It's one week before the roommates move out of the house. In a confessional, Brad explains that he already feels like he's going to lose something when he leaves, and that he'll miss everyone. Cameran says she's learned a lot, and Brad pockets a payoff from the producers for spouting off some crap about how Cameran came into the house all wide-eyed and innocent, and that she's since learned a lot about the big city. In a confessional, Jacquese says that they've all learned a lot about life and dealing with situations. Brad encourages Cameran to go around the room and say what each person has taught her. Cameran says Jamie taught her that you can stand up for yourself "in a classy way," and we flash back to Jamie confronting Charlie about lying. Cameran doesn't know what Brad has taught her, and Robin suggests that it was not to kiss too much, or you get chin rash, as we flash back to Brad and Cameran's makeout sessions. Cameran says that Robin has taught her, "If all else fails, hit." Robin acts all indignant.
Robin goes out to lunch with Jamie and Brad and talks about how weird she feels when she's in court. Jamie thinks it's natural, because Robin is not a criminal, and suddenly she's hanging out with people who are. Robin interviews that she's about to have her first court appearance, because the Marine accused her of scratching the back of his neck. Brad thinks that Robin doesn't deserve this shit. Brad interviews that Robin has chilled out a lot since the incident.
Robin meets up with her attorney as Brad and Jamie head home. Robin interviews that she doesn't feel that her actions merit a charge of battery. Robin's attorney looks like Nick from The Apprentice in fifteen years. Robin's court outfit consists of black flared pants, incredibly high-heeled black boots, and a shiny blue polyester-looking button down shirt. It's really horrible and trashy-looking. It doesn't help that the shirt barely buttons over her foobs. They head into the courthouse, and Robin's lawyer asks for a continuance. Robin interviews that it's hard to be in a courtroom, but that she wants to be there "to prove that [she] didn't use battery on somebody." Hee! Like she beat the guy with a couple of nine volts. Outside, the lawyer explains that he'll be reviewing the tape with the city attorney to figure out if the case can be settled or needs to go to trial. Robin interviews that either the case will be dropped, or be brought down to a lesser charge. I wonder where that tape came from? I wonder if BMP would have given it up so readily if Robin were guilty?
Back at the house, Brad yells that it's time to go out on the town, and go out they shall. Robin interview that Brad and Cameran decided where to go, and that she's ready to go out. The roommates arrive at the club and get in line. Cameran interviews that she has to use a fake ID everywhere. "Has to"? Are they twisting her arm? Is there a gun involved? Cameran interviews that before she gets in, she's always nervous. Cameran gets up to the bouncer and immediately starts giggling, like that's not a dead giveaway. Cameran interviews that the bouncer was questioning her ID, so Brad decided to snatch the ID away, hand it to Cameran, and order her to run. Hee! Brad is so dumb. Brad is pounced on by the bouncers, who shove him up against a bench. Brad asks the cameraman if he's getting this, which supports the assertion that someone from San Diego made on the forums: that Brad would frequently start shit with bouncers and assume that having the cameras around would protect him. Brad interviews that the bouncers are screaming that it's a felony. Robin interviews that she wanted to get Cameran out of there, because if she's not there, she can't be arrested and she can't get into trouble. Is that so? So unless you catch a murderer in the act, he or she can't be arrested? How dumb is Robin, anyway? Don't answer that. I don't have the time. Brad yells at the bouncers to chill out as they lead him away.
Cameran and Robin arrive back home, and Cameran explains to Randy what happened. Randy dies laughing. Randy explains that the girls are freaking out because Brad might be arrested and they don't know where he is right now. Cameran yells that Brad is too old to keep pulling this shit. Randy explains that if Brad fought bouncers, he would definitely be in jail now.
Back in the house, Cameran drunkenly continues to recount what happened. Charlie thinks that Cameran should look at it as Brad trying to keep her out of trouble. Cameran yells and yells, and says that she feels horrible that Brad was arrested because of her. Charlie asks if she asked Brad to do that; if not, then she shouldn't feel bad. Robin interviews that Brad wasn't thinking clearly, but that his first thought was to protect Cameran. Charlie keeps urging Cameran just to remember that Brad cared about her enough to try to save her.
