Previously on The Real World: The boys walked around in the snow and talked about how much they hate the girls, Quarrel and Nicole in particular. The Bullies picked on Rachel until she cried.
The phone rings while all of the roommates are sleeping. But it's not the phone -- it's the doorbell. It sounds just like a phone. Malik answers, wearing only a towel. Some delivery guy is there, with a package.
Apparently, the package was delivered, and opened, but we don't get to see any of that. Instead, Rachel calls her mom to say that she is leaving that day to go to Casablanca, "which is in Morocco." So, once again, the roommates go to Africa, and once again, they have no say in the matter. And once again, I really don't care.
Quarrel is excited to go to Morocco because it's 98% Muslim, and she's Muslim. She is? Okay. If she says so. Nicole appears for the first time this season with no makeup, and I think she looks cute, but her hair is all in her face so that you can't see it. Nicole and Rachel look at some pictures of Morocco and get excited. Nicole reveals that they only have six hours before they leave. I guess that's "the twist" of the vacation -- they have to get ready, like, really fast. Oh, the hijinks that will ensue! I think my first priority would be to do laundry, because I definitely would not have enough clean clothes to last a week. Unless I had just done laundry the day before. In which case -- score for me!
The guys sit and watch some other guys play basketball. They discuss how they only have forty-five minutes until they have to leave, and they haven't even started packing yet. I smell the inevitable "the cab to the airport is here but the guys aren't ready yet!" tension brewing. Kevin wishes that they could delay their trip for a week, and go without the girls. Malik points out that they should try to be positive on this trip. Mike manages to chew his gum and hold his mouth agape all at the same time.
Back at the apartment, the girls are packing. Packing, packing, packing. The guys are packing too. Then they get on a bus. Contrary to the non-tension set up just a moment ago, no one is shown as being late or holding things up. They go to the airport. Rachel has to pee. They get off the bus. An airplane flies into the sunset. Suddenly, there are camels. This cracks me up, because someone was complaining on the forums this week that this show isn't an hour long, when so many other reality shows are. Look at all the filler they have to put in just to fill out a half-hour show! I guess if this were an hour-long show, we would have been able to see the entire ride to the airport, and possibly, Rachel going to pee before boarding the plane. Maybe we would have seen them jostling for seat assignments. That would have been gripping television.
Anyway, there are camels, and the music on the soundtrack includes chanting, so they must be in Morocco now. In an interview, Kevin says, "You're on the other side of the world, and this has been going on forever, and this is their life, and they know nothing about my life, back home." Thus begins the crux of this episode for me: people saying stuff that makes no sense. Seriously, everyone on the show turned into Monica from Big Brother this week. Did Kevin really think that Morocco didn't exist until he set foot on Moroccan soil? I don't know.
The roommates arrive at Darzina Estate, which to me looks a lot like the resort where the Casting Special took place. Everyone is excited about it. In an interview, Mike says that Kevin's attitude did "a total turnaround" when they arrived, because the place was so nice. Also, it's big. There are a lot of rooms. We know this because the roommates keep walking around going, "It's so big!" and "Look, it's another room!" Mike wants to sleep in the pool house. Someone else wants the same room. They flip a coin for it and Mike wins, so the guys get the pool house. In a confessional, Mike explains that the boys always try to separate themselves from the girls and "get away from the petty arguments." Mike goes into the bathroom, and marvels that it has "one of those French things." That would be a bidet, and frankly, I'm surprised that Mike knew what it was.
Rachel and Lori decide to room together. Quarrel and Nicole get singles, I guess. In an interview, Rachel says that she's purposely staying away from Quarrel and Nicole so that they won't make fun of her. To their faces, Rachel says that she and Lori should room together, because they are "less maintenance-y" than Quarrel and Nicole. I thought that would spark an argument, but Quarrel and Nicole agree and head to their rooms to get settled in.
