Previously on The Real World: Chris, Kyle, and Keri passed the lifeguarding tests. Theo told Aneesa that he's not homophobic, because he doesn't mind gay men as long as they don't hit on him. I think Theo is misunderstanding the meaning of "homophobic." Like, as long as he doesn't beat the gays senseless, then he must not be homophobic? Whatever. I'm not going to get into it now because there will be plenty of fuel later in the episode. Chris met a dude named Kurt who lives in Minneapolis. Kurt loooooves Chris.
Kyle, Chris, and Keri show up for their first day of work as lifeguards. They get assigned to various sections of the beach and have to watch people in certain parts of the water. Poor Keri has to actually stand in the water and try to convince the little kids not to go beyond the buoys. She looks miserable. In an interview, Kyle explains that as a lifeguard, you have to be ready for anything, but most of the time, you just have to be a prick. Well, Kyle should have no trouble with that, right? Chris yells authoritatively at some dude to move to a different area. He sounds like a high-school gym teacher. I would obey. Kyle, in contrast, is way too buddy-buddy and asking people to do things rather than telling them.
Some fat dude rides a bike, and then a guy plays the drums, and then some ducks swim around. I don't know. In an interview, Aneesa explains that the non-lifeguards have been assigned to help some kids paint a mural on city property. Didn't B/M learn anything from the Boston season? These people should not be allowed to work with children! I would put my money on Tonya as being the Montana who gives wine to the kids. Kim, the Parks Director, explains that they need to choose subject matter that will benefit the community and also enable the kids to get something out of it. In other words, don't go painting some naked chicks. CJP has a camisole top on, and she has the shoulder straps pushed down so that she can get an even tan, I guess, and it's annoying the crap out of me. Every time they cut to her, I say out loud, "Push. Your Shoulder Straps. Up!" I think it's annoying because (a) is an even tan really that important? And (b) her shirt is practically falling off and she doesn't have a bra on, and while I fully support her right to go naked or whatever, she is ostensibly in a job-type situation, and it is incredibly unprofessional to flash your boss upon your first meeting. Unless you're a stripper. Or a porn star. But for the most part, not cool. In an interview, CJP says that she's excited about working with kids. The park director keeps talking about leaving a lasting impression and community and blah blah blah and I don't think any of them are listening any more because I know that I tuned out about five minutes ago.
Kurt is hanging out on the beach while Chris lifeguards. That's kind of annoying. Chris is, again ostensibly, working. To save lives. Kurt is bugging me already. In a confessional, Chris explains that Kurt is in town for five days, and Chris doesn't know where the relationship is going because it's long-distance. Chris is preparing to leave work, and explains that he has to go sign out. Kurt offers to walk up there with them, and Chris puts the kibosh on that idea, because he doesn't need a babysitter. Or a shadow. Or a mom. In an interview, Kyle says that Kurt is making it clear how much he likes Chris. Kurt gives Chris a smooch since he won't see him for the five minutes.
Theo, CJP, Tonya, and Aneesa have to find a location for their mural. They find a good spot, and Theo has some sketches ready. In an interview, Theo says that he's excited to work with the kids and use his architectural skills at the same time. Theo adds that he can change kids' lives more easily than he can save someone's life. Theo shows his sketch to the others, and they all seem to like it quite a bit.
Kyle and Chris discuss how Kurt invited Chris to a dinner for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). In an interview, Chris explains that he wants all of his roommates' support. Chris explains it to Kyle, who asks why Chris didn't say anything about it before. Chris says that he didn't even know if he was going to go, because he didn't want to go with just Kurt. In an interview, Chris says that he's not looking for "a partner" right now. That's weird. I've never heard a gay person say "partner" unless they were trying to hide their sexual orientation. But what do I know? Kyle agrees to go to the dinner, and bring Keri. Chris seems really defensive about the whole thing, and kind of pissed off for some reason.
Theo asks Chris what the dinner is about. Chris explains that it's for "equal gay and lesbian rights." Theo replies that it makes sense for Chris and Aneesa to go. Yeah, because us straight people shouldn't care about the gays. The lesbians -- they're cool and sexy, but we don't need to go to any dinner for them. Unless it includes a floor show, if you know what I'm saying. Theo says that it's "not [his] kind of party." In an interview, Chris says that it's not just for gay issues -- it's about human rights in general. Of course, he doesn't actually say that to Theo. Instead, he explains it as "building a bridge between straight and gay." Theo thinks that a bridge is built in their house every day. Theo says that everyone else can go, and that's fine with him. Well, I'm sure that they are all relieved to have his permission.
