I can't believe I haven't done this yet, but a huge shout-out to Shelwood, for hooking me up with some of these episodes. If this were an '80s movie, I would start the slow clap, which would build into cheering and yelling, and then we would hike Shelwood up on our shoulders and then there would be a freeze frame and the credits would roll.
Colleen sits up in her hospital bed, looking fairly healthy, except for the giant bandage around her head. What is that bandage even doing anyway? Holding her hair back? Because it doesn't look like it's doing much in the way of...bandaging anything. Colleen flips through a magazine and asks Tommy, who's sitting nearby, if he's sure that the Murphy kid hasn't sent her anything, like flowers. Colleen nasals that she can't believe he hasn't called, and that he's such a jerk. Her voice sounds just like Meadow Soprano's. Tommy assures her that all of the Murphys are jerks. A nurse knocks on the door and gestures for Tommy to come into the hallway, so Tommy offers to get Colleen a drink and walks out.
Once Tommy and the nurse are out in the hallway, the nurse gestures to a giant flower/balloon bouquet, and says that it's the fourth one the Murphy kid has sent. She and Tommy briefly discuss where to reroute the gift (psychiatric unit for the flowers, and the candy went to "the cancer kids"). Tommy crumples up the card and thanks her.
At the firehouse, Franco asks Garrity what he's doing that night. Garrity is all jumpy and nervous. Franco says he's got an in at the Soho House, but Garrity suddenly has existing plans. Franco takes a drag on his cigarette and blows smoke out his nose like an angry bull. I'm always interested in which actors are really smokers and which ones just smoke for the role. Daniel Sunjata is a real smoker. Tommy asks who put a poem on the bulletin board. Lou acts innocent. Tommy reads the horrible poem aloud as the camera cuts to Lou reciting the poem silently with him. When Tommy finishes, Lou says that the poem is "powerful," and Tommy agrees that it's "powerfully bad." Poor Lou. Lou thinks it's okay because it rhymes, but Tommy says his kid can rhyme things. The guy try to name a famous poet, and Garrity suggests, "Angie Dickinson!" Tommy busts his balls, and Franco says he means "Emily Dickinson, the belle of Amherst." Tommy is surprised that Franco knows poetry, and Franco explains, "I jacked off to a picture of her once when I was eleven. Her hair was all tied back. She's kind of hot, if you like that type." Um. Okay.
Franco and Garrity leave, and Lou asks Tommy again if he really doesn't like the poem. Tommy says he knows Lou wrote it. Lou tries to deny it, and Tommy sing-songs, "You wrote it, you wrote it, you wrote it." Lou asks how Tommy found out. Tommy heard a rumor, and says that Franco knows too. Tommy says that he's willing to read stuff Lou writes in the future, but that Lou should just bring it to Tommy for an honest assessment. Lou asks, "You'd do that?" Tommy says, "For you? [pause] Nah."
Garrity meets Nez at a club. Well, Garrity waits while Nez walks in and makes out with a couple of chicks on the dance floor. Later, Nez walks over and suggests that they get out of there. And by "suggests," I mean totally frenches. Garrity agrees, but says he doesn't want anything to do with candles, because they shouldn't create new burns before the old ones heal. As the couple starts to walk out of the club, a really short blonde in a tube top bumps Nez, and they start calling each other names, and a catfight erupts. Garrity tries to break it up, but gets clocked by the blonde. Some bouncers run over and break it up. Nez just stares into space, and then suddenly collapses, eyes open. That's not good. Unconscious with eyes closed equals fainting. Unconscious with eyes open equals dead. Garrity tries to wake her up and yells to someone to call 911 before he starts performing CPR.
After the credits, Garrity sits in the firehouse and explains what happened to the guys. Basically, the coke caused Nez's heart to explode, and she died. Lou comments that Garrity didn't get laid, but he also didn't have to drive her home. That's Lou. Always looking on the bright side. Franco just stares at Garrity and finally calls him an asshole. Garrity apologizes and says that he's in shock. Franco isn't pissed that Nez died, because he knew that was a foregone conclusion; he's pissed that Garrity was screwing Nez behind Franco's back. Garrity tries to deny it, but then admits it, and tells Garrity to get his priorities straight. Franco invokes the rules that "you don't bang a guy's girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, or sister without permission." Garrity points out that Franco hadn't spoken to Nez in five years. Tommy and Lou both agree that Garrity broke the rules. They detail how it's acceptable to feel up a guy's ex-girlfriend or ex-wife in a bar, and even to grab a guy's sister's ass in a bar, because they fall under the "sorry-I-was-drunk rule." Tommy claims that the rule was created by the Romans, and Lou corrects him, saying, "It was even earlier than that, my friend! The Druids." Garrity says that Franco didn't want anything to do with Nez, and Tommy says that it doesn't matter. Franco tells Garrity to do the right thing time, and stomps off.
