is low-cut, and Miranda's has a bateau neck. Carrie tells the gals that she's on the verge of telling CIM about her affair with Big. Miranda wonders why she'd do that. Carrie: "Oh, because, maybe, relationships are based on trust." Samantha: "No offense, honey, but I think that ship has sailed." Hee. Charlotte, of course, thinks Carrie should confess, but not anytime around the wedding so they won't be feuding during her "week." Miranda lays down the law with Charlotte: "It's your day. You get a day. Not a week." Charlotte makes a frowny face. BWA HA HA! Samantha thinks Carrie should keep quiet, the way men have kept their affairs secret for centuries. I'm getting mighty tired of Samantha basing her behavior on men. She could do better. Miranda thinks CIM will eventually find out, like the suspicious wife usually does. Samantha reasons, "He didn't find out when you were fucking Big all over Manhattan, why would he find out now that it's over?" Charlotte scolds the girls for using the word "fuck" at Vera Wang, although I'm sure expletives get uttered aloud all the time there, especially when people get their first look at the prices. Miranda tells Carrie that if she were in CIM's shoes, she'd want the whole truth to be told. Carrie reminds Miranda that she's currently "posing as a stewardess." Charlotte bitches that she doesn't want any one "pretending" anything at her wedding (prophetic words), and she doesn't want Carrie and CIM fighting (further prophetic words). Then Samantha picks exactly the wrong moment to bitch about the length of her dress. Charlotte tells her that the hemlines must all be the same and her dress will not be cut to reveal Sam's "Cee You Tuesday." Samantha is all "what the?" Charlotte spells it out for her. Carrie quips: "Oh my God! Was that a Schoolhouse Rock that I missed?" Which is pretty funny. Then Samantha and Charlotte exchange harsher words, causing Charlotte to honestly admit that she only asked Sam to be a bridesmaid so she "wouldn't feel left out" (OUCH) and causing Samantha to walk into fitting room and slam the door behind her while bitching loudly and honestly about hating the color of the dress anyway.
scene. Carrie is in her Bachelorette Pad, picking a book off her shelf while VOing that she was pondering the concept of honesty. She theorizes that "coming clean" might just be "the ultimate selfish act; a way to absolve yourself by hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt." I doubt that theory; if honesty is the ultimate in selfishness, Carrie would be practicing it in a heartbeat. Then Carrie tells this story about cheating on a test in the fifth grade with two friends. Her friends confessed, got grounded, and failed the class. Carrie says she "never told anyone; and it never mattered." Uh, not even to your two friends, or rather, former friends, Carrie? Carrie fails to reflect on this further, choosing instead to product place her laptop and type out this week's thesis query in big bold letters, "Is honesty really the best policy?"
Then Miranda is on her date with Zeljko. She has this big bow around her neck, which I guess is her simulation of a stewardess-y scarf accessory, and it sure is ugly but at least it isn't a big-ass flower. And she's telling Zeljko anecdotes about the flight attendant life in a vampy, breathy, Samantha-ish "coffee, tea, or me" voice. Zeljko, natch, is eating it up like one of the warm cookies they serve in first-class. I know I should be appalled at Miranda's duplicity, but for once she looks like she's actually having fun on a date. Perhaps she should role-play more often; it seems to let her escape out of her usual brittle shell.
We cut to Miranda's apartment, where she's moaning and riding Zeljko while still wearing her neck bow and strapless bra. They shriek in orgasm, then fall back to rest and catch their breath. Miranda tells Zeljko that he can't spend the night because she has a flight early in the morning. Zeljko says that he has a busy emergency room to attend the day anyway. He gets up to dress while Miranda tries to hide her Harvard Law School coffee mug. Zeljko asks if she has boyfriends wherever there's an airport. Miranda admits that a stewardess leads "a lonely life" and segues into asking him to accompany her to Charlotte's wedding.
Now we're at a loud, crowded bar where Carrie VOs that the gals are celebrating "Charlotte's last night as a single woman." Charlotte and Samantha have made up off screen, I guess, because they're all smiling and sitting to each other. Miranda asks Carrie if she's "" for matrimony. Carrie, who's sporting a headband and teased-up Charo hair here, must have just completed a long journey on the clue train, because she laughs ruefully and admits, "Oh, yeah, I'm headed for a storybook ending. The little curly-haired girl had an affair and lied to her boyfriend and lived happily ever after." Samantha out-cynics her by stating that marriage marks an "ending" -- the "end of the possibility that your great fuck is right around the corner."
