In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Wow, I just cannot care about this show, right now. I begged for it, mind you. Before a new TV season, Editorial sends the TWoP writers a list of shows that will be featured on the site and asks us our choices (in order of preference). I'd already sworn to myself I wouldn't do another "weecap" of an hour long drama, because it's just too much for too little, you know? But then there was Ringer, and two Buffies. I'm pretty sure my return email was something like, "Please, please, please, please, please." It may have also contained phrases like, "I was made to cover this show," and/or "This show was made for me to cover," and now I'm all yawny, tired, and just plain annoyed that I have to watch it. I don't know how a simple holiday hiatus killed my love, but it has, at least, cloaked it. Enough about me, though. Let's get to the show.
Juliet's mother crashes at Park Ave and is abominable to Bridget, because, like everyone else, Catherine (Andrea Roth) thinks Bridget is Shiv. But later, Catherine is abominable to Juliet, as well, even though she doesn't think Juliet is Shiv. There's some security cam footage that could lead one to believe that Juliet has faked the charges against Mr. "Logan" Carpenter. Henry and Bridget find this disturbing. Catherine finds this reason to burn her daughter's baby photos.
Meanwhile, Bridget is reminded that Shiv liked anagrams, and so she starts mixing up letters of every word she comes across, to try to figure out what Shiv was up to, before she "died." She calls the Hotel Pivoine, in Paris, and has enough fake knowledge to get the concierge to confirm Shiv has been a guest there, under the name Cora Farrell, but without Cora's credit card number, she can't get confirmation of the date of her stay. She even finds some mystery NYC chauffeur, who seems to have a lot of Shiv/Cora knowledge, like, for example, that Shiv was looking for Bridget months before they got in touch, and also, that she was often packing heat!
Since Shiv is quite alive, thank you very much, she's in hot pursuit of Henry aka Tool Belt. While Tool Belt doesn't realize the woman living with Andrew Martin is Bridget Kelly, he does think Real!Shiv is Bridget and turns her over to Agent Machado. Since even identical twins don't have identical fingerprints, it doesn't take long before Machado realizes Shiv is Shiv, which could provide cover for Bridget-as-Shiv, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Before that, Shiv pawns the ring Andrew gave Bridget for his sixth anniversary with Shiv, and then meets up with a fake i.d. dealer to get a new passport. From talking to Tyler (whom Bridget has already called) she realizes her Cora Farrell alias has to die, and asks for a new, fake passport. It's when she throws out the old passports that Tool Belt (who has been trailing her) catches on, and gives Agent Guyliner the heads up. Shiv lies to Guyliner that she hired NA Charlie/John as a P.I. to track Bridget, and that NA Charlie/John is the one who led her to the fake i.d. dealer -- the implication being that the fake i.d. was Bridget's.
By the end of the hour, Bridget has confessed to Andrew that she "lost" her ring. Andrew recovers the ring, because when you buy a $200,000.00+ ring, it has a serial number, yo. Also by episode's end, Shiv makes Henry watch as Bridget enters Park Ave. Meanwhile, out in Wyoming, Office Jimmy is getting beaten up in prison, and lying to Machado.
I'll be back with the full weecap, tomorrow. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, but please don't make me think of a quippy reason for doing so.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Okay, I know I was a little down-in-the-dumpy about this episode in my recaplet. I enjoyed watching while writing this up much more than I expected to, so I'll try to be more of an upbeat Buffy. Maybe I can fake it 'til I make it back to a place where this show is fun. Cross your fingers for me. I'd do it myself, but then I couldn't type.
Park Ave. Lobby.
Bridget [on the phone]: Are you there, God Malcolm's Voicemail, it's me, Margaret Bridget. I'm not at all afraid that Agent Guyliner will ever get ahold of your cell phone, or that anyone in this lobby will overhear me, so I'm not bothering to maintain my "Shiv" persona. Anyhow, the Boston-based Hotel Pivoine is closed, but there is one in Paris. And also, Malcolm's Voicemail, why does Malcolm never answer his phone? *beeeeeeep*
Meanwhile, over at Gramercy Park West, Henry "Tool Belt" is having his mind blown by Real Siobhan..
Tool Belt: Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?
Siobhan: Sugar-Lips, it's me. I broke us up to keep us together, m'kay. But I never stopped loving you for a second. Both Gemma and Andrew were onto us.
Tool Belt: You're wearing the scarf I gave you at the Relic Toss.
Siobhan: Relic Toss? Was that an episode of Buffy?