Garrity follows Franco into the other room and asks Franco if he's going to do the right thing regarding Keela, Nez's daughter. Franco says it's not his problem. Garrity knows that the DNA test proved that Franco is Keela's father. Garrity can't believe that Franco is just going to walk away, and accuses him of not caring about anyone but himself. Franco, fed up, shoves Garrity into a wall and tells him to mind his own business. Franco stomps off again as Garrity says that he must have struck a nerve.
Chief walks in and says hello to Franco, who is on his way out, and gets no response. He asks Garrity what's up with Franco, and Garrity says he doesn't give a shit. Chief comments that he left for two days and the whole place went down the toilet. Grinch walks in and reminds Chief that he's suspended, which means he can't even stop by. Chief ignores him and goes to get a cup of coffee. Grinch tells Chief not to push it, and threatens to call Division himself. Chief turns and walks out, but not without a few choice basic-cable insults for Grinch.
Franco walks through a run-down neighborhood and finds an address he has written on a card. He knocks on a door, and Keela answers. Franco asks after the whereabouts of Lazara, the woman who's watching Keela, and Keela says she's sleeping. Franco reminds Keela not to open the door for strangers. Keela asks if her mommy is with Franco, and Franco says she's not. Franco walks into the apartment, which is filthy. Like "old rotting food and lots of dirt"-style filthy. Franco opens a bedroom door and finds Lazara lying on a bed, unconscious (or sleeping, or nodded out), with a ton of track marks on her arm, and a syringe still in her hand. Lazara stirs and says something in Spanish. Keela says that Lazara doesn't like it when you wake her up. Franco quickly closes the door. He sets Keela up on the counter and tells her that Nez was no good, and had a lot of problems. He struggles to find the words, and finally tells Keela that her mother is dead. Keela doesn't really react. Franco tells her to take a couple of minutes to cry or whatever, and then they'll get out. Keela still doesn't react, so Franco picks her up and walks out.
Tommy brings Colleen to Janet's house. Colleen says she's going to her room, and Tommy tells her to get some rest. Colleen stops and thanks him before heading upstairs. Janet offers to bring her some food as Tommy pays the babysitter, who gets $25 for two hours. Dude! I have got to get into that racket. I think that's more than I make at my day job on an hourly basis. And it's under the table, so no taxes! Then again, you have to hang out with bratty little kids. The sitter leaves, and Tommy says she's not going to watch the kids anymore because she's "too sarcastic." Tommy brings up his whole theory that Janet needs to spend less time on her love life and more time watching the kids. Oh, God. Shut it, Tommy. Janet basically says that, but entirely through facial expressions and body language. Tommy keeps babbling about it, and Janet doesn't speak, probably to avoid cussing him out. Tommy says that he's going to sit down and come up with a schedule of when it's okay for Janet to go out with Roger, and when it's okay to have the sitter over. Seriously? I totally get why Janet wants to move out. Because otherwise she's going to have this control freak of an ex-husband trying to detail her every move, and spy on her, and sabotage her life in every way. I'm not saying that Janet is Mother of the Year or anything, but what the fuck? Janet walks out of the room with Tommy in mid-sentence. Tommy follows her and keeps asking if she heard him.
Franco arrives back at his apartment with Keela in tow.
Chief has a meeting with his lawyer. Chief complains about all the crap he's put up with in the line of duty. The lawyer, Bert, says that Chief should have just accepted the punishment from the Commissioner, but since he wouldn't, now they have a week to prepare for the hearing. Bert wants to find the bartender who witnessed the whole thing. Chief asks what happens if they can't find him, and Bert says that would be a problem. He also wants Chief to find a gay friend or co-worker who will testify that Chief isn't a homophobe. Chief says, "I don't know any fags." Turns out that Bert is gay, and is offended by Chief's use of the word "fag." How do you live in the world and not know that word is offensive? I can see (well, not understand, but believe) that someone could know that it's offensive and not care, but not knowing that it's offensive? Hard to believe.
