Previously, on Real World: Lori says that Kevin knows she is interested, but tells her it’s not the right time. Then, he acts flirtatiously towards her, and she doesn’t understand what message he's sending. A mixed one! Run, girl! Rachel says something innocuous, and the Greenwich Village Idiot (a.k.a. Mike) makes a sexual joke out of it. Rachel says that her virginity is a constant topic of conversation in the house. Yet another reason that I'm glad I don't live there. It's bad enough that I have to think about it once a week.
Rachel walks up to the door at a bar, and the bouncer asks to see an ID. She's not 21, so she says she'll just go home. You know, when I was underage, my friends wouldn't go to bars unless we could all get in. I mean, at least one person could offer to go back home with her. Instead, we see Rachel walk off alone. In an interview, Rachel says that it's "a pain in the butt" not being able to get into the bars. Ah, I remember those days. Having a September birthday, I didn't turn 21 until my senior year of college. And it was a pain. ["I didn't turn 21 until March of my senior year. I so feel Rachel here." -- Sars] In a confessional, Rachel says that it's another Friday night, and she's sitting alone in the house when everyone else is out.
Mike, Lori, Nicole, Kevin, and Rachel are looking through Rachel's photo albums. Rachel points out one picture and says that it was taken on the way to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kevin asks for a "quick massage" and the Greenwich Village Idiot immediately makes it out to be a big sex thing, because he's a chump. Rachel starts rubbing Kevin's shoulder with one hand. In an interview, Lori says that she might be paranoid, but she thinks there is some sexual tension between Rachel and Kevin. I'd like to point out that this is the same interview from the first episode where Lori talked about how Kevin was a flirtatious dancer. In an interview, Rachel says she is "slightly attracted to Kevin" and that he's one of her favorite people in the house. Hmm. In the previews for the entire season, they showed that, but left out the word "slightly." Tricky. Rachel points out some guy in a picture and says she made out with him. Everyone makes a big deal about it, saying how she's not so innocent. Kevin asks if Rachel has done anything besides that. Rachel tells him it's none of his goddamn business. Okay, she doesn't, but she should. Lori looks up sharply. Rachel says, "Not much more." Mike immediately wants specifics, and asks if anyone has touched her. Rachel doesn't understand what he's getting at, so Nicole clarifies, asking if anyone has ever headed "south of the border." Ew. I would refuse to answer that question just on the basis of how it was phrased. Rachel quickly says no and goes back to rubbing Kevin's back. Kevin starts joking that Mike wants to ask if anyone ever hit "the mountains in the Midwest" or went "skiing in Colorado," on the slopes. Everyone laughs at what an idiot Mike is, really. Rachel jokes that there aren't any slopes, and that there are barely foothills. In an interview, Mike says that Rachel is not innocent at all. They cut out the part where he added, "In my fantasies." Mike and Kevin walk down the stairs and leave the apartment.
The girls (and Malik) are all talking about their most sensitive spots. Quarrel brings up her neck, and Nicole agrees. Rachel looks confused. Lori agrees with neck and ear. Quarrel says something about the back of her neck, but Lori says her spot is on the side of her neck. Nicole says that the best feeling is when someone you have a crush on touches your arm. Lori agrees, saying that all the person has to do is graze your arm, and you get a hot flash through your body. Malik just takes in all the girl talk. In an interview, Malik says that Lori is definitely someone who has sought out relationships instead of being sought after. What? Where did that come from? Oh, it's just setting up this part. Quarrel (whose breasts, it must be said, are looking enormous in that gray camisole) says that if she has to call a guy, she feels like she's the one doing all the work and the guy isn't really interested. Lori says she will call a guy three times, and on the third call, she will leave a message saying that if she doesn't hear back, she'll take the hint that the guy isn't interested. Sounds reasonable to me. Nicole says Lori rocks because of that policy. Agreed. It's so much better than the "girl disease" (of which I have been as guilty as anyone in the past), where you sit around and wonder if he's going to call, and are afraid to leave the house in case he calls, and call his number and hang up to see if he's home. Of course, that was before Caller ID. I think Lori's assertiveness is refreshing.
