By Potes
And speaking of, Beverly supposes she should finally get off the bus and join the party. Big John tells her to chill out and drink, like, a Diet Sprite or something. Just when she settles in, Brittanya straddles Bret and starts humping him. Great timing! Beverly really wants to talk to Bret. She might be successful in this endeavor if he didn't have two tongues in his mouth right now, not including his. Beverly busts out with, "Dude, what the hell?" Jamie likes Beverly and decides to lend her a hand and lead her away before she further makes a fool of herself. Beverly tells Jamie that she understood what she was getting into by joining the show, but wonders if Bret, after having peesh after peesh in his face for 20 years, doesn't finally want something different. Two words: season three. Farrah yells over that Jamie and Beverly aren't paying attention to Bret, and Beverly yells back that Bret's not paying attention to them. Beverly sarcastically wonders if she should pull her shirt down and hike her skirt up. Ashley answers: "You should hang your boobs out. And pull your skirt up." Well, that's settled. Beverly marches off in a huff, which seems to be a trend for the evening.
Meanwhile, Mindy and Taya, after realizing that no one cared when THEY left in a huff, decide to hit the hot tub. They strip down to their g-strings, and Taya rips off the best pickup line ever: "You're near me with your naked breasts right now." They high five. Back at the bonfire, Farrah, Ashley and Brittanya head off to pee. Jamie interviews that everyone was so drunk and retarded that they all just dispersed, leaving her alone with Bret. They make out and snuggle and Bret compliments her on how her butt hanging out is hot, but not in a whoreish way. Jamie appreciates that. Bret tells her that this -- by "this" I think meaning fun snuggle times -- is more "him" than any of "that" -- by "that" I think meaning fun slutty times. Bret hadn't really noticed Jamie before, but appreciates the fact that she's cool and laid-back and maybe not as crab-ridden as the others.
Back in the suite, Mindy and Taya jump in the shower together and start shit talking the others. This is particularly awesome since the others have snuck back in the room and are listening to their conversation. Mindy says of someone -- clearly she's talking about either Ashley, Farrah or Brittanya -- "That's not the girl you bring home to mom, that's not the girl you marry, that's not the girl you bring around your kids." Farrah then loses it, goes and whips the shower curtain off, and tells Mindy and Taya to fuck off. They claim that they weren't talking about Farrah, but she thinks she heard her name. In any case, the Blondetourage is pissed. Ashley grabs the nearest thing (after walking to the kitchen), which happens to be a big jar of salsa, and dumps it in Mindy's suitcase. Mindy discovers this, and interviews that it's going to take more than a can of salsa to break her down. This leaves me with only one question: What kind of a stupid bitch buys salsa in a can? The hazing continues as the Blondetourage and Brittanya pour what looks to be chocolate milk and shaving cream onto Taya. She and Mindy finally pack-up their salsa-stained belongings and check into another room where they can celebrate their love for each other in peace.
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