Tommy stands in his kitchen, looking at a memorial card for Billy. He walks over to the fridge, and places Billy's card to Jimmy's, both held up with magnets. I always wondered exactly what you're supposed to do with those cards. You feel like you have to get them for your loved ones, but then what? Bookmarks? My grandma just sticks them in her Bible, but what do us non-organized religion types do? Scrapbook them? I guess the fridge is as good a solution as any.
Tommy calls his younger brother Timo -- who, we will find out in the episode, works at the DA's office. ["I totally missed that and thought they'd just decided to recast Johnny and play it off like we shouldn't notice." -- Wing Chun] Tommy is digging for information about who started the fire that killed Billy. Timo reluctantly tells Tommy that they suspect two girls who have moved into an abandoned building in Harlem. Tommy wants the address. Timo gives it out, warning Tommy not to do anything stupid. Has he met Tommy? And how many more Gavins are there? And do they all work for the city? What , Liam Gavin, Director of the Municipal Sewage Treatment Plant? Or Siobhan Gavin, who just started in the typing pool at the Mayor's office? And the black sheep, Colin Gavin, a public-school teacher. Maybe that will come up season.
The crew is gathering in the firehouse. Everyone's there but Tommy. Chief struggles to say that they "have a situation that's arose...arised..." Garrity interrupts to say that it should be "arisen." Chief asks if he's right, and Lou confirms that, surprisingly, Garrity is correct. Garrity says that he's been "banging a chick who plays a lot of Scrabble." Chief tells him to shut up and announces that the Powers That Be are sending a transfer in to replace Billy. Everyone wonders what the big deal is, until Chief announces, "We're getting a dame." The guys are disgusted and think it must be a joke. Lou concludes, "Over my. Dead. Body." Chief tells them that they have no choice. Lou argues that having a woman in the firehouse is destructive and disruptive. I think it would have been interesting if the new lady firefighter were yet another Gavin. Lou goes off on a rant about how the physical requirements are lower for women so that "the bean counters" for the City can reach their "bitch quota." I try to surpass my bitch quota each and every day. Franco supposes that they will all end up dead when the "broad" breaks a nail on a second alarm and freaks out. Oh, Franco. So pretty, and yet so clueless about women. I mean, the Neanderthal attitudes about women the guys display do bother me, but I also think it's pretty realistic for this type of guy to express exactly these opinions, so I'm not going to waste my time going on a rant about it.
Garrity asks whether Chief knows who the new chick will be. Chief says that there are four options, and that the guys won't like any of them. Chief explains that the first candidate is "a black midget." The guys sputter as Chief clarifies that the women isn't actually a midget, since she just met the height requirement for the department. Lou snarks that they can take turns lifting her up to use the sink. Chief says that the second candidate is "a gigantic Norwegian chick" who is "just shy of 6'5"." So what's the problem there? She's bigger and possibly stronger than most of the guys in the house. Although some of them have man strength. Chief reports that the third candidate is "some dyke." Franco thinks all the candidates are probably dykes, but Chief says he's seen a picture of this one, and "she's more of a man than [he'll] ever be." Garrity looks really confused by this, and even whispers to himself for a second. Hee! Chief starts to report on the fourth candidate, but Lou interrupts to say that he doesn't care, because they're just going to "freeze her ass out" and that she "won't last two days." Lou concludes that they just have to remember: "Ice." Everyone enthusiastically agrees to that strategy.
Tommy pulls up to the address given him by his brother and spots two chicks, Blondie and Brunette, walking down the street. He calls out to them and asks if they remember him, since he pulled them out of a fire a few nights ago. Blondie, clearly messed up on something, asks, "What fire?" Brunette, seemingly more lucid, urges her friend to shut up and keep moving. Tommy tells her thatt they "lost a good man in that fire." Blondie scoffs, "So? Go find him." Tommy rushes up and grabs her by the neck, slamming her against a fence. Blondie calls for the cops, and Tommy asks her who started the fire. She cries that it was Jacob. Brunette adds that they needed a place to stay, and Jacob let them stay with him, but then told Brunette she had to perform oral sex on him, so she grabbed a candle to fight him off and accidentally started the fire. Tommy releases Blondie and asks where Jacob is, but the girls don't know. Tommy reaches in his pocket and pulls out $80 and asks for information. Blondie tells him where he can find Jacob tonight, and gives a physical description. Tommy walks away and pockets the money without handing any out. Blondie calls him an asshole as Tommy strolls back to his truck.
