Previously on The Real World: Arissa said that her boyfriend, Dario, was very important to her. Steven said that sex was very important to him, and then he met Trishelle. What timing! Arissa claimed to have a good work ethic, but Brynn professed to be a party animal.
Andrew WK's "Party Hard" plays over shots of the Luxor. I take that as a shout-out, since the 2000 TWoP recappers' summit happened at the Luxor. Hey, as Miss Alli pointed out, we reality-show recappers don't get shout-outs, so we have to take what we can get. Brynn is writing an email to someone when there is a knock at the door. They have a package, and all of the roommates (who, I'm sure, in any interviews following this season, will claim never to have watched the show before which is, like, a physical impossibility in this day and age) know that a package means they are about to find out their job for the season. They all come running. Brynn opens the package to find "the good VIP passes." You'd think that, by definition, a VIP pass would always be good. Arissa reads a letter from Marc, the director of marketing for the casino. The letter states that Marc will be their boss in their job at the casino. Do they ever actually leave the casino? And if so, why? They speculate about what the actual job might be. Brynn thinks she will sell cigarettes. ["So maybe she's never watched The Real World before, but now we know she's seen that episode of The Flintstones where Fred and Barney have to work off their tab at some fancy hotel and Wilma and Betty have to work as a cigarette girl and a coat-check girl." -- Wing Chun] I don't know if Brynn could handle the intellectual challenges that job would offer.
At the meeting, we get our first glimpse of Marc. I kind of hate him already. He reminds me of Mike Boogie for some reason, even though he looks nothing like Mike Boogie. Marc looks like he's pushing thirty, but tries to dress like he's barely twenty-one, and the yellow-tinted glasses are so lame. In case you were asleep a minute ago and just woke up (and frankly, I wouldn't blame you), Arissa explains in an interview that Marc is the director of marketing for the casino. Arissa just looks exhausted and anemic all of the time. She's a pretty girl, but she'd be even prettier if she took a nap and an iron pill. We also meet Jean, and Steven explains in an interview that Jean has "an outside promotions company" that works with the casino. It's "Jean" like the French version of "John," and he kind of looks like an aging elf. Marc tells the roommates that they are going to have individual interviews so that Marc can learn about their backgrounds, and then they will have an audition of sorts with Jean so that he can find out their strengths.
Alton's interview is first. Alton says that he likes to skate, rock-climb, meet people, surf, play the violin, and perform spoken-word poetry. Frank announces (again) that he's from central Pennsylvania, like, is that his defining characteristic? Because he really needs to get over it. Also, he's sitting with his legs so far apart that I can't believe he didn't dislocate a hip. I hate it when people do that, especially guys. Because girl, please. Whatever you've got between your legs is not that big, so don't even try to pretend like it is. For some reason, Marc reads off Irulan's interests, which include photography and contortionism. Wow, that is an interesting combination, and one that could be quite lucrative if she has no shame. Wait a minute, she's a roommate on this show. Of course she has no shame. Brynn is a dancer (stripper). Sorry, Subliminal Kim has been acting up again. Trishelle is an advertising major (likes to watch television). Arissa has worked as a model and was trying to open her own club in Boston (threw parties in her apartment). Steven apparently said that his interest was kissing people. Why would you ever say that in a job interview, even for a job you already had, and even for one in the entertainment industry? Steven shows off his qualifications further by explaining that he used to bartend in a gay bar. Steven also says that he's into everything and does everything. Which we saw last week. Steven looks like a chipmunk. Arissa claims that she works best under pressure, and Marc makes her do her model walk for them. Even though these were supposed to be individual interviews, Irulan is in there, too. Arissa does her model walk, and then Irulan does a split. Alton walks on his hands, and all of the change falls out of his pockets. Irulan does a series of cartwheels. In an interview, Brynn says that everyone was showing off what they could do and she felt like she had nothing to offer. Cut to Brynn yawning.
Arissa calls Dario, but gets his voicemail. In an interview, Arissa says that she needs Dario, because Dario is her best friend and her family. In bed, Arissa and Irulan discuss Arissa's relationship. Arissa says that she's "completely horny" and that she needs "to get [her] ass smacked and [her] hair pulled." Well, that's one way of putting it. Irulan asks if Arissa thinks that she'll make it the whole time they're taping the show without hooking up with someone else; Arissa doesn't think she will. Okay, aren't they only in the house for, like, four or five months? Is it really so difficult to go that long without hooking up? Am I just a mutant freak? Wait, don't answer that. In an interview, Arissa says, "There are times where Steve seems very attractive." Funny how she said "seems" very attractive, not that Steve is very attractive. Arissa tells Irulan how much she wants to kiss Steve's mouth. Meanwhile, are Steve and Trishelle still hooking up regularly, or did the threesome kill that off? In an interview, Irulan says that Arissa gave her the impression that Arissa would end up hooking up with Steven.