Charlotte, who's grown quite tipsy, is encouraged to say the word "fuck" as she crows that Kyle is waiting for her around that corner; she's "finally" going to sleep with him. The gals all gape at the news that they haven't had intercourse yet. Samantha admonishes Charlotte for not taking Kyle on "a test drive." Charlotte argues that she wanted to "save" herself for Kyle; she thinks that it's "romantic." Samantha makes some lame quip about Kyle possibly not knowing "where to put it in," as if that wasn't something Kyle would have learned in medical school, if not life experience. Carrie cracks up anyway. Charlotte assures the gals that everything will be okay in bed because Kyle's "an amazing kisser." I've always adhered to the "can't dance, can't fuck" analogy, but whatever. ["Me too. But you can't teach 'em to dance." -- Sars] Then Charlotte drunkenly confesses to having a fantasy where Kyle has sex with her in a swimming pool with all these neon lights around and she thrashes around like an epileptic outboard motor. Well, actually she confesses that she wants to have him lick whipped cream off her naked body. Samantha recommends "low fat Cool Whip" instead because it's "less sticky." Huh -- first the sexually harassing Blimpie sandwich, now this. The product placements are getting stranger and stranger on this show. Besides, I wouldn't even eat Cool Whip on desserts, let alone a naked body; if someone had a "whipped cream" fantasy, why would they settle for a cheap, nasty-tasting substitute? The scene closes with Charlotte explaining that she's really "horny" from holding out for so long. Damn, first Charlotte said "fuck" and now she said "horny." I'm sure her potty mouth will be cured once she and Kyle move to Stepford. Oh, I also want to add that I liked how in this scene Carrie was smoking her ciggie in such a way not to blow smoke near the other girls. Nice continuity touch, that, considering how they expressed their displeasure with her cigarette smoke in the very first CIM ep this season.
We see Miranda let Zeljko into her apartment later that night for what Carrie VOs was a "booty call." This from the girl who harshed on Samantha for trying to talk jive in the Jungle Fever episode. Whatever.
Then we see Samantha getting it on with Groundskeeper Willie while he grunts and brogues on top of her. Carrie VOs that the encounter was a "Scotch tasting," and that Samantha "had a hard time understanding him, but she understood he was hard." Pithy and raunchy, huh? Will the ribaldry never cease?
Oh god. Then there's this looooonnngg scene where Carrie drunkenly arrives at CIM's apartment to "crawl into bed with him." She slinks into his workshop and we get to the see that she's wearing a red and black blood clot sundress thing along with the Charo hair. He tells her that he's almost finished with the piece of furniture for Kyle and Charlotte's present. Carrie reminds him he didn't have to make anything special for them. CIM, who's working the perfect boyfriend persona big-time in this, his swan song episode, reminds her that he makes all of the furniture he designs. Carrie admires the love seat he's built, but thinks it's "too nice"; after all, she was just going to get the couple "steak knives." Let's see -- CIM bends over backwards to make something really nice for her friends and she expresses astonishment because it's "too nice"? Ugh, whatever! I can't believe their relationship lasted as long as it did. Then Carrie climbs on top of the love seat although it's still up on construction horses, and for a minute there I thought she'd get wet wood stain all over herself, which would probably only improve that dress, but she doesn't. She gets all moony over CIM while this twee flute music starts playing and he lengthily and laconically explains the "meaning" behind the love seat's design: it was made from two types of wood; CIM points out, at the center where the woods meet on the bench's back, there's a flaw in the wood that's "kinda interesting and kinda beautiful." Oh man, I've seen Grape Nuts commercials that were faster paced and more engaging. Finally Carrie VOs that the talk of "flaws" was inspiring her to spill her guts about the Mr. Big adventure to CIM. She VOs that the confession was "building up" inside her, but she decides to snog and shag with him instead. She also has sex while sporting her strapless bra and riding CIM on top, a la Miranda. Is that what those zany straight people are up to in bed these days?
Cut to Kyle's apartment, where Charlotte has appeared at his door. Kyle wonders if she's drunk. She admits that she is, and since it's officially their wedding day, he should "make love" to her right then. Kyle concedes, "All righty then," and carries her into the bedroom.
Then from the bedroom-ceiling cam, we cut to Charlotte and Kyle lying in bed, looking disappointed and mortified, respectively. Kyle apologizes for not being able to get it up. He explains that he has a problem sustaining an erection during intercourse. Like a good preppie stereotype, he makes a sailing metaphor about his sexual condition; he can "get the sails up, but can't bring it into the harbor." Charlotte wonders if there's anything she can do. Kyle: "Marry me." Charlotte agrees that she will. Kyle spoons her and reasons with her that sex is just a small part of married life. Charlotte's eyes widen as she contemplates her passionless future. This, ladies, is the dark conclusion that The Rules didn't warn you about. Take note! This is where lightness and breeziness might lead you! Carrie VOs that Charlotte couldn't sleep at all that night.