Roger knocks on Tommy's door. Tommy tries to ignore him, but Roger walks in anyway. Roger says that this is important. Tommy eats leftover Chinese and ignores him. Roger asks Tommy to respect what he has with Janet, and adds that he thinks Tommy should move on. Tommy just glares at him. Roger doesn't know if Tommy is trying to come between Roger and Janet, and mentions how Tommy had Janet send Roger away from the hospital. More glaring. Roger wants Tommy to back off and let them live their lives. Tommy remains silent. Roger starts to walk off, but then comes back and he says that he knows Tommy was behind the computer viruses and the cancelled credit cards. Tommy remains silent, but puts down his food. Bad sign. Roger won't shut up, and accuses Tommy of being immature, then asks for an apology. Tommy just walks over and slaps Roger across the face. He tries to get Roger to hit him back, but when Roger doesn't, Tommy grabs him by the neck and jacks him up against the wall. Tommy spits, "She might be sucking your dick for the time being, but her ass belongs to me." Tommy then proceeds to kick Roger's ass, and then threatens to stick his face into a lit gas burner on the stovetop. Tommy is interrupted by his young son, Connor, who came over looking for his Gameboy. Roger takes advantage of the interruption to run out of the house.
Tommy sits Connor down at the kitchen table for a bowl of ice cream and a man-to-man talk. Tommy basically says that, sometimes, a man has to fight another man. This speech is like the antithesis of "Coward of the County." Tommy claims that he was defending himself, and that Roger threw the first punch. Tommy adds that Connor can't tell anything to Janet, because she would get mad at Roger. Connor says that Janet would be mad at Tommy too. Tommy blackmails Connor with the threat of telling Janet that Connor had ice cream for breakfast. I'm trying to remember why, on the first viewing, I really liked Tommy.
Another parent-child breakfast is happening over at Franco's apartment. He sets an egg white omelet in front of Keela, who wants to know why the eggs aren't yellow. Franco tells her they are egg whites, and says that her drink is a protein shake. What kid wouldn't like that menu? Keela asks if Franco is going to be her daddy. He doesn't answer, so she tries calling him "Daddy." He asks what she'd like for breakfast instead, to avoid the "Daddy" issue, and she says that she wants cereal. Franco tells her, "That shit's all sugar." Keela points out that he said a bad word. Given her mother's habits, I'm surprised that she even knew "shit" was a bad word. Franco apologizes and says that she can have cereal once a week. Keela announces that they are going to have to move to a new apartment, because she wants her own room, a princess bed, and lots of toys. She also wants to go to the zoo. Franco says he can make that last part happen. Keela asks if they can go that day, and Franco says maybe if she eats her eggs. Keela asks again when they can go to the zoo, and Franco loses it and yells at her. Keela yells back that she hates her eggs and throws the plate on the floor before running out of the room. Franco yells at her to get back there and clean it up. Whoa. Daddy Dearest. Is he going to bust out the powder cleanser?
Tommy calls his delicious brother. Why can't there be a spinoff about Johnny Gavin, and his escapades on the mean streets of Manhattan? I would totally watch that. Anyway, Johnny says that their father is missing after a fight with their mother over some new dishes she bought. Apparently, Pa Gavin went over to his brother Teddy's, and now Tommy is supposed to go over and see what's up. Johnny claims that Pa Gavin only opens up to Tommy.
Chief's wife comes home and announces that she's making pork chops for dinner. He grunts at her. She orders him to stop grunting and talk like a human being. Wow, I have had that same conversation with my husband. Now that's scary. She keeps babbling on and on about her dinner as Chief just stares into space, wanting to kill himself. Or at least go back to work this minute.
Chief calls his gay son, who is also a firefighter. The son thinks there must be something wrong with his mom, because clearly Chief doesn't call him just to see how he is. Chief says he needs to ask a favor.