Tool Belt: No, remember how you used to make anagrams of the places we'd meet for our red hot affair? Relic Toss = Cloisters. Now let's make out.
Siobhan: Okay, but only for a second. Now I have to run.
Tool Belt: "I'm so confused. You miscarried the baby so I backed off and now you're backing back on, but what I don't get is if you're also fronting."
Siobhan: Notice the pretty way my eyes are tearing up. That's for your benefit, Sweet Cheeks. Meet me at 7:00 tomorrow at our place in the Village, and all will be revealed. You figure out if I mean 7:00 A.M. or 7:00 P.M. I've left the Jumble behind and moved on to logic puzzles.
Meanwhile, back at Park Ave. Bridget arrives home to find "Tainted Love" cranking, skank boots lying in the foyer, a broken wine glass, a stray dog -- wait, that's a fur coat, and an empty bottle of wine.
Bridget: JULIET!
Penthouse Elevator: DING!
Juliet: [stepping out of the elevator] Hi Bridget-who-I-think-is-Shiv!
Bridget: If you're not the drunken floozy blasting this music, who is?
Juliet: It's my mom, LOL. Lemme you show you.
In the bathroom, Catherine (Andrea Roth) is soaking in the claw foot tub.
Catherine: What is your problem, Shiv? This was totally my tub, first. Oh Juliet, my Angel.
Juliet: We're so close, and we'll always be close.
Audience: Yeah, not so much.
Network: Commercial...
morning at the penthouse...
Bridget: Juliet, want homemade blueberry pancakes?
Juliet: You? Cook?
Bridget: Look at this apron. I do not fool around.
Andrew: Thank you for letting Catherine staying even though you said she was like head lice. I always thought of her more like crabs. Clearly, Juliet needs her around. What's with the apron, though?
Bridget: That's what the kid needs -- a case of the crabs. As for the apron, I'm going all Martha Stewart.
Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto.
Xander: I don't believe she slays, either.
Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she just doesn't like to.
Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Recapper: What guy?
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she...Really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness.
Recapper: Okay, will all the Buffy-people who were never actually Buffy, please exit this weecap, immediately? Thank you. Goodbye.
Andrew: Well, that was...awkward. I'm off to see the attorney about Mr. "Logan" Carpenter raping my daughter, now. I will do everything in my power to make sure they lock him up and throw away the key.
Catherine: Hold the elevator. I am taking Juliet out for breakfast, and shopping at the three B's. Oh, and Andrew... your credit card, please.
Bridget: But I made pancakes, or at least put on an apron. No fairsies!
On the mean streets of New York, Real-Siobhan calls Tyler Boytoy, who is still in Paris.
Tyler: Come back. I miss you and my baby who is in no way my baby. I'll book your airfare.
Siobhan: I'm pregnant, not incapable. I've gotten the information off Andrew's home computer. Solomon will get me out of town, unnoticed.
Siobhan walks into a pawn shop...
Siobhan: I have a $200,000.00+ ring. What will you give me for it?
Pawn Broker: Sorry, I don't traffic in stolen goods.
Siobhan: LOL. Does that line ever work?
Pawn Broker: LMAO, you'd be surprised. I'll give you 15K.
Siobhan: Cash?
Shiv makes a phone call...
Mystery Man: Hey.
Siobhan: I have the cash, let's do this.
At Park Ave., Bridget calls the Paris Pivoine.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Bonjour!
Bridget: I don't speak French, but help me. I need a copy of the charges from my stay for tax purposes. My name? These days, it's Siobhan Martin.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Ugly American. Fortunately for you, I speak English, too. I am sorry to say zere eees no record of your stay.
Bridget: Look under Andrew Martin.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Non.
Bridget: How about Buffy Anne Summers? Kendall Hart Lang? Helen Shivers? Sydney Orion Rutledge?
Hotel Desk Clerk: Non.
Bridget: [flashes back to her visit with Shiv's therapist...] Um...please transfer me to the concierge.
Concierge: Alloooooo?
Bridget: My name is Cora Farrell. I left my make-up bag at your place. Can I have it, please? It makes so much more sense for you to ship a bag of makeup overseas than it does for me to just buy new makeup, right?
Concierge: Certainement! I weel just looook. Non. No makeup bag 'ere, Perhaps your boy-toy has eet?
Bridget: Frigging Tool Belt! Um... I mean, can you just remind me of the dates of my stay? Perhaps that will help me find my makeup. You buy that, right?
Concierge: Cray cray Américain! Please to geeeve me your credeet card nombre.