On the street, the Greenwich Village Idiot tells Kevin that Lori wants him bad. Kevin says he feels bad because he likes hanging out with Lori, and he thinks she's pretty. Mike says that Lori isn't Kevin's type. Well, then, he should quit flirting with her and tell her that flat out! In an interview, Kevin says that he's flattered, but he doesn't like Lori "that way." Then he adds that something may happen "down the road." See? He has to have it both ways. He can't just say he doesn’t like her -- he's always keeping his options open. It's annoying. In an interview, Lori says that she thinks Kevin is terrified that she'll get attached. Quarrel asks what the deal is with Kevin, and why Lori wants him so much. Lori tries to explain. In an interview, Quarrel says that Lori is gorgeous, and she should stop chasing after "that little boy." How can I go from completely disagreeing with her last week to totally agreeing with her this week? I hate this show.
That night, or possibly another night altogether, Kevin asks Lori if she's going out. Lori suggests that they go to Limelight. Rachel voice-overs that she wants to be able to go out with everyone and feel part of the nightlife. Kevin sits down on the couch and lies on top of Lori, the girl he's not at all attracted to and wishes would just leave him alone. God, it's so obvious he's not attracted to her! I don't know what she's thinking.
Mike, Rachel, Lori, and Kevin walk to Limelight, which is in a big church. Lori is eating a street vendor hot dog, which actually looks really good right now. In an interview, Kevin says that Rachel is glad to be able to go out because there aren't many places she can get into. Really? Rachel can't get into many bars? I'm so glad they explained that, because I hadn't gotten that yet. They enter the bar and pony up $25. What? That's insane. Please tell me it was some sort of special deal that night. I'll have to ask Sars. ["A lot of these clubs charge that just to get in. That does seem high for Limelight, though." -- Sars] Anyway, in an interview, Rachel says it's good to know that she has roommates who will go out of their way and pay $25 so that she can get in somewhere. Mike and Rachel dance together, as do Lori and Kevin. We get a repeat of the clip from the first episode, where Lori tells us that Kevin is a flirtatious dancer. I'm glad they are able to reuse footage like that. It's probably good for the environment or something. Rachel and Mike tell us that they were watching Kevin and Lori dance and put the moves on each other. In an interview, Rachel says that it looked like Kevin might kiss Lori, and we go to commercial.
Kevin talks to Lori in the kitchen, and asks her if everything is cool after what happened. Okay, I have to give him some grudging respect that he cared enough to make sure she was okay. Grudging. Lori says she is "mentally clear," but is waiting for her body to catch up. She looks like she's been crying. She tells him that she looks at him differently now, and she knows that the phrase that changed everything was "I don't want to be with you." She adds that it was honest, and what she needed to hear, but it still hurt. In an interview, Lori says she's bummed that Kevin isn't attracted to her, and she doesn't know why not, but she knows she can't fix it. In the guys' bedroom, Kevin asks Malik why he (Kevin) isn't attracted to Lori. Malik says, "Different strokes for different folks." Kevin asks if Malik thinks that Rachel is attracted to him. Oh, God. Please tell me that they're not going to be the big romance of the season. Malik says he thinks Rachel is attracted to Kevin, but she would never pursue it, and Kevin would have to be the pursuer.