Franco visits Family Services and prepares to give Keela up for adoption. He tells the woman that he can't take care of Keela, and then walks out alone, leaving his daughter there. On the one hand, I guess it's good that Franco can admit that he wouldn't be a good parent. On the other hand, I can't imagine someone who can try to give his child a good life just giving up like that.
The crew arrives at a fire. Grinch walks up and tells them that a bathtub overflowed and fell through the floor, and that there might be a kid in 6B. Garrity asks Franco how it's going with Keela, and Franco nonchalantly says that he dropped her off at Family Services. Garrity thinks that's day care, but Franco says his daughter will be adopted. Garrity calls him an asshole, and Franco asks if Garrity wanted to keep her instead. Garrity continues berating Franco as they walk into the building. Franco says that he can barely take care of himself, and wonders how he was supposed to take care of a five-year-old girl. Garrity says that Franco didn't even try, and that orphanages can ruin a kid for life. Franco says that Keela will be adopted by a family with a mother and a father. Does he know that for sure? Garrity finally calls Franco a coward, which makes Franco turn around sharply. Lou walks up behind them and tells them to drop it now, because they have work to do.
As the guys trudge up the stairs, Garrity continues harping on Franco. He asks if Franco walked Keela into the place or just slowed down the car and pushed her out. Garrity calls Franco a "selfish prick," and that's the last straw. Franco turns and starts pushing Garrity around, but the other guys immediately break it up. Tommy comes down the stairs and tells them to cut it out, because they have a grab to make.
Tommy and Franco head to apartment 6B to make the grab while the other guys head upstairs to check the other floors. Tommy tells Franco that a lot of adopted kids turn out okay. As an example, Tommy submits Courtney Love. Ooh. That's gotta hurt.
Tommy and Franco walk into the apartment and find that the entire ceiling has caved in, with live electrical wires hanging around and sparking, and lots of water and debris. Tommy says that someone reported hearing a kid in the apartment, and Franco points out that no one is talking now. Tommy asks if Franco hears anything, but Franco doesn't. Tommy gets down on his hands and knees and starts clearing away debris. Before long, he spots a little girl, and tells Franco that he doesn't know yet if she's alive. Tommy crawls into the debris a little bit and pets the girl's head. She opens her eyes, and Tommy tells Franco to get a board up there quickly.
Tommy talks to the girl, who is pinned under a couch, and says that it hurts and asks if she's going to die. Tommy says that they're going to get her out of there, and the doctors will fix her up. He asks about her favorite ice cream. She says it's Moose Tracks. Tommy knows that's the one with chocolate chunks and marshmallows. The other guys file in with the board and start clearing away the debris. Tommy talks to the little girl about candy bars, and promises to get her a Chunky when she gets out. He somehow found out that her name is Maura. Tommy says that when his friends lift up the couch, he's going to pull Maura towards him. They lift the couch, and Tommy pulls. He lays Maura down on the floor so that the doctor can examine her. The doctor says that Maura is dead. In fact, her neck is broken, and she died instantly. Tommy can't believe it, and tries to get Maura to talk to him. The other firefighters try to find other places to look in the room to avoid confronting the fact that Tommy has dropped his basket. Why yes, I did watch Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood on TNT last night.
Franco stands on the street, smoking. Lou walks out and asks what that was all about. Franco thinks he's talking about the dead girl, but Lou was talking about Tommy, and his basket-dropping. Franco thinks that Tommy was talking to the girl the whole time, even though she was dead. Lou says he doesn't want to see cracks in Tommy's foundation, and adds that Franco's not looking so hot either. Franco asks Lou if Courtney Love was really adopted. Dude, didn't you watch the E! True Hollywood Story? Lou doesn't know, but he says that if she was, it would explain her last appearance on Letterman. Actually, drugs would sort of explain her last appearance on Letterman, but not totally.
Tommy walks out of the building and tells Grinch that he knows he was talking to the dead girl for, like, ten minutes. Grinch says that her neck was crushed, and he thinks that Tommy should go home for the day. Tommy insists that he's okay. Grinch says that Tommy was talking to a dead girl: if that's okay, then he doesn't understand the meaning of the word "okay."
Tommy walks into his house and sees Maura, the dead girl, sitting at his kitchen table.
Franco walks into his apartment and turns on the game. He finds Keela's stuffed animal on the couch, and then angrily throws it into the trash can.