Arissa goes and sits on Steven's bed. She complains that she can't sleep, and that she wants Steven to entertain her. Steven says that Arissa doesn't want him to "entertain" her. I don't know how he manages, but you can hear the quotation marks around the word "entertain." He is Mr. Double Entendre. Arissa insists that she does want to be entertained. In an interview, Arissa says that in order to cope with the loneliness, she gets affection from Steven, even if it's not the type she needs. Arissa curls up with her head on Steven's chest, on top of the covers. It's actually very innocent, especially compared with what we've seen in the two episodes. Steven says that he'll do his best to make sure that Arissa and Irulan are good girls the whole time. If they're putting Steven in charge of their virtue, they'll be turning tricks at the Chicken Ranch by week. Arissa says she's trying to be good, but that it's getting more difficult. She gets up and goes back to her room. As far as I could tell, there was no kissing or rubbing or anything like that. Arissa was on top of the blankets, in her pajamas and robe, and Steven was underneath the covers.
Meanwhile, Frank is brushing his teeth. Arissa goes back to bed and asks Irulan what she would do if Dario weren't in the picture. Then there's a weird voice-over that is Arissa saying that she wants to be a bad girl, but she can't, because of Dario. But the camera was on Irulan, so who knows when in the hell Arissa actually said that. Frank walks in, and Arissa jokes that he's just in the nick of time. In an interview, Arissa says that she said something to Irulan, and Irulan immediately told Frank. In other words, Arissa says, "Irulan put me on shout." When I first heard that phrase, before I figured out what it meant from the context, I thought Arissa was talking about the laundry detergent. And I thought there was some connection, like that Irulan was airing Arissa's dirty laundry. Hey, it made sense at the time. But apparently, it means that Irulan was telling Arissa's business to other people -- namely, Frank. Speaking of Frank, he comes in and lies across Arissa's bed. Frank asks Arissa if she hooked up with Steve, and Arissa swears that she didn't.
Marc asks what they think of Rain, the nightclub in the casino. They all enjoy it. ["It didn't really get the most auspicious product placement on C.S.I. last night, I have to say." -- Wing Chun] Marc tried to set up tension or something, but it totally didn't work, so he just kind of lamely announces that they'll be working at Rain. There's a totally staged shot of everyone cheering. Marc explains that they'll be working with Jean to throw parties at Rain, and if they do well, they'll be allowed to throw their own parties "from the ground up." Frank looks confused because they don't have parties in central Pennsylvania. In an interview, Arissa says that she's twenty-two years old and she gets to throw parties, so it's awesome. J-Dawg wanders in during this scene and says, "She's twenty-two?" I thought he meant she looked like she is fourteen, since she's so tiny. But he went on to say, "Damn. She must have done some hard living. She looks about forty." And then he walked out of the room. Ladies and gentlemen -- J-Dawg, my soon-to-be husband. In an interview, Brynn says that the only thing she's looking forward to about the job is dancing, and she doesn't even know if she gets to do that. Because if there's nothing in the job that might draw attention to her, and her alone, she's not interested. God forbid she just take pleasure in a job well done or something. I swear, sometimes I think they give the roommates jobs every year just to make anyone with an actual work ethic crazy.
Back in the suite, Arissa talks to a friend on the phone and explains about their job. Arissa also says that she thinks "one of the white little boys is kind of cute." In an interview, Arissa says that she thinks Steven is cute, and that if she didn't have a boyfriend, she'd be all over that. On the phone, Arissa talks about how Steven has the same mouth as a guy she used to like. Seriously, I don't see the Steven cute thing. He looks plastic. And even if he were cute, he's an asshole. His personality is also plastic. Oh, Arissa. Don't go there.