In the firehouse, the guys are complaining about the heat. Garrity wishes someone would invent "bunker shorts," and Lou points out that it would put you in danger of burning your legs. Garrity thinks that would be better than "sweating [his] balls off." Franco asks if his balls are more important than his legs, and Garrity says, "See, you can get fake legs." Lou thinks Garrity has a point.
Chief pulls Lou aside and says that he got a tip on a baseball game involving a pitcher who needs shoulder surgery. Somehow this segues into a discussion of weight loss, and Chief shares that he tried the cabbage soup diet, where you eat nothing but cabbage soup "and then you shit so much you could fit in a shoebox." Lou asks how much weight Chief lost on it, and Chief says without explanation that he gained four pounds. Is it weird that I enjoy recapping the bullshit conversations on this show more than the, you know, plot and stuff? Chief asks Lou if he wants in on the bet, calling it "a mortal lock." Lou turns it down, adding that the last tip Chief gave him caused him to lose money.
Tommy drives around and finds the building the homeless chicks described to him. He notes its location and moves on.
Tommy walks into his house and finds his dog ripping apart his hockey jersey. The dog runs off and Tommy curses at it, and then uses the ruined jersey to pick up some dog poop from the floor. Don't his wife and kids live across the street? Maybe someone could come over and walk the dog once in a while. The phone rings and Tommy answers.
Tommy walks into Janet's house, and she reports that there's a problem with the central air conditioning. Tommy sighs and says that it probably needs to be replaced, and Janet wonders where the money will come from. Tommy thinks she's complaining that he doesn't give her enough money, and Janet denies it. She complains about how she'd had to deal with Colleen all day, and now Colleen wants to bring "her special friend" over. Janet refuses to call the friend "a girlfriend." Tommy points out that they were caught making out at school. They argue for a while over whether or not their daughter is a lesbian. Janet says that Colleen's only had one boyfriend, and that most women have to deal with five or six men before they consider going gay. Tommy says he's not judging Colleen. Janet realizes that Tommy wants his daughter to be a lesbian so that he doesn't have to worry about her having sex with guys, but Janet thinks that ship has sailed. Tommy is incredulous. Janet asks when he first had sex. Tommy says that he was fourteen, but that it's a completely different story. The girl involved had parents who fought all the time, and then got divorced, and her father was "a raging alcoholic." Tommy thinks the girl slept with him just to get back at her father because she hated him. Janet gives Tommy a look like, "Are you even listening to yourself here? You just gave a plot summary of this show." Tommy angrily stomps out.
Newbie walks into his girlfriend's apartment and tosses his keys on the counter. A young girl (well, Newbie's age) is standing there, and Newbie is confused. His girlfriend walks in and introduces the young girl as her daughter, Nicole. Mother and daughter bicker for a while over whether or not the daughter gave the mother advance warning that she'd be staying with them. The argument ends with Nicole saying, "You are such. A goddamn bitch" to her mother! I would kick her out immediately. Newbie is also shocked. He asks if Nicole wants a soda, and she snickers at him.
Chief is at home, trying to watch television. His wife is standing right in front of the TV, looking for something in a cabinet. They argue over whether or not she needs to be in that spot at that exact moment. Chief orders her to "move [her] fat ass." She stands up, slams the doors shut, and walks out. Chief notes that his team is losing the game, and swears.