We're at CIM's apartment again, where Carrie is getting out of bed to have a cigarette out on CIM's stoop. She VOs that her only thoughts were about being "a liar and a cheater." She was still lying like she did in the fifth grade. CIM throws on some clothes to join her on the steps. He tells her, "This won't work." She replies, startled, "Us?" No, he was referring to her sneaking out to smoke cigarettes at three in the morning. She sports a hounded, irritated look and whines, "I tried to quit. I just couldn't." CIM tells her that he can overlook her smoking. Carrie reminds him about his earlier refusal to date a smoker. CIM: "You're not just a smoker. You're a lot of things." Oh man, if he only knew. And if she'd only tell him ALREADY! These scenes are unbearably boring! Then Carrie comes thisclose to confessing her betrayal to him, but loses her courage at the last minute. She tells him that she needs to go back to her apartment because her maid of honor outfit is there and she needs to prepare for the wedding early.
Later that morning, at Miranda's apartment, she's slicing a bagel while Zeljko is blathering about wedding attire. Miranda cuts her finger and makes him look at it and tell her if she'll need stitches. He balks because blood makes him "queasy," and admits he's "not really" a doctor. Miranda freaks and asks him who he is. He admits he's an assistant manager at an Athlete's Foot who wanted to fulfill his fantasy of dating a stewardess. Carrie VOs that Miranda briefly considered confessing her profession to him in turn, but then decided to let him keep his fantasy intact. She tells him in her husky Ginger Grant voice that he'd better leave, and she "hopes [he's] never on one of [her] flights." He adds that he definitely wouldn't be flying in first class. Miranda harshes back, "No, you wouldn't!" He skulks away, and my irritation at Miranda for getting on her high horse and riding roughshod over the poor guy is mitigated by concern over her untreated finger gash.
Then CIM shows up at Carrie's apartment in this really unflattering dark burgundy-three piece suit with lapels and a vest cut too high to have any slimming effect whatsoever. And his shirt is unbuttoned and his collar is sticking out. Basically, he looks like a schlumpy aging hippie in a suit, or rather, an ACLU attorney. Carrie is wearing her bridesmaid's dress, to which she's added a brown sash with a Scotch plaid patch in keeping with the ceremony theme. It's really not bad from what we see of it, but she's decided to put her hair in a huge bagel bun on top of her head, and since her hair is about four different colors, the bun doesn't match her roots and definitely looks like a styled fall, or perhaps even an actual honey grain bagel. Carrie notes that CIM is carrying a small present. He tells her it's a Polaroid of the love seat. Then he starts complimenting and pawing at her while she bitches that she's running late and tries to shrink away from his touch. He moans, "You never let me hold you anymore," a line that has a weird daddy's-little-girl-gone-astray vibe to it. Carrie loses her temper and snipes, "I'm not running away!" CIM wonders what she's "afraid of." Carrie looks down at the floor and suddenly blurts out, "Aiden, I slept with my ex-boyfriend! You met him at the furniture show and then we slept together and I didn't tell you and I'm sorry." She confesses all this like he's been hounding her for weeks to admit it, and how dare he browbeat her. Jeez, GROW UP, Carrie. CIM wonders if she and Big only slept together once. She admits that it was "many times" and "he was married and it was a MESS and [she doesn't] know what [she] was thinking but it is so, so over." She leaves out what I believe is the best part, how she caused her illicit lover's wife to maim herself and lose a tooth, and I'm shocked anyway that CIM didn't learn of the affair through the New York gossip columns, since Carrie's supposed to be some sort of Gotham celebrity and Big's allegedly some major mover-and-shaker in media circles, but whatever. She waves her arms around and adds that the affair was "wrong" and she hopes he can forgive her. CIM backs away from her, aghast. He hands her the Polaroid present and leaves. Carrie wonders if he'll accompany her to the wedding. CIM tells her to go alone. Carrie asks him if he'll meet her there later. Um, pushing your luck, much? He departs without a reply.
