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After the creepy ginger kid told Bash last week that he had to choose someone to sacrifice or they'd choose for him, the pagans don't wait too long before they decide to start making very subtle threats against Mary; subtle threats like the ginger kid's necklace turning up in Mary's bed, followed by a giant bleeding stag's head. Francis throws a gigantic hissy fit because the pagans' threats show how much Bash cares about Mary. To maintain both of his relationships, Bash goes down to the dungeon and picks out a thief to be his sacrificial pig. He and the thief, Samson, ride off into the woods and Bash strings Samson up, but only to use him as bait so he can kill the pagan priest who shows up to witness the sacrifice.
Even though the king told Kenna he was going to Paris to break up with Diane, when he rides back to the castle his number-one mistress is to him. Kenna stomps off in a snit, which gets worse when Greer helpfully points out that the floor tiles in the king's bedroom literally proclaim his love for Diane. Henry throws a fireworks show to prove his feelings to Kenna and she falls for it, because she is an idiotic teenager. Henry doesn't break up with Diane, because Diane is awesome.
Diane's freaking out, though, since she used to be a pagan, so she's worried the Catholics will find out and burn her and Bash at the stake -- a legitimate worry, since that's exactly what Evil Anne orders her guards to do when they find the culprits for the stag's head in Mary's bed. Bash is just upset because he's a capricious murderer now.
And Francis is a spineless weasel who throws a series of tantrums about how he saw Mary and Bash kissing, and then he makes a terrible deal with Mary about how they can both whore around till they get married (except… she obviously cannot do that) so that they won't be jealous of each other? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense and it's just a flimsy excuse so Francis can go bone Olivia's brains out.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on Reign: Francis's ex-girlfriend Olivia arrived at court and -- with the help of Evil Anne of Green Gables -- made a play to be his mistress. When Francis refused to kick Olivia out of the castle, Mary, Teen of Scots, kissed Bash… LIKE A BOSS.
Bash dreams about the creepy ginger boy from last week who told him to choose someone to sacrifice before jumping out his bedroom window. Bash wakes up, panting and sweaty. In her own bed, Mary wakes up to find the creepy ginger kid's weird necklace on the pillow to her.
Francis is talking with some of the gentlemen of the court when Olivia interrupts and pulls him away. He explains that Henry is returning soon from visiting Diane in Paris. Olivia refers to some nasty business with "the butcher boy," which seems to be how the creepy ginger kid was dressed, so I guess he didn't have a soft landing after he flung himself off Bash's parapet.
Francis and Olivia are dressed in an almost suspiciously complementary fashion in this scene, both with big shoulders, nipped waists, and earth tones. I see what you're doing there, clever costume designer. Olivia asks if Francis is upset about how she tried to suck his face off last week, and he replies that he appreciates her "honesty" and could use more of that from some other people in his life whose names rhyme with "Cherry." Olivia simpers that he can be sure of her, and she wants only him. Francis almost goes cross-eyed.
Everyone at court trots out to the front yard to wait for Henry. Olivia walks with Evil Anne, who's wearing her best I Hate My Cheating Bastard Husband fur and her company tiara. In front of the fakest background I've seen outside of a cut-rate 1954 MGM musical, Evil Anne bitches about how Olivia is taking her sweet damn time seducing Francis into marriage and snarks that it should be a cinch for "a girl like you to get a man into bed." "His feelings are with Mary," Olivia protests, and Evil Anne poisonously snaps that if Olivia wants to fix her reputation with a wedding and children so people will stop calling her a whore behind her back, she needs to get on the stick, literally. "Feelings, honestly," Evil Anne scoffs. I'mma need a GIF of that.
Mary and her ladies plod sullenly toward the water, Mary invites Kenna to join the. (Although Mary isn't in the shot, she's walking a few paces ahead of them, as we'll see in a minute, and it's framed incredibly weirdly. God, this show is so damn cheap). Kenna's still wearing her I Fucked the King necklace. Greer sweetly asks for whom Kenna has dressed to impress -- as though everyone in court doesn't devote every waking moment and every decision they make to trying to impress the king. Mary, who was in front of them, overrides Greer, saying Kenna's just as lovely as ever, then pulls her up to walk ahead of the other three.
Kenna thanks Mary for her discretion and says she plans to tell the other girls about her new arrangement with the king. Mary says she understands that Kenna wants to be reunited with Henry first. It's unclear how long he's been gone, but Kenna says he was ending his affair with Diane for her, just in case the poor deluded twit needed all of history to laugh at her as well as everyone in Fontainebleu. Mary cautions her about Henry's "mercurial" loyalties and also the threat that is Evil Anne.
