|
||||
Things that are going on that are more exciting than this show: the baseball playoffs. The leaves are starting to turn. My cat needs combing. A few new fall shows are actually pretty good. TomKat has miraculously spawned, which will no doubt prove hilarious for years to come. Oh, and George Clooney is coming out with a new movie-slash-opportunity to once again prove that he is the best American (nay, person) ever with all the old-timey values we seem to have lost as a country, doing so in order to somehow both earn the love of his father he never felt he deserved, and to karmically atone for all the fresh-off-the-bus poontang he picks up and ruins every single weekend. All of which: more exciting that this show. And because I am not the best person in America, you have to watch the "Previously..." on your own.
Sun. Austin. Warehouse. Danny sleeps with his head on Mel's boob. Mel asks what Danny's thinking about, and Danny's caved-in skull replies that he doesn't want to hurt her because he's been messed over in relationships in the past and he never thought he'd be in another one but he's liking it and that scares the hell out of him. Mel's like, "Dude. I was just asking to be polite." Danny camera-talks that his girlfriend back home fucked him over and he's scared. Man, relax, puss-boy. Girls aren't scary. You know what's scary? Spiders. And clowns. And those tiny fake corn on the cobs they put in salads sometimes. Ooh, and Teri Hatcher. She frightens the shit out of me. Mel replies that she doesn't want to hold Danny back. Danny whispers that it's really hard to trust a girl again in a relationship, but that Melinda deserves it. (No wonder he's whispering. He's hoping the mics won't pick up what he's saying, because goddamn his friends back home are going to wicked tease his ass about it.) Mel says it's weird, and that she never expected to have these feelings about anyone; Danny says he didn't either. Wow, are all relationship talks this fucking boring? No wonder we do them in private, because, like, yawn-the-fuck.
Mel camera-talks that she and Danny were having this conversation and "it" just kind of came up (dirty), and Danny asked her to be his girlfriend. Oy. Mel squees up her shoulders and turns red and says that she's really happy, "like a little schoolgirl." Yeah, one with giant whore boobs. Mel kisses Danny on the side of his head, causing it to cave in just a little more.
Austin. Austin. SXSW. Warehouse. Neh explains that they're all heading out to go meet with Film Guy to discuss their documentary.
Johanna voice-overs about SXSW and bands coming for exposure as we see shots of band registering and ugh. I've been in Austin during SXSW and there's nothing worse than the sight of a city full of cloney short-ish guys with dyed black hair wearing ripped t-shirts and Army jackets and Dickies, sporting bad tattoos, bumming smokes, unloading shit out of their rusted kidnapping vans, looking for seventeen-year-old fat girls with heavy eyeliner to infect with their harsh Minnesotian strain of chlamydia and convince to go hand out flyers for their Wednesday 6 PM slot at the Broken Spoke. (And no, a band dude didn't once steal my girlfriend. Okay, maybe.)
“ Ha -- a shot of a band unloading their shit from a kidnapper van. Told you. Cue the fat girl with eyeliner. ”
The gang finds Paul and Jenn and David, their film prof-dorks, who ask them about their plan for meeting up and interviewing the bands this week. Lacey camera-chins that they have a very "foggy plan of action." Their three bands are the not-at-all-MTV-mandated Halifax, Hellogoodbye, and Enon. Paul goes on to say that they have to have a rough cut ready in two weeks, and that their "trip" depends on it. Rachel then expounds on this theme, camera-sagging that if they don't have their rough cut in on time, they won't get to go on their trip, and she's going to make sure that doesn't happen even if she has to do all the work by herself. Yeah!
Austin. Austin. Ha -- a shot of a band unloading their shit from a kidnapper van. Told you. Cue the fat girl with eyeliner. Warehouse. Rachel, Wes, and Lacey work on plans for the night, for meeting one of the arriving bands at "The Parish." Lacey, loving nothing more than tattling -- well, okay, she loves spying a bit more -- announces that Mel is going out to dinner instead of hanging around, so they've given her a pager so that they can alert her when it's time to hook up with the band dorks. Lacey then camera-talks that Mel doesn't care about their job at all. You know, Lacey, nowadays you can get makeup permanently tattooed on. That way you wouldn't have to waste half a lipstick every time you film a confessional.