Charlotte is fretting at the church, looking absolutely gorgeous (despite not getting any sleep) in her veil and Vera Wang wedding gown with a full skirt and strapless beaded bodice, and bitching at Miranda not to get her bleeding hand on her dress and at Samantha to find Carrie. Carrie, of course, is holding up the entire ceremony like the world revolves around her, as usual. Bunny walks up to compliment Charlotte on how well her heirloom necklace looks on her. Groundskeeper Willie pops into view and brogues something at her. Bunny looks perplexed. Samantha interprets that he wants to escort Bunny to her seat. They leave. Samantha informs the girls that she found out, "they do wear something under those kilts -- but it's easy to get off." "Easy to get off"? Isn't that the title of Samantha's autobiography? Charlotte ignores Samantha's research into foreign culture and looks around worriedly while Carrie VOs, "Charlotte had something old, something new, something borrowed, and someone Samantha blew." Carrie comes bounding up, apologizing for her tardiness. She tells Charlotte that she looks "perfect." They beam at each other, and Charlotte forgives her.
The bagpipes start to wail as the girls enter the chapel. Kyle and his groomsmen walk to the altar in a long shot, and I for one am very disappointed that after all this talk of men in kilts, we don't even get a full glimpse of a guy in one. Some women (and quite a few men) enjoy seeing stuff like that, you know. The Foursome futz with Charlotte's veil and train a bit, and Samantha is the first to strut down the aisle while holding a bouquet. Carrie VOs that "despite all her bitching, she enjoyed being a bridesmaid." And for the record, the champagne color actually does look quite good on Samantha, and despite the chaste, below-the-knee length of the dress, Kim Cattrall has her character practically bump-and-grind to the front of the church, and the total effect is very sexy and funny. Then Miranda walks down the aisle in a business-like, hesitant stride. Carrie VOs that she was able to find "a last minute date." We see Stanford (!!!!) sitting in a pew, waving his pinky very cutely at Miranda as she walks past. Stanford! More, please! Then Carrie starts to walk down the aisle, and as I notice how unflattering the A-line skirt looks on her and how she is definitely wearing the ugliest of the bridesmaids dresses, Charlotte calls out to Carrie sotto voce that she has to tell her something.
Carrie scurries over to Charlotte and asks what's the big. Charlotte hurls the veil off her face and declares, "Trey can't get it up!" She expositions about her drunken seduction scene the evening. Carrie wonders if he had been drinking. He hadn't. Carrie blames it on "wedding-night jitters." Charlotte shakes her head and moans, "He said it happens all the time." At this point I was expecting Carrie to tell Charlotte to just borrow some Viagra from Samantha, who probably has a full prescription in her purse, but this doesn't happen. Instead, Carrie VOs that since Charlotte was "already in the big white dress" she decided to tell her "a little white lie." Because lying has served Carrie so well recently. Whatever. Carrie pooh-poohs Charlotte and explains, "Hey, it happens to everybody!" Charlotte suddenly wishes she could turn back the clock and jump Kyle on the first date. Then Sarah Jessica Parker does this spot-on Jennifer Aniston impression by shrugging her shoulders and throwing one of her hands down in a fuhgeddaboudit gesture while delivering the line, "Maybe he jerked off before you got there -- and -- was just too embarrassed to tell you." Charlotte, on the verge of tears, moans, "I do love him." Carrie comforts her with the assurance that Kyle loves her too. Charlotte tries to believe that perhaps Kyle really had jerked off before her arrival. Then Carrie, to her enormous credit, reminds Charlotte that she doesn't have to go through with the wedding. She tosses one of her arms down in a "pshaw" gesture while Jennifer Aniston-ing some more, "We can just get a cab and get out of here -- and -- everyone can just get over it!" Despite my problems with Carrie lately, I think she absolutely rocked at this moment by reminding her friend of this option and her support. But Charlotte realizes that everyone in the chapel is turned around and staring at her and Carrie's impromptu coffee klatch, and I guess Ellen and Sherrie's brainwashing takes hold again because she gulps, straightens up, and grits out, "NO. I'm getting married." Carrie nods at her. Charlotte takes a moment to demand that Carrie not reveal Kyle's secret to anyone. Carrie agrees. Uh-huh, trust Carrie with that secret, Charlotte, despite Carrie's pants perpetually being ON FIRE. Whatever. Carrie walks down the aisle. Charlotte puts her veil back on. Carrie VOs Charlotte's motivation: "[She] was 34, single, and standing in a $14,000 dress. She was getting married, and not even a low libido could stop her." Then some grey-bearded extra takes Charlotte's arm, and I guess this is supposed to be her father, and they walk to the front of the church.
Stanford stands up and I see that he's wearing this really ugly Reagan-esque brown suit with a blue shirt and royal blue tie. Damn, he's not assigned any dialogue AND he's put through the indignity of wearing that outfit. Shame! The rest of the guests rise and the bagpipes wail louder as Charlotte reaches the matrimonial goal she declared in the first show of this season, having achieved her aim with six episodes to spare. Fast work.
