Hey kids. This is going to be by far the shortest and least funny recap I've ever written. It's hard to watch Road Rules and not want to throw the tape out the window anyway, but in light of what's happening in New York -- the notion that certain people who read this site or people they know and love have been affected personally by the terrorist attacks in my former home city, New York -- it's nearly impossible. We'll be back to normal soon, I hope, but for now there are more important things than Adam and Ellen and company. Laughter is one of the best things on earth, I believe -- I'm just not quite ready to laugh yet.
Previously. Ellen said that she didn't get along with everyone and sometimes that just happens. It happens a lot to Ellen, I'm sure. Blair reports that Ellen has been writing emails to her friends "hating on all of [the kids in the RV]." He doesn't know why. She has left the email there for them to read. I guess that's just stupidity. Ellen seems to have that in abundance.
Opening. We've all seen it. It doesn't get any better. Things are different. Of course they're not.
Day. Outside the Tioga. ADDam cackles as Steve -- hi, Steve! -- runs through a parking lot somewhere with his pants down. Adam loves it. Blair loves it, too. Inside, Ellen talks to a friend on the cell phone and says how immature everyone else is and also that Sophia pretends to seduce Adam even though she's a lesbian and Steve is scatter-brained (oooooh, diss!) and that Adam farts and then the kids come in. The boys are wearing different clothes, so it's obvious this isn't even the same day. I give up. Ellen stops dissing for a bit and the boys leave and then Ellen goes back to dissing. Outside, we see Blair listening; he's wearing different clothes once again. Blair floats that Ellen has stabbed them in the back and twisted the knife and she doesn't want to be there.
Tioga. The kids, minus Ellen, are inside talking about all this Jigga-When? Blair relates and Ellen says over and over that she doesn't care about them; Blair says she doesn't deserve to be there. Adam tells us that she should have left, and Sophia tells us that she's tired of Ellen's lies and "faking." Adam says they should confront her; Blair agrees, and Sophia says that something is going to blow when they do.
Now there's a shot that looks like it is exactly same one from the second week; Adam is sitting on a street across from the Tioga when Ellen comes over and they talk. Fuck B/M. Adam tells Ellen that she's being two-faced. Ellen tries to respond, but can't. Adam continues about the email and Ellen stammers, "What did I write on the email?" Ellen just stutters. Adam floats that Ellen won't admit what she wrote, and Katie floats that Ellen keeps secrets, and we get it. People are mad at Ellen.
Now everyone is talking to Ellen on the street. Ellen says "supposably," and goes on to say that she doesn't care, and Blair bitches back, and Ellen smiles, and Blair says this tears a group apart. Ellen floats that she doesn't know why everyone is trying to make her a "more developed person." I don't understand what that means.
As the kids get a tire replaced, some dude brings them their mission. Sophia reads. It's the Crest of Trust they have to get; they have a training session for whatever it is that night. Sophia says something about trust, and they show a shot of Ellen.
Travelling. The kids drive to Algemesi and arrive at night in some playground where Spaniards make a human tower. The kids are all psyched and Ellen says she's used to doing this type of stuff in cheerleading. Of course she is. And sucking cock. (Hey, I made a joke!) Ellen says she's "always on top." We meet their trainers. They will have to be part of the human tower and be strong and no problem. Adam floats that this is only a guy thing. Katie says it's been going on for two hundred years, but only with guys; they're the first girls. ExpoSteve says it's a big base of people tapering up to one little boy on top. Blair floats that they thought it wasn't a big deal, but then they saw the guys doing the tower and realized it will be harder than they thought. Everyone is scared watching it. Steve thinks they can't do it. Blair says someone will get hurt. Commercials.
Back. In a hangar, they train with others. They have to perform in a town square the day in front of people and will only get one shot. Katie is at the top and yells to be let down. Ellen reveals that she's been told she will be the one on top holding the boy; Blair floats that it's ironic that this will all be up to Ellen, and that they'll have to trust her. Sophia makes a "cat" joke about Ellen and balance. Ellen drops the little boy. Sophia says the odds of them making it are not good. On top, Ellen is told to lift her leg; showing off,she lifts it to her head, and they all fall down. She voice-overs, "I don't think so logically, sometimes." No shit. Sophia floats that it's not funny. ADDam yells at Ellen and then floats that Ellen doesn't care about them, obviously. The boys bitch.
Shot of the moon. Tioga. Adam disses Ellen to the group and says she's not a good observer. Steve voice-overs that this is not going to be good; he tells Ellen to let the boy help her out because he knows much more than she does. Ellen says it wasn't explained well, and then she tells Steve not to underestimate her and that she believes in herself. "More power to you," responds Steve. Ha. Ellen says she's not going to drop the kid and that she'd rather fall herself; in a great comic aside, Steve says, "Well, if you fell you'd drop the kid, too, so...." Ellen floats that they're all attacking her because she's the strongest and is the one who can take it. What?