Bash approaches with a smile, and Mary coolly says she was hoping they wouldn't have to discuss "this." They both own up to the drunken kissing, although Bash refuses to feel bad about it. He'll only say that he regrets that Mary is engaged to his brother, whom he doesn't want to hurt, but luckily, Francis doesn't know about the kissing. (False).
Mary frets that Francis has been distant and she wants to fix things with him, but Bash doesn't understand why she's asking him for help. She says it's because he gave her the necklace. So Mary thinks Bash just sauntered into her bedroom while she was sleeping? Not long after some dude tried to rape her while she was sleeping? WORST PALACE GUARDS AND LADIES-IN-WAITING EVER.
Bash doesn't know anything about the necklace, and he's as appalled as I am about how Mary assumed he'd sneaked into her room. Although he's a bit more amused. She shows him the necklace and Bash sobers, saying he's seen it before. But Mary abandons the conversation when she spots Francis.
As Evil Anne twitches in irritation to them, Mary says how upset she is that Francis is still angry with her about the Olivia situation. She apologizes for the argument and Francis snits, "Is that what you're sorry about?" Francis sucks. At least he's going to die soon*.
Henry's carriage arrives. Kenna grins like a love-addled fool and just about runs over to jump on him -- until she sees the person exiting the carriage behind him. It's Diane, wearing glorious, don't-fuck-with-me purple. Mary clutches Kenna's hand supportively while Kenna stammers some deluded shit about how Henry said he was leaving Diane. I have no patience for a character this stupid and I just want Evil Anne to slap her fillings loose.
Diane and Evil Anne exchange cool glances, then the grown-ups head for the palace while Bash grabs Francis for a tête-à-tête with Mary.
Bash explains that the pagans think he owes them a debt since he's (repeatedly! Bash, wise up, dude) interrupted their blood sacrifice rituals. He repeats what the creepy ginger butcher boy told him about choosing someone to sacrifice. Mary rather rationally considers the fact that the necklace can be interpreted as a threat against her, while Francis sulks about how the pagans seem to think harming Mary will hurt Bash. He says he'll arrange for a guard to be outside her room at all times. Because that didn't seem like a good idea any earlier than this, what with the poisoned nun and the attempted rape and the poisoned dress and poor stupid supposedly treasonous Simon living in the goddamn castle?!
Francis tells Bash to find out from hunters he knows and Nostradamus how serious the threat is, while Mary says she'll ask the servants if anyone saw anyone go into her room. She leaves and Bash apologizes for bringing this trouble on Mary. Francis magnanimously says he doesn't blame Bash for that, but it's all the secrets his brother has been keeping that bother him.
A servant (who is wearing pearls in her hair?! That should've been the first clue that she was up to no good) tells Mary she hasn't seen the necklace before. Mary sets the girl to canvassing the rest of the household staff to find out if they've seen any strangers.
Kenna bullies her way right into Henry's room, where he's just gotten out of the bath. She shrieks at him about Diane while he sighs manfully about the troubles associated with young snatch. He tries to placate her and then kneels and gets all up under her skirt. Kenna's not quite that easily distracted and demands to know why Diane is at the castle. He says Diane's moving into a cottage on the grounds and offhandedly says that Kenna's his mistress now while Diane is just his friend and Bash's mom.
Kenna not quite that stupid, and keeps harping on how Diane will be a few hundred yards away now rather than miles away in Paris, and keeps squeaking questions at the king until he tells her to stop worrying her pretty little head about it. He promises things are over with Diane and then she rips off his robe and they go at it.
Bash conclaves with his mother about the pagans. He asks how she ever could have worshipped with them and I'm actually cheering because I hope Diane turns out to be the war goddess leader of the tribe and she strips naked, paints herself blue, and chucks Mary and all the girls out of a turret, followed immediately by Henry. I would watch six seasons and a movie if it turned into Diane and Catherine ruling France as heathen lesbian co-queens with Bash as their cabana boy. Maybe Ryan Murphy can work on that for me.
