A beautiful woman named Nez shows up and asks for Franco. Garrity goes to fetch him, and Franco spots Nez and begs Garrity to get rid of her. Garrity reluctantly agrees and makes his way back outside, where he tells Nez that Franco...died. In a fire. Garrity is a horrible liar. He pretends to cry, and Nez calls him a liar in both English and Spanish. She asks for a pen and paper. Garrity doesn't have any. Nez uses a lip pencil or eyeliner or something to write her phone number on Garrity's forearm, but not before coming on to him. Garrity watches her ass as she walks away and generally looks confused. You know, his usual expression.
Tommy sits in his truck and takes a couple of swigs from a bottle. I think his liquor bottles are getting bigger. Not a good sign. His phone rings, and it's his blonde friend. Tommy lies that he's almost to her house, and the woman says that she thought she saw his truck parked outside her house already. Tommy ducks down and actually honks the horn to simulate traffic, like the woman wouldn't hear the horn honking right outside her door. Then again, she doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Tommy hangs up and downs the rest of the bottle.
Tommy finally shows up at Blondie's apartment, and she pulls him inside and then kisses him hard. She says that she's about to take a shower, like, who invites someone over and then takes a shower? Unless she wanted him to join her, but she doesn't invite him or anything. She tells Tommy to help himself to a drink, which is exactly what he doesn't need.
Garrity meets Nez in a bar. He says that he doesn't want to get in the middle of things with her and Franco, and she says that there's nothing to get in the middle of. There's nothing of which to get in the middle? ["There's nothing in the middle of which to get?" -- Wing Chun] I don't know how to write that sentence, but you know what I mean. Nez rubs herself all over Garrity while he awkwardly apologizes for lying about Franco's untimely death. Garrity says he feels like he's doing something wrong, as Nez downs her drink and then orders another one -- a double. Garrity? Is in big trouble.
Tommy goes through some bills in Blondie's house and finds some with the name "Lauren" on them, and some with "Nancy." He checks to make sure Blondie is still in the shower, and then calls Franco to ask his opinion on Blondie's actual name. Franco thinks she looked like a Lauren. Tommy was hoping for Nancy, "because Nancys give better head." Tommy has based this on the two women named Nancy he's known. He also knew a Lauren, and while the head wasn't bad, it wasn't as good. Franco -- who is sitting in a bar with two women -- pauses for a moment and asks the women's names. They are Heather and Brittany. Franco asks Tommy about their head-giving potential, and Tommy gives him a verbal thumbs up. Tommy's call waiting beeps, and before hanging up, Franco advises Tommy to avoid saying a name until he gets more evidence.
Tommy takes the other call. It's his daughter, Colleen. She starts to ask permission for something, and Tommy says no before she can finish the sentence. Tommy explains, "If it's a place, you're not going. If it's a thing, you're not getting it. If it's an animal, vegetable, mineral, absolutely not. Actually, vegetables are good for you, so take that one off the list." Colleen wants to go to a Matchbox Twenty concert in the city. Wow, good decision, Tommy. I don't think that band is even still together, and if they are, they should break up. Tommy asks if Sean Murphy is driving, and hangs up. Colleen sits up and tells Sean, who is sitting on her bed, that her dad is a jerk. He asks if that means she can't go, and she doesn't answer.
Chief takes the suspension offer that he got, writes "Stick it up your ass" on it, and faxes it back to them.
Garrity is in the process of being tied spread-eagled to his bed by Nez. She tells him not to go anywhere, like he could, and then goes into the bathroom and snorts some coke off the toilet. Ew! Germy. She tells him, "Get ready, baby! Here comes Mama." Did I mention how much trouble Garrity was in?
Newbie's stalker friend Andrew shows up at Newbie's apartment. Newbie agrees to meet him downstairs.