Bridget: Gotta go!
At Federal High Security Prison, Richmond Springs, Colorado, which is no less of a Why-oh-why place than Wyoming, Agent Victor "Guyliner" Machado and a new handsome young agent go to visit Officer Jimmy -- duh Matador.
Guyliner: Agent Handsome and I mock Jimmy for a few minutes, because we know what a great time cops have in prison. Oh, the friends they make!
Officer Jimmy: He wants me to tell him about Bridget and tries to sweeten the deal by promising me a transfer to an easier prison, but this guy can't find his arse with a flashlight, a map and a three-way mirror, so I don't think so.
Agent Handsome: I'd be practicing my Kegels if I were you, handsome. Hey, wait, I'm the handsome one!
Recapper: *Pet pet* yes you are. And that was a great line, so don't sweat it.
Agent Handsome: Hey, you're kinda cute. Are you single?
Recapper: If recaps appear in the forest that is the internet, and yet the recapper's supposed spouse doesn't always read them, must she tell the truth?
Gentle Readers: Yes, she must. We mean, yes, you must. Agent Handsome is too young for you, and besides, your mother reads these recaps, and you know she loves your husband, best. We'll give you a pass with Ioan Gruffudd, because he's so Ioan-y and Gruffudd-y, but that's it.
Recapper: What about Agent Guyliner? I mean, he's Richard Alpert.
Gentle Readers: Okay. But that's really it. You're already drooling over the whole cast of The Vampire Diaries.
Recapper: Have you seen my latest reason for doing so?
Gentle Readers: We'll be in our bunks!
Recapper: Hey, wait. I'm not done here.
At the New York office of Martin/Charles Financial, Claudine answers the phone, when Bridget-as-Shiv calls...
Bridget: Can you give me the dates of my last trip to Paris?
Claudine: I have no record of you having gone to Paris with or without Andrew. But if you want to accompany him on the trip he's taking in a few weeks, I'll totally hook you up. He's meeting with Tyler Boytoy, our new head of European Scams.
Bridget: [flashes back to meeting Tyler at dinner a few weeks ago, and him hissing that she said her name was Cora] Um...you know what, can you put me through to Mr. Boytoy?
In Paris, Tyler takes Bridget-as-Shiv's phone call...
Tyler: Er... aren't you the one who said we should never talk over the office line?
Bridget: (under her breath) Eff my sister's life. Um, so you still mad at me?
Tyler: Mad? I never! Did you get in touch with your guy, Solomon? What's going on there, anyhow?
Bridget: Gotta go! Andrew's home, and he's the only part of my sister's life worth assuming. Forget I said that, kthx? Bye.
Andrew enters the penthouse...
Andrew: Did you sell that anniversary boulder of a ring to a pawn shop? You said you were getting it resized.
Bridget: Um, it was totally stolen. I was too embarrassed to admit I lost it, so I lied. But I totes love you. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. I did call a plumber to snake the drain.
Andrew: Well see, when you can afford a ring like that, you can also afford insurance, duh.
Bridget: Oh, right. Sorry. Can we make with the kissing now?
At a New York Diner, Shiv gets a call from Tyler Boytoy.
Tyler: Why did you call my office phone?
Siobhan: Didn't.
Tyler: Did too!
Siobhan: (under her breath) Eff my sister assuming my life. Whose crazy idea was this, anyhow? Oh, right. It was mine. Darn the luck.
In an alleyway that is not at all creepy, a creepy guy tells Siobhan to walk further down into the alley. She's not afraid, because he's as short as she is. Plus, she's Buffy or, at least, she's Mean-Buffy, who is probably more physically formidable.
Creepy Guy: Here's your passport and your French Visa.
Siobhan: Crap, these have the Cora Farrell name on them, and Bridget must know that name by now.
Creepy Guy: Who?
Siobhan: Never mind that. I need new ones, reading Rebecca Sheldrake.
Recapper: I am so not making anagrams of that. Not for a weecap. Charades Beck leers. Salad Breech Creek. Debacle Rack Heres. Bleacher Cake Reds. Blacker Rad Cheese. Arcade Belch Reeks. Readable Checkers. Back Cheerleaders.
Creepy Guy: It's gonna cost you.
Siobhan: I expect to hear from you in two days.
Siobhan exits the alley. Creepy Guy follows, rips up the Cora Farrell version of the passport and Visa, and tosses them into a sidewalk trash barrel. Tool Belt, lurking in the shadows, takes this all in. When the coast is clear, he retrieves the documents from the trash, looks them over and sighs.