Anyway, Diane demurs and says the faith was different then, that they just worshipped the natural world and didn't make human sacrifices. But the more important thing to worry about is what the people in the castle think about Bash now. He insists that he's Catholic, like his father, but Diane replies that if anyone found out about her past they'd both be burned as heretics. She reminds him that he lives in the castle at his father's will, and someday it will be Francis's will, so it's pretty damn stupid to covet Francis's future wife. Especially since Francis will blame Bash if anything happens to Mary. Diane seems pretty certain the pagans will kill Mary unless Bash supplies them with another sacrifice. Ooh! Choose Kenna!
Mary wakes up in her bed to see blood dripping on her hand; she looks up and the head of a dead stag is suspended above her. She screams.
Francis and half the domestic staff caucus on Mary's room. While the servants clean up, Mary says she must have been drugged, to sleep through someone installing a giant bleeding animal head in her room. Francis takes her hand and they both look at the mark branded onto it -- the shape of the necklace. She asks him how much danger she's in, and just as Bash sticks his head in worriedly, he says he'll find out.
Francis grabs Bash on his way out and bitches some more about how the pagans are terrorizing Mary to get to Bash. He wants Bash to make it stop. Bash spells out what that will mean: the pagans want him to pick a sacrifice, hang that person from a tree, slit his throat, and let him bleed to death. Francis doesn't blink; he's totally cool with someone else dying a horrible death. I'm guessing his brother Charlie is hiding behind a pillar somewhere, taking notes.
Evil Anne exclaims aloud when she sees the men-at-arms carrying the stag's head out of Mary's room. In the room, she asks how this could have happened, as if she's asking Mary how she could have been so careless as to spill wine all over the good carpets. Mary snarks that Evil Anne has sent people to break into her room before, so maybe she has an idea of how it was possible. (It also doesn't seem very difficult AT ALL to break into anyone's room in this castle; people go in and out of each other's rooms like they're a touring company of Noises Off).
Evil Anne shrieks about Mary's accusations and Francis tries to play peacemaker, saying they're more worried right now about who did the stag-leaving than why or how. Evil Anne picks up a goblet and sniffs, then says it has poppy in it. So that's why Mary's hair looks like a strung-out junkie's. Evil Anne guesses the guard was also drugged, and wonders what message the stag's head was supposed to send. Mary says it's a pagan symbol, and Evil Anne demands to know just what the children know about the pagans. Francis said they just know the rumors of how bloodthirsty they are.
Mary wants a truce with Evil Anne so they can work against the heretic threat, but Evil Anne brushes her off and stalks off to have Sexy Nostradamus conjure up some sort of awesomeness potion she can rub on her face, and also to see if he knows how to get ruminant blood out of linen.
Mary's ladies waltz into the king's chambers, delighted to be there. Greer wonders aloud if Diane has finally deigned to acknowledge them, and Kenna smugly says this party isn't Diane's doing, it's hers, as these are now her quarters as well as the king's. "Because we're in love," she says. The other three are stunned and a little horrified, actually, but they try to be nice about it. Kenna confesses that Mary doesn't think it's such a great idea, but she blithely says it's Mary's job to worry, not hers. They all sit down to their plates of bonbons and Aylee demands the details.
Greer wants to be reassured that Kenna got to know the king well before she slept with him, as Kenna flashes back to the king groping her in a stairwell the first night after they arrived. Greer asks about Evil Anne and Diane, but Kenna brushes them off and calls Diane old. Lola helpfully points out the tiles on the bedroom floor -- an intertwined H and D, for Henry and Diane. "Their love is literally written in stone," she says. Kenna didn't notice that, because she never learned to read.
Throne room. Evil Anne chastises Robert, one of her guards, for how shabby his uniform looks, before agreeing to allow all the servants in so she and Mary can address them. Mary explains that the heathens have infiltrated the castle and very progressively says she's not judging the faith, just the violent actions someone has taken in its name. Well, that's a sentiment about a thousand years ahead of its time. She asks anyone who knows anything about what's happened to step forward. No one moves.
As the servants all contemplate the floor, Evil Anne overrules Mary's namby-pamby sorry-about-your-fee-fees emoting and starts growling like Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday. She's all, no one makes trouble in MY house, so if one of the staff doesn't come forward by midnight with intel about the pagans, she'll have her guards burn all the servants' homes to the ground.
Dungeon. The head jailer tells Bash there are no murderers in the cells, just some drunks, a thief, and a baker who tried to sleep with a noblewoman's maid. (Not sure if his crime is rapey-ness or aiming above his station). Bash asks to see the thief, and for the jailer to keep his visit on the DL, then hands over some cash.
