Previously on The Real World: Malik said that Jisela is flirtatious, but that she doesn't have casual sex, and that the two of them had sex because they love each other. The roommates found out that they were going to the Hamptons, and got to invite someone from the Casting Special. Everyone loved the Hamptons. Malik was unhappy that Jisela wasn't spending time with him. Jisela was nervous about the "boyfriend" label. Nicole said that this weekend was all about Bobby.
Nicole wakes up Bobby by shaking him. That, right there, would be ground to refuse sex, as far as I'm concerned. Nicole continues to give Bobby a hard time because he won't have sex with her. If you have to nag someone into having sex with you, there's something wrong with the relationship. In an interview, Nicole says that she wants to "make sweet, passionate love" with Bobby. Why are they giving us new information at this point? I thought Nicole hated Bobby. (I'm kidding.)
A bunch of the roommates and their guests hop on motorized scooters and head into town. Malik and Jisela are together. In an interview, Mike says that he doesn't think Malik and Jisela are on the same page about their relationship. Malik explains that Jisela "really got freaked out" by the way other people reacted to them being together. Jisela tells Malik that they aren't the typical couple. In an interview, Malik says that Jisela was affectionate to him in New York, but that she has barely spent time with him in the Hamptons. Jisela asks Malik, like, ten times whether he's sure things are okay between them, and Malik says that he's fine. Jisela speeds off on her scooter. Oh, good, so that storyline is done, then?
Bobby and Nicole make an omelet. Well, actually, Bobby tells Nicole what to do; then she does it; then he criticizes the way she does it. Nicole's all giggly about it, when I would have smashed an egg over his head already. I guess he's supposed to be teaching her, but it's really annoying. Rachel watches them. In an interview, Rachel says that Nicole is usually very assertive, but that around Bobby, she is submissive. Rachel wouldn't let a guy treat her that way. In an interview, Lori says that Bobby orders Nicole around, and that it's frustrating to watch. In an interview, Quarrel says that Nicole is "way, way over-Bobbied," and that she doesn't want to see Nicole get hurt, or see Nicole make a fool out of herself. Bobby thinks he's all master chef, but he makes the rookie mistake of keeping the heat too high, so the omelet ends up all burned on the bottom and practically raw on the inside. And then he blames Nicole for letting it burn. I hope he gets the salmonella from those uncooked eggs. Nicole talks about how ugly her omelet is.
Vanessa jumps into the pool, and her bikini top slides to the side so that her nipple is exposed. Mike and ADDam totally ogle her until she notices the problem, and they laugh at her. Inside, Jisela has a video camera, and she does a mock interview with Rachel. Jisela asks Rachel why Mike invited Vanessa along. Rachel says that it's because Vanessa is nice, but also because she has fake boobs, and Mike said he always wanted to feel fake boobs. Jisela asks whether that might make Vanessa feel like boobs instead of a person, and Rachel agrees. One interesting thing about this scene was how much it revealed about the actual B/M interview process. Notice that Jisela asks very leading questions designed to get Rachel to talk about her roommates, and that when Rachel answers, she is careful to use people's names instead of pronouns, and to repeat the question in her answer. That way, when it airs, it looks like she was speaking unprompted. Anyway, is anyone surprised that Mike likes boobies?
Mike and Vanessa get stuck in the pool in an inner tube, facing each other. In an interview, Mike says that it was great because "her boobs were just all up in [his] business." Mike and Vanessa struggle to get out of the inner tube. Well, I don't think Mike is struggling too hard. Vanessa keeps smashing her boobs into Mike's face "accidentally." Rachel tries to help them get out, and finally Vanessa does pop out, but it looks like she's headed down South on Mike, if you get what I mean. Also, her bikini top nearly falls off again. Maybe she needs to get a new one. She seems to have a lot of trouble with that. As soon as Vanessa is out, Mike practically jumps on top of her, like, let the girl breathe! Damn.
Jisela uses her video camera to film Mike and Vanessa, who are taking a shower with their bathing suits on. Jisela keeps urging them to get naked. Rachel wants to go in and wash her hair, so she does. In an interview, Rachel says that "having Jisela around is a bit of an invasion on our lives, and it's pushing on our territory, and I don't like that." Yeah, but being filmed twenty-four hours a day isn't an invasion of your lives. I guess the regular camera people don't nag them to get naked all the time. Much. Jisela tells Rachel to take Vanessa's top off. Rachel and Vanessa lather up their hair. Vanessa says that she won't take her top off unless Mike takes his pants off. In an interview, Mike says that he was born naked, so he has nothing to hide. I would hope that his body has changed a bit since he was born, and if not, then he does actually have something to hide. Mike removes his swimming trunks. Rachel gets grossed out, but her hair is full of lather, so she's not sure what to do. She ends up running out of the shower without rinsing her hair first. Mike keeps asking where she is going. Once again, thank God that it was pixilated.
In an interview, Quarrel says that she's going to say something to Jisela about it, because those guys are her friends. Quarrel talks to Jisela, and explains all the reasons why it wasn't cool. Jisela says that it was a joke. Quarrel says that the guys didn't take it as a joke -- especially Malik, because he has feelings for Jisela. Quarrel actually talks very rationally and calmly about the whole thing. Jisela promises to talk to Malik about it.