Some of the roommates go to a big marketplace in Marrakech. The Greenwich Village Idiot's comment on the marketplace? "Whoa." That's seriously what he said. Because women have scarves over their faces. Nicole gets some sort of henna tattoo on her hand. Malik says that he wants to get some food, and Quarrel starts to discuss their options, but Nicole interrupts and bitches that she's really hot and wants to get going. Of course, she could take off her jean jacket, but I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she was trying to respect local customs by not revealing too much skin. And I have to say that, like Nicole, I have little patience for group indecision. Usually, I just say, "Well, I'm doing this. Anyone with me?" I think people just want someone, anyone, to step up and make a decision. Or, people think I'm really bossy. I'm fine with that. In an interview, Kevin says that Nicole was being bitchy, and every time she complained, he and Malik and Mike would all look at each other. Finally, Lori and Rachel started getting upset too. Lori has some sort of shawl on that I don't really understand, but that fits in with the general theme of this episode, so whatever. Nicole buzzes around Quarrel like an angry bee, which can't be lowering her body temperature any.
Suddenly, it's dark out. All of the roommates, minus Nicole and Quarrel, are having some sort of bitch session over drinks. In an interview, Rachel says that she can't handle one of The Bullies ganging up on her, much less two of them. In an interview, Lori says that "this incident" was similar to many others, where there was a discrepancy between funny and serious. You know, these people are talking, but I don't think regular English sentences are coming out of their mouths.
Ooh! Footage of "The Incident"! In case you weren't sure, we even get the Hip Non-Squiggly Font to tell us that this is "The Incident." It's even in quotation marks! This must be juicy! I don't think I've ever used that many exclamation points in one paragraph. Anyway, on the plane, Quarrel told Rachel to chill out and stop snapping at her. Rachel tried to apologize. Quarrel cut her off and told Rachel that she was "too big for [her] britches," and Quarrel isn't even kidding anymore.
That was "The Incident"? That was no incident! That was, at best, a moment. Maybe a thing. But it was not an incident. Oh, now we have to rehash it ten times from each participant's perspective. Maybe the flight attendant will get an interview. I imagine that the flight attendance would say, "I was trying to be nice to these girls, because of the camera and all, plus the production crew bribed me. But then the loud one started yelling, and the one with all the makeup told me that I didn't know where she comes from, and the dark-haired one started singing along with her headphones. And have you heard the blonde one's voice? Have I mentioned that the flight to Morocco from New York is twelve hours long? So I went into the bathroom and took, like, three Xanax, and now I'm feeling much better." Instead, we get Rachel saying that Quarrel can say what she wants, but that if Rachel makes a comment back, Quarrel jumps all over her.
At the resort, Quarrel and Nicole tease each other. I guess we're supposed to see that they call one another "ugly" and "stupid" all the time, and no one gets offended. In an interview, Quarrel says that she gets alone with Nicole because "there aren't any boundaries."
The Tioga drives up to the resort. Rachel must have super-human hearing, because she instantly perks up, but the others don't seem to know what's going on. The gate opens, and the Road Rules crew enters. The Real World roommates get up and run to the gate. Hugs are exchanged. Hey, there's Steve! Hi, Steve! I'm not even going to try to figure out when this all happened, because I haven't seen every single episode of Road Rules this season, but Katie is there instead of Jisela, if that helps. In an interview, Blair says that he has a special relationship with Rachel. He does? Quarrel didn't run up to greet the guests. Instead, she sits at the table and eats pizza alone. In an interview, Quarrel says that she didn't feel any attachment to the Road Rules team, so she didn't feel the need to greet them. Because, you know, it wouldn't occur to her to be polite. Nor to do something that might make her part of the group, instead of being singled out, so that she gets all of the attention when everyone rushes over to her.
Lori tells Ellen that The Bullies tease Rachel, and only pick on Lori when she defends Rachel. Ellen commiserates. Rachel says that, on her own, Nicole is really nice, but that when she's with Quarrel, they're both really mean. Mike is suddenly there, too, and says, "Every time I'm with Coral, I mean, like, check with her mother." What? See what I mean about things not making sense? What the hell does that mean? Did I miss something? I don't know. Anyway, they all complain about how mean Quarrel is. We've seen this before. Every goddamn week. Just because they are on another continent doesn't make it new.