Henry refuses to replace the tiles while Kenna freaks out when she realizes Diane did all the decorating in Henry's room. She starts wailing about how he's refusing to do a little cosmetic work for her when he's renovating a 15-bedroom cottage for Diane. He pleads that they're just tiles and she demands to know how many other girls he's told that. She declares she won't be one of his cheap whores and storms off while Henry groans about how dealing with the English is more pleasant than his shrieking new mistress.
Bash and the thief ride through the woods. The thief wants to know where they're going, then balks at the idea of riding into the Blood Wood. Bash just tells him to ride on or go back to jail—at the point of a crossbow. The thief is all, uh, jail, please?
Lola, Greer, and Aylee watch a fireworks display over the lake and wonder where Mary is. Kenna's in the corner, sulkily chattering nonstop about how she's repelled the king with her demands. As she prattles on, the other three are like, we've known about this relationship for all of six hours and we're already so tired of her talking about it we could rip off our own ears. Lola yells at Kenna to shut up and look at the damn fireworks.
thing, Kenna has run back and jumped on the king, so I guess all it takes to get her back in his good graces is some sparkly stuff. I think I see where DeBeers got the idea.
Mary finds Francis in the hallway and hustles alongside him, wearing a dress that wouldn't be out of place two hundred years later, given the amount of cleavage she's rocking. She says most of the servants have been interviewed, with no result, and asks if Bash has learned anything. Francis tells Mary how Bash bribed the jailer to let him took a prisoner from the dungeon, and all of a sudden Francis is opposed to killing some rando. Mary is horrified, and sure that Bash wouldn't sacrifice a person, but Francis corrects her -- Bash would do it for her.
He jealously says he didn't know how deeply Bash felt for Mary, and then confesses he saw them kissing. He starts yelling at her and steamrolls right over the fact that he's slept with Olivia. Meanwhile, all Mary did was threaten to marry a homicidal Portuguese bastard, then make out with Francis's brother, so when you put it that way, it does sound bad. Francis storms off after telling her he warned her about the stakes of life at court. Yeah, all this is clearly Mary's fault. All of it.
From her chambers, Evil Anne regards the fireworks with cynicism, wondering if they're impressing Kenna, and if they're frightening the pagans. Robert, the guard she's posing all these rhetorical questions to, diplomatically tries to stay out of that nest of snakes. At a knock at the door, he announces a young maid who says she has information.
The girl apologizes for the late hour and Evil Anne is all, "Yeah, yeah, you realized it's almost midnight so I'm going to burn down your house, spit out what you have to say". The girl hesitates some more and Evil Anne asks Robert to give them some privacy. The girl confesses that she saw one of Evil Anne's guards take the stag's head when he came into the kitchen for scraps. Evil Anne wants more details, since she has nearly a hundred guards. The girl unhelpfully says he was covered in blood. Has Evil Anne seen anyone covered in blood lately? Evil Anne snaps, "No, I didn't see a guard drenched in blood. If he'd had a brain, he'd have changed."
Then, thinking aloud, she realizes that her guards have only one uniform. So if it was ruined, he'd have to wear one that was old, shabby, and/or didn't fit very well. She runs out of her chambers, demanding from a servant to know where Robert went. Evil Anne hollers that Robert's a heretic and must be found.
In the forest, the thief, Samson, fearfully asks what Bash plans to do to him. Bash tosses him a rope, hung from a high branch, and tells him to tie it around his feet. Samson blubbers and stammers, then falls to his knees to beg for his life, wailing that he has children and he only stole to feed them! Bash coolly tells him to say his prayers, because he has a little time while Bash waits for his audience to arrive. Samson cries and begs some more, but Bash resolutely strings him up by his feet.
A dark figure appears out of the woods and Bash asks if killing someone, anyone, even this poor schmuck, will clear his obligation. The figure replies that any human offering will do. Bash hisses, "Then I choose you," and draws his sword. Because he hasn't learned that it's best not to give people any warning before you try to kill them. (And maybe the pagans' fidelity to logic and their word isn't something you should trust? I don't think these folks are really the kind to be bound by fine print).
As Bash and the stranger -- who unlike everyone else has an American accent, so he must be a weird forest-dwelling heathen -- fight, the stranger yells that Bash is betraying his family, since his mother's blood is pagan blood. Lusty, murder-y blood. Bash falls and the stranger goes after him with an ax. But Bash dodges and slashes the stranger across the thigh. He stabs the man in the chest with his sword as he says, "I think the blood lust is in you." The man gasps, "Now it's in you," and then he dies.