At Park Ave., Andrew and Bridget meet with the Principal of Juliet's school.
Principal: I have mad video of your daughter throwing herself so hard at Mr. "Logan" Carpenter, that she backs him into a wall. He keeps his hands in the air and off of her at all times. Who's zooming who?
Catherine and Juliet pick just that moment to arrive home.
Juliet: Principal Caruso?! Daddy, what's going on?
DVD Player & TV: Here let us help you.
Catherine, Juliet, Andrew, Bridget, and Principal Caruso: *Watching*
Juliet: *Gasp*
Catherine: What the hell is wrong with you? You tried to do him right there in the hallway? He is your teacher, not the captain of the football team.
Juliet: I made a mistake, but then he hit on me. I didn't want him to be my first.
Recapper: Um...I don't think so.
Bridget: Right?
Catherine: Word.
Andrew: La la la I can't hear this discussion of my daughter's virginity. Let's focus on facts, facts, facts, other facts.
Catherine: The fact is, when Logan wouldn't let Juliet jump his bones, she decided to screw him the only way she could. THERE WAS NO SEXUAL ASSAULT -- WAS THERE, JULIET?!
Bridget: (To Principal Caruso) Would you like me to show you out?
Principal: All my life, I never wanted anything else.
Oz: This is my verse, hello?
Recapper: I thought I already got rid of all you people. Scoot, Oz, you're not in this scene. You're not even in this show.
Oz leaves, with his tail between his legs.
Juliet: Daddy, you believe me, right?
Andrew: I do, but it's no longer black and white.
Juliet: Thanks a lot. I hate your frickin' guts.
Bridget: Juliet?
Catherine: Oh, like you're a big help. You taught her putting out is the way to get what you want out of life.
Bridget: What the hell did you just say to me? I'ma bust your ass for I am Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.
Andrew: Order. I must have order! Why did I not marry British women?
Catherine: You are the world's worst man-stealing stepmother.
Bridget: Well you're an even worser mother and your DNA contribution obviously sucks, because Juliet so didn't get this from Andrew.
Andrew: ENOUGH! Siobhan didn't steal me. I left. This is about Juliet, who is obviously insane in the membrane. I'm off to talk to her. You two stay and duke it out. My money's on Buffy.
At a restaurant, at night, Tool Belt waits for Shiv.
Siobhan: Hi, baby. You, me and some gnocchi. YUM!
Tool Belt: Why did you kill Gemma, BRIDGET?! I know the truth. I saw you sell Shiv's ring. You must have stolen that scarf. I've been following you all day. You tried to buy a fake passport. And yesterday, you didn't remember about liking the Jumble. Do you even know your sister was pregnant?
Siobhan: LOL, I can see how you'd get confused. Gotta say, you are not the one I would have chosen to get this close to the truth so soon.
Tool Belt: Save it for someone who cares.
Siobhan: Like?
Agent Guyliner: Bridget, what is UP?
Siobhan: Eff all my lives.
Over at the FBI Office, i.e. the Fed Shed, Guyliner still thinks Shiv is Bridget, so he fingerprints her and compares the results to Bridget's prints.
Computer: NO MATCH, BEEP BEEP BEEP.
Siobhan: Told ya. I am outta here.
Guyliner: Why would Tool Belt want me to think you're Bridget? Maybe he knows you're a friend of NA Charlie/John. I have a witness that can put you two together in the Hamptons last spring.
Siobhan: That waitress I stiffed. LMAO. It was her birthday, but she was all like, "What the hell kind of a name is Siobhan?" It was totally justified. I hired NA Charlie/John as a Private Investigator, to find out what happened to my sister, from whom I'd been estranged.
Guyliner: Yeah, I've heard that song before. Who is this Cora Farrell person?
Siobhan: Would you believe we're triplets? Probably not. Okay. I don't know. But it would be really cool if I could cook up a triplet, and blame this whole fiasco on her at this point, wouldn't it?
Recapper: If you managed to do that, I would promise to fall back in love with this show. Although, I have to say that on subsequent viewings of this episode, I am growing a little warmer towards it.
Siobhan: You already said that, up top. I only hope something reaches the Nielsen families. Anyhow, Guyliner, Cora's probably just one of Bridget's aliases.
Guyliner: Then why were you getting her passport from Creepy Guy in that creepy alley? Huh? Huh? Riddle me that, Siobhan!
