Previously on The Real World: CT told his dad that he was making up his review, and that he felt bad about it, but that he has to eat. That's funny. Last week, they made it out like CT wasn't telling the truth because he didn't want to get Leah in trouble. Brice told the roommates that in their last week, they needed to write their bios. Mallory admitted that she liked Ace and wanted to spend the rest of their time in the house hanging out together and giving each other piggyback rides.
Just a warning that, due to the Thanksgiving holiday and surrounding festivities, I didn't have time to watch anything awesome this week. Look for the Most Awesome Thing's triumphant return when I write about the reunion special.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Six. Ace writes on a cardboard box, "Going Back to Normalville!!!" Is that in Ohio? The roommates pack their belongings into boxes. Mallory interviews that she's thinking about how their experience is ending. Christina writes on a box, "Bye bye Paris" with a frowny face. I like Christina, but sometimes she acts like she's ten years old. What's , glittery heart-shaped stickers?
Ace and CT sit in the hot tub in front of an American flag and discuss what they miss about America. CT says he misses automobiles and gas stations. They don't have cars in France? Do they all ride les bicyclettes? Ace says he can't wait to put behind him croissants and girls that don't speak English. Yes, croissants are bad, unless they are part of a breakfast sandwich served at Burger King. What is wrong with croissants? Like if Ace had said, "No more frogs' legs or snails," maybe I could get behind that. Ace can't wait for Georgia peaches and Southern belles. Ace interviews that he misses his friends and family. Ace confesses that he hasn't had bacon or a waffle in four months. Okay, he's in France, not Afghanistan. I'm sure he could find bacon and waffles. As one of the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out, Ace isn't that far from Belgium, and I hear they have pretty good waffles. Worst-case scenario, he could probably pick up some Eggos at the grocery store. I forgot how much Ace's xenophobia annoyed me.
Leah finds some photos and squeals. Simon comes over to check them out. Leah shows off photos of her trip to Florence to see Giuseppe. Leah interviews that she doesn't expect much from Giuseppe, but that she thinks he's a great guy, and that it was romantic and fun to hang out with him.
Leah tells CT that they're ordering pizza for their last day there, but she warns him not to order it. She doesn't want the boys to order it because she thinks they will fuck it up. Dude. It's pizza. How hard could it be? Just write it down on a piece of paper. And frankly, how badly could they screw up the order? So someone has to pick off the topping they don't like. God, Leah is high-maintenance. Can you imagine being married to her? She wouldn't let her husband do anything, because she's such a control freak. In a confessional, CT says that Leah is being a bitch today. "Today"?
Ace and CT lie outside in the sun. CT interviews that he and Ace were waiting for the pizzas to arrive, and that they had a buzz. So did Leah order the pizzas before she left? I guess she actually trusted the stupid boys to pay the deliveryman. Also, I guess they don't have decent pizza places in France or something, but Domino's is the worst pizza I've ever had, and hardly worthy of serving at a last-night celebration. CT interviews that Ace suggested that it would be funny if the girls came back and Ace and CT had eaten all the pizza. Ace and CT gather up all the empty pizza boxes and toss them about the yard to pretend like they ate all fifteen pizzas. How sad is it that they have at least fifteen empty pizza boxes just lying around the house? Ace puts one box on a bush. Ace laughs at how excited the girls get about food.
Adam walks outside and says that he doesn't get the joke. CT explains that the food didn't come yet, and that they're playing a joke on the girls. Adam laughs. Adam interviews that this could either turn out to be a dud, or they could get in trouble. The girls return to the house. Where in the hell is Simon? Leah bleats, "You fat, fat bastards." She sees some of the pizza boxes lying around and accuses the boys of being drunk. Ace puts his hat over his face so she won't see him laughing. Leah asks CT how many pizzas he ate. CT says that he ate at least three and a half. Leah immediately flies off the handle and tells CT that he ate someone else's pizza. Adam interviews that Leah is about to rip CT a new one, and CT is just egging her on. Leah continues to complain about it, even though the other two girls are kind of chuckling and really don't care. Leah points out one pizza box and says that it was hers, and CT ate it. She continues getting more and more pissed and calls them dickheads.
