Round and Round

Previously on The Real World: Arissa asked her boyfriend, Dario, about the future of their relationship, and she was happy that she was no longer placing her need for happiness on their relationship. Irulan and Alton got in a fight and she told him that their relationship was over. Or was it?

6:30 A.M. The roommates are partying in an after-hours club. In an interview, Irulan says that things are still weird between her and Alton. In an interview, Alton says that his friend Davin came to visit, and Alton talked to him about things with Irulan. Irulan voice-overs that there are plenty of guys out there who would like to hang out with her. Irulan, Alton, and Davin dance. Irulan appears to be checking Davin out in a big way. Irulan voice-overs that she thinks Davin is hot and would like to get to know him better. Alton voice-overs that he's jealous seeing Irulan and Davin together. Jealous of Irulan or jealous of Davin? I have to wonder sometimes. The roommates all walk outside, and Brynn is surprised to see that the sun is up. In an interview, Alton wonders why Irulan had to hook up with Davin out of all the guys she could have, and he thinks she's being spiteful, like a lot of girls are. Hey, he said it. And then he wonders why he can't stay in a relationship.

Hey! It's the blue fairy from the end of A.I.. I don't know what she's doing in Vegas. Alton talks to some girl named Denise about his problems. In an interview, Alton says that Denise provides "companionship" (read: blowjobs) and they have "really good conversations" (read: blowjobs). Alton talks to her about his history with Irulan. Alton voice-overs that if he had his choice, he would definitely be with Irulan, because he loves her. Alton tells Denise that Irulan is definitely his type. So, does Alton still love Irulan? I wish he would talk about that a little more. There are a lot of unexplored nuances to their relationship, I think.

Arissa talks to Dario on the phone. Apparently, Dario will not understand something. In an interview, Arissa says that her life is evolving. Arissa tells Dario that she's moving in a different direction, and that she can't expect him to drop everything and come help her change. In an interview, Arissa says she's been too dependent on Dario for too long, and she can't do it anymore. Dario tells Arissa that if he is hindering her, they should break up. Arissa doesn't know.

Arissa tells Frank, Alton, and Steven that her life is too crazy, and that in the past she needed Dario's help, but now she feels like she depended on him too much. So does she think she's too dependent on Dario? I'm not sure. In an interview, Arissa says she needs to leave behind a lot of things in her life. Arissa says she needs to be independent, but it makes her feel selfish. She's doing it so that perhaps later, she can focus on Dario. Arissa asks Steven if he thinks she's wrong for needing her space. He doesn't, and Alton doesn't either. Frank says it's fair for Arissa to need her space if it's because of something Dario is doing. Steven suggests that Arissa might need space because she has a crush on him and Frank. They all laugh. Steven rolls on the floor and laughs at himself. I don't know why he thinks he needs anyone else to love him. He clearly loves himself enough for ten people.

Irulan and Davin hang out on the roof and snuggle. In an interview, Irulan says that she and Davin have chemistry. Alton sits and watches them and then tells Denise that it's bullshit. In an interview, Alton says that he's pissed at Davin for what he's doing. Alton tells Davin that they need to talk. They go in the bathroom, but we don't get to hear most of their conversation. Alton admits that he feels a little bit betrayed by Davin, and asks why Irulan had to hook up with Davin of all people. They male-bond by talking about how girls get you by the balls, and then Irulan pokes her head in and calls Davin to tell him that she's leaving. Alton tells Davin not to go. It's like a threesome of a different kind, here. Then Alton totally changes his mind and says that if Davin wants Irulan to be his girl, he's cool with it. He's crazy. And I have no idea what he's talking about most of the time. In an interview, Alton says that he's not cool with Irulan, so there's no reason to hold Davin back. Alton tells Davin that Irulan is a good girl, and then asks Davin not to let Irulan know about their conversation. Yeah, I'm guessing she'll have no idea what they were talking about in the bathroom for ten minutes. In an interview, Alton says he's not going to throw up every time he sees Davin and Irulan kiss or hold hands, because he's going to keep his emotions hidden. Although I'm sure the producers would love it if he did throw up all the time. They love the vomit scenes.

Denise asks Alton what's going on with Irulan and Davin. Alton says that Davin is Irulan's man. Irulan asks Davin what all the drama was about, and Davin whispers that they'll talk about it later. Irulan looks over and sees Alton and Denise sucking face (and he's literally sucking on her tongue, which is way more than I needed to know). Irulan says she doesn't want to be there. In an interview, Irulan pretends to throw up over Alton and Denise making out. What's with the throwing-up-because- people-are-kissing theme this week? Alton and Denise continue to make out. Irulan and Davin leave. Fascinating.