Tommy sneaks into the church and up to the...area where the candles are. There's probably an official name for that, and I'm a bad Catholic, because I have no idea what it is. I don't think my church even had candles you could light for people. Tommy kneels and thanks God for making Colleen okay, and says that he has another favor to ask. Then he doesn't ask it, so I don't know if he just did it mentally or what. He lights a candle, and then runs out of the church before anyone can see him.
Tommy's phone rings as he walks out of the church. It's Colleen. She tells Tommy that the Murphy kid showed up today, and claimed that he sent flowers and other gifts to the hospital. Tommy stammers and says that they surely would have seen any gifts the kid sent. Colleen totally buys it and says that the Murphy kid is a jerk, and that Tommy was totally right. Colleen asks if there's really a way to get rid of a tattoo, and Tommy is sure he can find something for her. They each say, "I love you" and Tommy hangs up.
That night, Tommy goes over to his Uncle Teddy's house, and hears loud rap music within. He peeks in the window and sees his Uncle Teddy dancing in an empty living room in his boxers and undershirt, swigging from an airplane liquor bottle. Tommy raps on the window (why not the door?) and calls out, but Teddy can't hear him. Tommy walks inside and turns down the music, complaining that he was on the porch for half an hour. Tommy asks if his father is there, and Teddy doesn't answer the question. Tommy asks what's up with the tiny liquor bottle, and Teddy says, "Try one. It makes you feel like a giant." Heh. Teddy tosses the liquor bottle aside and belches. Tommy looks bewildered and asks where Teddy's wife, Peg, is. Teddy says she's dead, and then adds, "She's dead to me. We had an argument over a rug and she moved out. The thing you know? Bam! I'm living a whole new life."
Teddy turns the music back on and starts dancing. Tommy turns the music back down and says he's just there to see his father. They're interrupted by a young lingerie-clad woman walking down the stairs. Teddy hugs her. Pa Gavin walks out of a back room in his underwear, hugging another young woman. He introduces Tommy to her, and then tells Tommy to "grab a babe and join the party." Tommy says that he needs to see Teddy and Pa in the other room right now. The thing that cracks me up the most about this scene is that the house has no furniture except for a stereo and a plasma TV on the wall. And there are sheets hanging on all the doorways, for some reason.
Once they get into another room, Tommy asks the older men what in the hell is going on, and why there is a mini-refrigerator in the living room. Teddy says it's for shooters. Well, of course. Tommy slams the fridge shut and asks if the women in the other room are hookers. Teddy and Pa can't agree on an answer, but Teddy eventually admits that they are. Tommy gestures to an assortment of pills on the coffee table and asks what's up with that. Teddy says that they have Viagra, and the one that Mike Ditka talks about on TV, which Teddy says "makes your cock, I don't know, thicker." Too much information! Tommy tells them that they're insane. Pa says that he likes the Ditka one best, and Tommy is shocked that his father is taking the pills too. Pa offers some to Tommy, and Tommy says he needs to talk to his father alone. Teddy doesn't want to leave, but is convinced to grab some more liquor and head back to the ladies.
Once he's gone, Pa ashamedly asks Tommy if he wants a shooter. Tommy does not. He grits his teeth angrily. Pa explains that they only have the girls for another two hours, and asks if Tommy can come back later. Tommy asks what they think they're doing. Pa asks if Tommy is judging him. Tommy says he's not. Pa yells, "Your mother drove me crazy for forty-seven goddamned years! JUDGE THAT!" He sighs and sits down, explaining that they had six kids together. He adds, "You know how many times we had sex in all the years we been together? Six times to procreate. The other three? One was in 1966. Christmastime. That was my big gift for the year. The other two times...ah, never mind. You know, me and your uncle, we fought fires all our lives. Busted our balls up in the Bronx back in the day, and we got out of it free and clear. And you know what, Tom? After all of that, I deserve to spend the rest of my time on this planet banging my brains out and listening to Tony Bennett sing live and in person. Can't you see, Tommy? I'm happy. Finally!" Tommy asks how he's going to explain it to Tommy's mother. Pa wants Tommy to handle that, because she always said that Tommy was the only one in the family she could open up to. Tommy rolls his eyes.