Adam starts to explain the joke. CT yells at him to stop, and to let the joke go. Adam interviews that he didn't think they needed a big blowup on the last day. Leah walks around and starts picking up the empty boxes, accusing the boys of making a big mess. As I've said many times this season, Leah just loves to be pissed off about something, so now that she knows that they didn't eat the pizzas, she has to find a new issue, which is apparently going to be the mess. Ace tells her that they'll clean up. CT and Ace yell that the pizza hasn't gotten there yet. Ace and CT giggle. As practical jokes go, that was pretty weak, although it is always kind of funny to see Leah get all wound up over nothing.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Sept. The roommates are at the office. Christina interviews that it's their last day at work, and that she really enjoyed the travel writing. Brice thanks the roommates for their biographical essays. He compliments their writing. Adam interviews that Brice did a great job as their boss. Brice says he wants to read something out loud, but that he doesn't want to embarrass anyone. Someone yells for Brice to read it anyway. As Brice starts reading it, we fade into Mallory reading her essay aloud in the confessional. Basically, it's all about Ace, and how great he is, and how much living in Paris changed him. Yes, based on his rant in the hot tub a few scenes ago, he's really changed. Plus, in trying not to identify the gender of the essay's subject, Mallory frequently has to use the pronouns "they" and "them," which bothers me. I know it's becoming accepted use, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. ["I'm with you, sister." -- Wing Chun] Mallory interviews that she wrote about Ace because he has changed for the better.
Brice has individual meetings with each person. Brice says he's asking everyone this question, and asks Mallory, "Did you actually write and research everything that you did?" Mallory says she did, and Brice says that he figured that she did. Mallory thanks him. Mallory interviews that she'll be disappointed if their work doesn't get published, but that she would understand if that happened, since some people didn't do the work. Now it's CT's turn. Brice asks him the same question he asked Mallory. CT interviews that he doesn't like lying, which we know is, in fact, a lie.
CT admits that he didn't go to Versailles. CT says that he and his teammate just decided not to go, but to write it up anyway. Brice asks if that's the only one. CT says he thinks that's it. He thinks so? He's not sure if he made up any other assignments? Brice nods and says that he's not trying to get anyone in trouble, but that he doesn't want to publish plagiarized articles. Brice asks if there's anything else CT wants to say. CT asks what Brice's sign is. Wuh? Where in the hell did that come from? Brice says that his sign is Aquarius, which means that you can't pull anything over on him. CT says that's why he came clean, and they laugh. They shake hands. We don't get to see Leah's meeting. In an interview, Leah says, "Brice asked me if I had researched and written all of my work, and I have. I didn't visit, but I researched and wrote." And then she concludes with a smug smile that I want to slap off her face. She didn't write it! She copied it! I guess she considers that "research." I hate her so much.
Christina asks Leah and Mallory to join her in the hot tub. Leah gulps a giant mug of beer and says she doesn't want to go if CT is out there. Ace, Adam, Leah, and Christina get in the hot tub. Leah makes some comments about how the hot tub is clean because CT isn't there, and then says that they should get naked. Christina takes her top off, but you don't see anything because she's underwater. Ace takes off his trunks and shoves them onto Christina's head. Ew! That's gross. His balls were just in there. Ace puts on Christina's bikini bottoms, and Christina slaps his ass. I know I've said repeatedly that I don't find it funny when men dress as women, but I think I could make an exception for men in women's bathing suits. That's kind of funny. Adam is all fired up about Ace's naked ass.