Tommy finds Colleen wearing a bikini top and extremely low-rise jeans, and asks where she's going in that outfit. Colleen is going to her girlfriend's house, since Janet won't let Jennifer come over. Tommy says they can hang at his place, and Colleen is happy to hear it. Tommy adds that he doesn't have "hang-ups like certain other people around here." Colleen gives him a hug and Tommy hands her some cabbage to take Jennifer out for a burger. After Colleen leaves, Tommy goes to throw something out and finds a pregnancy test sitting in the top of the kitchen garbage can. This was clearly written by a man because no woman would (a) leave a pregnancy test just sitting on top of the garbage, not wrapped in tissue, at least, and (b) throw it out in the kitchen of all places. ["See also: In Good Company." -- Wing Chun] Tommy picks it up -- which always grosses me out because it has pee germs on it -- and sighs.
Lou gets a call from Sandra, Billy's widow. She wants to thank him for reading a poem at Billy's service, and asks if she can hear more. Lou offers to email her some, very conscious of the fact that his wife is standing nearby.
Newbie watches television in his girlfriend's apartment. Nicole joins him on the couch and, after making sure her mom is asleep, pulls down her robe and flashes her breasts at Newbie. He gapes, and then she pulls the robe back up and walks away. Oh, Newbie. You are in so much trouble.
Tommy walks into work, and Franco informs him that the black midget is out of the running. He explains that some of the guys from her house stuffed her in a garbage can and rolled her around town, and now she's suing the city. Tommy pulls out the pregnancy test and asks if Franco knows how to read it. Franco says his girlfriend took one once, and that he held the stick and she peed on his hand. Ew! Why would you ask someone else to hold the stick? There are some thing meant to be done as solo activities. Period! Ew. Anyway, Franco says that she was too nervous to hold it herself, but he kind of suspects that she was into golden showers, because one time she peed on him in the shower. EW! Tommy is fascinated and asks what Franco did. Franco says he pissed all over her, and she loved it. Heh. Newbie walks up and asks what they're doing. He also is the only one who can tell them that the test is positive. Franco wishes Tommy luck and walks off.
The guys are sitting outside, bitching about the heat and making plans to go out for a beer. Newbie begs off, because Paula (his girlfriend) is making a casserole. Who bakes a casserole in the heat? I didn't turn my oven on for, like, two weeks because it was too hot. It's called takeout. Look into it. Garrity asks how things are going with the relationship, and Newbie says he thinks Paula's daughter wants him. Garrity is fired up about the possibility of a mother/daughter combo, but Newbie says he can't risk it, because he has no other place to stay if Paula kicks him out. Franco offers to take the daughter off Newbie's hands.
Colleen and Jennifer run into Tommy's house, giggling. Tommy introduces himself to Jennifer. Colleen wrinkles her nose and says it smells like dog poop in there. Tommy says he hasn't noticed. Jennifer notices the pregnancy test sitting on the counter (PEE GERMS!) and asks about it. I have to say, if I were at my significant other's father's house and spotted a pregnancy test sitting on the kitchen counter, I would keep my trap shut. And then run away from the pee germs. Tommy says that he found it at Janet's house, and Colleen denies that it's hers. Colleen says that she couldn't be pregnant because she's never had sex. She looks at Jennifer and adds, "I mean, that kind of sex." Heh. Tommy asks if Colleen saw the Murphy kid even after her accident, and adds that he won't be pissed off if she's honest. Colleen admits that she saw him one time, and that there was no sex involved. Jennifer can't believe what she's hearing: Colleen lied to her. Jennifer spits, "If I wanted to hear lies and shit, I'd be going out with a guy." Tommy chides, "Language!" as Jennifer stomps out. Colleen thanks her father sarcastically, and Tommy says, "You can't have successful relationships when you go around lying to people like that." Heh.
Chief calls someone on the phone and tries to place a bet. The bookie won't take it, because Chief is over his limit. In fact, he needs to pay off his entire debt by Friday.
Newbie walks into Paula's apartment. Nicole sneaks up behind him wearing a bra and underwear, and asks for a beer. Newbie hands her one and asks if she's just hanging out. Nicole says that there's no AC in her room, and that it's a sauna. Newbie offers to let her sleep in Paula's room and he'll crash on the couch. Nicole asks Newbie why he's with her mom, and Newbie blushes. Nicole moves closer to Newbie and asks if he thinks she's hot. Newbie says he does. She grabs his shoulders and declares, "I am so horny." Newbie looks tempted, but then says that he's with Nicole's mom, and that he can't fool around with Nicole. She says that she'll just fool around with him, and he can just stand there. Nicole heads south as Newbie protests for a minute, but then gives in.