Tommy goes to see Janet, who pulls on a robe and complains that it's late. Tommy apologizes and says he's been thinking about things. He says that if she wants to move the kids somewhere, even if it's far away, he'll miss them, but he'll understand, and most of all, he wants her to be happy. Janet looks surprised, but thanks him. As he starts to leave, she asks if Tommy's been drinking. Tommy says he hasn't, but that he was thinking about the situation, and thinks he's been too harsh about it and too hard on her. He concludes that life is too short. Janet smiles. She asks if he's sorry about tonight, or sorry for saying it too late. Tommy says it's a little of both. Janet says that, for a minute, she saw him as he used to be, before everything happened. Tommy smiles and leaves. Janet thanks him again. I guess that's why I liked Tommy the first time around. Even when he's a total asshole, he can sometimes admit when he was wrong.
Tommy pours himself a drink in his kitchen. Jimmy joins him and talks about Maura, the new girl. He complains that she disappeared about forty minutes after Tommy left. Jimmy wonders what happened. Tommy lights a cigarette and thinks, and says he doesn't know.
Chief sits outside a hearing room on a bench, wearing his dress uniform. His son, Peter, comes up and says hello. They make awkward small talk. Peter offers to stop and see his mother before he heads back, but Chief admits that his mother doesn't know Peter is there. Before they can talk about that further, Bert the Lawyer walks up and tells Chief that the bartender is going to testify. Chief is happy, and excuses himself to have a private conversation with his lawyer. Chief asks if his son still has to testify. The lawyer doesn't see the downside in it. Chief makes up some excuse about Peter having to get back to Boston, not wanting to admit that he doesn't want people to know that his son is gay. The lawyer thinks they need to use every piece they have if Chief wants to keep his job.
Inside the courtroom, Bert questions the bartender, who testifies that Chief threw the first punch and was also verbally abusive and itching for a fight. The entire crew sits in the gallery in their dress uniforms. Bert argues that the bartender was busy, and might not have seen who threw the first punch. The bartender admits that he doesn't know, but he does know that Chief provoked the fight. Bert calls Peter to the stand, and Tommy and Lou murmur to each other, confused. Peter testifies that his father doesn't have any hatred toward gay people, and that Peter knows this because he is gay. The members of the crew exchange glances, surprised by the news. Peter testifies that his father accepts him and his lifestyle. Tommy bites his lip, either disgusted or worried.
Outside the courtroom, Bert congratulates Chief and says he'll file the paperwork to get the suspension reversed. He also thanks Peter for being "the slam dunk." Peter says that he was glad to help, and Bert leaves. Chief thanks his son. Peter accepts it. Chief offers to give Peter a ride to the train station. The rest of the crew comes up and stands in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt. Peter asks if his father is going to introduce him, giving his father a hard stare. Chief doesn't answer. Peter says, "time you beat up a gay man, call somebody else." He walks off. Tommy and Lou congratulate Chief, who says he needs a drink.
In the bar, Newbie has to bring up Chief's son, and asks if he has any other kids. Lou says that Chief has a daughter who plays in the NHL. They laugh. Tommy says that it's legal for gay guys to get married in Massachusetts, which must be why Peter lives in Boston. The rest of the crew continues to make gay marriage jokes. Chief gets pissed and yells at the guys, but then makes a joke himself. They all toast.
Franco heads up to the bar to settles his tab. Garrity follows him and apologizes for being an asshole. He admits that he has no business telling Franco what to do, and that Franco has to make his own decisions and live with them. Franco agrees. Garrity asks if they're all right, and Franco says they are. Speaking of gay marriage, why don't those two just hook up? They're clearly in love.
In his apartment, Franco takes Keela's stuffed animal out of the garbage can and kisses it. Ew! Germy. He puts it on his table and looks at it for a while.
Chief arrives home and takes a beer out of the fridge. He sees a photo of a boy, presumably a younger Peter, on the fridge and looks at it.
Tommy, alone, smokes a cigarette in the bar. Three suited guys at the other end of the bar raise their glasses to him, and he responds in kind.
Tommy walks out of the bar. The three suits follow and ask if he's Tommy Gavin, explaining that they're Roger's friends. They surround Tommy, who asks, "What're you guys gonna do, audit me?" Not exactly. They proceed to beat the crap out of Tommy, complete with lots of kicking.