Kenna comes into the king's room to see workmen hacking up the tiles. She makes the smuggest face in all Christendom.
The king comes to Diane's chambers in his robe. They talk about Bash and how upset the king is about the changes Kenna wants to make. He's pissy about the workers in his room, the dust, the noise, and wants to know how long the renovations on Diane's cottage will take…with the implication that her place will again be his quiet refuge when it's done. Diane assures him she'll take care of everything -- the magic words to a man with loads of responsibilities. Kenna hasn't learned yet that her power doesn't come from sex, it's from solving problems. Henry flops on the bed and Diane climbs on top of him.
Mary prods the fire and asks her servant if Bash is back yet. He hasn't, the girl replies. Mary monologues some of her anxiety, and then invites the servant Sarah to sit by her and distract her. But when the girl holds out her hand, Mary sees the mark from the necklace on her hand. Mary hollers for the guards, but Sarah very cheesily (it's like this poor actress learned stage fighting from a Yosemite Sam cartoon) draws a knife from a scabbard on her leg and hisses for her not to bother. Mary's armed only with a fireplace poker and screams again for her guards. They finally rush in and drag Sarah off. See, you always have to be suspicious of well-dressed servants.
In daylight, Bash and Samson ride through the woods, with the other man very relieved to be alive. He tries to reassure Bash that he doesn't blame him for what the pagan said about his blood and his faith. Samson, not realizing that it would be a super good idea to shut up, rambles that he grew up in a Protestant town but now he's a Catholic since he lives so close to the king.
Bash asks if the man knows who he is, and Samson denies it at first, but accidentally reveals he does know Bash is the king and Diane's son. Bash -- realizing all it would take for him and his mother to burn to death is this guy getting hungry again and then selling some gossip about the king's bastard heathen son to the wrong person -- pushes him off his horse and off a cliff to his death.
In the hallway outside the throne room, Francis asks Mary if she's okay. Because all this has been such a trial for her. She assures him she is and wants to know about Robert. Francis replies that he was caught and he's in the dungeons, with Sarah. They'll both be questioned and then burned. Bash shows up then, looking worse than he did when he was dying of belly-ventilating, and mutters that his debt has been paid, so now Mary is safe. Mary rushes to him and asks what he's done.
Francis interrupts that he's sure whatever Bash did, it's more than he thought he was capable of. Bash tries to excuse himself, but Francis decides to take a stand against both of them, saying he kind of hoped Bash would die out there in the woods so Francis wouldn't have to execute him for messing with his woman. Francis rambles some more about how he and Mary have to rule without anger and jealousy and with compassion. Bash just wants a bath and a nap and probably to get drunk and cry for an hour.
Mary turns back to Francis's side and says if they promise to be faithful to each other they can avoid all the jealousy that makes Francis want to kill his own brother, but Francis reminds her that they are already sworn to marry each other, but he can't marry her unless -- say it with me -- it's what's best for France. And so he tells her to "spend [her] time with others" until they're married, presumably so he can do the same.
Mary asks if this is about Olivia, and Francis stammers some self-aggrandizing shit about how he can totally be man enough to let Mary get cozy with someone else! Except that Francis is allowed to bang Olivia six ways to Sunday while Mary has to remain a (technical) virgin or else she'll be thrown out on her ass and possibly burned as a witch. So this deal he's offering her: nonstop sex for him, occasional lakeside make outs for her. Awesome. Francis forbids Mary from any more making out with Bash, though, and then turns to flounce away. Bash asks if that's a warning, and Francis growls at him like the tiny little baby Simba cub he is.
Francis goes straight to Olivia's room. He kisses her and gasps, "I can't promise you anything," which is exactly what a girl wants to hear, and then they go at it up against the wall.
Robert is already on his pyre, ranting in a way that is not destined to endear him to the Catholics in charge, when Sarah is led to hers. The executioners light the pyre, and Mary can hear his screams from her room. Aylee and Lola try to comfort her, and Mary sadly says she begged the guards to offer Sarah a quick death before they burned her. They hear an arrow fired, so Sarah doesn't suffer.
Diane and Bash also watch the flames from her room. Bash says, "He threatened my life tonight." Diane thinks he means the pagan priest, but Bash clarifies that he's talking about Francis. Bash wants to leave the castle, but Diane says if Bash follows Francis's rules, they'll be okay. Bash just mutters that there are those who matter, those who will be remembered, and those who won't. Diane darkly promises to make sure her son is remembered.