Previously on The Real World: Lori said that it is great being a singer and working for a record company. She met up with Nicky, a music editor who works for Arista, and he might use her to do vocals for one of his songs. Adam and Devin were disappointed in the work being done by the roommates at Arista. You could tell they were disappointed because their turtlenecks drooped a little bit.
At Arista, Lori's low-rise jeans nearly reveal her butt crack. Devin and Adam enter with a new guy, Jeff, who is the Senior Director of Rock/Alternative Promotions for Arista. It must be spring, because Devin is wearing a V-neck instead of a turtleneck. Devin informs the roommates that they are going to be trying to convince K-ROCK ("the biggest rock station in the city") to add a song by a band named Adema to their play list. What the hell kind of name is Adema? I just looked up "edema" at Merriam Webster Online and the definition is "an abnormal infiltration and excess accumulation of serous fluid in connective tissue or in a serous cavity -- called also dropsy." I think the band should have named themselves Dropsy. Or Drahpsee, since they're into the alternative spelling thing.
Jeff explains that K-ROCK has special days where the programming directors meet with record company reps. Each rep has about fifteen minutes to convince the programming directors to add their label's songs. ["Is 'convince' just a fancy word for 'bribe,' here?" -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Kevin explains that "this is huge for Arista," and getting the station to play the song could break the band. Jeff plays the song for the group. I think Rachel is wearing the same pajama top I had when I was about five years old. The song ends, and Jeff asks what they liked about it. Mike has multiple suggestions. Nicole says that it's the exact opposite of the kinds of music that she likes. Jeff tells everyone that, regardless of whether they love the song, it's their job to convince the radio station that everyone will love the song, and that it should be played. Point blank, period. Heh. He didn't really say that last part, but he should have. In an interview, Mike says, "This is something that, like, you know, professionals do, and they're letting us do it?" I thought he was going to finish that off by saying, "What are they, insane?" That's what I was thinking. anyway. But of course, he gives his usual, "That's awesome!" speech and I black out until he finishes talking. Jeff nervously says that he thinks they can do it. Jeff seems like a decent guy, even if he is a sleazy music-industry person.
Statue of Liberty Shot #11. It's morning, and everyone is getting ready for work. While they put on their makeup, Lori tells Quarrel that she's not looking forward to their current work assignment. In an interview where she is wearing way too much sparkly blue eyeshadow, Lori says that she's not good at getting in front of people and being asked questions and "having to spit out facts right back at them." Quarrel asks Lori how she's going to be "a big superstar singer" if she can't convince people to listen to her music. Lori thinks that's different, because if she was a "superstar singer," she wouldn't be in charge of selling anything. Quarrel says that she would. And Quarrel's right, for the most part. Maybe after selling a lot of records, Lori wouldn't have to do that anymore, but up-and-coming singers definitely have to get out and meet and greet the industry folks. The music industry, more than any other industry I've encountered, is all about who you schmooze.
The roommates meet to discuss their pitch to K-ROCK. It's really boring, so I won't go into too much detail. In an interview, Kevin thinks that he was born to do this job. Everyone contributes ideas about how the pitch should be structured. Kevin says that they have "seven really smart people" who are "going to know this stuff front and back." I thought the roommates were doing the pitch themselves. No one said anything about them bringing in seven smart people to do it for them.
Lori gets a phone call from Nicky, the music editor. He wants her to come by and meet with him about doing vocals on one of his tracks. The day, Lori goes to the meeting. Nicky is still looking like a reject from the Sunset Strip, circa 1988. Lori assures him that she can do various musical styles. In an interview, Lori says that she's excited about trying new styles. Lori tells Nicky that she wants to "really explore." Nicky says, "Are you talking about musically, or...?" Heh. What did he think she was talking about? Then again, we did see her kiss Jisela two episodes ago, so I think she's already done her non-musical exploration. Then there's some more of Lori talking about how excited she is about the opportunity, but it's more filler. Ultimately, Nicky asks her to come in and sing for him. Lori is excited.
The roommates meet up with Jeff, Devin, and Adam at Arista, and they all travel to K-ROCK together. How annoying that they all need to go into this tiny little meeting room together. Couldn't they have just nominated Mike and Kevin to do the actual meeting, but they would all work on the pitch? Like when you have to do a group presentation for work, or for a class, not every single person has to stand up and talk. One or two people talk, one person does the PowerPoint slides, and the other people do research. It's just so stupid and contrived that they all have to go into this meeting. Anyway, they meet with Booker, a DJ, and Mike, the programming director. Kevin tells them the name of the song, and then they play it. Most of the roommates kind of nod their head and bop around, except Nicole, who sits there with a stony expression. In a confessional, Nicole says that she'll sell the song, but she's not going to bop around unless she feels it. Would it be like selling her soul to at least smile, or look enthused? Seriously, would it kill her? Apparently, it would.