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Ouside, somewhere, Ellen talks on the cell phone about how they're all picking on her. She's retarded. She bitches that she misses her friend and crap music starts, the pseudo-Oasis singer blahing, "How many times have you been pushed around?" Crap shots. Crap montage. "Does anybody care?" No.
Tioga. Blair says it would be more fun if Ellen were gone. Ellen's there, and Adam says that when he saw the email and heard the cell phone call, he didn't know what to do, and wanted to throw missions to get her kicked off. Not only is he getting sucked off by her -- point one; but point two -- I think they can blow missions without trying to just fine. Anyway, obviously the timeline here is for shit so let's not even get upset about it, shall we? Ellen says that this is awkward for her, and Adam says that, yeah, it's because she can't run away from it. Sophia says it's awkward for everyone, and then Ellen says she feels like she's been "putting [herself] out there," which is such crap pseudo-emotional-speak that I can't believe it. She cries, bitching about being the outsider. Blair says that he cares enough about the group to confront her. Adam says she needs to prove she cares about them. Ellen has tears in her eyes. So do I. Commercials.
Ellen. Piano music. Shot from the street conversation again. Montage of them talking to her. More music. Singing. Ellen smokes, upset. She says she cares a lot and that if she gives so much and doesn't get back, she puts up a wall; she says she needs to "dig deeper" and hope the other respond. Fuck off. She cries. The kids eat somewhere, wondering where Ellen is. Ellen is crying, and Blair asks her to talk to him about it. Ellen doesn't speak English as she says something to the effect that it's all too much, but a "positive" too much. Ellen camera-talks that it's all hitting her right now; she misses her friends and she didn't realize she cared this much. Bullshit. Then Blair makes jokes and I don't understand. So now it's all changed without anything even happening and people hug her and Sophia floats that Ellen has a lot of potential.
Flamenco guitar as Blair shows us the lucky, dirty socks he wears for every mission. The kids put on clown-looking striped suits as HiSteve says that he wouldn't give them odds on making this. Their outfits are the official tower clothes, and Ellen can't help feeling part of something. Well, she is, technically. Build up to them performing the tower at noon. They're nervous. Women dance and play music. Ellen is nervous. Steve is nervous. Katie is nervous. Steve can hope and just has to trust Ellen. Blair says that Ellen has to put aside her pride and work for the group.
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Noon. Time to build. The kids climb up. Sophia falls. Adam says it's harder than it looks, and Steve says it feels like there are seven people on your shoulders. Steve voice-overs, as Ellen climbs, that she's thinking about the team and not fucking around. I'm sorry, but Spain does some stupid-ass public shit. With the bulls and tomatoes and the meringue and now this. Ellen keeps climbing as Steve keeps talking. Ellen voice-overs that the kid is heavy. The boys stand on Ellen's shoulders and she goes into a slo-mo montage of her saying, "What if..." and then talking about falling and fucking up. The kid grabs her face. Montage. Montage. Talking. Talking. The kid climbs up and the crowd cheers. They did it. Whoo. Whatever. Ellen gets down and hugs the trainer like she's about to blow him. Ellen tells us she's proud of herself. Everyone hugs. Ellen did a good job, though. Fine. I'll give her that. All the kids voice-over and float about how well Ellen did, and Blair says that it's "huge respect" from the city that they'd allow a girl to be the top; then the boy comes over, delivering the Crest of Blah, their mission complete.
Ellen floats that now she feels like she's earned her spot on this team. Great. Good for you. The kids take photos in the square. Blair: "This might be Ellen. This mission might be Ellen. Because that's what she talks about all the time...the kind of person she is. And this is the first time on this trip she's shown it." I don't understand anything anymore. Blair is happy for her.
Night. Restaurant. Blair says that there are things he can't do alone, and that he needs all of them; Ellen says she agrees and that she cares about them all, and that they've made her realize more about herself than she wanted to. She's drunk and she wants to end on a happy note and make the most of the eighteen days (what?); they all toast. Adam floats, as the kids hug, that it's like starting over and U2 sings "With Or Without You" and they sing along and Ellen floats that this is what she's been wanting and she hopes they can have fun and make the kind of memories they want for the rest of the trip. And that's it.
. They have to break into some fortress and steal the Crest of Teamwork. It's all Mission: Impossible with them in black and crawling under lasers and dropping over walls and avoiding guards and it actually looks kind cool for once. Blair agrees, saying that it's the coolest thing he's ever done.
See you week. Be safe.
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