Nez and Garrity are doing it. I happened to pause on this scene while I was writing that last bit, and my husband walked in the room and said, "What are you watching?" I said, "Porn." He said, "Oh," and walked back out. Nez is smoking while they have sex, which seems kind of dangerous. She also bites Garrity's earlobe and scratches his neck. Then she puts out her cigarette on his chest. Trouble.
Newbie runs downstairs and meets Andrew, chastising his visitor for ringing his bell so late. Andrew apologizes, and tries to make a date with Newbie for a drink. Newbie offers up various excuses, and Andrew says he feels like he's being a nuisance when he's only trying to show his gratitude. Andrew starts spazzing out, yelling at himself for screwing things up. Newbie tries to talk him down. Andrew says, "My therapist has told me that I drive people away because I have this fear of intimacy." Then Andrew calls himself an asshole and slaps himself in the face a couple of times. As you do. Newbie agrees to a drink just to shut the guy up. Andrew gives Newbie a handshake and a hug, and walks awy.
Tommy and Blondie are doing it, from behind as usual. She turns around and she really looks an incredible amount like Janet. She tells Tommy that she loves him, and he says it back. Blondie squeals, "I knew you loved me. I could tell." Tommy? Also in big trouble.
Tommy arrives at Janet's house as she is leaving. She promises to be back by 5, and he asks where she's going. She says she's going for errands and buying Colleen some shoes. Tommy suggests that she say no to Colleen once in a while. Janet blows him off, and Tommy says, "All I know is, I'm doing my job, and I suggest you pay a little attention to yours." Janet gets pissed, and Tommy doesn't get the hint and continues by saying that Janet goes out all the time, and Colleen is running around with the Murphy kid and she has "a tattoo on her area." Colleen walks up as Tommy finishes his sentence, and Janet orders her to get into the car. Janet suggests that she move the three kids in with Tommy full-time and see how he does with it. Tommy doesn't think he could do any worse, and as Janet stomps off, he calls out, "Priorities!" I wish she would make good on that threat. I'd love to see Tommy try to be a full-time parent for forty-eight hours. He would melt down.
Newbie asks Lou what to do about his stalker. Lou thinks that Andrew sees Newbie as some sort of savior, and that he feels indebted. Lou says that some old lady put him in her will one time, but that she hasn't died yet. Lou asks if Andrew is violent. Newbie doesn't think so, but he does think Andrew "is interested in [him] in that way." Lou says that Newbie can either be honest and say that he's straight, or he can set Andrew's apartment on fire and let him burn this time.
Franco asks Garrity where he was last night, because Franco needed a wingman. Franco brags about his twins. Garrity lies that he fell asleep watching some reality show. Franco babbles about how much he hates reality shows (meta!) until he spots the scratches on Garrity's neck. Franco asks about it, and Garrity says he was watching his neighbor's cat. Franco remembers that Garrity is allergic to cats and asks if Garrity got some last night. Garrity admits that he did, and Franco wants details. Just then, Nez walks in and says hello to Franco, whom she calls "dead man walking." She also says hello to Garrity in a familiar fashion. Franco grabs Nez by the arm and drags her outside.
Once they're outside, Franco asks Nez what she wants. Nez just wants to talk. Franco doesn't think they have anything to talk about. Nez thinks they do. Franco hopes she doesn't have a weapon, due to the many witnesses around. He tells her that nothing will happen between them again, and that it's been five years. Nez says that things are different, and that she's clean. Franco isn't buying it (and we know it isn't true). Nez gestures to her friend, standing nearby, holding a little girl's hand. Franco says hello. Nez pulls the little girl over. Franco says shortly, "She's real cute." Nez is glad he thinks so, because she's Franco's daughter. Franco scoffs and walks off. Nez yells after him that he can't walk away from this. Franco wonders why she would wait five years to tell him. Nez says she waited until she got clean. Franco advises her to give it five more years. Nez starts screaming at him in Spanish, and Franco yells at her to go smoke some crack. The little girls start crying, and Nez tells her to wave to her daddy.