When the song ends, Booker says that normally he thinks of Whitney Houston when he thinks of Arista, and he wonders why they are branching out into a new genre. Kevin answers that there was a bidding war over this band, which totally doesn't answer the question. Mike the Programming Director asks what the bid was, but Kevin doesn't know. Why are they all there if Kevin is the only one who's going to talk? Mike the Programming Director starts peppering the group with questions about the band, such as who the members are, and how many there are. Kevin doesn't seem to know, and no one else even tries to answer. Mike the Programming Director wants to know what Arista is going to do to support the record and the band, but no one has any answers. Mike the Programming Directors asks a number of other questions, which are edited to look like he asked them in rapid succession, and that no one responded. They seem like pretty basic questions. I comment to J-Dawg that maybe the record company should have made sure that the roommates had the proper information, since they had to have known what kinds of questions would be asked. J-Dawg notes that most of those questions could have been answered by reading the CD liner notes. Good point, that. Anyway, the roommates all just sit there like mutes. Angry, sullen mutes.
Wait, week is the season finale? Already? I'm totally kidding. I think I did a jig when I saw that commercial. At the very least, I raised the roof. I'm kidding. I would never raise the roof. Much.
Mary-Ellis Bunim: So another season draws to an end.
Jonathan Murray: Are you sad, sir?
Bunim: Hell, no! I wish that we could have somehow ended it sooner, but we were contractually obligated to deliver a certain number of episodes. Why do you think I sent them on a second vacation? I was desperate.
Murray: Well, only one more after this.
Bunim: How is the Chicago season shaping up?
Murray: Funny you should ask...oh, wait. It's back on. Shh! I can't wait to find out if they get the add slot!
Bunim: You have got to be kidding me.
Back from the break, Booker asks the roommates how the band feels about the promotional push, and if they would be willing to come to the station to promote their album. The roommates are all sure that the band would be willing to do that. Wouldn't that be a contractual obligation, especially for a first-time band? Mike the Programming Director explains that there are a lot of record labels that want "add slots," and that there is a new Tool album coming out that week, so they don't really have space to add the Adema song. I keep wanting to call the band Enema. I think there is already a band called Enema. Thus, the roommates have failed to complete their objective, and they have to go back the week and try to get the add slot once again.
Jeff asks the group what they should do before the meeting to make their point more strongly. Quarrel suggests that they make a list of all the promotion Arista is going to do for the band. Kevin points out that Booker seemed really concerned that the band wouldn't be interested in doing promotion at the radio station, so maybe they should find a way to let Booker and Mike the Programming Director hear it from the band members themselves. Jeff is all over that idea. In an interview, Kevin says that it felt good to have his idea accepted, and he thinks that it will make the difference time.
Lori takes Mike, Nicole, and Quarrel with her to record her song. I guess she's practicing for being a superstar singer and already working on her entourage. How boring would it be to sit there and listen to Lori sing? Lori goes into the makeshift studio and starts singing. In an interview, Lori says that she's nervous about Quarrel being there, because Quarrel's opinion means a lot to her. I don't know if I would care about the opinion of someone who wore a black sleeveless turtleneck halter top with her bra straps all hanging out. That's just tacky. Lori sings, and it sounds fine to me, but everyone is all up in her grill about what she's doing wrong. Wait. The song includes the line, "I'll work my tanky for you." "Tanky"? What in the frilly heck is a tanky? Quarrel comes into the studio and tells Lori that she needs to "mesh" her words together. In an interview, Lori says that her problem seems to be over-enunciation, which makes sense if she's used to singing in a choral group, where enunciation is really important. Lori decides to take a break because she's getting frustrated. Lori and Quarrel go outside to smoke, which will definitely make Lori's voice sound better. Except that it won't. Quarrel assures Lori that she'll get it, and that if she doesn't get it on the first try, she needs to just keep going. Quarrel is very supportive, and it makes Lori feel a lot better. Lori returns to the studio and apparently does much better, even though it sounds exactly the same to me. Everyone congratulates Lori. In an interview, Lori says it's a big deal that Nicky gave her a chance. Still. Tanky?