Ellen thinks that fighting has made her group closer. Ha ha ha! Yeah, so close that they booted Jisela off the continent! In an interview, Rachel says that Ellen advised them to take care of things, but Rachel and Lori are worried that saying some thing will make things worse, not better. I don't know why Rachel would think that. I mean, when Mike apologized to Quarrel for his stupid, offensive, racist uncle remark, she totally let it drop and...okay, bad example. Well, the time that Rachel explained to them that it hurt her feelings when they picked on her, Quarrel was really understanding...oh, wait. Um. Okay, so Rachel is totally right to be scared.
Hey, did you know that they are in the desert? They are. I know this because they showed a couple of scenes featuring sand and camels. The kids all go out to dinner at a restaurant. Quarrel agrees with Mike that he is the worst dressed in the house. Quarrel is wearing that sweater with the cowl that goes on her head -- the same one that she was wearing in the confrontation with Malik's friend Nomani, I believe. ADDam totally rips on Quarrel's outfit. Ellen laughs, and Quarrel protests that it was handmade in India. Quarrel tells ADDam that he's the dumbest person she's ever met. What? I mean, she knows Mike! How can she say that? Ellen wonders why Quarrel is bickering with everyone. Quarrel claims that they are joking. ADDam says that he wants to trade Quarrel for some camels. Quarrel says that wasn't funny. It really wasn't. I mean, it's nice to see someone sticking up to Quarrel, but does it have to be a clearly-off-his-meds ADDam? Because his comebacks are just dumb. In an interview, Mike tells us how much he admires ADDam for being confident. ADDam's parting shot to Quarrel is, "You know what's the best thing about you? The back of your head." That is so dumb. And yet, Quarrel gets all riled up, and Mike is happy because he feels that ADDam has taken away Quarrel's intimidation factor.
That night, the boys burp and fart. Kevin says that the Road Rules guys are fun to hang out with. Kevin thanks the Road Rules boys for being fun. ADDam says that Mike needs to get his energy out a little more often. Kevin says, "We do!" See? What are they talking about? It doesn't make any sense. Malik says that Mike needs "some sort of physical contact." thing you know, Mike and ADDam are wrestling around half-naked. No, they really are. No, they really are. Nicole opens her bedroom door and asks the boys to be quiet. She is the enemy of fun. Someone tells her to shut up. Hee!
Rachel babbles drunkenly. She's slurring her words quite a bit. Guess what she's babbling about? The Bullies. Katie advises Rachel and Lori to talk to The Bullies about their problems, and soon.
Bunim: What happened to the one who likes salsa?
Murray: Jisela? She got voted off.
Bunim: What? When did that happen? I thought the voting-off thing was just a threat we were going to use if any of the kids wouldn't go by the script!
Murray: It happened, like, weeks ago. Don't you watch the show every week?
Bunim: No. Does anyone? I just have my assistant print out Stee's recaps and then I read them when I'm on the pot. But I ate a lot of cheese last week, so I haven't had...
Murray: Ooookay. I'm out of here.
Nicole voice-overs that Rachel and Lori wanted to talk to her and Quarrel about their friendship. The four women gather on a porch somewhere. Lori says that she and Rachel get "a little bullied," and that while Quarrel and Nicole say that it's all in fun, they feel hurt, and saying something doesn't help. Quarrel interrupts to say that this is a Rachel problem, not a Lori problem. Lori says that it affects her, because she feels like she needs to stick up for Rachel. In her own defense, Rachel says that she doesn't have friends who patronize her and make her cry. Quarrel denies that she made Rachel cry. Nicole brings up the whole "we didn't know you were serious" defense, claiming that now they know that Rachel wasn't kidding. Rachel thinks that they still don't know, and that if Lori weren't around to stick up for her, she wouldn't ever go near Quarrel and Nicole. Quarrel wonders why Rachel is getting upset now, as Rachel starts to cry. Again. Nicole, thankfully, points out to Quarrel that Rachel can be upset if she wants to. Thank you, Nicole! I don't know who appointed Quarrel the Dictator of Emotion, but Rachel is telling them that it bothers her. They can feel that she's being stupid, or a baby, but if they had any kind of hearts at all, they would stop teasing her.