Arissa talks to Steven about her boyfriend, Dario, and how before she left home, everyone told her she had to break up with him. Wow, he must be a winner. In an interview, Arissa says that she and Dario have been together for five and a half years. So since she was like sixteen or seventeen? Yeah, break up with him. It's time. Not to say that people who meet that young can't work it out -- one of my best friends started dating her husband when we were all in the tenth grade, and they have a great relationship. But I think that's the exception rather than the rule, and if Arissa is having doubts and such, she should just break up with him now. In an interview, Arissa says that she wants to stay faithful, but she doesn't know how easy that will be. Arissa tells Steven that she doesn't want to say now that she'll cheat on Dario, but that you never know what might happen in the heat of the moment. Arissa didn't think a long-distance relationship would be difficult. Steven says that it's a huge challenge. How in the hell would he know? He doesn't seem like the long-distance relationship type.
Brynn talks to her friend, Austin, on the phone. Are there no more people in the word with normal names? Brynn explains her doubts about the job, saying that everyone else is excited and has ideas about what they can do, but that she's not feeling it. Again, I get the feeling that she doesn't want to put any effort into it unless she's sure that she'll get a lot of attention from it. In an interview, Brynn says that she can't handle the free-flowing nature of the job, and that she needs a schedule and someone to tell her what time to be there. Welcome to a lifetime of punching a clock, Brynn, unless you learn some self-discipline. Enjoy that minimum wage you'll be making since you can't hack the "demands" of a salaried position. On the phone, Brynn says that their job is like school, with homework. Wait, so you mean they expect her to do actual work in return for the money she gets? The nerve. And wait! She has to be there at 8 AM! Ugh, they act like they're her bosses or something. Oh, wait. They are. Shut up, Brynn. It's called a sense of responsibility, and you might want to look into it.
That night, the roommates go out to Ghost Bar, the bar in the casino. Marc is there as well. In an interview, Brynn says that she likes to go out and party and have fun, which is all well and good. Marc tells Irulan that the business is about having fun, but that if someone sucks, he will suspend him or her. He doesn't think it will happen, but it could, because they have a job to do. In an interview, Brynn says that none of her roommates want to have fun anymore, because they're all about work. Yes, I can see that Steven, in particular, is all about work, as he sits at the bar and downs a beer. And look at Trishelle, working hard. On finishing her drink. Brynn tells some random guy that she just wants to have a good time, and they do a shot together. In an interview, Arissa says that Brynn is a party girl, and that she's starting to take on the "I don't give a fuck" attitude. "Starting to"?
The roommates wake up at 7:12 AM. And the meeting is at 8 AM. Steven says that they only have ten to fifteen minutes to get ready, and jokes that Alton (who has a shaved head) won't have time to do his hair. The roommates get ready and head out the door to their orientation session. There are other new employees in attendance. Oh, dear. The trainer is that woman. You know her. She's a well-preserved fortyish woman who probably shops at Ann Taylor or maybe even Lord & Taylor when she gets the 25% off coupons in the mail and they're having a good sale on suits at the same time. She's single, but she goes on a few dates each month, and her refrigerator is covered in Cathy cartoons and cat magnets. Her favorite movie is Romancing the Stone. She thinks Michael Douglas is sexy, but she's a little upset with him for ditching his wife and hooking up with that Catherine Zeta-Jones. She has had a subscription to People for ten years, and she finds that lately she's been skipping over the celebrity gossip stories and reading the heartwarming human-interest stories instead. She goes to the gym three nights a week, and when she gains ten pounds after the holidays, she just counts her Weight Watchers points for a few weeks until she gets back to her fighting weight. She previously worked in real estate, and sold Mary Kay on the side, but she decided to take this corporate training job for the steady paycheck. She's getting her MBA by taking night classes at UNLV, and she's only got five more semesters to go. She's a member of the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce and she's been working on the campaign to convince tourists that Vegas is a family town now. I seriously could write a whole recap just about this woman. She's a lot more interesting to me than any of the roommates.