Tommy walks into Janet's house. Janet reports that Colleen came in and said that her parents suck before retreating to her room. Tommy tosses the pregnancy test (PEE GERMS!) on the counter and asks if she wants to talk about it. Janet looks busted and then gets angry at Tommy for going through her trash. She finally admits that she's pregnant, and tries to shove Tommy out of the house. He won't leave, and they stalk around the kitchen for a while. Janet tears up and says that she screwed up with her birth control. Tommy asks if it's his, and Janet gets pissed that he's only worried about his potential involvement. She admits that the odds are 50/50. Tommy storms out.
Chief goes into the cabinet his wife was trying to clean out earlier. He can't find what he's looking for and runs into the kitchen to find his wife. He asks what she did with the cigar box in the cabinet. She denies any knowledge, not taking him very seriously as he continues to pelt her with questions. He finally grabs her fairly hard and asks if she found the money and spent it. She looks shocked and asks what he's talking about. Chief desperately pleads with her to give him the money. He throws her watering can across the room and then drags her into the living room by the wrist. He points to the now very tidy cabinet and asks if she cleaned it out. She says again that she didn't. He yells, "Jeannie, you've known me for thirty-two years. Have I ever done anything this organized?" Jeannie looks at the cabinet again and slowly says that maybe she did tidy up in there and might have thrown some things out. Chief, more sad than angry now, says that she threw his money out. He walks out as Jeannie looks after him, confused.
Sheila calls Tommy and asks, "Wanna come over and get a little?" Tommy doesn't answer. She makes more sex talk, and Tommy doesn't really respond. He stammers that he can't right now. Sheila starts laughing and Tommy just hangs up on her.
Tommy sits outside the house identified by the homeless girls earlier in the episode, and waits.
The morning, Lou walks into the break room. Chief says that he's in a bind and needs $5000 for his bookie. Lou says he would help if he could, and though he doesn't say it, you kind of get the vibe that this isn't the first time Chief has asked, because Lou doesn't seem surprised. Chief begs for even a small amount of money to help him out. Lou says he's broke, and suggests that Chief talk to some of the other guys. Chief can't ask the guys. Lou suggests that Chief hock something. Chief says he has a watch that belonged to his father and grandfather, and that he doesn't want to hock it. Lou empathizes, and Chief tells Lou to forget the whole conversation.
Newbie walks into the house, looking dejected. Garrity and Franco ask what's up, and Newbie says he had sex with the daughter -- oral sex. Franco congratulates him. Newbie says he feels guilty. Garrity asks who was better. Newbie says Paula was technically better, but Nicole was really into it. Franco thinks that's the difference between older and younger chicks: the older ones are more skilled, but mechanical, while the younger chicks have "fellatio enthusiasm." Heh. Feel free to use that title for your first album. Garrity wishes you could find both in one chick, and Franco says that you can in young moms. He calls twenty-six years old the "sweet spot."
Sandra calls Lou and says that she read some of his poems. Lou's wife walks through and yells at him to get off the phone because she's waiting for a call. Sandra says sexily that she was hoping she and Lou could get together. Lou says that he's married, and there's also an unofficial ban on dating widows. Sandra points out that she hated Billy. She asks Lou again to get together. Lou's harpy wife shrieks at him some more and calls him a moron.
Tommy walks downstairs and tells his dog he's going out. He continue to talk to his dog, who he officially names "Asshole," and then tells him to stay away from hockey jerseys. Tommy's phone rings. It's Pa Gavin. He reports that he's moved back in with his wife, but that she hasn't spoken to him in seventy-two hours. He thinks it's heaven. Pa is concerned that he killed Teddy with an overdose, and asks Tommy to swing by and check. Tommy points out that it's been three days, so they probably would have heard something by now. Tommy asks what made his father decide to move back home. Pa says that he figured if he stayed with Teddy, he'd die in two years due to the partying, but he figured he could live ten more if he stayed with his wife. He adds that he wants to see the Red Sox win the Series, and that he doesn't think they'll do it within two years. Ironic!