Irulan and Davin play pool back at the suite. Alton brings Denise home. In an interview, Irulan says she thinks that Alton is being predictable by bringing a woman home. I still don't know why Irulan is so upset. She has a boyfriend. And now she's upset because her one fake boyfriend is hooking up on the same night she's with another fake boyfriend? She must need a spreadsheet to keep her relationships straight. Alton advises Davin to be aggressive in their pool game. Alton and Denise climb into bed. Denise says she likes being with Alton, but that she doesn't know why he's with her, since he was with Irulan. I don't know. Alton says Irulan is in the past. In a confessional, Irulan says it makes her feel weird to have Alton there with another girl. Denise asks what happens if she becomes "in the mix," and if Alton will drop her. Alton says that Irulan dumped him, not the other way around. What does "in the mix" mean? I am so old. I have no clue. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan called things off and yet she's still acting betrayed. At the pool table, Davin hits the cue ball off the table and Irulan screeches and claims she won because he scratched. Alton gets up and yells to them to shut up or he'll force Davin to leave. Irulan dares Alton to do that, and says she's put her money on Davin. God, this is dull.

Arissa calls Dario. In an interview, Arissa says she's probably going to tell Dario that she needs space. Arissa tells Dario that she's under a lot of pressure, and she wants to be by herself so that she doesn't have to feel like she's making him miserable. In an interview, Arissa says that breaking up with Dario will help her move forward in her life. Arissa tells Dario that she wants some space from him and from everything, and she wants him to understand that. Dario says he doesn't understand. Arissa cries and says that she needs to know she can make it on her own. Dario asks what she wants from him. In an interview, Arissa says that she needs to change and she doesn't know how, and if she couldn't do it with Dario, then she needs to do it without him. So, Arissa needs to change? And this story arc has advanced how, exactly, in the last ten episodes? It's not a story arc. It's more of a story circle, because it just keeps going around and around without ever getting anywhere. Dario asks Arissa to call him tomorrow. She agrees and hangs up.

Frank watches Arissa walk away crying. In an interview, Frank says that Arissa has a lot of history with Dario, so this problem is making her very sad. Irulan hugs Arissa as she cries. Frank watches. Out in the Smokers' Lounge, Arissa tells Irulan that she feels selfish. Irulan tells Arissa that she needs to make herself her first priority. It's funny, these two talking about being selfish, because Irulan is completely selfish and Arissa is (allegedly) not selfish at all. You'd think they could find a happy medium. In an interview, Irulan says that Arissa needs to think that she deserves better and leave some people in her life behind. Irulan says that six years is a long time, but she needs to trust that it'll work out. In an interview, Irulan says that Arissa and Dario love each other, but Arissa knows she's ready to move on. Because baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

Steven and Trishelle drive somewhere and discuss Alton and Denise's relationship. Steven says that they're constantly together. Trishelle says that she knows why (read: blowjobs). In an interview, Trishelle says that Alton is with Denise both to make Irulan jealous and to occupy his time. Alton and Denise hold hands in a bar while Irulan watches them out of the corner of her eye. Back in the car, Trishelle recaps the first act of this episode, which is that Irulan is with Davin, so Alton retaliated by hooking up with Denise. Steven acts like he never would have figured that out on his own, even though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Alton brushes his teeth before heading in to bed. Irulan waits for Davin in her bedroom. In an interview, Irulan says that she and Davin are "kicking it a little bit" (read: blowjobs). In an interview, Alton says that he can't think about Davin and Irulan together without feeling sick. In an interview, Irulan says that she doesn't need to make Alton jealous. Alton voice-overs that Irulan is just trying to make him angry. Irulan and Davin make out in bed while Alton brushes his teeth sadly. Am I supposed to feel bad for Alton? Or Irulan? Or even Davin? Or Denise? I think they all suck.

And now it's time for The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on Television Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on television last week was a television movie (of course) on the Lifetime Move Network (of course) starring Angela from Who's The Boss as Ricky "The Ricker" Schroeder's mother and it was called Too Close to Home. So Angela is all obsessed with her son, The Ricker is a twenty-nine-year-old lawyer who still lives at home. And just to give you a sense of how messed up things are, the movie starts with Angela bringing The Ricker a birthday cake in bed, and then totally watching as he goes into the bathroom (leaving the door open) and gets in the shower. Gross! So The Ricker drops the bomb that he's going to move out on his own and Angela goes to the apartment he wants and seduces the landlord to keep The Ricker from getting the apartment. So then The Ricker says he's going to move in with a friend and Angela tries to kill herself by downing some pills and vodka. And then while she's in the hospital, The Ricker meets up with her nurse, Abby, and starts dating her. So Angela is obviously not happy about this and digs up some fake arrest reports that say how Abby committed fraud and tricked some dude into marrying her. The Ricker tells Abby and then proposes (huh? I know!) and then Abby admits that she's pregnant. Wuh? So they run off and get married and then The Ricker calls Angela who pretends she's all happy but secretly pays off a homeless man to pose as The Ricker so they can go to the courthouse and get the marriage annulled. I don't know what the point of the annulment was, because when Angela finds out that Abby is preggo, she manufactures a ruse to get The Ricker out of the house and then hires two men to kidnap Abby but they accidentally kill Abby instead. Oops! So then there must be a law that all Lifetime movies need a courtroom scene in the second hour, and Angela is arrested for the crime, and The Ricker is going to be her lawyer. And then on cross-examination, all of Angela's misdeeds come out, plus some other stuff about how The Ricker had an older sister who died at the age of three months, and Angela's been married seven times, and arrested numerous times and blah blah blah and The Ricker knew none of this. So then his mother is on Death Row and he goes to visit her and he keeps pressing her to admit something and I thought it was going to be a big surprise like that she slept with her own father and that's how The Ricker came to be or something, but really she just admits that she had Abby killed, like duh! We already knew that. And then Angela goes to the gas chamber. Awesome.

