By LTG
Oh, also? "Written by Pamela Ribon." Go Pamie, go Pamie! It's your birthday! Or rather, it's not your birthday, I hope -- how much would it suck to be on strike on your birthday? Probably as much as it would suck to be on strike when your episode airs. On the plus side, I bet you could have an awesome post-episode celebration on the picket line tomorrow. Anyway, I'm drinking a sake bomb in your honor.
At the hypnotherapist's, Sam is on the couch while the therapist counts back from three and tells her she'll remember everything they discussed when she wakes up. Sam opens her eyes and shouts out, "I'm adopted!" Commercials.
Sam is meeting Andrea and Dena. What's this? They're at a coffee shop, not the bar. Let's celebrate with a sake bomb. Sam is thrilled that she's adopted, since it means she's not destined to turn into Regina and/or Howard. We get a little peek into the minds of Dena and Andrea, as Dena wonders whether Sam's birth mother is a princess or her birth father is a ninja, and Andrea wonders whether Sam's birth father might be some older hottie that she could accidentally sleep with. Dena, to Andrea: "I think something's wrong with you." Sam wonders why her parents wouldn't tell her about being adopted, and then tells Andrea and Dena that she remembers having had a heart-shaped necklace that her birth parents gave her, but that she has no idea where it is. Sam also has new craving for a cigarette -- she apparently learned in hypnotherapy that she used to smoke, and now she's jonesing for a cancer stick. Dena takes the blame for starting Sam on her nicotine addiction, since the two of them took up smoking to get in with the cool kids. This is all just a way to inform Sam that when she was a kid, she used to hide cigarettes in the vent in her room. Sam announces her intention to go home and confront her parents. Andrea dings in for some Andrea time, and asks Sam whether she remembered Peter's number.
Sam marches up to her parents, who are playing cards, and tells them that she knows she's adopted. They simultaneously burst into laughter. They tell her it's not true, but Sam doesn't think there's any reason for them to hide it anymore. Regina tells her, "Honey, this is what I warned you about. You let people fill your head with ideas. It's like when you went to that guidance counselor and he told you you were gifted." Sam asks to see her birth certificate, but Regina tells her she can't see it because she drew on it when she was a little girl. Sam thinks she can still look at it, even if it's not legible, but Howard tells her that they lost it. Sam tells them she'll get another copy, but Howard tells her that will be hard, since she was born in international waters. Sam sarcastically asks whether she was born on a pirate ship, but Regina matter-of-factly tells her it was a cruise ship. Eh, same thing. Sam moves in for the kill, asking to see the really amazing pictures they must have from that trip. Regina nearly breaks down into tears, and Howard suggests that they tell Sam the truth. Which is that some kid named Shawn Miller stole all of Sam's photo albums, but they shouldn't try to look for him because his entire family of illegal Icelandic immigrants were all deported. Yeah, that's the ticket.
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