So anyway, Ann the Trainer is a little too enthusiastic for that hour of the morning. For once, I actually agree with Brynn on that point. Ann makes them do that icebreaker where you have to say your first name and then an adjective that begins with the same letter as your first name. Like she is Ann, and she is awesome. And when she says that, she throws her arms up in the air, and holy moly does Ann have a rack on her. Maybe I read her totally wrong. Maybe she's a former showgirl. I have to stop or I'll do another whole three paragraphs on her biography. Also, I always hated this game because there is no good adjective that starts with K and also describes me in any way. And they never let you cheat and just use something that starts with a hard c sound, like "caustic." Frank stands up and says that he's exhausted. Did he not understand the game? Ann makes him say something that starts with F, and Frank comes up with fantastic. Trishelle is tremendous. Not really the word I would have chosen. Most of the people on the forums would have said "trashy." Irulan is interesting. Brynn is bodacious. Arissa is ambidextrous. Is that an adjective, really? At least it's original. Alton is amazing. Steve is stupid. No, that's really what he said. Ann makes him say something else, so he comes up with slutty. Well, at least it's accurate. Ann, who is a trooper, asks for something more positive, and Steve finally comes up with "super-duper." And while I still hate Steven, at least he was a good sport about the whole thing. Ann says something about behaviors that demonstrate core values and oh my God am I glad I don't work for a huge corporation anymore. Okay, I have to confess that I used to be a corporate trainer. But I swear, I tried to make it fun, and I cracked a lot of jokes, and I wasn't Ann and I never mentioned "core values." In an interview, Brynn says that she was a bit hung over and she didn't want to be there. Ann announces a twelve-minute break, and then hurries into a back room to do a shot to fortify herself to get through this training session. Brynn rushes off to the bathroom where she pukes. And we get to hear it all.
Brynn tells Irulan that she knows it was irresponsible to get that drunk, but that she's irresponsible when it comes to work. Irulan says that they will help Brynn to be responsible. Can you really help someone be responsible? Doesn't that go against the definition of the word? In the elevator, Brynn says that, at her job, if she'd felt that hung over, she would have just called in sick. Well, give the girl a medal for going to work with a hangover. Because I think she's the first person in America to do that, ever. Brynn realizes that she can't do that anymore, and that she needs someone to kick her in the ass and make her go to work. Brynn rushes to the bathroom to get sick again. Wait, aren't they on a twelve-minute break? Did they ever go back to the training session? That's how anal I am. I'm worried that they didn't go back to the training session after the break.
The day, Arissa talks to Alton. Arissa says that she got it in her mind last night that she was attracted to Steve, and she told Irulan about it. And then, Irulan went and told Frank that Arissa was going to sleep with Steve. Of course, since we didn't see Irulan and Frank's conversation, we'll never know what Irulan actually said. Fucking late-night camera crews. Also, where in the hell did Irulan and Frank have this conversation that it didn't show up on one of the bedroom infrared cameras? I've said this before, but they really need to set this show up like Big Brother, where every angle is just covered by cameras, so that this sort of thing doesn't happen. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan has a big mouth.
Irulan shows Alton some photos. I have no idea what they are pictures of, but they feature a KKK figure. Maybe it's some sort of art installation? Who knows. Anyway, Arissa is sitting near them, looking kind of pissed off. In an interview, Irulan says that she noticed Arissa was ignoring her. Arissa gets up and leaves. Irulan asks what her problem is. Alton wisely says that Irulan should talk to Arissa about it. A Real World roomie who doesn't get in the middle of controversy and try to create more drama? How in the hell did Alton get on this show? Irulan says that she's going to talk to Arissa right now.
In case you just ran to the fridge to grab some ice cream (and could you get me a soda while you're up?), Irulan tells us in an interview that Arissa is "livid," because she thinks Irulan was gossiping about her. Irulan and Arissa lie in bed and discuss the issue, and suddenly Irulan is crying and saying that she's angry that Frank lied. How did they get to that point? In an interview, Irulan says that Frank feels she implied that Arissa and Steve had sex, but that Frank made an incorrect assumption. Irulan tells Arissa that she's not the type to "put people on shout," and that she doesn't want to ruin her friendship with Arissa. In an interview, Irulan says that she doesn't want to create a situation where she can't be friends with Arissa. Irulan yells that Frank is an asshole. Arissa says it's not Frank's fault, but Irulan says that it is, because you shouldn't come into someone's room and say, "I heard you guys had sex." Well, with those roommates, you could say that and it would be both true and applicable nine times out of ten. Irulan denies that she said Arissa and Steven had sex, or even came close to saying that. Of course, she could be totally lying, and we would have no idea. Also, Frank is socially retarded. Of course you don't just walk into someone's room and say that you heard they had sex. Arissa and Irulan make up. In an interview, Arissa says that she can only go by what Irulan said happened. Or she could go by what Frank says. I'm just saying. It's not like she has no other options. In an interview, Irulan says that Frank has to realize that his words have weight. Is this really that big a deal? At some future point, Arissa and Irulan confront Frank. Irulan yells at Frank and tells him not to put words in her mouth. She didn't say that Steven and Arissa had sex, so Frank shouldn't go to Arissa and say that Irulan made that claim. Okay, didn't Frank ask Arissa if she hooked up with Steve? Because in my experience, hooking up does not necessarily equal sex. Then again, I don't put people on shout, so what the hell do I know? Frank looks trapped as we go to commercial.