And now it's time for the first Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. Since I'm doing two this week, I thought I would use the first to mention a few awesome things I've seen on TV lately that you could watch now that you will have a half-hour hole in your schedule every week. The first awesome show that you should totally be watching is Blow Out on Bravo. It's supposed to be the story of what happened when celebrity hairstylist Jonathan Antin decided to open a second salon in Beverly Hills. In the first episode, they tried to set up a Puck-like hairdresser named Brandon as Jonathan's nemesis, in order to introduce some conflict to the situation, but then Jonathan fired Brandon, and not a moment too soon, because the true conflict lies in watching what a douchebag Jonathan is, and how horribly he treats his staff, and his general clueless tool behavior. Each week, people cringe when they deal with him, and he has no idea. He throws temper tantrums and hissyfits, and expects everyone on his staff to kiss his ass at all times, and as long as you don't have to work for him, it's awesome. The other show that you should be watching is Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic. ESPN? But I"m not a sports fan! Don't worry. This show basically features comedians the Sklar Brothers giving the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment to ludicrous faux-sporting events from the past, like roller derby. At times, the Sklars' pre-filmed bits go on a bit long -- they should really stick to showing silly footage and making fun of it. But each episode features at least two or three jokes that make me laugh out loud, because I can't resist a smart-ass snarking on bad television. It also makes me jealous that I don't have their jobs.
Brad goes into the police station. The cop tells Brad that, in California, any time you take something by force or fear, it's a felony called robbery. Brad says that he didn't want to offend anyone. Cameran interviews that it's not worth going to jail over her fake ID, and that Brad had good intentions. They arrive at the jail, and Cameran starts screeching for Brad. Cameran and Brad reenact Whitney welcoming Bobby Brown when he was released from prison. In the spirit of full disclosure, I must note that I totally stole that joke from Wisegal on the forums. Brad says that he talked his way out of it, once he got to the police station. They return home. Brad interviews that he feels like he's built up a tolerance to certain situations, and that's why he didn't snap on the bouncers.
It's one day before move-out. Robin interviews that she has to go to court today. Robin's lawyer has a whispered conversation with the City Attorney. Robin interviews that her actions weren't right, but that she doesn't feel she deserves to go to jail for battery. Robin's lawyer takes her outside and explains that the other side offered to let her plead to disturbing the peace, which would mean a fine instead of jail time. Robin interviews that she's kind of angry with the Marine, and wonders what the Marines stand for. I wonder how Mike the Marine feels about that statement. Robin adds that she thinks the Marine is a big sissy, because he complained about getting hit by a girl. I see that Robin has really learned to take responsibility for her actions.
Everyone packs up their shit in preparation for moving out. Jamie interviews that going home and back to school is going to be "so awkward and so weird." Jacquese interviews that they are like a family, and yet they have to leave each other behind. Frankie calls, and Jacquese talks to her. They clearly have nothing to say to each other. Jacquese interviews that he misses Frankie. No, he doesn't. Frankie says that she might be getting married, and that she doesn't regret leaving. Jacquese interviews that he's happy if she's happy.
Brad interviews that the house has a lot of good people in it, and that he wishes he could take everybody home with him. Brad talks to his father on the phone. Brad asks if he should bring his stuff home, or just move out immediately. His dad tells him that he can bring stuff home. Brad's father thinks it'll be weird for all the roommates to go off in their own directions. Brad agrees.
Cameran thinks it'll be really hard to leave. In a confessional, Randy says that it's their last night in the house, and that tomorrow they will be scattered all over the country. The roommates sit out on the deck and drink. Jamie starts to talk about how it's the last time they will sit on the patio together, and Cameran orders Jamie to be quiet about it. Randy gives some bullshit philosophical speech, and Cameran says she feels like they're all brothers and sisters. Brad thinks they should save "all the emotional bullshit" for the day, and that tonight they should just drink champagne. The roommates spray champagne all over each other and run around and giggle.
And now it's time for the final Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week of the season. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a made-for-television movie called Red Wind starring Miss Lisa Hartman (before she married Clint Black). So anyway, Lisa plays a psychologist who is also an expert in sexuality and S&M relationships. Of course. There are a lot of hints in the beginning that the reason she's an expert is because she has been in such a relationship herself. Anyway, Lisa gets a new client -- a woman who is always shown in shadows -- who is being abused and sexually humiliated by her husband. So after they show shady woman for about one minute, I call my husband into the room and say, "That's a dude, right?" And he watches for five seconds and goes, "Yeah, obviously." So I spent the rest of the movie wondering how dumb Lisa was that she didn't know her client was a dude. So anyway, the client tells Lisa how she's going to kill her husband and put him in the wood chipper in her back yard. As you do. And the title is from when the woman described how she would turn her husband into a red wind. Ew. So then Lisa goes to the client's house, and there's blood all over the wood chipper. So instead of calling the cops, Lisa runs around and screams and messes up the evidence and then goes home. So the cops come sniffing around, and Lisa denies involvement. And then Lisa mysteriously has a new client -- a man -- who knows a lot about the wood chipper lady's life. Wow, I wonder how that guy knew so much? So Lisa falls into an abusive relationship with this guy, totally ditching her nice, normal boyfriend, played by Christopher "Shooter McGavin" McDonald. And then, there's supposed to be this big reveal where you find out that the male client and the female client are the same person, but anyone with eyes figured that out about ten minutes into the movie. And I haven't even mentioned the cigarette-smoking parking-lot attendant who helps the police and is the true star of the film. Which was awesome.