Newbie sneaks into Paula's apartment. He finds Nicole sleeping on the couch, but she wakes up as soon as he walks in, and asks him to sit down. Newbie tells her that they can't do anything, because it's not right. She points out that he thought it was right the night, but Newbie protests that he made a mistake. Nicole pouts and then agrees that "it's a mistake to deceive people." Newbie is happy that she agrees. Nicole announces that they should tell Paula, to get it out in the open and eliminate tension. Newbie thinks that's a bad, bad idea. Nicole orders Newbie to get on his knees and service her, or she'll tell her mother about them. Pussy blackmail! I like it!
Lou and Sandra sit on a very small couch in her apartment. Sandra rubs her leg against Lou's as she reads his poems aloud. Lou looks very uncomfortable. Sandra moves in for a kiss, and Lou joins her, but then pulls away. He reminds her again that he's married, and that nothing can come of their relationship. Lou starts to get up, and Sandra pulls him back and says that he doesn't have to leave. Lou says that he really does.
Janet hears a knock at her door. It's Tommy. She opens the door a crack, but doesn't let him in. Tommy says that he's been thinking, and he thinks they should have the baby, and that it might be some kind of sign that they should be back together. Janet says she needs to think about it some more. Tommy says he's there, whatever she wants to do, and Roger isn't. He concludes that she should tell him if she wants to talk, and leaves. Janet looks sort of like a zombie as she walks back into the house.
Lou walks into the firehouse and reports that another house recently added a "nine-foot tall Swedish chick." Chief thinks that means they're getting "the queen of dykes, or should I say, the king." Lou says that all the guys are on red alert to begin the big freeze. Garrity walks up and says that some guy called for Chief, and that the message was that the day is Friday. Lou walks away quickly, not wanting to be involved.
Newbie tells Franco about the blackmail pussy, and says he doesn't know what to do. Franco doesn't think it sounds like such a bad deal.
The alarm sounds, and the guys rush to the trucks. They arrive at an apartment building and find a gas leak. Chief sends various guys to various apartments and reminds them not to light any cigarettes. Chief heads to an old lady's apartment, informs her of what's going on, and asks her to vacate the premises. The woman says that she can't leave her father, referred to an oil painting of the man hanging on the wall. Chief helps her remove it. Franco shows up and reports that the source of the leak was found in the basement. Chief tells him to take the lady and the painting downstairs while he opens some windows to ventilate the apartment. Once Franco is gone, Chief looks around the apartment. He kicks over a canister, and a bunch of jewelry and cash falls out. He pockets a diamond ring and the cash, looks around, and then leaves.
Tommy is still casing the building the homeless chicks described. He sees a man matching Jacob's description go inside with another guy, and gets out of his truck.
Back at the firehouse, Tommy finds Franco and asks where Garrity went. Franco says that he was just there. Garrity walks in and reports that their female firefighter will be there the day. Tommy cuts him off and says that he found the guy who started the fire that killed Billy. Garrity thinks they should kick his ass. The three guys take off.
Inside the abandoned building, Jacob is lighting up a crack pipe. Tommy, Garrity, and Franco walk in, and Garrity punches Jacob in the stomach. Tommy asks if started the fire. Jacob denies it, earning a kick in the gut from Franco. Tommy says he knows Jacob made the girl blow him, and that she started his shirt on fire. Jacob says it's true, and thinks it's the girl's fault. Tommy asks for time alone with Jacob. Franco and Garrity aren't sure about that, but leave anyway. Tommy takes out a flask and starts pouring alcohol or gasoline or some flammable liquid all over the room. Jacob asks what he's doing, and Tommy says Jacob's going to feel what Billy felt. Tommy lights the liquid and walks out, adding, "See you in hell." Outside, Tommy closes the door and holds it shut. Franco tells Tommy to cut it out. Tommy says that Billy was right in front of him, and now he's gone, and that scumbag gets to live, which isn't right. Tommy thinks it's justice. Jacob pounds on the door and screams that he's sorry. Franco keeps trying to get Tommy to let go of the door. Garrity runs off and says he'll be right back. Smoke starts to fill the hallway. Jacob continues to sob that he was just drunk and high, and that they were just candles. Tommy thinks it over, and finally opens the door and drags Jacob out. He puts out the flames on Jacob's coat as Garrity runs through with a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire in the room. Jacob gets up and runs off before they can do any more damage to his person.