In an interview, Theo says that if you're gay, he's not going to make fun of you, but he doesn't agree with it. This is what I don't get. What is there to agree or disagree with? It's not an opinion. I wish someone would tell Theo that they disagreed with being straight, and that they found it disgusting, and see what he said. Oh, I know what he would say, based on this scene. Theo calls his dad, the preacher, and asks if homosexuality is a sin. His father confirms that it is, in fact, a sin. Theo's dad says that Theo doesn't have to go to the dinner. Well, Theo doesn't have to go to the dinner. And I don't know why Chris would want him to, because he's clearly not open-minded enough to get anything out of it. In an interview, Theo explains to us that God says homosexuality is a sin. Oh, does God say that? You know, I'm not even going to get started on this topic, because this recap will be a million pages long. I'll just say that people like Theo, who argue that the Bible tells them that homosexuality is wrong, and yet don't follow every other aspect of the Bible to the letter, really bother me. I noticed that Theo has a tattoo, and he shaves, and I'm willing to bet that he wears a poly-cotton blend once in a while, all things that the Bible prohibits. So he might want to start asking Daddy a few more questions. Theo explains to his father that he neither accepts nor condones "the gayness." Whatever. ["The Gayness is the title of my fourth album." -- Wing Chun]
Chris and Tonya sit in the hot tub and eat ice cream. Theo comes in and tells Chris that Kurt is on the phone. Theo looks at his watch, so I assume that they made some sort of house rule regarding length of phone calls after Tonya threw the glass. In an interview, Chris says that the more he tells Kurt he wants to slow things down, the harder Kurt pursues him. Chris stands, leaning over, buttocks offered forth to the camera, while talking on the phone. Kurt's phone voice is totally different than his non-phone voice. He just sounds a lot more...nelly. Theo stands and listens to the whole conversation, looking at his watch. Kurt wants to see more of Chris, and Chris puts him off. In an interview, Chris says that he's afraid that he'll like being with Kurt too much, so he pre-emptively pulls back. Or, Kurt's kind of annoying. Back in the hot tub, Tonya says that she would be creeped out if a guy behaved like Kurt. Chris says that he doesn't want to be tied down right now.
Chris and Kurt walk down the street with Tonya. Chris asks Kurt what his horoscope says. Kurt makes something up about how his heart will be broken, like way to try to get a pity fuck out of it, dude. In an interview, Tonya says that she's never actually thought about two men being in a relationship before. So, she's thought enough about gay people to formulate strong opinions against them, but she never actually considered what their lives are like? Ooookay. They stop to eat, and Chris says that he wonders what Theo thinks about the upcoming dinner. Oh, CJP is there, too. Tonya says that she knows what Theo thinks: he's not going to stop anyone from living his or her life, but he's not going to a function that supports homosexuality. Chris thinks that it's wrong. I still don't get why Chris would want Theo there. I think that if Chris wants to try to educate Theo, his best bet would be to just be his roommate, live with him, and show Theo that he's just a guy like any other, except that he's attracted to men instead of women. In an interview, Chris says that Theo doesn't want to support his roommates or the cause. Tonya says that Theo enjoys both Chris and Aneesa, but that he's been raised in a church that believes that men and women should be together, period. And according to Theo, they should be together as often as possible, and if a hot tub can be involved, all the better. In an interview, Tonya says that she pretty much agrees with Theo on the issue of homosexuality, but that she's going to go to the dinner out of curiosity. Like a zoo. Also, how did Tonya and Theo go from glass-throwing one week to confidantes the ?
Aneesa talks to her mom on the phone. Apparently, there was some mistake involving a dress. Aneesa is very disrespectful to her mother on the phone and hangs up on her. Keri tries to help Aneesa find something to wear. Aneesa cannot be placated. Aneesa's friend Jennifer calls and offers to bring over some dresses for Aneesa to try on. Everyone runs around, getting ready. Theo says that everyone is looking stunning. Tonya is upset that her big, fake boobs are falling out of her dress. Aneesa's friends show up, and they're kind of...old. Like, they're probably my age or maybe a little older, but they've definitely got about a decade on Aneesa and it's just weird. Where did she meet these people? Aneesa strips down and starts changing right there in front of them, because her mother taught her to be comfortable with her body. But apparently, her mother didn't teach her phone manners. One of the old friends notices that Aneesa has both nipples pierced. That was information that I did not need or want to know. Finally, Aneesa settles on a dress, and Theo offers to get the door for them. Because lesbians, while still homosexuals, are not disgusting like dudes. They get into a limo and pull away.
Theo and Kyle play pool. In an interview, Kyle explains that the benefit brought Theo's views on homosexuality out into the open. In an interview, CJP says that she hopes that Chris and Aneesa aren't too insulted that Theo isn't going. Why can't we hear what Chris and Aneesa think about it?