Mike talks on the phone with Jeff, his fraternity brother who transferred to Columbia. Mike and Jeff make plans. Mike reveals that they can't really go to bars because of Rachel, and Jeff is fine with that. Rachel, Lori, Nicole, Malik, Mike, and Kevin go to Jeff's fraternity house. They must have ditched Nicole somewhere along the way, because she didn't make it. Malik jokes with Mike that holes punched in the wall are a "telltale sign of a frat house." Have I mentioned yet this week how much I love Malik? Mike tries to cover them up and says that his fraternity house doesn't have those. At least he didn't do that annoying, "Don't call my fraternity a frat, because you wouldn't call your country a cunt" thing. I hate that. The gang heads up to Jeff's room. The boys start talking about basketball, and decide to have a game with the roommates versus the fraternity brothers or something. Lori and Rachel are rolling their eyes, especially when one of the guys suggests that they act as cheerleaders. Lori and Rachel decide to hang out in Jeff's room while the boys play basketball. They wonder what they are doing there, and then totally start eating Jeff's food. Rachel talks about at Limelight, how she and Mike thought Kevin was making his move. Lori gives Rachel the lowdown on what really happened, and says she has spent the last day picking out all Kevin's flaws. The phone rings and Lori answers it, but the caller hangs up. Lori tells Rachel that she likes that the boys are social, but that they are players. Rachel says that Quarrel is a player too. Lori picks up a drinking glass and sniffs it. Heh. Rachel calls them "a minority of un-players." Lori takes some milk out of a fridge and sniffs that too. Hee! She tells Rachel that they are "not unattractive girls," and Rachel says that they are cute. The phone rings again, and Lori answers it. Seems that it's Jeff's girlfriend and she wants to know why a girl is answering his phone. Lori explains it to her. Ooh, I bet Jeff will be in trouble when he gets back! Rachel points out that Jeff wasn't supposed to have a girlfriend, so I'm guessing that Mike lured them over there in the first place by promising to introduce them to his cute friend. Rachel says that they're pathetic, and Lori adds that nobody wants them. See, I could watch those two bonding for a whole episode. I know other people like all the drama and the fights, but I really prefer seeing the roommates hanging out and having a good time, like Julie and Heather B. in the original New York season. I realize that I'm about the only one.
The night, Quarrel and Nicole are trying to find a bar to go to in some guidebook. Nicole points out one that "Bobby" recommended. Who is this mysterious Bobby? Nicole says she's thinks it's "twenty-one and over." Quarrel says it's also a lesbian bar, and shows Nicole that the entry says "LES." Nicole asks what it means, and Quarrel replies, "Lesbian!" Some on-screen text tells us that it really means "Lower East Side." Hee! I love that Quarrel is wrong about something, especially after last week's episode. They decide to go check it out in case Quarrel is wrong. Rachel asks if she's going to get in, and Quarrel replies, "I don't know, honey. I don't rule the world." She doesn't? Then maybe she shouldn't act like she thinks she does. In an interview, Rachel says everyone wants her to get a fake ID, but she isn't sure if she should because "they're expensive, and I think it's a little bit illegal." You think? I'm not judging her. I don't know what the kids do these days, now that they have added about a million things to every license to make it hard to fake them. We just needed a little chalk and a little hairspray, and an engineer's pencil, and suddenly we were 21. ["I really don't see the big deal here. Many Manhattan bars don't bother carding at all; it's just a matter of finding them, or doing your drinking during the week when they aren't so anal, or not minding places that aren't that 'cool,' like generic Irish pubs. I can think of maybe one time that we had a problem bringing Mr. S out with us before he turned 21. Not that we're a family of boozers or anything." -- Sars] Quarrel tells Rachel to put a lot of make-up on, so she'll look older. I'm sure Nicole has some she could borrow. Quarrel tells Rachel to "pick out an 'outfit' outfit" and not to wear corduroys. Rachel starts looking through her closet, and Quarrel starts yelling at her, saying that she wants to see some breasts. Rachel says she doesn't have any. Rachel goes to Lori and asks her to do her make-up, explaining that she needs to look older. Mike calls Jeff, who says he has a fake ID for Rachel. Nicole tells Rachel, who is fully made-up, that she looks like a whore. She does have a lot of make-up on, but Nicole is one to talk. Mike tells Rachel that he found an ID for her. Rachel comes out of the bathroom wearing a leather tube top and saying that she belongs in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. She looks neither older, nor good. Her only hope is if she doesn't open her mouth.
Bunim: Did I hear something about a whore? Is that one girl a whore? Why didn't anyone tell me?
Murray: No, sir, she was saying…
Bunim: Does she have a pimp? Is the fellow with the Afro her pimp?
Murray: Sir, he's not a pimp, and I think that's a little…
Bunim: Well, at least someone around here is making some money. Have you seen our ratings?
