Previously on The Real World: Tonya lived in foster care, and thus her whole life sucks. Kyle has a "soulmate figure," so he can't get involved with Keri. What does that even mean? Keri doesn't want to put up with Kyle's crap. Kyle begged Keri not to close him off, but Keri said it was all Kyle's fault. Yawn. Does anyone find bickering couples entertaining, really? CJP thinks that Kyle is attracted to Keri and it's "tearing him apart."
CJP, Kyle and Keri stand in a train station. CJP says that she swallowed a bug. Keri can't believe it, and CJP says that she really didn't; she was just using it as an excuse to give Kyle and Keri some time alone. Good one. That's the best she could do? CJP says that she doesn't know how to mediate Kyle and Keri's dispute. So...don't? Who asked her to get involved? Keri walks over to Kyle who asks when they are going to talk about Keri's "major 'tude and...major issues." Keri denies that she's having those problems now, but admits that she was earlier. Kyle wants to know when they will discuss them, and Keri puts him off. Just wanted to add in that I really hate when people use the word "'tude." Just a pet peeve of mine.
Keri, Kyle, and CJP arrive home, and you can totally see the camera man in the elevator as they step out. Theo is having some lady friends over to hang in the hot tub. Ew. One girl is totally sitting on Theo's lap and rubbing up against him. Please. Another girl frolics in the water. Theo removes his shorts and hangs out in his underwear. In an interview, Kyle explains that Theo brought home a bunch of girls he's only known for a few minutes. Chris steps out of the shower and explains to Kyle and Keri that he was sleeping when Theo just showed up with a bunch of ladies, and that one of them puked in the shower. Keri wants to know who puked. Chris doesn't know which one.
Keri walks through the house "yelling." Actually, it looks like they filmed Keri walking through the house but purposely only showed her from the back, and then inserted a voice-over from an interview or something. We hear Keri yelling that she doesn't know these people and that she's not going to clean up after them. She reaches the hot tub room, where she sits down and has a cigarette, so clearly she wasn't stalking up there to yell at Theo, like the editors made it appear. Theo tells the ladies that Keri isn't mad and that they shouldn't "trip on Keri." Keri tells Theo that he should clean up the puke. In an interview, Theo says he doesn't feel responsible for cleaning it up, because he didn't give her the drinks. Hey, I'm fine with Theo making the girl who puked clean it up. But if it comes down to one of the roommates cleaning it up, that roommate should be Theo. Theo stands up and walks around with a towel, grinning. In an interview, Keri says that she holds Theo completely accountable because he invited the girls in at 4 AM. Kyle whistles and says, "This train is leaving! Who's on the way out?" Theo and a bunch of the girls get into the elevator. Theo is still only wearing a towel.
Kyle asks Keri whether she felt that he was treating her differently because his friends were there. Keri says that she did feel alienated from him, and that he didn't make any attempt to include her at the bar. So why couldn't she make herself included? I hate when people are all passive-aggressive like that. Make your own damn fun. Your happiness is not Kyle's responsibility. Keri says that it would be like if she had friends over and told them not to talk to Kyle. Or it would be nothing like that. In a confessional (which may be the first of the season), Kyle says that he hasn't been paying as much attention as he should have to not hurting Keri. Keri says that CJP asked if Kyle could be himself around Keri, and Kyle said no, and that made Keri upset. Kyle explains that he thought CJP was asking whether he could be himself around Keri at all, and he said no, because he has a girlfriend. It had nothing to do with his friends. In an interview, Keri says that she's "hard to handle," and feels that if a friend does one thing wrong, she'll drop him because there are a billion people in the world. That seems kind of harsh, but I have to admire her opinion in contrast to someone like...Amaya, who would keep taking Colin back even after he treated her like crap.