Mallory walks out with a camera and takes pictures of Ace's ass and Christina's boobs. Leah flashes the camera as well, and then says that while she feels comfortable right now, if CT got in there she would have "a heart attack" or "a stroke." Come on, CT! We're all counting on you to make it happen! CT comes outside and calls out to the girls, "Let me see 'em!" Leah tells everyone that if CT comes over, they need to hand over her bikini immediately. CT yells, "Leah, the last thing I want to do is see you naked, so relax." Leah maturely and classily makes a face like she's retching. In a confessional, CT wonders why Leah has to point him out and make him look like a dirtball. From what I've heard, CT kind of is a dirtball, at least when it comes to personal hygiene. That said, I still hate Leah.
The roommates, minus CT, go out to dinner on their last night. In a confessional, Leah says that CT decided to stay home, and that it sucks. Oh, like Leah cares. CT interviews that he's not feeling the love from the other roommates, so he's staying home, and that he wishes things were different. I think CT's hair has reached full Mike Brady-with-a-perm status at this point.
The roommates arrive at a fondue restaurant. They drink wine from a baby bottle. Why? I don't understand the point. I don't really understand fondue either, but at least that's an established method for preparing and eating food, like grilling. But wine in a baby bottle? That's just dumb. Leah interviews that she feels bad about taking part in hurting someone's feelings. No, she doesn't! She loves to hurt people's feelings. She lives to hurt people's feelings. The roommates all sit on one side of the table for some reason. Mallory says that it's crazy that the whole thing is over, and that Leah won't have to see CT anymore, and that Mallory won't get to see Ace anymore. In a confessional, Mallory says that she's going to miss Ace a lot. Mallory and Ace joke around and snuggle. Christina and Simon kiss each other's cheeks. Ace offers up a stupid toast about ships, and how friendship is the greatest ship. Some stranger takes the roommates' picture.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Huit. Back at the house, Ace and Adam rearrange all of the furniture to create a giant nest of cushions, mattresses, and pillows. At one point, the spiral staircase is full of pillows, and Mallory is lying on them, and she slides down the stairs. That actually looks really fun. That's like when my brother and I decided to stage the 1980 Winter Olympics in our house, and we recreated the luge using a sleeping bag and our stairway. We also had speed skating (hardwood floors, talcum powder, and Dad's socks) and figure skating (same, but with my mom as a judge, who would always give us tying scores, because she's a mom). Those were the days. Ace interviews that it's their last night together, and that he hopes everyone can hang out as a big group. Simon does a flying leap into the cushion nest, and Christina reveals that she was buried underneath some pillows.
CT looks on and laughs, and then in a confessional says that he's been thinking about his arguments with his roommates, and he's realizing that he might have overreacted and it's not that big a deal. Leah writes on a notepad, and Adam asks whose yearbook it is. Leah says that it's CT's, and we see that she's written, "What up brother? It's been an insane 4 1/2 months with you. We've had our fights and disagreements but that was predictable." Wow, she really is signing it like a yearbook. Is she going to finish it off, "Stay sweet and give me a call sometime this summer! LYLAS!" I actually had some girl write her phone number in my yearbook one time, and we weren't even friends. I'm sometimes tempted to call that number and ask for her, just to see what would happen. Leah interviews that CT has taught her that sometimes you have to let things go, and that it frees up space for good things. The roommates lie in a big heap on the cushions. Mallory says she doesn't want to go to sleep, because that would mean their last day will be there. Ace says he'll miss her, and Mallory says she'll miss him too. The camera switches angles, and you can see that while Leah and Christina are totally asleep, Adam is pretending to be asleep with his hat over his face, looking sad, and listening to Mallory and Ace. Hee! In a confessional, Mallory says that she's nervous to go home, and that she thinks she will miss Paris a lot.
The morning, the roommates wake up and gather their things. Ace takes one last hot tub alone. He interviews that, somewhere along the line, Paris started to feel like home. In a confessional, Simon says that he always looked at what he didn't have instead of what he did have, and that none of them realized how lucky they were. I know what I didn't have this season: nearly enough Simon.
