Previously on The Real World: Brice told the roommates that he was going to be their boss, and that they would be writing for a new Frommer's guidebook. Leah said she wasn't interested in the job. I don't know where exactly they pulled that quote from, because at first Leah was really excited about their job. Kate visited, and told everyone that Ace used to be an alcoholic. Ace felt bad that Kate thought he was immature and wanted him to change.
Ace and CT eat Domino's pizza, showing off how they have embraced French cuisine. Ace admits that he misses Kate a lot. Because of the pizza? He and Kate used to order up Domino's together? Ace interviews that he and Kate are having a hard time lately. Ace grinds some pepper onto his pizza, which is gross, and says that he's tried calling Kate, but that he just gets her answering machine, and that she doesn't call back. Ace interviews that when he does talk to Kate, she doesn't seem to want to talk, so he thinks something might be wrong. Ace morosely chews his pizza and contemplates life. And pizza.
Ace reads his email and finds one from Kate. We don't get to see the whole message, but since I am nosy, I paused and tried to read as much as I could. I got the phrases, "I don't think you've ever been...and school and work pulling you in 100 different directions...worn out and don't have time to sit down and write you...understand that sometimes I HAVE ZERO TIME to do the things...really challenged by school, or if you just forget what it is like...could just be one of the factors in my life that I didn't have...." and that's all I got. And then the second paragraph says something about "being defensive" and "I'm so confused." In a confessional, Ace says that he got a tough email from Kate, and that being apart for five months is tough on anybody. So from those snippets, I got the vibe that Ace was complaining that Kate doesn't have time for him, and she wrote him an email basically saying, "Unlike you, I have a job and go to school, so pardon me if I don't have hours each day to talk on the phone." Ouch. Adam bounces down the stairs and grabs Ace's arm, and Ace totally gives him the Heisman and pushes him away. Awesome! Adam runs out of the room, crying, and goes to write a rap about rejection. The camera zooms in on the last line of Kate's email, which is, "I don't know what to do!" and Ace contemplate that, while wearing a backwards baseball cap. In a confessional, Ace says that it's not the first time a girl he likes is gone, and that he thinks it's over with Kate. Ace goes for a walk outside, alone.
“ I don't want to think about all of the things Ace could have done with that money instead. Like give it to me. ”
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Trois. Ace lies in bed with Leah, and she asks where he was until 8:30 AM. Ace says he was at the strip club. Ace says he got all the strippers to believe that he was the heir to the fortunes of Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart. In a confessional, Ace says that he spent a thousand dollars at the strip club. What? I don't even understand how that's possible. Then again, I've never been to a female strip club. But seriously. A thousand dollars? I can't even imagine how that money was spent. And I don't want to think about all of the things Ace could have done with that money instead. Like give it to me. I can't be the only one with the fantasy that some really wealthy person, like Oprah, or Bill Gates, will just decide that I'm a really good person and give me enough money that I never have to work again, but not so much that they would miss it. Every time I hear Oprah talk about buying a necklace or something that cost, like, sixty grand, I just think, "Give that money to me!" I have issues. Anyway, so does Ace. Leah laughs that Ace spent that money on "hookers." Mallory asks if Ace just gave them the money. Ace explains that he got ten lapdances from one stripper from Kansas whose name was Andi, and that she was hot. Leah bitches, "Shut up, Ace! You didn't even get laid!" Ace responds, "Yeah, I know. I had vagina in my face, though." The women all scream. Hee! Ace scampers over and gets into bed with Mallory. Leah calls him "Billionaire strip-club goer, heir of the Wal-Mart estate." Ace asks Mallory if they can snuggle. Leah interviews that Mallory and Ace have crushes on each other. Mallory makes fun of Ace for lying to the strippers and dropping so much money.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Quatre. Leah and Mallory walk down the street. Leah calls Ace "the perv," and Mallory adds, "The pervinator." Mallory interviews that Ace got dumped by Kate, and that he said whenever he gets dumped, he goes out and ends up having one of the best nights of his life. Maybe he should just skip the whole relationship part then, and get straight to the dumping and then the fun. Leah and Mallory make fun of Ace saying he had vaginas in his face, and I don't know what the laws are in France, but I don't think you can legally have vaginas in your face in a strip club in this country. Just boobies. ["In Canada, they strip down to total nudity, or so I have heard." -- Wing Chun] Leah can't believe that Ace was in a back room with ten strippers. Mallory explains that it was one stripper, ten times. Leah adds that Ace got home and jumped right into bed with Mallory, and so he had "stripper hands." Okay, I hate Leah, but that was kind of funny. Mallory is grossed out.