Siobhan: NA Charlie/John got me a phone number during his investigation. I called, hoping it would lead me to Bridget. Creepy Guy asked if I still needed a passport. I met him, hoping it would be a lead, but Creepy Guy was no help. Now may I leave?
Meanwhile, back at the Federal High Security Prison, in Richmond Springs, Colorado, Agent Handsome pays another visit to Officer Jimmy, duh Matador.
Agent Handsome: As if I weren't already appealing, I'll just toss out to the ladies that I was just at my daughter's dance recital, and I'm annoyed that I was called away.
Agent Jimmy: The sisters in this joint are no ladies. Look at my poor face! I'm ready to talk.
Penthouse, night, Bridget and Andrew talk in their room. There's no case against Carpenter. Andrew no longer knows what to think.
Bridget: Um honey bunny, I'm really sorry I went all Righteous Buffy on Catherine. And I'm so sorry about the ring. I should have just told you as soon as I couldn't find it.
Andrew: I thought it was Juliet, but I was wrong.
Recapper: Wait. How do you know it wasn't Juliet? I mean, we know it wasn't Juliet, but how do you know? Did the police or a pawnbroker tell you it was a blonde? Did you see a video of the transaction? What do you know, and how do you know it, Andrew.
Andrew: Regardless, I'm putting in a new security system, tomorrow. Also, I got the ring back, and now it fits you, too!
Bridget: Marry me? Oh, right, we're already "married." *Smoochie smoochie smooch*
Juliet: Daddy, can you come help me with mom? Just daddy.
Out in the living room, Catherine is looking at Juliet's baby pictures and SETTING THEM ON FIRE.
Catherine: I'm having a funeral for my daughter, the slut.
Recapper: That's a verbatim quote, btw.
Juliet: ???!!!???
Andrew: Get your skanky drunken ass and your dead animal pelts out of here.
Catherine: Dick!
Juliet: I'd just like to point out that I am a product of my environment, so you know, whether this whole rape charge turns out to be legit, or a farce, maybe you'll have a little sympathy for me.
The Internet: LOL. Have you met us?
Bridget goes to Juliet's room to do damage control.
Bridget: You mom has a problem. It's not you, it's her.
Juliet: She's never been happy, even when she and Daddy were together, and she always took it out on me.
Bridget: Did I ever tell you about my red and black cowboy boots with the flowers on the side?
Juliet: Redneck.
Bridget: Anyhow, my sister and I were spending the weekend with our dad. I forgot my boots, so I snuck back to my mom's house to get them, only to discover she had destroyed them.
Juliet: With a bitch mother like that, it's a wonder you didn't end up as a stripper/addict and possibly a prostitute -- one who might witness a murder and then go on the lam rather than give State's evidence in order to get out of the prostitution charges.
Bridget: *Cough* I know, right? Anyhow, the real reason my mother burnt the boots was because she was mad at my dad, who had a party to entice my sister and I to stay over. She was trying to get back at my dad. Knowing that made it a little easier.
Juliet: Okee dokee.
Over at the Fed Shed, Guyliner makes notes of all he knows on the Bridget Kelly/Siobhan Martin connection. They read:
NOTES: Siobhan Martin hired John Delario/Charlie Young. Delario finds Bridget Kelly, doesn't tell Martin. Delario and Kelly kidnap Gemma Butler for ransom. Delario kills Butler and Kelly kills Delario. Kelly tries to run as Cora Farrell.
Recapper: Oh so close, but sorry, no.
PHONE: *RING RING*
Agent Handsome: It's Agent Handsome. Good news. Officer Jimmy confessed to murdering Shayline Briggs and Mary Curtis.
Guyliner: FAIL!
Catherine returns, the morning, to pick up her bags. Bridget is already bringing them out to the foyer when the elevator doors open.
Catherine: I want to see my sweet angel.
Bridget: Sucks to be you. She's gone. Let's just try not to talk. It never works well for us. Juliet left this note for you.
Catherine: Juliet never writes notes. But I remember the notes you left Andrew when he was CHEATING ON ME with you. They were all full of anagrams, like that was clever or something.
Bridget: Buh?
Catherine: Like that time you said you were meeting at Yuck's Leaf, when you meant Lucy's Cafe.
Bridget: Sorry, I have to flashback to my conversation with Tyler Boytoy, because my sister and I used to do word jumbles when we were kids.
Catherine: Did you sleep with her husband behind her back, too?
Bridget: Did refers to something happening in the past, right? Whatever. Here's your bag. Get in the elevator. Don't let the doors hit ya, where the good Lord split ya.