Jisela gathers Malik, Mike, Kevin, and ADDam to discuss the issue. She gives them permission to be mad at her, which I'm sure they didn't need, and then admits that she made a mistake. Kevin thinks that it was disrespectful and low-class to badmouth her hosts. Jisela says that they just didn't understand her joke. Didn't Mike already try this defense earlier this season? I didn't think that what Jisela said was funny or clever, which are my criteria for a joke. Then again, God knows I've had jokes fall flat before. Probably a dozen in this recap alone. But Jisela really doesn't apologize for hurting their feelings. In an interview, Malik says that he thought Jisela's actions were lame.
Bunim: Well, at least we got some sex out of her.
Murray: Who? Jisela? But the deal was that she had to have sex with at least two of the roommates, male or female.
Bunim: So she won't get paid. Maybe we can keep her on retainer in case the Vegas season needs spicing up.
Murray: Done and done. More grapes?
Jisela and Malik talk alone, still going on and on about the joke that was misunderstood. Malik says that he feels disrespected because Jisela treats him poorly, and he feels that she led him on and hurt him. In an interview, Jisela says that she feels bad, because Malik is a great person, but she doesn't like him the way he likes her. Malik says that they're just friends. In an interview, Malik has learned the lesson that Nicole needs to learn -- he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want him in the same way. In an interview, Jisela says she tried to convince herself that she wanted to be in a relationship with Malik, but that she's not attracted to him that way. Interesting that she had to have sex with him to find that out. I mean, usually if you're not attracted to someone, you don't particularly want to have sex with that person. Right? Inside, Jisela and Malik talk some more, and then hug. Malik is a far better person than I could ever be.
Nicole and Bobby have yet another talk. Nicole starts crying. In an interview, Nicole says that being vulnerable with Bobby shows that she trusts him. Or that he makes her cry. Bobby says that he's never had a serious relationship before. In an interview, Nicole says that she's "willing to give [Bobby] everything." You don't say? Like her self-respect? And her self-esteem? Because she gave those up about three or four episodes back, when all she talked about in every interview was how much she wanted him, and she basically begged him to be her boyfriend, and he turned her down.
The camera shows clothes in disarray all over the floor, and then the covers moving around on Nicole's bed. In an interview, Nicole says something about her "juices flowing." Too much information! We see Nicole's closed bedroom door and hear Nicole moaning. In an interview, Rachel says that Quarrel heard something coming from Nicole's bedroom, so they all ran down to listen. And in fact, everyone listens, and hears Nicole moaning and the headboard thumping against the wall. After listening for an undetermined length of time, everyone moves into the kitchen and they all toast Nicole finally getting some. In an interview, Kevin says that Nicole hasn't had sex in four years, so he's happy for her. In an interview, Rachel says that Nicole will be "glowing for days." Out on the deck, Quarrel and Lori talk about how happy they are for Nicole. Lori realizes that they win the bet. Quarrel and Lori bet Nicole that Nicole would have sex in the year, so they win twenty dollars.
The morning after, Nicole works on her hair. We see a couple of shots of the condom wrapper on the floor. Just one? I mean, she hasn't had sex in four years and Bobby finally gave it up. You'd think there would be more than one. In an interview, Nicole says that she thinks having sex will make their relationship better. Yeah, good luck with that. Nicole nonchalantly tries to sweep the condom wrapper under the bed, and then goes back to doing her hair.
The entire group gathers out on the dock for a picture. In an interview, Nicole repeats the litany that Bobby is the one she wants, and that she can stop the search and quit taking applications.
Everyone hugs and prepares to board the buses for home. Blair and Rachel hug. Remember how they almost hooked up or something in Morocco? What's up with that? And where the hell has Blair been during this episode? Malik and Jisela hug. In an interview, Malik says that all relationships evolve and change, and that it's possible he and Jisela will end up being friends, but he doesn't know. Mike and Vanessa hug goodbye. In an interview, Mike says that they had a great weekend, but that he misses New York City. All of the roommates, plus Bobby, ride in one bus back to the city. In an interview, Malik says that the roommates have grown really close, like family.
Back at the apartment, Nicole writes in her journal. Quarrel sits to her and pretends to voice-over what Nicole is writing, which is basically, "I had sex with Bobby, and I loved it!" In a confessional, Nicole says that she's embarrassed by all of Quarrel's teasing, but that she has to admit it is funny. Quarrel keeps whining that Nicole won't share details about sex with Bobby. Nicole tries to deny that they had sex, but Quarrel brings up the headboard banging against the wall. Nicole has no explanation for that one. Quarrel demands her money for winning the bet. Nicole says that paying the money is not an admission of sex, and tries to get Quarrel to agree to stop the jokes once she has the money. Quarrel isn't having it, but she gets her money anyway. Nicole walks away, laughing. Quarrel was very likable in this scene. Like, I could actually envision hanging out with her for the first time this season. Quarrel waves the money in the air. Nicole insists that it's not an admission of guilt. Quarrel yells after her, "You know what it's an admission of? That you had SEX!" Hee.
week: shouldn't they be packing up to leave soon? That episode wasn't bad. They should leave on a high note. Anyway, week, they have more job stuff, including convincing K-Rock to add an Arista song to the play list. Also, Lori sings some more. Bleh.