The roommates lie out in the sun. Simon interviews that it's nice having good weather, because they all hang out together outside, and people are generally in good moods. Christina says that she likes it when Brice in town, except that they have to go to work every single day. The horror! CT interviews that he and Leah have been paired together for an assignment on "day trips and excursions," and that they're supposed to go to "Chateau Versailles." I've never heard it referred to as "Chateau Versailles" -- I think people usually leave off the "Chateau" part, or add a "de" in the middle. Ace says that he's the point person this week, and that he wants everyone to do all the work, and that he'll just email it in. Simon says he doesn't think that's going to happen, and asks what they're doing about day trips. Mallory interviews that the day-trips assignment is a mess, because they've all been lazy and they have no plan, but that she's going to go to Fontainebleau. Simon says they've got one, and asks what the others are going to do. Leah says that her excursion is going to be hanging out in the yard, tanning. CT interviews that Leah obviously doesn't want to go to Versailles, or anywhere for that matter. Leah kicks back in her lounge chair and sighs that this is so great.
Mallory, Adam, and Christina get on the train. Mallory says that, as a group, they're all pretty lazy, and that they just seem to be getting lazier. Christina interviews that everyone is getting apathetic, because it doesn't make sense to do the work when no one else is. There's something my mom would say here about a group of friends and a cliff, but I'll leave it at that. Adam says that employees will always do the minimal amount of work that is acceptable. Well, shitty employees will. And yes, sometimes shitty employees get promoted, or at least don't get fired. But especially when you are first starting out, it makes sense to go that extra step and get noticed. I'm so old. But I really did think this way when I was their age, as evidenced by the fact that I got, like, four promotions in four years. Mallory notes that Ace and Leah still get paid the same as everyone else, even though they don't do anything. Mallory says that they can only do the job that they choose to do, and Adam says that there's no incentive to do a good job. How about pride in your work? Or getting clips for your rsum or portfolio? It reminds me that one of my students asked me last week why she should stress out about school when she can do minimal work and get a C, and someone else can work really hard and get an A, but that they both end up with the same diploma. I didn't even know where to start with that one. I figured you either have a work ethic, or you don't, and it's not something that can really be taught. Mallory interviews that it's frustrating because people just go online and look up information, and then write about it, when the point is to get the roommates to go out and do things. How sad that they are living in France, for free, and they have to be forced to go out and do things. And even sadder that most of them they still don't do it.
Adam, Christina, and Mallory arrive at Fontainebleau. Christina earns my undying love when she interviews, "People dream about stuff like this, and there are so many writers in the world that would kill to have this job, and I feel privileged." Thank you! The three roommates run around and take pictures. Christina jokes, "Napoleon, let us in for dinner!" Adam interviews that he wouldn't want to collect the check if he didn't do the work for real. They take a photo of a fountain of some dogs peeing. I totally want that fountain in my yard. They spot a merry-go-round across the street, and Christina says that they can use it as a "find."
CT calls his dad for some advice. CT explains about the assignment, and how he's partnered with Leah. CT says that they are supposed to go to "Chateau Versailles," which he explains is where "Louis VIII and IX and all that stuff lived." I don't think that's exactly right, but I'm going to assume CT will look that up before he writes his article. CT's dad acts like he knows exactly what CT is talking about. CT says that they aren't actually going to go there, and instead plan to go online to get information. CT says that he talked to Dave, who has been nothing but supportive and helpful, and now he feels guilty. CT's dad tells CT just to go and see it, because "there are things special that you'll see." CT says that he can't go, and CT interviews that he didn't plan ahead and give himself enough time to go. CT's dad advises him to "roll with it." CT says that he hates lying to Dave, though. CT says that he'll just make it up and roll with it. In a confessional, CT muses that he has to tell the truth, or it will eat away at him. Then he wonders what will happen when Leah hands in her assignment, and realizes that if he tells the truth, Leah will get busted. Do it! After some contemplation, CT announces that he's going to "go with [his] gut," but he doesn't explain what that means.
“ Mallory interviews that she didn't really know what she was getting herself into, and that she thinks 'strip clubs are a little dirty.' What was she expecting? Or does she mean 'dirty' in the sense of 'containing dirt and grime'? In which case, what was she expecting? ”
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Cinq. CT sits at the computer, and interviews that he took the tour of Versailles...online. He adds that he's sure he would have had a lot more fun if he had actually gone there. You think? I can't believe that they turned down the chance to go to Versailles because they were just too lazy. I actually checked out the website he was looking at, and it was pretty lame, compared to what I know of the actual place, which is not much.