When we return, Irulan is still yelling. In an interview, Frank says that he hates conflict, so he's trying to do everything he can to keep this from becoming a big drama. Good luck with that. Has he ever watched any reality show before, especially this one? They can turn an argument about doing the dishes into World War III. Arissa explains that something that seems innocent is going to affect Dario. Ah, that's what this about. She's afraid that her "romance" with Steven will become a storyline. Frank offers up an insincere apology. Arissa says that there's been enough said and that it just shouldn't happen again. Irulan stomps out.
Frank talks to Steve and admits that he apologized, but that he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong, and in his head he wants to tell them to shut up because nobody cares about a stupid thing. And yes, people from the forums, he definitely said "stupid thing." (There was a big dispute over that.) In an interview, Frank says that Irulan and Arissa are going to be his "two biggest hurdles in terms of getting along with [his] roommates." He is trying not to piss them off. Steven says, "I'm walking on eggshells here, when I'm used to throwing eggs." Frank acts like that's wisdom for the ages, when really, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. In conclusion: whatever, Steven.
The roommates gather at Rain to learn that they will be involved in an event called "Catwalk." Marc says that it's "a fashion-driven, fashion-themed, it's a little abstract, concept." Okay, it's a fashion show. Why make it more complicated? Marc says that they have to work with Jean on a performance, and that they have less than seventy-two hours. In an interview, Trishelle says she doesn't think they can pull it off in that time. That's three days! How hard could it be to put together a fashion show in that time? It's not like they have to go out and find the designers. They just have to figure out who's wearing what, and what order they will walk down the runway. It shouldn't take seventy-two minutes.
Jean explains that they won't be doing a fashion show, but instead that it's a model-inspired theme. In other words, a fashion show. In an interview, Steven says that Arissa took the helm in planning the fashion show. In an interview, Arissa says that she wants it to be "off the hook," and that she needs to teach her roommates how to walk. And while I appreciate that there is an art to walking a runway, it's not like they've going to be debuting the fall lines in Paris. They're going to be walking in front of a bunch of drunk people who are really just checking out their bodies and don't care about the clothes.
Arissa demonstrates where to walk, and where to stop and pose. Frank goes first, and does a good job. Brynn gets some tips from Arissa. In an interview, Arissa says that she thinks Brynn cares about the way people see her, and that, deep down, Brynn is looking for acceptance (attention). Arissa coaches Alton while the other roommates giggle. In an interview, Arissa says that no one was paying attention. Arissa goes over and tells them that they can learn from each other, and should watch. Steven asks whether they look stupid. Yes. Yes, you do. Arissa gets all defensive and asks if they all feel like they know what they're doing. They do.
The night of the show, the roommates get full hair and makeup. Frank says that he needs a tan and something to make him look like he's not dying. In an interview, Frank says that it was easy for him because he realized it would be embarrassing no matter what. Frank asks to wear a really embarrassing outfit. Arissa emphasizes that this is their job.
Marc gives them a really lame pep talk. In an interview, Arissa says she's sure Marc thinks they will screw up. The fashion show begins. Arissa walks out first and looks great. Irulan takes pictures instead of modeling. Trishelle comes out and twirls a tassel on her shirt. Brynn has a huge blonde wig on. In an interview, Alton says that Brynn works the runway with her hair, and her hips, and integrates so much motion. The final run features bathing suits. These roommates do all have model-like figures. The show ends, and they all cheer. Backstage, Alton says that it was a high and a rush. Frank says he's happy no one shot him. The self-deprecation is getting to be a bit much with him. In an interview, Brynn says that the first show opened her eyes and made her want to participate in future shows. As long as she can be the center of attention. The roommates do a champagne toast with Marc.
week: Irulan hooks up with Marc, and Alton feels that they both crossed a line. Frank calls Arissa a black bitch, but they showed in the preview episode that he totally said it as a joke. It's not a very funny joke, but he was clearly joking, but it's yet another huge drama.