By LTG
Sam, Andrea, and Dena are in Sam's SUV, staking out Regina. She runs down the sidewalk and then kisses a handsome man on the cheek. Dena: "I never followed anyone before. Well, once, but he wanted me to. I mean, he told me not to. But he wanted me to." Andrea and Dena decide the guy is pretty hot. They would like to hire him to entertain at their coffee shop. Sam jumps out of the car, and runs to Regina. Regina sends her boy-toy inside and Sam accuses her of cheating on Howard. Regina admits that it's true, claiming that her paramour's name is Rory. But she tells Sam it would be pretty hypocritical of her to judge Regina for something she's done dozens of times. Regina: "I'll see you at home for dinner. I made scalloped potatoes."
Sam arrives at home, where Howard is potting some plants. He tells her to calm down, since it's not dope he's planting. She tries to raise his suspicions about Regina, and then just drags him off to show him the restaurant where the affair is taking place. He's willing to come, but not in her car -- he doesn't want to get "jacked holding some ditch weed." Sam bans him from the Internet. Commercials.
Howard is in traffic in front of the restaurant. Sam has told him about the affair, and he's both heartbroken and furious. There's no parking available, so Sam suggests he use the valet. He refuses to pay $5, and sends Sam in to the restaurant to bring Regina out. Howard: "I'm just gonna circle."
In the restaurant, Regina is quite surprised to see Sam. Tellingly, Regina is not sitting at a table. And then a couple of guests walk up to them and ask for a table for two. Sam asks them if they look like they work there. And then Regina picks up two menus and leads them to a table, telling them that she'll send some bread right away. Sam can't believe that Regina's working as a hostess. She asks what happened to her wedding ring, and Regina tells her that single girls get bigger tips. And it's her own damn business if she wants to wear some pretty underwear from time to time. Sam can't believe that Regina's big secret is that she has a job. Regina tells her that her job gives her something of her very own that she doesn't have to share with anyone. I hope she knows she's supposed to share her tips with the busboy. And she doesn't want Howard to know, because she thinks it will make him feel like a failure as a provider. Which is why she told Sam she was having an affair; she knew that if told her about the job, she'd blab to Howard, but that she would never out her mother for cheating. And then Howard walks in, having found some free parking. He's looking to beat up Regina's lovah. Regina and Sam both tell him that there is no lovah. He doesn't believe them, and Sam tells Regina to tell the truth. So Regina lies and claims that she was going to have an affair but that she sent the dude away because she just couldn't bring herself to hurt Howard. Howard buys it, and promises to be more attentive in the future. And then Sam has to pretend to be the hostess so Regina can pretend not to work at the restaurant. Howard: "Sammy's got a job. I hope they don't give her a urine test."
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