Ace makes some mixed drinks in a Snapple bottle. He interviews that they are going to "one of [his] favorite places in all the world, and that is the strip club." Mallory gets ready to go. Ace laughs with Adam that they are going to a strip club with four girls, a gay guy, and no money. Ace says that it's like going to the fair without any tickets. Leah hurries down the stairs as Ace hurries everyone out the door. Simon asks Christina if she has her drink, money, and condoms. I don't think she's going to need the condoms at the strip club. I don't think Simon will, either. CT stays behind to work on his article. As they walk out, Simon tells Christina that she looks like a whore, which he thinks is "so cool." She pretends to toss her drink on him.
At the strip club, there are scantily clad women. Surprise! And they dance topless. Shocker! Mallory points out Andi, Ace's friend from the other night. Mallory interviews that she didn't really know what she was getting herself into, and that she thinks "strip clubs are a little dirty." What was she expecting? Or does she mean "dirty" in the sense of "containing dirt and grime"? In which case, what was she expecting? Mallory cringes at some of the strippers' actions. Ace interviews that Mallory is pissing him off, because she's making fun of all the girls. Mallory tells Simon that the whole thing is disgusting. Ace tells her that she doesn't have to be there, and that he didn't ask her to come. Adam tries to get Ace to chill out. Ace gets up and walks away. Adam defends his boyfriend when he interviews that Ace came to have a good time, and that when other people are mocking your good time, it makes you angry. At the bar, Adam and Ace tells Christina that they're going to get their own table, and that none of the roommates should talk to them.
In the bathroom, Mallory complains to Leah that Ace is being an asshole. Leah asks why. Mallory says that Ace doesn't want them there, because he wants to bleep with the girls. Leah interviews that she thinks Mallory is annoyed that Ace is checking out other women. Leah tells Mallory that Ace likes her, so he doesn't want to get a lapdance in front of her. Mallory protests that it's not true, and that he doesn't want them there because "his dream woman is a stripper from Kansas." Ace sneaks up behind Mallory, grinning, as Mallory says that she knows Ace doesn't want her there. She turns and sees Ace standing there. He winks and asks if she has something to say to him. Mallory says she feels bad because he doesn't want them there. Ace says that she shouldn't feel like they have to be there, and Mallory giggles and tells him to shut up. Ace interviews that he thinks Mallory likes him and doesn't want him looking at other girls. Mallory, Simon, Leah, and Christina go home while Ace stays and looks at boobies. One of the strippers looks like Toni Collette in Muriel's Wedding. Once she gets home, Mallory goes to bed. She interviews that she thought she liked Ace a lot in the beginning, but now she sees that they're very different.
CT types up his article and then tells Christina that he's done. He says that he made it a little long so that it'll be more believable. Okay. As a teacher, I can tell you that never works, because usually you end up repeating yourself or writing a lot of meaningless filler just to stretch it out. Christina interviews that she can't control her roommates, and that if they don't get published because of her roommates' actions, there's nothing she can do. CT says he needs to talk to Leah. He runs upstairs and tells Leah that he finished his article, and that he bookmarked that Versailles website for her. Leah is still in bed. CT repeats his thing about making it long so that it's more believable. He wants to coordinate their story about when they went to Versailles, and Leah promises that they'll talk about it.
Leah sits at the computer. She asks Christina to help her, because she has "writer's block." Maybe if she had actually gone to Versailles, she would be more inspired. Mallory asks Leah if she really wants to take advice from "some hungover lush," and the girls all giggle. Christina says that they should do some research, and she pulls out a coffee-table book about France. Leah asks what the book is, and Christina calls it "a cheating book." She finds the pages on Versailles and starts reading. Leah asks why she's screaming. Christina asks if that's enough information, and Leah says that she actually needs Christina to feed her the information. Christina starts reading out facts, and Leah types them out word for word. Wow. If just using a source for background information and then not citing it wasn't bad enough, now she is just flat-out copying the book. I hope the author of the book sues her if this gets published. Christina looks at the pictures and says that she can't believe Leah didn't go. Leah looks and says that she really should go, because it's pretty. I thought I couldn't hate Leah any more, and now I do. As a teacher, and a writer, and a human being, I'm offended by her blatant plagiarism. If she got paid for that, I hope she had to give the money back.