We're spared the recitation of the vows, because SATC fans have all been to real-life weddings and watched sweeps-month daytime dramas and all know the drill and then some. The scene is in front of the church. Kyle and Charlotte emerge. We all-too-briefly get a glimpse of his kilt ensemble as the beaming couple descends arm-and-arm down the steps while the gals and various extras pelt them with white and red rose petals. Carrie spots CIM approaching and practically bolts over to him, eager for the impending dramatics.
They meet on the sidewalk. CIM says that he walked around the block for an hour instead of appearing at the wedding. Upon hearing that line, a wag might add that John Corbett could use the exercise. Carrie starts to cry and apologizes again for her actions; she never meant to hurt him. She bawls and pleads, "Couldn't it be like the wood? And that's my flaw and you're the other wood and that makes it stronger?" For one thing, John Corbett already practically is wooden, judging from the way he's sleepwalked through this role for seven episodes. For another thing, their relationship already has a huge-ass metaphor, i.e. Carrie's smoking representing her affair with Big, and all of her parallel attempts to quit both vices. CIM agrees with me that their fragile relationship can't bear the added metaphorical weight, and replies, "It's just not that simple, Carrie." He expresses regret that he was told about her affair. Carrie wails and says that she "just wanted to be honest." She reminds him that "people make mistakes" (nice way to generalize your personally heinous behavior, babe) and collapses in tears and snot all over the front of his suit jacket. CIM explains that "[he] knows [himself], and this isn't the kind of thing [he] can get over." Carrie grabs her face and sobs. CIM tells her that he needs to be "on [his] own for awhile." Carrie realizes that the hard surface of his boot has made direct and irrevocable contact with her ass, and wipes her tears away in an effort to compose herself and stop groveling. I'm in shock that she didn't try to convince him to forgive her by throwing his "go with the flow" philosophy back in his face. CIM goes off to book a flight on Alaskan Airlines. FINALLY. Woo. Hoo.
Miranda calls out that Carrie's "needed for photos." She walks over and informs Miranda, "I told him." Miranda sees her tears and looks concerned and rubs her arm. The Foursome pose together on the steps of the church while holding their bouquets. Charlotte beams for the camera and tries to overlook Carrie, who's making a big actress-y show of wiping away the tears in her eyes. Carrie makes the moment all about her some more by VOing, "It's hard to find people who'll love you no matter what." Cut to a close-up of Carrie putting on a fake grin and a brave face for the camera. Miranda, Samantha, and Carrie all look at Charlotte simultaneously while the camera frame freezes to signify the taking of the photograph. Carrie VOs in conclusion, "I was lucky enough find three of them." Despite Carrie's most recent display of rampant narcissism, I have to reply -- awwww.
But will Charlotte be able to love Kyle "no matter what" also? Can SATC get any soapier? I guess we'll find out in the episode.
Speaking about the episode…after the show's cha-cha-cha credits, we see a promo in which this woman with fried blonde hair is sitting in a director's chair labeled "Sarah Jessica Parker." Her back is to us, and suddenly she turns around and it's SJP, in a blue sequined dress with a pink big-ass flower pinned to the front. In her most patronizing tone she introduces herself by name. She adds, "The reason you're seeing me, and not a preview for week's episode, is we don't have week's episode. We're not done yet. We need more time. What you will be seeing week is a lovely rerun. After that, we'll be back with six new episodes. [At this point she puts the back of her hand to her mouth like she's letting the slobbering plebian masses in on a little secret.] I hear the girls are going to Hollywood, California. [Puts her hand down.] So, thank you for your indulgence, good night, and godspeed." ["Hmmmmm...all the girls just HAPPEN to be in Hollywood at the same time? Hey, something just like that happened on Happy Days. Maybe SJP will be wearing a biker jacket and tight blue men's swim shorts, and jumping over a shark while on water-skis. I wonder if Potsie and Ralph will be there too!" -- Nicole] Then the HBO announcer blathers about "encore presentations" during the week of Labor Day while we see snippets of past Season Three eps. SJP appears again and out-smarms Chris Noth as Mr. Big with a fake insouciant "That's all." I hope I was able to convey every bit of uppityness in SJP's recitation during this promo. I have no idea whether it was a follow-up appearance of SJP's bad-actress Dolores Fuller character from Ed Wood or a continuation of the "big spoiled movie star" shtick SJP performed in the ads for the MTV Movie Awards show she hosted this year, but it really chafed my ass. Perhaps instead of "Hollywood, California," SJP should go on a trip to GET OVER HERSELF?