The morning, Aneesa returns to the loft. Where has she been all night? Chris explains that Theo brought home tons of people, and "Miss Little Honey" threw up in the shampoo. They are having this discussion right outside Theo's room, where Theo is sleeping in bed. Aneesa starts yelling that she doesn't deal with puke. In an interview, Aneesa calls Theo "a little boy." Aneesa tells Chris that puking is disrespectful. ["Always? Even when babies do it? Aneesa's pretty harsh." -- Wing Chun] Theo wakes up and mumbles that Aneesa should come and talk to him if she has something to say. Aneesa walks in and says that she would have but Theo was asleep. Yeah, I can't imagine why he woke up with Aneesa yelling right outside his bedroom. They're all going to talk about how disrespectful Theo is, but they weren't being very respectful, either. In an interview, Theo says that if you don't like what he's doing, you should shut up. Nice. Aneesa is suddenly back out in the hallway, yelling about something. Theo sits up in bed and starts yelling, "Shut up! Shut up! They didn't feel good! Shut up!" Good debating technique, there. I don't even think that Aneesa and Theo are having an argument. Suddenly, the editors start playing music and you can't hear what Theo and Aneesa are even saying. You just see a shot of Theo yelling and then a shot of Aneesa yelling. Then, Keri laughs and Aneesa walks into the bathroom. What the hell was that? Theo asks if anyone else has anything to say, and then goes back to bed.
After they show some shots of the place from before anyone even moved in (the cubbyholes in the hallway are completely empty), we cut to Kyle talking to Tonya on the phone. Tonya has good news -- she only has three kidney stones left. Kyle pretends like he cares. Tonya says that she's excited to come back to Chicago. In an interview, Tonya says that she's going on some medication. She asks Kyle to come pick her up. In an interview, Kyle says that he doesn't want Tonya to have to worry about getting there from the airport, so he's trying to grease the wheels. Chris gets on the phone and tells Tonya to "get [her] butt back out here." Throughout this scene, they showed shots of Theo walking around, getting ready to go somewhere. Why? I don't know. I guess to show that he didn't ask to talk to Tonya on the phone? Neither did any of the female roommates.
In an interview, Chris says that they are going to get their fingerprints done for their job. Cut to Chris and Theo in a waiting room somewhere. Chris says that he could have killed Theo for waking him up at 2 AM. Theo says, "Theo is just one guy. Theo cannot watch everybody." George is getting angry. Chris says that he doesn't like it when strangers are going through his room. Theo points out that no one complains when everyone else has people over. Yeah, but they don't have them over at 4 AM, and there aren't fifteen of them. Theo says that he'll bring anyone he wants to the house. In an interview, Chris says that he's losing respect for Theo. Theo tells Chris to stop playing this daddy role. In an interview, Theo says that they need to stop coming down on him, because he "ain't no punk." Actually, he is a punk, and if he acts like an irresponsible child, that's how he should be treated. Theo went to college. Presumably, he had roommates. How could he not have space-sharing skills? Did he always have a single? Theo tells Chris that if he wants to, he'll have women over any day of the week. Then he lists off the days of the week, in case we weren't sure. What a dink.
Keri makes arrangements on the phone to meet up with Tyler, some guy she's dating. In an interview, Keri says that she met Tyler in the mall and he's "very, very attractive." Kyle asks oh so casually what's up with this date. Keri explains that they met him at the mall and he called and asked her to go for a drink and she can't say no. Why can't she? Why is she making excuses to Kyle? Fuck that noise. Kyle wants to know who met him. Keri says that Aneesa was with her. Jeez, possessive much? Kyle points out that not being able to say no is kind of stupid. In an interview, Aneesa says that she's happy that Keri is going out with someone and not sticking to Kyle, because Kyle won't give Keri what she's looking for. Aneesa? Word. Keri asks Kyle to go play "the angry boyfriend" and tell Tyler that she can't go. Oh, come on, Keri. You're better than that.
Keri goes out on her date. They go to a restaurant. Tyler suggests that they get bruschetta, and Keri immediately agrees. Tyler asks if she's always this agreeable, and Keri says that she's not, but he just picked the right thing. They eat bruschetta and drink wine. In an interview, Kyle says that he's jealous, and that it bothers him that Keri is going out with this guy. Well, at least he can admit it. Keri tells Tyler that it bothers her when a guy tells her she can't do something like change a tire. In an interview, Keri says that they are having a great conversation and that Tyler is a sweet, nice guy.