Catherine: You know what, Siobhan, you can suck it.
Bridget: That's what he said.
Network: *COMMERCIAL*
After the break, we watch as Bridget goes through Siobhan's book, trying to make anagrams. When she happens upon the name Moses Volsandio, she starts scribbling, until she comes up with Solomon. That leaves these letters remaining: E, S, V, S, A, D, I, which I'll just unscramble for you now: Vesida. Bridget calls the number to the name.
Solomon: This is Vesida.
Bridget: OMG I miss doing the Jumble. This is Cora Farrell.
Solomon: How you doin'? What can I do for you?
Bridget: Um... the usual?
Solomon: I'll pick you up in an hour.
Over at the Fed Shed, Guyliner calls Officer Jimmy, who is still in that Colorado prison, which is still no improvement over Why-oh-why, Wyoming.
Guyliner: You're protecting Bodaway Macawi!
Officer Jimmy: Duh. How stupid do you think I am? You had a bunch of prisoners beat me up in order to make me think it was Macawi's men so that I'd turn on Macawi. Oldest trick in the book.
Guyliner: Where is Ben Linus? He could manipulate Officer Jimmy into spilling, without breaking a sweat.
Recapper: He's over on CBS, now. It is the CW's parent network, so maybe he can help you out?
Back at the prison, Bodaway Macawi pays Officer Jimmy a visit.
Officer Jimmy: Get me outta here!
Macawi: What's in it for me.
Officer Jimmy: I'll help you find Bridget Kelly.
Bridget exits the Park Ave. building. Solomon calls out to her, and invites her to get in the car.
Solomon: Should I put up the privacy window? Did you bring your gun?
Bridget: No, it's...what?
Solomon: You said "the usual." I guess you meant the other "usual." It'll take us about 45 minutes to get to JFK.
Bridget: Um... so, when was the last time you took me there?
Solomon: Nine months ago, when you were going to Wyoming, remember? You said you were looking for an old friend.
Bridget: Um. I totally want to go back to the apartment. And Andrew.
Privacy Window: *Raises*
Bridget: [on phone] Are you there, God Malcolm's Voicemail, it's me, Margaret Bridget. I am still not at all afraid that Agent Guyliner will ever get ahold of your cell phone. Also? Siobhan lied! She knew where I was before the trial. She knew I was in Wyoming before the trial. I don't get it. Why didn't she just contact me?
Malcolm's Voicemail: You get how this voicemail thing works, right?
Network: *COMMERCIAL*
Siobhan comes to visit Henry at Gramercy Park West, and tells him she gets why he turned her in, to Agent Guyliner. She asks him to let her show him something. Shouldn't she be wearing a trench-coat for that trick? Meanwhile, over at Park Ave., Andrew knocks on Juliet's door and tells her Andrea is on her way up, to visit.
Elevator Door: *Opens*
Tess Troublemaker: *Steps out*
Andrew: You're not Andrea. You're not even African-American.
Juliet: Tessa Troublemaker, let me again say the episode title. It's kind of my thing. "What are you doing here, ho-bag?" LOL.
Tessa Troublemaker: I knew you'd be like this.
Juliet: Duh. We're enemies.
Tessa Troublemaker: I know, but we need to become frenemies, because Mr. C totally forced me to have sex with him, too. I'm trying to cry now, but I'm not good at it like you are.
Streets of Manhattan, Siobhan and Henry are standing outside the Martin's building, which a handy dandy sign tells us is The Dordonna, located at 626 Park Ave. Tool Belt complains they've been there for a half hour, and yet Shiv hasn't said a thing to him. Shiv tells him to trust her and wait. When she spots Solomon getting out of his car and opening the passenger-side rear door, she turns to Tool Belt.
Siobhan: You believe that I'm Siobhan, right?
Tool Belt: I can't even shake my head enough. Sure, whatever.
Siobhan: Well then, look behind me.
Tool Belt: *Looks*
Bridget *Exits car*
Tool Belt: *Crazy eyes*
Siobhan: That's Bridget. She's the one living a lie, with Andrew, not me. And I'm still pregnant -- with our child.
Tool Belt: *Brain dribbles out ears*
Title Card!
Well, that was more fun, the second time around. I'm not in guilty-TV-pleasure love, like I was before the hiatus, but writing this up the long way, did not make me want to slit my wrists, so that's progress. I'll see you Wednesday morning with my recaplet of, "It's Easy to Cry When This Much Cash is Involved." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, where Catherine is teaching us how to mainline champagne.
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