Rachel claims that when The Bullies tease her, and she tries to confront them about it, she doesn't get anywhere. Quarrel says, "I think you're being a big baby." Rachel shoots back, "Sometimes, I feel like you're being a big bully." Then Quarrel says something that, fitting with this episode, doesn't make any sense to me, about looking like a bully. Finally, Quarrel points out that neither of them is trying to do anything wrong to the other, but somehow they both are.
In an interview, Quarrel says that she wants to be friends with Rachel and Lori. The Piano Music of Self-Realization plays as Quarrel says that she's learned how she is, and how she appears to others, and that's it's not always necessary to be so hard all the time. Quarrel tells the other women that she's willing to work on it and move forward. Lori says that they need to be more up-front in the moment. In an interview, Rachel says that she thinks it's resolved. They used the desert backdrop for Rachel's interview, but she was wearing a turtleneck sweater, so I'm guessing that she was talking about a completely different disagreement. The women do a super-gay group cheer that I choose to believe the producers bribed them to do, because it was so, so stupid. Quarrel and Nicole talk in their room. Nicole says that she's emotionally drained.
Outside, all of the other people are drinking and being loud. In an interview, Katie says that Quarrel and Nicole were totally anti-social, choosing not to hang out. In an interview, ADDam says that he was drinking, and got a little rowdy, and decided to try to wake people up. ADDam sneaks up to Quarrel's room and pounds on the door. She repeatedly tells him to go away. In the hallway, Mike, Blair, Kevin, and Ellen snicker. In an interview, ADDam says that he loves to mess with Quarrel. Quarrel comes out in a robe with a towel on her head and squeals at them to go away. I guess the teasing isn't funny when she's trying to sleep. Then again, ADDam is super-annoying.
ADDam announces that he's going skinny-dipping. He does. Mike disrobes and joins him, because I think he's in love with ADDam. Ellen runs up and pushes ADDam into the pool. ADDam runs out and grabs Ellen, then drops her in the pool. Ellen did that thing where she screamed and acted like a helpless girl, but ADDam was so drunk that she easily could have gotten away if she wanted to. Blair and Rachel decide to go skinny-dipping, too. Well, Blair gets completely naked. Rachel leaves on most of her clothes. In an interview, Rachel says that her mother's going to kill her. In an interview, Mike says, "Let the corruption begin," and expresses his excitement that Rachel got to see a boy's penis. He's a little too excited about the penises, if you know what I mean.
Suddenly, Quarrel is there, too. In an interview, she says that she saw ADDam's penis, and Mike's penis, and that is some shit that she didn't need to see. She's actually funny. I wish that Quarrel would lighten up and make jokes more often, because she is smart and funny. When she's not being mean and hateful.
The boys all hug one another. ADDam practically starts humping Malik on the bed. Kevin voice-overs that the Road Rules boys gave the Real World boys some energy that they really needed. Again, no idea. Then, they do a stupid group cheer. What is with that?
Rachel sits on Blair's lap. He tells her to close her eyes and see if the room is spinning, so she's clearly been drinking. I don't know why they couldn't show it. I'm going to guess that there's no legal drinking age in Morocco. Blair and Rachel hug. They're actually kind of cute together. In an interview, Rachel says that Blair helped her realize some things that she needs to understand about herself. Blair and Rachel get into bed together (!) and kiss goodnight, and then there is giggling under the covers. That was the only really interesting part of the episode to me.
week: Mike "gets some ass," as he so eloquently puts it. He has sex with some girl in his bedroom while Kevin and Malik are in their beds. Shades of David last season, eh? Minus the muscles, and the tank tops, and the singing. Thank God. Rachel tells her roommates that Blair kissed her, and that it was the greatest night of her life. Lori says that "this guy" is calling Rachel and talking for three hours a night. I don't know whether she's talking about Blair; how could he make three-hour phone calls? I don't know.