The happy couple walks down the street holding hands. Vomit! Mel camera-talks that she doesn't want to go interview Enon, because, she says, she doesn't care about interviewing Enon. That's some fantastic circular logic, kid. Why does your entire identity rely on having a man in your life? "Oh, I don't know. I guess because my entire identity relies on having a man in my life."
Restaurant. Danny and Melinda eat. I think my ex-girlfriend brings them their drinks. (A different one. Not the one who may or may not have been stolen from me by a dude in a band.) (But seriously, how can you be attracted to a guy who lives with his mom and wears black nail polish? Seriously.) Mel says that she's going to get drunk and will no doubt get her "ass chewed out." Ew, Mel. You don't need to tell us what you and Danny are going to do later. That's just gross. And unsanitary. When Melinda reveals that Lacey will be the one getting mad at her, Danny says, "Who cahes." Danny then cahmera-tahks about how great everything is going with Mel. Yeah, you guys have been officially dating now for, like, what? An afternoon. If it were already getting rocky, I'd think you guys were totally, fundamentally doomed. (Foreshadowing alert!) Danny says that Mel is going to be "hammahed" for her job later. They both giggle.
Lacey sits in the phone room trying catch someone in the toilet. One of the band douches from Enon calls; Lacey says the cast will meet them at The Parish. Good thing we had to watch that riveting conversation. Lacey then pages Mel.
“ Neh camera- talks, 'I don't like to put my name on anything that's horrible.' Uh, your name is on this show, isn't it? ”
Restaurant. Mel gets the page. She and Danny decide to keep eating and ignore the page. Lacey pages Mel again. She says she'll finish her glass of wine and then go. She and Danny both laugh, covering their mouths.
The kids show up at The Parish in order to film the band unloading their stuff. Man, I can't wait to see that documentary! I'm going to Netflix the shit right away! As Neh and Wes shoot, Lacey introduces herself to "Matt from Enon." He looks exactly like Emo Phillips. Neh camera-talks, "I don't like to put my name on anything that's horrible." Uh, your name is on this show, isn't it? Neh goes on to say that he's going to put a lot of effort into this "dock-a-mentary," even if no one else is going to. No one else is going to.
Restaurant. Mel and Danny drink on and decide just to pretend their pager never went off. Danny laughs, the brain swelling getting worse and worse ever second.
Alley. The band unloads their shit. The kids film.
Mel and Danny now walk, giggling that Mel is late and reeks of booze. She's "late"? Oh, no. Danny and Mel are going to have a baby!
Suddenly, the kids are filming the band in an underground garage, and as Lacey asks boring questions boringly, Neh camera-talks that Danny and Mel are late because they're busy, "smooching, and doing the dumb shit that they do." Hee. QUICK CUT TO:
Danny and Mel doing the dumb shit that they do. Danny pushes Mel to the ground in the middle of the sidewalk. They laugh and giggle. Danny climbs on top of her. Holy shit, Danny is going to rape Mel! Commercials.
So whereas it's been daylight this whole time, suddenly it's night, and whoa. Danny and Mel are really late. Danny camera-doods that they can't find Enon and that they want to go home, but that they realize they have a job to do. Mel brats that this is the worst job in the world! Yeah. I'm sure children being forced to work in the diamond mines of Sierra Leone are feeling really bad for you right now, Mel. Finally, Wes finds the drunks and leads them over to the parking garage.
Parking garage. Lacey asks another terrible question, which the band answers awkwardly. The band leaves, and Mel camera-drunks that the only person who seems mad at them for arriving late and toasted is Neh, but he's not saying anything to Mel and Danny.