The roommates gather outside and wait for their cars to arrive. Simon's car arrives first. Mallory looks at him and starts bawling and shakes her head no. That was, for some weird reason, the most real moment of the whole season for me. Ace interviews that Simon is the first gay guy he's known, and now he loves the gays! Thanks, Simon! Adam thanks you, too. Simon gets in the car and voice-overs that he might not ever see some of his roommates again, and that he will miss them all. On-screen text informs us that Simon returns to Ireland and that he's still in a relationship with Kakistos. I like the idea of these captions, but I kind of wish the editors had been snarkier. Like Simon's should have said, "Simon returned to Ireland, where he is happy to know that Ace doesn't hate gay people anymore."
The car is for Christina. She orders everyone to join in a group hug, and they do. In a confessional, Christina says she's "become close to six other people who have impacted [her] life, and now they are being taken away from [her]." Bonus points for Christina's cheeriness. Negative points for using "impact" as a verb. Christina presses her hand against the car window as it pulls away. The on-screen text informs us, "Christina returned to her job in Las Vegas...She is planning to attend Graduate School [sic]." Why capitalize "graduate school"? Or "she" for that matter. And it should have said, "Christina returned to her job in Las Vegas...where she is definitely not a stripper."
CT asks everybody to paint his or her name on his shirt. Isn't it a little late in the game for that? CT interviews that he's past resenting Leah, because they were both to blame for whatever happened. Leah interview that she's going to take the fun things home and leave the bad things there. Another car pulls up, and it's for Adam and Leah. Ace interviews that he hopes Adam finds the girl he's desperately searching for. I think Ace might want to change the sex there, and I think Adam has already found him. Leah hugs CT and probably smudges all of the wet paint on his shirt. CT interviews that he hopes Leah finds love and a family and happiness...and a mouth plug. See? Why couldn't CT be like that more often? Adam puts his upper body out of the car window to wave, and I totally thought he was going to get decapitated when they went through the gate, but he goes back inside just in time. The on-screen text informs us, "Adam is living in Los Angeles with his mother. He is still writing his rhymes." Actually, that one was pretty good. Although I might have said he was still "rapping" and made sure to put rapping in quotation marks. The on-screen text says, "Leah has learned that she has no health problems. She has not visited Florence or Giuseppe." Okay, that one was pretty good too. I might have been even meaner about it, but it's the thought that counts.
Mallory looks around at Ace and CT and comments, "And then there were three." Ace says that it sucks. CT's car arrives, and Mallory gives him a big hug. Mallory interviews that she thinks CT has changed a lot. Ace interviews that there is a sensitive side to CT, which he will never admit, because he thinks it would be weak. CT gets into his car. CT offers up some platitudes about wanting what you have. The on-screen text says, "Chris is living at home while attending college...He and Jamie are no longer a couple." Someone at BMP needs to learn the proper use of ellipses. And they should have mentioned something about CT's hair, because in that final shot, all you can see are some wild curls sticking out from under a knit cap.
Ace and Mallory hug and say that they'll miss each other. In a confessional, Mallory says that she loves Ace, and that she'll miss his humor and their secret romance. So is she admitting that they were hooking up the whole time? Or is she joking? I guess we'll find out at the reunion. Ace's car arrives, and after a few more hugs, he's gone, too. Ace interviews that he's excited to get home, but that he's sad not to have his roommates in his life anymore. On-screen text says, "Ace has resumed running his three bars in Georgia." That's it? Nothing about Mallory? Or Kate? Lame.
Mallory walks back into the house. She wanders around, and we see flashbacks of happy things that happened in each room earlier in the season. Mallory's car finally arrives. In a confessional, Mallory thanks each of her roommates for teaching her something, and says that she'll miss all of them. As her car pulls out, on-screen text says, "Mallory visited Ace in Georgia...with no cameras present." That's sort of how ellipses work, but not exactly. But it was better than the other ones. At least they didn't capitalize "with." And that's how this season ends. Not with a bang, but with a rant about punctuation.