Franco bursts into the back room, ranting that it's probably not even Nez's daughter, and that she probably stole her from somewhere. Garrity asks what happens if Franco is the father. Franco insists that he's not. Garrity thinks that Franco should grab some of the kid's hair and get a DNA test. Franco doesn't want to, and says he doesn't need to. He wonders why this is any of Garrity's business. Garrity says he just wants to see Franco clear of this, and have peace of mind. Franco storms out.
Tommy and Sheila have dinner together. Sheila reminds Tommy about the money she found in Damien's drawer, and says that he's been buying expensive things lately. She wonders if Tommy talked to him yet. Sheila says that if Jimmy knew what was going on, he would pop out of his grave and beat his son. Tommy pours Sheila more wine (just what she needs). Tommy thinks that Damien is "just tutoring after school with, like, retards." Good one. Sheila downs her wine in one gulp, and Tommy asks if she's in a rush to go someplace. Yeah, Drunksville. Population: 2. Sheila says that she feels guilty drinking while Tommy is abstaining. Tommy lies that he doesn't miss booze, and takes a big sip of his ginger ale.
Newbie and Andrew sit down in a bar and take menus. Newbie clears his throat and says that Andrew should know that he's "not a homo...sexual." Andrew says that he's not either. Newbie giggles nervously.
Sheila -- clearly on her fifth or sixth glass of wine -- slurs that she thinks about dating again, but in reality, she knows that no one wants a thirty-five-year-old widow with a teenaged son. Tommy laughs and says that she's always been a catch, and that he thinks she's hotter now than she was before. Sheila laughs. Tommy says that the thing with her and Lisa is nobody's business. Sheila doesn't know what he's talking about, so Tommy clarifies "the lesbian thing." Sheila says that Lisa is her psychic. Tommy is all embarrassed, and Sheila laughs and laughs and says she could never be with another woman, "other than that one time in high school." Tommy is suddenly interested, and Sheila says she's kidding, and then adds that it was after high school. After a little Eddie Izzard shake-your-head- no-then- nod-yes business, they both laugh.
Andrew starts talking to Newbie about his fiancée. Newbie laughs about how off he was. Andrew says that her name is Geneva, and Newbie asks, "Like the salami?" Andrew says that's Genoa, and then says meaningfully that Newbie will love her, and that he's totally her type. Newbie doesn't quite know what to make of that information. Geneva walks in, and she's really hot, at least to be with a guy like Andrew. They make out right in front of Newbie, and then Andrew introduces her to Newbie. She gives Newbie a big hug, and more than a friendly kiss. Andrew and Geneva explains that they're getting married soon and they want to let loose. Newbie asks what thye're talking about, and Andrew says, "Dude, we want to have a threeway with you." Newbie asks, "You mean, like, sexually?" No, like a conference call.
Sheila and Tommy pull up outside Sheila's house. They see Damien, in his bedroom, working away. Sheila slurs that their date was funny, and thinks they should make it a weekly thing. She leans closer to Tommy, and before he can discuss it more, they start making out. He feels her up, and she giggles and backs away. She tells him to call her, and nearly falls getting out of the truck. She stumbles back to her house as Tommy watches her step inside, and then swears.
Tommy whips out his phone and calls Damien to yell at him for spending the money so quickly. Tommy says he's done paying Damien, and Damien says it's too bad, because he could get Roger's car repossessed with two mouse clicks. Tommy tells Damien to tell Sheila that he's been tutoring some dumb kid at school. Sheila knocks on Damien's door and asks whom he's talking to. Damien says he's talking to a dyslexic kid from school, and that he's been tutoring him. Sheila asks the kid's name, and Damien says it's Jake Something. Sheila drunkenly tells Damien to tell the kid hello, and walks out. Damien gets back on the phone with Tommy, who asks how much the repossession would cost. Damien sets a price of five hundred dollars, and Tommy says he'll think about it, and then drives off.
