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There's no previously segment, and I'm going to skip recapping what will happen "tonight on Real World" because I'm just going to recap it in a minute anyway, so why bother?
CJP and Kyle go to a restaurant. In fact, this might be the same footage from when they went to a restaurant while Keri was in New Orleans -- that footage of CJP sucking a drink through a straw looks awfully familiar. Kyle asks, "So what's the deal with Jared?" Well, he ate some veggie subs at Subway and lost a lot of weight, and now he does commercials for Subway, even though to me it looks like recently he's put a little of the weight back on, and I am so waiting for the E! True Hollywood Story where a really fat Jared tells the interviewers that he couldn't take the pressure and started pigging out on Big Macs one day. Oh, they meant CJP's ex-boyfriend Jared. Never mind. Anyway, CJP doesn't answer, and Kyle says something about CJP marrying Jared. In an interview, CJP says that people often ask whether she thinks that she and Jared will date again, and she doesn't know the answer to that question. What "people" ask her that question? CJP tells Kyle that if Jared asked her to marry him right now, she would probably say yes. Kyle thinks that's "heavy." When did Kyle turn into a refugee from the '70s? Is he going to tell CJP that they need to rap about her groovy relationship?
CJP tells Kyle that she wants to move to California, audition for sitcoms, make a pilot, and "be Grace on Will and Grace, essentially." I will never understand why people with acting aspirations go on this (or any) reality show. It never works out. I mean, sure Teck and Jacinda have had the odd acting job here or there, but no former RWer has gone on to fame and fortune. This show is not a stepping stone to a career in the entertainment business. ["However, I did recently hear from a reliable source that Bunim-Murray Productions has a habit of hiring ex-Real World and Road Rules cast members to, like, work in their offices, logging tapes and stuff, like being on the shows is basically a glorified internship, at the end of which you get a job making Jon Murray's lattes or something." -- Wing Chun] In an interview, CJP says that her acting career seems a lot more important now because it's now "potentially real." CJP says that if she stayed with Jared, she would be just like Tonya right now. In an interview, Kyle says that now that CJP's out of her relationship with Jared, she is "kind of like a kid in a candy store, in the big city, but she misses her favorite flavor." Oh, spare me the lame metaphors. Kyle asks why Jared won't come to Chicago to visit, and CJP says that, to Jared, Chicago represents everything that came between them. Kyle suggests that they all go to St. Louis for a visit, and CJP nearly wets herself with excitement.
“ Aneesa says they invited Tonya to go, but that she would rather stay alone in the apartment, because she's a hermit. Okay, far be it from me to defend Tonya ever, but she said that she has to work, and frankly, who wouldn't want to stay in that apartment all alone? Maybe I'm a little defensive because I'm kind of a hermit as well. Hermits unite! ”
Back in the loft, CJP calls Jared and tells him that she might come to St. Louis with her roommates, and she was wondering if Jared was interested in meeting them or seeing her. She doesn't even leave him time to respond before rushing to say that she just wanted to let him know that she was going to be in town. In an interview, CJP says that breaking up with Jared was the most selfish thing she's ever done in her life, and that she was supposed to move to New York and live with him, but instead of getting on the plane to New York, she "terminated the relationship." It seems odd to me that she said "terminated" there. CJP adds that Jared is really bitter that she broke up with him. Jared says that he can't promise anything, and then asks if they can go out, just the two of them, and get a drink. CJP says she would love that. In an interview, CJP says that she really needs to see Jared again to find out if it's really over, or if they have the potential of getting back together. CJP and Jared hang up, and CJP holds the phone to her mouth in a pose that is meant to look "thoughtful" but really looks "constipated."
Aneesa, Keri, Theo, Kyle, and CJP pack their bags to go to St. Louis. Aneesa runs through a checklist of things she needs to take with her, including Bactine. Why does she need Bactine? ["Maybe she's scared something will bite her in the ass if she pees in an alley in St. Louis." -- Wing Chun] Tonya tells CJP she's excited that they all get to go away. CJP is sad that Tonya can't go, but Tonya explains that she needs to work at the restaurant. In an interview, Tonya reminds us that she has "endless medical debt," and she needs to work so that she can pay it off. Tonya tells CJP to make sure to miss her. In an interview, CJP says she knows that Tonya needs to work, but that it makes her nervous that even if Tonya didn't have a job, she wouldn't come with them. I still will never understand why all of these people feel like they have to be best buddies. So what if Tonya doesn't want to go? Chris and Theo hug goodbye. In an interview, Keri explains that Chris's grandmother died, so he won't be going to St. Louis either. Tonya tells Justin on the phone that she would love to go to St. Louis, but she can't, and she's upset that her roommates are trying to make her feel guilty about it. Are they, though? In an interview, Aneesa says they invited Tonya to go, but that she would rather stay alone in the apartment, because she's a hermit. Okay, far be it from me to defend Tonya ever, but she said that she has to work, and frankly, who wouldn't want to stay in that apartment all alone? Maybe I'm a little defensive because I'm kind of a hermit as well. Hermits unite! Except we could never have any meetings, because none of us want to leave the house. Anyway.
The St. Louis-bound roommates take off, with Kyle at the wheel. That night, Tonya talks to someone on the phone about how much she likes being alone in the house, without all of the drama and bitching. In an interview, Tonya says that the house is really different without anyone else there, and that she enjoys it. Tonya tells her phone conversation partner that she's not trying to become a new person, because she kind of likes who she is. Meanwhile, in the van, Theo yells out, "Tonya has fake boobies! Her boobies are not real." Everyone giggles. Kyle tries to pretend he doesn't know what Theo is talking about. I would love to hear the conversation that led up to Theo yelling that out. CJP says that her own hair color is not real. Keri yells out that Tonya's eye color is fake, too, and CJP adds that Tonya's hair color is not real either. Ah, talking shit. One of my favorite pastimes. But I try not to do it on camera. You know, because so much of my life is lived on camera. Aneesa says that Tonya shouldn't lie about her artificial parts, nor should she brag about them, and theorizes that Tonya is trying to make up for something going on in her head. CJP tries to make nice by saying that those are Tonya's beauty secrets, which is why she doesn't reveal them. Aneesa disagrees, and says something that is half-bleeped and I don't understand about something being "meaty and not salty." Theo dies laughing.