Ace types at the computer. Christina walks in and asks where they are, and whether Ace needs help. Ace says that he's almost done, and that he only needs two more "finds." Ace interviews that he thinks he was the best point person so far. Ace sends off the email with their assignment attached. CT walks in and checks out an ice pack on Ace's knee. Is that a lapdance-related injury? CT interviews that he doesn't like lying, and that he's not very good at it. Well, we know that's true, based on his disastrous attempt at pretending he sent flowers to Leah. CT adds that he doesn't want it to backfire. So the real reason he doesn't want to lie isn't because he has any moral qualms. It's because he doesn't want to get caught.
“ Mallory says that Ace is probably meeting up with the strippers. She whispers 'the strippers' like in St. Elmo's Fire when Mare Winningham's relatives whispered 'cancer.' ”
Mallory and Christina see Ace at the train station. He's on the other side of the tracks, so they have to yell across. Ace asks what they're doing tonight. Mallory says they're just going to hang around, and asks if their assignments got submitted on time. Ace says that they did, and says goodbye. Christina asks Mallory if she wants to go with Ace, because they can go dressed as they are. Mallory says that he's probably meeting up with the strippers. She whispers "the strippers" like in St. Elmo's Fire when Mare Winningham's relatives whispered "cancer." Christina asks if Mallory is serious, and Mallory says she's pretty sure, but advises Christina not to take her word for it. Christina interviews that she thinks Ace and Mallory have feelings for each other, but that it's hard to combine them together. Mallory says that she wouldn't be surprised if Ace were meeting the strippers. Mallory interviews that Ace is "in need of a girl right now" because he's "going through some kind of withdrawal." Ace, meanwhile, is on a train, staring out a window.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was one of the later episodes of Little House on the Prairie. Shout-out to my peeps in the Little House thread, even if they don't like to read my recaps! Holla! Anyway, in this episode, Laura announces that she's pregnant, and then Ma is like, "Hey, me too!" which I found kind of creepy but I guess in those days, when people got married at, like, sixteen, it would have been a lot more common, because no one is really shocked or grossed out. So Pa is all fired up because he thinks he might finally get a son, which is kind of rude to Albert, because even though he is adopted, they always made a point of telling him that he was an Ingalls and shit. So then Ma goes to Doc Baker to find out when she's due, and I'm glad I don't live in Walnut Grove, where you go to the same doctor for a cough, a broken leg, and a pregnancy test. Although now that I think about it, I only had one doctor growing up.
(Sidebar: My brother and I were asking my mom a few months ago why she never took us to a pediatrician as kids; we just went to the regular doctor in town. She said that she took one of us (couldn't remember which one) to a pediatrician once, and the pediatrician said that one of us had a heart murmur. So instead of, you know, getting that checked out, my mom just never went back to that pediatrician. And she still doesn't remember if it was my brother or me. My mom is crazy.)
“ Ma practically has a nervous breakdown on the way home because she doesn't think Pa will love her anymore because she's not 'a whole woman.' So then Doc Baker finds out that Ma hasn't told Pa yet and he basically blackmails her into telling him, like, what business is it of Doc Baker's anyway? And I guess they didn't have doctor/ patient confidentiality on the prairie. ”
Anyway, Doc Baker is like, "You're not pregnant." And Ma insists that she's missed two cycles, and Doc Baker tells her that she's going through the change, except he doesn't even say "the change" or "menopause" and I remember watching this episode when I was a little kid, and I totally didn't know what in the hell was going on, and I think I asked my mom, and given the story referenced above, I doubt I got a satisfactory answer. So Ma begs Doc Baker not to tell Pa, and promises to tell him herself in time. So Ma practically has a nervous breakdown on the way home because she doesn't think Pa will love her anymore because she's not "a whole woman." So then Doc Baker finds out that Ma hasn't told Pa yet and he basically blackmails her into telling him, like, what business is it of Doc Baker's anyway? And I guess they didn't have doctor/patient confidentiality on the prairie. So then Albert runs and gets Pa at work and says that Ma is crying in bed, so Pa rushes home and Ma lies and says that she lost the baby. So Pa goes to see Doc Baker, for some unknown reason, and Doc Baker is like, "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier," and Pa is no slouch in the brains department so he figures out that Ma was never pregnant at all, and Doc Baker explains why Ma lied. So then Pa goes and sees Laura, and she tells him to prove to Ma that he still loves her, like, isn't Laura a little too involved in her parents' marriage? So Pa decides to take Ma out of town on a vacation to go to a wedding of the son of their childhood friends. And on the way, they stop and camp out because there was no Motel 6 back then, and Pa makes up this whole story about how he didn't even know if he wanted the baby because he would be an old dad, and he was looking forward to having alone time with Ma, and she says she was feeling the same way, and I guess they had a change of heart about two seasons later when they adopted James and Cassandra, and meanwhile, they still have Grace who's, like, two, so there isn't going to be any alone time for a while, but whatever. So then they meet their friends and the friends' family, and then they go to see Ma's childhood home and Ma goes up to her old bedroom window and Pa climbs up the trellis and they reminisce about how Pa proposed right there, and then the trellis breaks and Pa goes crashing to the ground, but he's okay. And then they decide to renew their vows, like, did people even do that back then? So then the son of the childhood friend asks Ma and Pa to make it a double wedding, and if there's anything gayer than a double wedding, it's a double wedding where one couple is renewing their vows. So Ma and Pa renew their vows and Ma is happy once again and totally forgets that she's a barren shell of a woman, and everyone is happy. Which is awesome.