Tommy arrives home. Jimmy asks where he's been. Tommy asks if they're married now, and then says that the whole Sheila lesbian thing was a false alarm. Jimmy wonders if Sheila is seeing a guy, but Tommy assures him that Sheila is still in mourning. Jimmy just didn't want Sheila seeing "some asshole fireman." Tommy agrees. Jimmy points out something red on Tommy's mouth, which is probably Sheila's lipstick. Tommy lies that it's marinara sauce. Jimmy thinks that Tommy made a weird face, and Tommy thinks it's his normal relaxation face. Jimmy accuses Tommy of feeling guilty about something. Tommy asserts that he doesn't even have "a guilty face in [his] face repertoire." Jimmy thinks that having a face repertoire makes Tommy suspect. Tommy says it's like "talking to a broad." Is it weirder to talk to figments of your imagination, or to lie to them and then get in a fight?
At some point offscreen, Franco submitted to a DNA test, because he gets a call from a doctor who tells him that he's the little girl's father. Just as Franco is absorbing this news, the firehouse alarm goes off. He stands there stunned.
Newbie is telling Lou about his threesome offer. As they talk, they put on their gear and prepare to go out on the call. Newbie says that, after the offer, he went into the bathroom and stayed there until Andrew and his girlfriend left the bar. Lou can't believe Newbie said no. Newbie was concerned about having sex in front of another guy, but Lou thinks he could have blocked it out, and adds, "Threeways, like youth, are wasted on the young."
The crew arrives at the scene of a car accident. Tommy wants to bet that the driver of the SUV involved was drunk. Franco is in a fog, and doesn't answer, so someone asks what's wrong with him. They get to the SUV and promise the driver they'll get him out of there. Tommy says that it smells like he wins the bet. Franco notices that they're pulling a kid out of the other vehicle involved, a car that flipped over. Tommy sees the kid, thinks he looks familiar, and starts walking over there. Chief blocks Tommy and tells him to go back and help the other guys with the SUV driver. Tommy says that he thinks he knows the driver, and Chief tells him to go back to the SUV. Tommy realizes that something is up and pulls out his cell phone. He sees some firefighters carrying a young blonde girl away on a backboard. Tommy dials Colleen's cell phone and, sure enough, a phone on the ground nearby rings. Tommy flips out and starts trying to run over to the car, and the whole crew takes him down before he can get there. Lou says that Colleen is hurt, badly, but that she's alive, and Tommy needs to let the paramedics do their job. Lou says they'll take him to the hospital, and keeps repeating that Colleen is alive. Tommy shakes as his friends hold him down.
The whole crew sits in the waiting room of the hospital. Janet and Roger show up, and Janet wants to see Colleen. Tommy explains that they can't see her right now, and that he's tried. Roger barges in and says that he wants to see a doctor right now. Tommy and Janet discuss how they both told Colleen that she couldn't go into the city. Roger says that Colleen is never allowed to see the Murphy kid again. Janet tries to shut him up, and Roger asks if he has to be related to care about her. Tommy turns, grabs Roger by the lapel, and tosses him aside. Chief intervenes and tells Tommy it's the wrong time and the wrong place, and walks him away. Chief makes a comment about how Roger is a yuppie scum, and Roger says he heard that. Chief whirls back, gets in Roger's face, and spits, "Douchebag. You can come in here on a visit or be a patient. It's your call." Chief gets a call on his radio and says that they have to go. Lou gives Tommy a big hug before they leave.
Tommy smokes a cigarette outside. Janet rushes out, slightly hysterical, and complains that she can't get any answers in there. Tommy grabs her, swings her around, and slams her up against the wall. Janet yells at him to get the hell off her. Tommy says that he told her to get her priorities straight and take care of the kids, and now Colleen is in a hospital bed because Janet was trying to get laid. Because Tommy uses his time off to bake cookies with the kids, and teach them how to sight-read sheet music. Please. Tommy violently shoves Janet aside. Janet asks where he was, and Tommy says he was at work, trying to pay the bills. Janet reminds him that this isn't about their bullshit, because it's about their little girl. Janet swears and walks back inside, and Tommy tells her that it's on her head. He needs anger management counselling or something.