They arrive at the dinner. Kurt is waiting for them, because he's needy. And from Minneapolis and probably doesn't know anyone. Also? He's wearing a bow tie. It takes a special breed of man to pull off the bow tie, and Kurt is not that man. In an interview, Chris explains that Kurt is more than looks -- he has some substance. In an interview, Kyle says that the banquet was very positive. In an interview, Keri says that the issue was about raising awareness about gay and lesbian rights. In an interview, Aneesa and her lazy eye explain that it was good to have her roommates witness the positive energy.
The floor show starts with a drag queen, which is tired amongst the straight community, and I would imagine it's even more tired amongst the gay community. Like, drag queen? Yawn. Tonya, however, is completely shocked. In an interview, Tonya says that she's never seen a guy dressed as a woman before. I'm assuming that she means in person, and not on television, because come on. Tonya tells Kyle that she realizes that being gay is a reality and it's not just pretension. She thinks being gay is pretentious? Anyway, she respects that gay people have strong beliefs, and that's as much as she's willing to learn tonight. She really likes to congratulate herself on how open-minded she is, doesn't she? And yet, she's not open-minded at all.
Chris and Kurt watch some fireworks over the water. Chris tells Kurt that he'd like to get to know him more. Kurt offers to come back to Chicago, and see if something develops. Chris finds Kurt "striking," but that it's his personality that really shines through. The fireworks are so lame, because they insert a shot after every line Chris says. We get it! There's a spark between them! Chris and Kurt kiss.
Back at the loft, Chris and Kurt cuddle and kiss on the bed, fully clothed. Kyle walks out and tells Keri that they're going to have four in their room tonight, because "Kurt and Chris are, like, spooning, shirtless, on the bed." Well, they weren't when we saw them, but whatever. Keri and CJP are happy to hear that, but Kyle just looks uncomfortable with the whole thing. In an interview, Kyle says that he's "known gays on a few different levels," but he's never seen "the private aspect of it." So leave the room? Would you stand there and watch a guy and a girl make out and cuddle? No! You'd leave the room. Why is it any different? Sleep on the couch. Keri asks if she can sleep with Kyle. In an interview, Keri says that Kyle is nervous and wants her to sleep in his bed. Except that she just asked to sleep with him. That was weird. We see Kyle and Keri, under the blankets, talking. Chris and Kurt are spooning, but they both have pajama bottoms on.
The morning, Kurt and Chris eat breakfast. In an interview, Aneesa says that she thinks that Kurt will be positive for Chris. Kurt offers to leave. Chris says, "I enjoyed last night," and then takes a big bite of a banana. And the camera zooms right in on it, in case you missed the point. Keri wakes up and tells Kyle that she had to sleep in a bed with a dude since everyone else was. In a confessional, Kyle says that he wanted someone to sleep with, too, and that it was fun, but completely innocent.
Kurt gets ready to leave. Chris gives him a kiss and they're all touchy-feely. Chris smacks Kurt on the ass a few times as he leaves. Aw.
Keri tells CJP and Tonya that Kyle was begging her to sleep in his bed. He was? Not that we saw. Keri says that Kyle got over it, but that she stayed in his bed anyway. In an interview, Keri says that they literally just went to sleep. Yeah, we got that. Keri explains that Chris and Kurt were "like smooching and stuff," and Tonya gives a big grunt of disgust. Tonya says that it weirds her out because she's never seen it before. I seriously don't have the energy to explain how lame she is any longer.
Tonya accepts a floral delivery for Chris. She and Theo get into the elevator to take it upstairs, and discuss whether or not it's from Kurt. Tonya says that if they are, she will bust out laughing. Theo agrees. Tonya thinks that "feminine affection" between men is weird. Theo adds that it's "too damn gay." Oh, so he was fine with all of the other parts of being gay, but the flowers are just over the top? Tonya walks into the loft and yells for Chris, explaining that there is a gift for him. Theo adds in a high-pitched voice, "A gay one!" I wish the elevator cable had snapped while those two were headed upstairs and killed them. But then Chris wouldn't have gotten the flowers. Chris opens the card, and they are from Kurt. CJP is all up in his business, like why is she in every scene and yet she has no storylines? She's a Nosy Parker. ["It sounds like she's this year's Seattle Janet." -- Wing Chun]
Theo tells CJP that he's never seen a guy give another guy flowers, and he thinks that it's "too gay." CJP explains that they are "a couple like any other." Chris seems to be walking nearby, but with the editing, who knows? Theo says he doesn't knock Chris for being gay. Chris walks over. Theo explains that it weirded him out because he's never seen it. Chris struts over to the flowers and says, "I'm a pimp like that." You go, Chris, with your flowers.
week: they work with the kids to paint a mural. Aneesa picks up a lady named Veronica, who is really not that cute. Aneesa and her lazy eye could do better. Chris explains that Veronica comes with some baggage, and Aneesa yells at Veronica to get out.