The roommates meet with Brice at the office. Brice says that they're going to go over the latest assignment. He carefully asks whether they all went on the day trips. Do they not realize that they're being filmed all of the time, and that they can easily get busted if one person decides to rat them out? Leah says that they did. Brice says that this assignment has a lot more information than usual, and that they stepped back and got the big picture. He singles out Adam for saying that Fontainebleau is "a BYOF excursion -- Bring Your Own Fun." What does that even mean? Brice asks CT how he found out some information in his article, and CT says he got it from a brochure at Versailles. Brice tells CT to add his sources to increase the credibility of his article. CT interviews that he feels bad lying, but that he's got to eat and get paid. Brice tells Leah that she has a lot of great facts, but that she didn't give him an opinion, and usually her reviews are way too opinionated. Okay, he didn't exactly say that last part, but it was implied. Leah interviews that she feels terrible that their work was half-assed. Half-assed? Try unethical and in violation of basic copyright laws! Brice tells them to take the rest of the afternoon to write their biographies.
Mallory and Christina go to an Indian restaurant. Mallory says that Ace is "the biggest dork in the world." She adds that she's not randomly going to start a relationship with someone if she doesn't feel like there's enough there. Christina interviews that Mallory is nave about relationships, and Christina thinks it's because she's a virgin, and inexperienced, and that she'll find out that love isn't always easy. Isn't Christina, like, twenty-four? She's talking like she's forty-two. Christina says that she sees a lot of couples in Paris, and that it makes her a little sad. Mallory says that she can go for a while without being in a couple, but eventually she feels like she needs that kind of attention. Christina says that's natural. Mallory interviews that she's not sure of her feelings for Ace, but that there might be something there. Christina tells Mallory that she's thinking straight. She laughs because Mallory is blushing, and tells her that girls have needs, too.
Ace shows Mallory and Christina that he made Drinking Jenga. I'm not going to pretend he was the first person ever to do so, but my friend Justin made Drinking Jenga back in about 1995, and we all told him he should patent it or something. He could be a millionaire now! Ace shows off some of the blocks, and they all start drinking. Mallory ends up drinking a lot of wine. Ace asks what they could all do together this week for fun. Mallory suggests that they all sleep together, and then says she's just kidding. Ace says she's being serious. Ace interviews that he knows Mallory likes him, and that he likes her, but that they've never been able to work it out.
Christina tucks Ace into bed. Moments later, Christina asks Ace to come and sleep with her and Mallory, who are snuggling. Ace doesn't need to be asked twice. Ace gets behind Mallory, and she tells him to spoon her. Ugh, I just had a memory of Amaya ordering Colin, "Spooooooooon meeee!" Christina interviews that Mallory and Ace are on the down-low. Christina cracks me up sometimes. Mallory keeps telling Ace to spoon her better. Ace interviews that he loves to snuggle, but that he's nervous around a virgin, because he's never kissed a virgin. Really? Even when he was younger? Mallory and Ace hop into Ace's bed and start making out. Ace interviews that he loves kissing Mallory because she's a great kisser.
The day, Ace and Mallory snuggle on a bed, fully clothed. Ace says that every time they kiss, Mallory doesn't talk to him for two or three days. Mallory says that's not true. Mallory interviews that she likes Ace and that, for the rest of their time in Paris, she wants to hang out with him as much as possible. Ace interviews that if he weren't dating Kate in the beginning, it would've been nice to date Mallory the whole time. Outside, Ace hops on Mallory's back and says he can't believe she can carry him. Mallory laughs that she's not sure she likes doing it. Ace says that every guy wants a girl like Mallory: "Hot, blue-eyed, brown [sic], tall, that can carry a man around." Mallory cracks up, and Ace says it's a piece of heaven.
week: It's the season finale and everyone's getting naked in the hot tub. Brice asks CT if he wrote and researched everything he handed in. I hope they get busted!