Montage time! Janet walks up to a women's clinic. She stands outside the doors, thinking.
Chief walks into a pawn shop with the jewelry he stole from the old lady and hands it to the worker, who examines it.
Newbie walks into Paula's apartment and finds her sobbing. She walks up to him, shaking her head, and then slaps him hard across the face.
Chief takes the ring back, having changed his mind about pawning it, and walks out of the shop.
Janet starts to walk away from the clinic, and then changes her mind and runs inside before she can change her mind again.
Newbie carries his belongings out of Paula's building. Nicole is standing outside, smoking, and she shrugs. Newbie walks away.
Lou is in bed with Sandra, clearly post-coital. He stares at the ceiling and says, "This might have been a mistake."
Chief goes to visit the old lady from whom he stole the jewelry and cash. Chief reports that they knocked some things over in the confusion, and that he found her ring and the cash. She is thrilled to get the ring back, and tells him to keep the cash, calling him an angel. Chief presses the cash into her hands and says, "I'm not. I'm not."
Tommy complains that Newbie is living at the firehouse. Franco tells everyone that Newbie "got caught banging his girlfriend's daughter." Lou can't believe Newbie's luck between the threeways and the mother-daughter combo. Chief walks in and talks about betting a grand on the Mets game. Lou quietly asks how Chief resolved his money issues, and Chief says he hocked his father's watch, since it didn't keep good time anyway. Newbie says that some chick named Sandra called for Lou. Lou pretends he doesn't know her, and Franco remembers that she's Billy's widow. They all raise a glass to Billy.
A chick walks in and asks for Chief. She introduces herself as Laura Miles, the new transfer. Lou quietly says, "Ice," and all the guys walk out of the room. Laura whines that this is very adult, and that she appreciates it. Tommy is the last to leave, and it clearly doesn't escape his notice that Laura is a hot little number. As he would put it. If he gave up swearing for a day.
The guys reconvene in the room, gloating about how successful their strategy is going to be. Tommy suggests that the rest of them should continue freezing her out, but that he'll be nice to her for a month, lull her into a false sense of security, and then come down on her when she least expects it. Chief thinks it sounds harsh, but Garrity agrees that it's a good idea, except he thinks he should be the nice one. Franco thinks it should be him. They all walk back into the break room, arguing over who gets to be the nice one. Chief looks at Newbie and asks what he's waiting for, and he follows the others back in. Chief and Lou are left alone.
Tommy sits out on his deck. Janet walks over and says she has good news -- she got her period. Tommy correctly deduces that it means there's no baby. He's a genius! Janet says that the baby wouldn't have made things right between them anyway. Tommy, disappointed, agrees that it was a pipe dream. Janet apologizes and walks away. Tommy heaves a big sigh and calls Sheila. She smiles when she sees his name on the Caller ID. Tommy tells her he's coming over in five minutes, under very specific conditions. He orders her to wear six-inch stiletto heels, a black leather skirt, no panties, and a black lace bra, and to have a tall whiskey and a cold beer ready. Sheila giggles and says she's all his.
Tommy walks into Sheila's house and finds that she has followed his orders to the letter. Callie Thorne is beautiful, and has a great body, but she kind of has cankles. Tommy and Sheila kiss, and Sheila pushes Tommy down on the couch. She hikes up his skirt, hands him his whiskey, and straddles him. She asks softly what he wants her to do first. Tommy orders her to dance. Luckily, there is music playing. Sheila walks a few steps away and starts dancing for Tommy as he drinks his whiskey and admires her. Thankfully, they keep the shot on Tommy's face and not Sheila's dancing, because I get the vibe it wasn't that great in reality. But Tommy seems to like it, and that's what matters.