Back on The Real World, Irulan and Brynn are taking a bath together out of the blue. Is that normal? I have never taken a bath with one of my friends. Okay, not since the age of, like, five or six. Irulan talks about how weird Alton was because Davin stayed over. In an interview, Brynn says she doesn't know if Davin is a rebound guy or what. Irulan talks about how Davin seems really into her. In an interview, Irulan says that she thinks Davin wants a relationship but she's not into it. Irulan says that it's nice to hang out and get compliments, but that she's too selfish to actually take the time to care about another person and reciprocate. Okay, I may have inferred that second part, but she really did say the first thing. In an interview, Irulan says she'll have to talk to Davin, but she thinks it'll make things weird. Plus, he won't give her compliments anymore.

Alton and Denise sit on a bench in a restaurant. In an interview, Alton says that Denise is making like Sheryl Crow and leaving Las Vegas, because she transferred colleges. Irulan, Arissa, and Brynn show up at the same restaurant. Irulan leaves their table, claiming that she wants to say goodbye to Denise. Irulan walks up and is all fake-y to Denise, just to piss Alton off. Because, like she gives a shit about Denise. Alton clearly knows what's up.

Alton and Denise walk through the casino. Alton says it sucks that Denise is leaving, and now he needs to find some friends (read: someone to give him blowjobs). Denise says that he has his roommates. Alton isn't too psyched about that, because they won't blow him. I guess. Alton says that he was closest to Irulan, but now she hates him. Denise doesn't think that's true. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan can hate him if she wants, but he'll still love her. Alton and Denise say goodbye in a parking garage, which is so romantic. In an interview, Alton says that he was latching onto someone outside of the house, and he's ready to move on. Alton thanks Denise for "chilling" with him. Aw, remember when Teck used to say "chilling" for "having sex." And did y'all see Teck on Friends? Go, Teck!

Arissa's cousin Taiesha comes to visit. In an interview, Arissa says that the visit means a lot. Taiesha tells Arissa that love isn't enough to keep her relationship with Dario together, and that they need to get identities outside of their relationship. In an interview, Arissa says that by not wanting to hurt Dario, she's hurting herself. Arissa tells Taiesha that it took moving away to get to see the whole picture. Taiesha asks if Arissa is okay with the whole thing, and Arissa says she is.

Steven tells Arissa that she's the best Arissa she could be right now. In an interview, Steven says that Arissa came in really hard, and that she let her walls down, which is impressive. Then Steven tells Arissa this crap-ass thing about auras and positivity that I can't be bothered to transcribe, but again, shut up, Tony Knobbins. In an interview, Arissa says she's never given herself the chance to be alone and okay. Arissa thanks Steven.

Irulan talks to Davin at a club. In an interview, Irulan says she and Davin aren't on the same page, and she feels uncomfortable around him right now. Irulan tells Davin that she likes him a lot. In an interview, Irulan says that Davin may have been her transitional man. He was her transitional man! He wasn't supposed to be the one! Sorry, I was having a When Harry Met Sally... moment. Irulan tells Davin she can't get into anything serious, so she just wants to be friends. How long were they together? Like a week? Man.

Irulan comes home drunk and talks to Alton outside. Alton says he's trying not to keep his ego. I don't know. In a confessional, Irulan says that she doesn't trust Alton, and she feels foolish and betrayed. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan wants to be loved, and he does too, but he doesn't want to be burned. Alton talks some more, but I have no clue what he's talking about, as usual. Irulan laughs at him. Alton says he can't be real with her, because she laughs at him. In an interview, Alton says that he's Irulan's friend, and that she may not reciprocate that for a while.

On the Real World: They start packing! And leave! Psych! Instead, Trishelle hooks up with some dude named Brian, and Steven is jealous. Sigh.