A nurse walks into the waiting room and asks for Colleen Gavin's parents. Tommy, Janet, and Roger all walk over. The nurse says that Colleen has sustained head trauma. Tommy wants to see her, but they can't yet. Tommy asks if she's going to be okay. The nurse basically has no information except that they're working on her now. Wow, thanks. That's useful. I think they ASSUMED that when she was RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL they would be taking care of her. Roger butts in, but Tommy tells him to shut up, and orders Janet to get Roger out of there. Janet asks Roger to leave, and Roger is shocked. Roger wants to talk about it, and Janet tells him just to leave, so he does. Janet walks over and sits down to Tommy. He looks at her for a minute, and then takes her hand as she starts crying. They aren't looking at each other, but at least he's not shoving her around anymore.
Chief takes a nap in his office. Grinch comes in with the "Stick It Up Your Ass" fax and reports that Chief has a hearing in a week, and that he's suspended effective immediately. Chief can't believe it, and Grinch tells him to go home now.
Tommy is still in the hospital waiting room, but it's light out now. He checks his voicemail and finds multiple messages from Blondie, all trying way too hard to be sexy. Janet walks in with coffee for both of them. She sits down and reports that the doctor said there is still no change, but that the couple of hours are key. Tommy stares at a crucifix on the wall, and then says he'll be right back, and that he has to go see someone. Janet can't believe he's leaving.
Tommy walks into a giant church. He walks about halfway up the aisle, and then sits down in a pew. He looks around at the religious imagery, and tears up. A priest walks in and greets Tommy, "Hey, Cuz. Thought you might be stopping by. You looking for me?" Tommy says he was "looking for Him, actually," and gestures toward the crucifix at the front of the church. Father Mick, Tommy's cousin, says that he was at a wake for one of their classmates, who died of a heart attack two days ago. He was forty-one. Father Mick says that he heard about Colleen, and asks how she's doing. Tommy says she's not okay yet. Father Mick asks if Tommy stopped by to say a prayer. Tommy talks about when Father Mick baptized Colleen in that very church. Father Mick remembers that she smiled, when most babies cry. Tommy remembers getting married in that church as well, and that Janet was beautiful. Father Mick agrees.
Tommy shakes his head and says that sometimes he wishes he could go back, even a couple of years, and do some things differently. Father Mick starts going into the "God has a certain plan" speech, but Tommy stops him. Tommy says that when they were kids, the church really meant something, and that no matter how bad things were outside, they could go to church for an hour on Sundays, and everything would be all right. Father Mick doesn't know what to say. Tommy wants him to say that God's plan is bullshit: "I want you to take away the hope, man. That's the thing that's killing me. It's like, I'm just hanging here, man. Hope is making me think I can fix my marriage, you know? The day of Jimmy's funeral, you stood up on that altar, and you said sometimes we don't know why God does the things that he does. And I'm telling you..." Tommy starts sobbing. "Mick, if he takes my little girl tonight, I'm gonna want to know why." Father Mick tells Tommy to hold onto hope, because that's all they have left. Father Mick starts to leave, and Tommy says he's going to hang around for a little bit.
Montage! Chief packs up his things and walks out of the firehouse with a box. Franco hears Nez pounding on his door, screaming that it's their daughter. He peeks through the peephole, and then walks away.
Tommy stands up from his pew and starts to walk out of the church. He sees all of his ghosts sitting in a back pew. They all stand up to follow Tommy out, and he catches sight of Colleen sitting with them. She looks right at Tommy. He looks back, and she's not there. Tommy looks up at the altar and says he'll need a minute. He walks up, kneels, and makes the sign of the cross. He says, "I need a little bit of help here. I know I haven't been coming around a lot, but if you can help me out, I'll see to it that maybe that changes." He makes the sign of the cross again and stands up. He lights a candle for Colleen, and then blinks back tears before walking out.