Devin walks into the Arista office wearing a short-sleeved crew neck sweater. I know I'm kind of obsessed with the sweaters, but that's all the dude ever wears. Like throw on a button-down once in a while. Devin hands out passes for a show at CBGB by From Zero. Devin tells Mike that he will be introducing the band tonight. Mike is psyched. In an interview, Mike says that he thinks he got this opportunity because he works so hard. At CBGB, Mike talks to the lead singer of the band backstage, and asks if he's nervous. The singer is, because the audience is filled with music-industry people. Except he's already got a contract, so what's he so worried about? Mike goes up onstage, and his roommates watch from the audience. Mike yells out, "I've got two words for you: Are you ready to rock and roll?" That's so much more than two words, and sadly, I don't think he was even being sarcastic. I mean it was no "Learn to fucking type." Anyway, Mike yells like a WWF wrestler, and the girls all giggle. That whole scene was kind of pointless. The band starts playing. Nicole pretends to bang her head to the music. Lori has her hair in really cute pigtails. Rachel and Nicole discuss how they need to learn how to bang their heads for their meeting about Adema. Nicole proclaims that she's going to play air drums in the meeting. That would be awesome.
Bunim: So, what were you saying about the Chicago season?
Murray: Chicago season? What Chicago season?
Bunim: Don't play dumb with me, young man. I'll send in ten young Asian boys with horsewhips to beat it out of you.
Murray: Again I ask, is that supposed to be a punishment?
In a meeting to discuss their new pitch, Nicole suggests that they should just go in the room and go psycho. Malik agrees, tossing all of his papers onto the floor and saying, "I'm sick of this shit -- put Adema on the goddamned radio." Hee! It's funny to see Malik act angry. I guess their actual strategy is just to go in there with a lot of energy. They walk in, and Nicole is whooping all over the place. In an interview, Lori explains that they want to have "over-the-top enthusiasm." Kevin hands Mike the Programming Director a videotape of the band talking about how much they love K-ROCK and Booker. Then, they play the song again, and all of the roommates start rocking out. They really look like fools, but it seems to get the point across. Also, Kevin doesn't do all of the talking this time. They have articles to back up what a great band Adema is, and how much attention they are getting nationwide. Mike the Programming Director promises to call them at 2:00 PM to let them know the decision.
Back in their offices, everyone celebrates how well things went. The bosses are pleased. Jeff says that they should hear something by 3:00 PM, and Lori is surprised. Didn't Mike the Programming Director just say that he would call by 2:00 PM? I guess everyone missed that. Devin says that if they get the add slot, Thursday will be the roommates' last day at work. What if they don't get it? Do they have to keep working there forever?
At this point, there was obviously a scene that they didn't show. I imagine that after the roommates left, an Arista rep and a B/M rep stayed behind. They told Mike the Programming Director that if he didn't give them the add slot, they wouldn't show the K-ROCK footage on the air. And that footage is essentially free advertising for K-ROCK amongst their target demographic. And then there's the even more pertinent point that Viacom owns both K-ROCK and MTV. But I'm sure that had nothing to do with this blatant cross-promotion. It's a corporate world, baby. We just live in it. [Disclaimer: Viacom also owns Mighty Big TV. Just kidding. AOL Time Warner owns us. Kidding! I'm kidding. It's really Microsoft. No, it's not. It's the United States government. Heh. As if.]
Jeff is on the phone with K-ROCK. Jeff puts Mike the Programming Director on speakerphone so that he can tell the roommates that they got the add slot. Big surprise, there. Everyone cheers.
Devin is wearing a button-down shirt! I'm not lying. It's black and short-sleeved. Anyway, he comes in and tells all of the roommates what a great job they did. Adam remembers the one-on-one meetings they had when they first started the job. Cue the black and white montage of meetings. Devin announces that they have a gift for the roommates. I think it's going to be something cool, because they are from a music label. They potentially could have cool gifts. Wait, when did Quarrel's hair get all curly? It actually looks pretty good, but it was just a shock to see. Instead, it's a framed rendition of a bunch of CD covers -- possibly all of the artists that the roommates helped promote. Regardless, it's a boring gift. I got better gifts from music labels when I worked for a national retailer, and I wasn't even allowed to keep them. Frequently, they involved food. We always loved it when the big music labels would come for their meetings, because they would dish out for a huge spread, and then after the meeting, any uneaten food would be put in the lunchroom. You've never seen people run so fast as when the email went out that said, "Free food from the lunchroom!" Man, those were the days.
Oh, yeah. The show is still going on. Devin and Adam make up some lie about final paperwork, and the roommates walk into the conference room to discover that there is a surprise farewell party for them. Malik tells everyone that the Arista team is "definitely...a family." In an interview, Nicole says that she thinks that the job helped the roommates to learn to work together. Oh, so when she was yelling at Mike about the window displays, that was working together? Speaking of the window displays, the editors play "Thank You" by Dido, an Arista artist, over this scene. The roommates all put their hands on knife and cut the cake. Everyone claps.
week: the finale! Everyone packs. They have a final dinner. Quarrel gets cut off in mid-sentence. People are sad. Kim is very, very happy.