Keri brings Tyler back to their apartment and introduces him around. Kyle shakes Tyler's hand. In an interview, Aneesa says that Keri brought Tyler home to prove a point to Kyle. Keri and Tyler kiss goodbye. In an interview, Keri says that Kyle doesn't like Tyler being there. She doesn't know if it's "the protective big brother thing" or if he's jealous.
Tonya arrives at the airport. Meanwhile, Theo is brushing his teeth. Why are these two things cut together? I have no idea. Kyle and CJP greet Tonya at the airport with big hugs. In an interview, Kyle says it's cool that Tonya is back because their roommate situation feels complete with all seven of them. They pick up Tonya's gigantic suitcase. Tonya tells Kyle and CJP that she thinks that Justin found her birth certificate, because he told her that there was "something really big in the mail" that had to do with her past. Enough about the birth certificate, please! It is so not difficult to obtain a birth certificate for yourself or someone else.
Theo hangs up the phone. Tonya unpacks. In an interview, Tonya says that she opened up her suitcase and found that Justin had given her a birth certificate. She hugs CJP. In a confessional, Tonya cries about her stupid birth certificate. Tonya runs around the house showing off her prize. It's not the Holy Grail, for crying out loud. In a confessional, Tonya says that she saw that she writes like her mother. Didn't she live with her mother until she was twelve? It's not like she was taken away at birth. I don't mean to downplay the difficulties of Tonya's life, but come on. She's such a drama queen. Tonya reads the letter Justin wrote to CJP and Kyle. It's so gay. I refuse to recap any more about the birth certificate business, because it's all so stupid, and I don't want to give Tonya any more attention on this issue. Tonya calls Justin and thanks him, and says that she's going to marry him. Good. I wish she would marry him right now and move out of the apartment.
In an interview, Aneesa says that Theo was screaming at Tonya to get the fuck off the phone. Cut to Tonya in Theo and Aneesa's room, picking something off the floor and complaining that Theo was yelling at her. Aneesa explains to Chris that Theo demanded that Tonya get off the phone. In a confessional, Theo says that he needed to make a call that would take fifteen seconds, and Tonya was on the phone with Justin. Tonya cries and whines to CJP that Theo told her to get off the phone, and she wouldn't, so he got all up in her grill and told her to get off. In a confessional, Theo admits that he disconnected the line. Tonya tells CJP that she turned around and threw Theo's glass, because she thought it would get him out of her face. In a confessional, Theo says that Tonya threw the glass on the floor. So she didn't throw it at him, but it was in his room, and it was his glass. There was some debate about that on the forums. Anyway, Tonya tells CJP and Kyle that she was raised in a family where she got the shit beat out of her by men, so she's not going to deal with it. So she throws a glass? In what world is that a way to calm the situation down? Plus, she doesn't say it, but since she admitted that she's scared of black people, I'm sure that Theo's race had something to do with it. Not everything, but I'm sure that it came into play. Tonya tells the other roommates that they're supposed to be safe, and that she doesn't feel safe with Theo. Chris and Aneesa just stare at her, probably still trying to figure out why the hell she threw the glass. I still don't get why it's Theo's problem that Tonya has issues with men. Yes, he could have handled the situation better. Yes, Theo is a jerk when it comes to interacting with his roommates. But I still think that Tonya loves all of the attention that she's getting right now, and -- as with the birth certificate situation -- using her background as an excuse why she acted like a jerk. I know someone who grew up in foster care (and I really do -- I'm not making this up to make the point), and she is one of the most peaceful, non-violent, well-adjusted people I know. So her background is no excuse.