The morning, the roommates slowly wake up. Robin interviews that she has mixed emotions about leaving, and didn't think it was possible to get so close to strangers in such a short period of time. Robin walks through the house wrapped in her comforter and looks prettier than she has in any outfit she's worn this season. Robin tries to say goodbye, and Jacquese doesn't believe that she's leaving. Mike the Marine shows up at the house. Robin interviews that she's happy to go home but sad to leave her roommates and Mike. Robin tries to say goodbye to everyone, but they still don't believe that she's going. Finally, everyone starts hugging Robin. Jacquese interviews that Robin has come to terms with who she is, and that he'll miss her the most. Cameran interviews that Robin is "the older party-girl sister" Cameran never had. The roommates do a group hug, and Robin tells them that she's a better person having met them all. Robin cries and follows Mike out the door. They go to the airport and hug goodbye. Robin interviews that she thinks their relationship will continue, even though it will be long-distance. As Robin heads up the escalator, some on-screen text (Comic Sans, yuck!) informs us that Robin is back in Tampa and continues seeing Mike, although he is currently serving his second tour of duty in Iraq. Man.
Back at the house, Brad says that they lost one, and Jacquese cracks a joke which is probably from a movie I haven't seen. Randy's water taxi arrives, and everyone walks him out to the dock. Randy interviews that he's looking forward to going home and applying what he's learned. Randy says he's glad he's not the last one to leave. Brad interviews that it won't be the same without hearing Randy snore every night. Cameran interviews, "Randy. Oh, insightful one. I don't know who is going to teach me the ways of the world, now that you're gone." Hee! Cameran is funny sometimes. Randy sails off as we learn that he's on a five-month tour of Europe this summer.
A van pulls up, and everyone has to pretend they care as much about Charlie as they do about everyone else, even though they only knew him for a few weeks. Both Cameran and Jamie interview that Charlie brought a new energy to the house, and that they will miss him. They can't pack Charlie into the van fast enough as we learn that Charlie and his girlfriend broke up and he rejoined his old band.
Jacquese, Jamie, and Cameran snuggle together. Jamie says the house is awesome, and that she will miss it. She adds that Cameran won't hear her screaming in her sleep. Brad's like, "Whuh?," and Jamie explains that she talks in her sleep. Jamie gets ready to leave. Brad interviews that Jamie takes what you are saying to heart, and responds from her heart. Cameran interviews that Jamie changed for the better and is a wonderful person, but she doesn't offer up any specifics, so it's kind of an empty statement. Jacquese drives Jamie to the airport as Cameran cries. In a confessional, Jacquese says that Jamie is everything he's looked for in a woman, and for a minute, I thought this episode might actually get interesting and Jacquese was going to confess his feelings to Jamie. No such luck. Jacquese hugs Jamie goodbye. Jamie interviews that she's comfortable with Jacquese and will miss him the most. Jacquese leaves as we learn that Jamie is back at school and still trying to communicate with her parents.
Back at the house, Jacquese packs it up. Jacquese interviews that he has learned to forgive people and not hold grudges. Cameran interviews that living with Jacquese has opened her eyes, and that when she hears people from home make a racist comment now, she'll tell them that she lived with a black person and that black people are awesome! Oh, dear. I know she meant well, but Cameran still has a long way to go, if she's using the "Some of my best friends are black!" argument. Jacquese gets in a cab and takes off. Jacquese interviews a thank-you to his roommates for being there when he needed them. We learn that Jacquese is back at school and still talking to his father.
Brad and Cameran are the only ones left. Get it on! At least that would be sort of exciting. Cameran walks through the house and wishes it goodbye. Cameran grabs her bags and then hugs Brad goodbye. Cameran interviews that she will miss Brad's sense of humor and his horrible accent. Brad interviews that he and Cameran have a little bit more of a friendship, which is why he'll miss her the most. Cameran advises Brad not to be an accountant if he doesn't want to, and Brad promises that he won't. Cameran interviews that she never thought she would make out with a Northern boy, and she did. Cameran finally gets into the cab, and we learn that Cameran has no idea what she wants to do . I really thought that Cameran would be the last to leave.
Brad grabs his motorcycle helmet and heads toward his bike. He interviews that this is an opportunity not many people have. He thinks that it was about finding out what you want to do with yourself and where you fit in. Brad gets on his bike and takes off as we learn that Brad got his own apartment in Chicago, and he hopes to start a travel company involving extreme sports. He should talk to Jamie from New Orleans about how well that may work out. The producers add that Brad won't be doing the accounting for this company. And, that's it! I have to say that, unlike past seasons, I wasn't completely disgusted with these roommates by the end. I got sick of them, but I didn't hate them. Except for maybe Frankie, who left about five episodes too late. Anyway, I'll see you in Philly!