The Real World S08E25

It's time once again to find out what lucky losers will be the recipients of constant scrutiny and the butt of our jokes this season on Real World and Road Rules. Every year, the casting special has to have a gimmick. Last year, they had some of the losers host the special. This year, they had some losers host the special again, but in a different way: These losers are Real World and Road Rules alumni. Our hosts this evening are David from RW Seattle, Janet from RW Seattle, Judd from RW San Francisco, Sarah from RR Latin American and Shawn from RR Semester At Sea. We will be taking a look at sixteen finalists. Seven will go to Real World and six will go to Road Rules. Each finalist has to do a home video, interviews with casting directors and former Real World and Road Rules cast members, and go on a "casting date" with staff.

Stee: I just want to put it out there that I'm missing The Lyricist Lounge Show for this. They rap and act. Anyway...So David, he's pretty much run this gig to the ground now. Can't he let it go yet?

Kim: He has the same tired schtick all the time. Like grow or evolve or something.

Stee: The accent works for him. I loved him on Challenge 2000. He is such a douche. I liked fat drunk cheating Nathan better. When Nathan cheated and then cried to his girlfriend when she was there, I rewound that scene eight times.

Kim: I have a grudging respect for David because he amuses me with his drama.

Stee: Yes. And I liked when he beat some ass outside the bar. He's very gay though. Poor Judd with the hair loss.

Kim: Judd looked super-skinny to me.

Stee: He's battling something. And what's up with Snoop Doggy Shawn?

Kim: Shawn is a non-entity to me. It's like he doesn't exist. You say, "Shawn," and I say, "Who?"

Stee: Very much so. I loved when he said, about one finalist, "He hid the playa, yo."

The first finalist is Holly, a twenty-one-year-old from Maryville, Tennessee. She's got long, light brown hair and a thick Southern accent, sometimes. Holly talked a lot about her "ghetto booty," then she sang a song about how her "dream is to be black." We also found out that she's a virgin. Her dad is a former hippie and her mom was the 1984 Miss Tennessee Bodybuilding Champion. How scary is that? Anyway, she just found out that her parents are getting a divorce. She had an interview with Kameelah from RW Boston, who pointed out that Holly has a "fascination with ghetto culture." Holly is wearing the jacket Michael Jackson wore in the video for "Beat It." She even does some Michael Jackson dance moves. Holly says that people call her "white chocolate" because she looks white on the outside, but on the inside, she is all black. An onscreen pop-up tells us that Holly works on her college's student evangelism team.

Kim: I didn't get it. If she was honestly like that, whatever, but she was trying way too hard.

Stee: What's up with all of the Christians all of a sudden?

Kim: Everyone is also from the South.

Stee: I think Green Acres did the wacky redneck stuff already. And Jeff Foxworthy. Funny man, that one.

Kim: Jeff Foxworthy equals comic gold. And what is a "student evangelism team"?

Stee: "I'll take 'God's Wrath' for two-hundred, Bob." She was all, "Oh, my poor divorcing parents." I guess MTV has to show "tragedy" when they think we're not liking a character.

Kim: Every single one was like, "I'm funny -- but my life is tragic. I'm a sad fucking clown."

Then finalist is Laterrian, a twenty-two-year-old from Stanley, North Carolina. His parents were poor when they were younger -- his mom only had two pairs of jeans! But now they both drive Lexuses (Lexi?) This summer, he read Leaves of Grass and Collected Poems of Langston Hughes. He wants to be above average and serve as a role model. He wants to be a doctor or a professor, and work with kids. A Road Rules producer comes in and accuses Laterrian of being "full of shit," because he was a "bad boy" on his audition tape and now he's "wearing a halo." The audition tape shows Laterrian's friend saying that Laterrian just kicked out a girl, and made her cry. Back in the interview, Laterrian says he's not full of shit because there are two people -- Laterrian and "T." Laterrian will stay home and read until 2 AM, but then "T" will start calling girls to come over. He says that he and his friends "fall in the pussy." Laterrian doesn't think it's fair because Kameelah wants Laterrian and the Road Rules guys wants "T." Kameelah says she just wants him to "keep it real." Laterrian replies, "Keeping it real? That's my specialty."

Stee: What about latrine, or whatever his name was?

Kim: Hee! He was so fake.

Stee: The dual personality. Me, Myself, & Laterrian. I'd like to see an Ugly Real World. Everyone is too hot. Did you see Kameelah watching Laterrian? There was a puddle on the floor.

Kim: I loved the RR producer coming in and telling Laterrian he was full of shit.

Stee: Yeah. Wow. That was "believable." Good acting, that guy. He was playing Good Cop/Stilted Cop.

Kim: What was up with him saying he falls in the pussy?

Stee: I know, does insurance cover that? That would make an interesting lawyer slip and fall commercial. I think Laterrian is Shawn, without the tight braids. Maybe it WAS Shawn. He wants another shot.

Kelley is twenty-three and from Fayetteville, Arkansas. She says she feels like she is "consistently judged wrong [sic]" and that she has people in her life trying to take her down. The casting director tells her that someone said Kelley was so insecure about her looks that she wouldn't leave the house without makeup until six months ago. Kelley's all, "Who said that?" and then complains about how this is what she meant before. Everyone thinks just because she likes to wear makeup to "the bars," that means she can't go without it. She feels she has to "double-time it on the intelligence factor" to prove herself. Kelley likes to talk about sex, and what she wants. She tells guys, "Don't do the rabbit," and then demonstrates what she means by that. While talking about one guy she wasn't compatible with, she holds up her pinky to indicate that he was, ahem, less than well-endowed.

Kim: Paranoid. Like creepy.

Stee: The small dick thing -- she's "sassy." I hope that ex-boyfriend kicks her ass. Blondecutewhatever. She blends in for me.

Kim: Dude, that dick thing was so wrong, but the only semblance of personality she exhibited.

Stee: Right.

Stee: Should Margaret Cho sue Melissa for stealing her stand-up routine?

Kim: Yeah, let's laugh about my funny non-American parents. Did you see any of the commercials previewing the new season?

Stee: I tried to ignore them, but I know she's all throwing chairs.

Kim: I admire throwing chairs. That made me like her more than anything else.

Stee: Well, if she hit Irene, that would make me admire her even more.

Kim: I hope they make her go to anger management class. I'm just psyched to see her blow up. It's nice to see a chick who is upfront instead of wishy washy or a back-stabber.

Stee: I know. I like her. And she doesn't have sex much either. All the blondes have sex. Everyone else is all Christian.

Kim: She might get on my nerves though.

Stee: Oh, she will.

Danny, a twenty-two-year-old from Rockmart, Georgia is Finalist #6. Piggy from RR Australia interviews him. Piggy asks him to play word association and when she says, "Guilty pleasures," he replies, "One-night stands." Piggy asks him how many sexual partners is too many, and Danny says, "More than one in a day." He lives with his former girlfriend, who says Danny is cute and he knows it. Danny asks the casting people what their perceptions of him are, and they says he seems like a bad boy who likes trouble. Danny says that he does. He's from a small town, but he always knew there was much more on the outside.

Stee: Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. Piggy wanted some.

Kim: I love Piggy but she always wants some.

Stee: She needs to get her Limey ass laid. Poor girl.

Kim: What's with putting your ex in your audition tape?