Kyle asks Tonya and CJP what happened. Tonya says that Theo pushed her limits. Kyle wants to talk about the emotions involved. Tonya says that she doesn't think that Theo treats women well. Based on what? I would agree that Theo has issues with women, but I don't think that any of the other women in the house have had problems with him. Kyle asks Tonya if she's afraid of Theo, and she says that she is. In an interview, Tonya says that if Theo flips out over the phone, she's worried about what he might flip out about later on. CJP tells Kyle that Tonya was hysterical and having a nervous breakdown over this, and they can't have that. So Theo has to change instead of Tonya? That's what I'm not getting. CJP wants to intervene. In an interview, Kyle says that Theo can be volatile, and that it's important to address him in the right way.
Kyle asks Theo to sit down with him in the living room. Theo asks if it's that serious. Kyle explains that "all the women in this house" are having major issues, and they want to have a meeting with Theo. Theo says that he doesn't care. Kyle says that he physically intimidated Tonya. Theo says he can't do anything about Tonya's reactions, which is true. Kyle points out that Theo can't deal with Tonya in the same way that he deals with others. They're such enablers of her penchant for drama. Kyle says that Tonya has incidents in her past having to do with men. In an interview, Theo says that he can fight with Aneesa all day, and they'll laugh about it later, but Tonya's not like that. Theo says it hurts him that Tonya was so scared.
Theo talks to his dad on the phone. His dad asks if he cussed Tonya out. Theo says that he did, and then says that he's going to apologize, and that Tonya is a beautiful young girl and inherently sweet. In an interview, Theo says that he doesn't want Tonya to be scared of him. Theo tells his dad that he wants to talk to Tonya so that they don't need to have a meeting.
Theo tells CJP that he doesn't want the women to be scared of him, but that it's not necessary to have a meeting. In an interview, CJP says that she hates taking sides, so she feels torn between making Tonya feel safe and insulting Theo. CJP explains that Tonya has issues with men. I think we all got that. Theo says that he doesn't want the other female roommates to look at him like he's the bad guy. In an interview, Theo says that he doesn't want to be the outcast or the "militant black guy." CJP says that Theo let her down, and that it would make her feel better to hear that he feels bad about the whole thing. Theo says that he made a mistake. CJP thinks it's great that he's talking to her, but that he really needs to talk to Tonya. Theo says he was just about to do that.
Theo asks Tonya if he can please talk to her. Tonya says that she doesn't have anything to say to him. Of course she doesn't. If she talks to him like an adult, then she has to stop acting like the wounded victim and thus getting all the attention and sympathy. Theo says that's fine, and adds that whenever she's ready to talk, he'll be there.
In the bathroom, CJP tells Tonya that Theo feels horrible and knows that what he did was wrong. Tonya says that Theo should feel horrible, and that she doesn't want to talk to him tonight. She really loves playing the wronged person, doesn't she? In an interview, Tonya says that when she loses trust in a male, it won't come back, and her guard is up.
Keri talks to Tyler on the phone. He's trying to make a date, and she's making excuses. In an interview, Keri says that Tyler is a nice guy, but that he's too skinny. She likes bigger guys. Cut to a shot of Kyle, the former football player.
The roommates all go out dancing in a club. In an interview, Kyle says that if he were unattached, he would love to date Keri. In the club, Kyle and Keri walk out together. In an interview, Keri says that she loves being Kyle's friend. Oh, just do it already. Kyle asks about Keri's date with Tyler, and they giggle. In an interview, Kyle says that Keri is his best friend in the house, and they have a lot of fun together. Keri explains why Tyler is too skinny. In an interview, Keri says that if Kyle went on a date with someone, she would be jealous. Keri and Kyle discuss what they want in a significant other. In an interview, Keri says that she probably was trying to make Kyle jealous, but now he's seen her emotional side. They sit at a table and talk some more while the music plays.
week: Chris gets some loving from Kurt. Kyle complains to the girls that the two men are spooning. So Keri has to sleep in Kyle's bed to reaffirm his heterosexuality. Theo gives us more reason to hate him when he talks about how disgusting male homosexuality is. Chris hears Theo talking about it, and walks out wearing just a towel. And then they make out.