The gang takes a cab to a club called Bob, which is totally going to get its liquor license suspended tomorrow. In a confessional, Mike says that Rachel's ID was terrible. Nicole gives her ID to the bouncer and gets in. Mike hands the bouncer some crumpled-up piece of paper. I'm hoping he just turned 21, and that's his temporary license, because that is just lame. The bouncer lets him in. Rachel is up . The bouncer looks at it, nods, looks at it again, and then gives Rachel a look like, "Are you kidding me with this?" Then he sees the TV camera, so maybe he thinks it couldn't possibly be illegal. He's so fired. Once inside, they all dance. In an interview, Quarrel says she saw "Rachel dancing with this brother." Everyone else watches Rachel dancing with this guy and giggles. The guy starts talking to her. Rachel voice-overs that the guy was saying something to her, but she couldn't understand it at first. Switch to confessional, where Rachel says that the guy grabbed himself and said, "Look, baby, you're making me so hard," and she ran away. EW! Please tell me that move has never worked for him, ever. In an interview, Quarrel says that Rachel was saying they had to go home. Rachel, Mike, and Lori leave the bar. Quarrel and Nicole stay. Quarrel is totally dancing with some guy, anyway.
Once they get outside, Rachel starts telling Mike and Lori about it. Mike asks patronizingly if it scared her, and Lori says it would've scared her. In a confessional, Rachel jokes that she was molested on the dance floor by an ugly, ugly man, and that she wants to shower fifty thousand times. On the street, Mike tries to comfort Rachel, who is totally grossed out. Lori asks what the guy said exactly, and Rachel gets too grossed out to even talk about it and starts gagging, saying she can still smell the guy's cheap cologne. In a confessional, Rachel makes some more gagging noises. She's like half-annoying and half-cute. I wouldn't want to hang out with her, because her voice would drive me batty, but she's okay in small doses.
Back at the house, Kevin uses the computer. In the kitchen, Lori tells Mike that Kevin is being weird towards her. Mike points out that maybe Kevin is acting the same, but that Lori thinks it's weird because of what happened. Mike is very smart in this scene, and you can tell, because he's wearing glasses. Lori voice-overs that Kevin is flirtatious with all the girls in the house, as we see Kevin flirting with all the girls in the house. Lori says that now, Kevin is flirting with all the other girls and not her. Okay, she can't have it both ways. She can't complain that he's flirting with her and yet it never goes anywhere, and then after he told her he's not interested, complain that he's not flirting with her. I'm just glad he's making the effort not to send her mixed messages anymore. Mike actually points this out. Should I be worried that I'm giving the same advice as the Greenwich Village Idiot? Lori says she wouldn't start liking Kevin again, after how clear he was with her about his lack of interest. In an interview, Mike says that he thinks Lori still likes Kevin.
Kevin goes upstairs and into the bug room (so named because of all the bug pictures) and calls his college friend Emily. She asks him if he's flirting with all the girls, and he insists that he's not, and that he's being himself. Emily replies, "Uh oh." After hanging up, we get a totally unnecessary shot of Kevin in his underwear (black boxer briefs, if you must know) walking back to the bedroom, while Kevin voice-overs that he would have started something with Emily if he were home. In bed, Kevin tells Malik about Emily. Kevin says that girls he likes don't smoke, like to work out, and are cool with everything. Including his one testicle. I'm sorry -- I had to get in at least one joke this week. Kevin says that anyone he meets will be compared to Emily.
The intro to Destiny's Child's "Survivor" starts playing as Lori talks on the phone with her friend Mike. In a confessional, Lori says she feels stupid about Kevin. On the phone, Lori says that she acts differently around Kevin, and looks to see if he's in a room, and if he is, she doesn't want him to leave. In a confessional, Lori says that she's losing her pride. On the phone, Lori says she doesn't want to be "that pathetic girl that’s like chasing and being stupid." I know that a lot of people have been comparing Lori to Amaya, and this, I think, is the big difference: self-awareness. Lori knows that what she is doing is stupid, and trite, but she can't help it in some ways. Amaya never understood that, and it only made her more pathetic. I'm sure we have all done something stupid over a crush, while knowing the whole time that it was stupid. To me, that self-awareness makes Lori sympathetic, and the lack of it makes Amaya annoying. Lori's friend says unrequited love is the worst. Lori says she doesn't know how to get over it faster. Her friend says time is the only thing that will help. Lori agrees as Destiny's Child sings, "I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I'm a survivor, keep on surviving!"
week: Quarrel and Mike mix it up over how he talks about women. Also, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't they be starting their job soon?