Seagulls fly. A man rows a boat. The water. Pier 70. Lindsay stands in the doorway and says goodbye to everyone, because she's going tanning. After she's already out the door, Stephen promises to "massage [her] when she gets back." Irene asks Stephen whether he gives massages. In an interview, Stephen says that Irene "lives her entire life like a comic strip." I'm not sure what that even means. Suddenly, Janet is there too, and Irene says that she will marry Stephen if he cooks, because she wants a husband who cooks and cleans. So do we all, Irene. So do we all. Stephen says that he does cook, and Irene says that she'll have to marry him, and that he can have "affairs on the side." With men? Whoops, did I say that out loud? Irene says that she just wants her "dinner and clean sheets." Stephen tells Irene that she wants "a bitch," not a husband. Yeah, you can pay people to do that, Irene. Well, you can pay people to do just about anything, if you have a high enough bank balance and low enough standards. But you know what I mean. She'd be better off marrying someone for love and then hiring a maid. That's what I'm saying. In an interview, Stephen says that he and Irene "have connected [their] cosmic energy in the last couple of weeks." Yeah, that'll last.
I guess I should point out here that this is the "Irene is crazy" episode. And while I'm not trying to say that Irene was in perfect mental health, I don't think she was as crazy as the editors would like you to believe. So I'm going to point out what I think are significant edits and misrepresentations, because I know that I didn't see most of them when I first watched this season. And it's bad. Of all the seasons that I have recapped, the editing in this episode is the most ridiculous.
At the radio station, Rebecca and Stephen greet Kelsey, the REI chick who took them to Nepal. Stephen voice-overs that he "left [his] heart in Nepal." Along with his tact, because he was all yelling at Janet about wearing makeup while they had dinner at some locals' house. Stephen can't wait to "cut the REI spots." The what? Oh yeah. That was ostensibly the reason they went there in the first place -- so that they could make commercials for REI. Stephen asks Rebecca whether she brought the tapes. Kelsey asks him if he's kidding. Stephen isn't. He assures her that the tapes are in their house somewhere. Stephen hurries back to the house and looks in the boys' incredibly messy room for the tapes. Nathan wanders through -- scratching his head and looking more like a hick than he has this whole season, and that's saying something. Stephen asks whether he's seen the tapes, and Nathan hasn't. Stephen finally finds the tapes, which were "right to the nudie book." Nathan really could not care less. The tapes are all in a plastic bag. Why wouldn't they keep these irreplaceable tapes at the radio station? I don't know.
“ I don't think Janet has much of a sense of humor. Lindsay likes the dick and fart jokes, probably, and Janet only laughs if Lindsay laughs first. ”
Stephen goes back to the car; Kelsey is driving. He explains that he was trying to figure out where he would put them so that they would be safe. The radio station? Just a thought. Stephen jokes that he knew he wanted to put them somewhere that "the girls wouldn't get to them and lose them." Yeah, because you did such a stellar job keeping track of them, dude. Rebecca and Kelsey laugh.
Back at the radio station, Stephen, Rebecca, and Kelsey discuss how they want to make the commercials. Kelsey explains that they are going to go with a "diary" format, like "Day Two on our adventure in Nepal."
Irene, looking a little fuzzy about the head, is trying to explain to Lindsay and Janet why she doesn't want to write down everything she plans to say on their radio show. Irene says that Janet and Lindsay can sound natural reading what they've already written down (which is so not true) and that they are "preparing preparers." Hee! Lindsay looks pissed. Irene says that she doesn't work that way. In an interview, Irene says, "It's not funny telling a joke thirty thousand times over." Irene explains that she thinks they should each prepare in the way they are most comfortable, which makes sense to me. In an interview, Irene says that she knows she was "saying some funny things," but "they were not listening." Also, I don't think Janet has much of a sense of humor. Lindsay likes the dick and fart jokes, probably, and Janet only laughs if Lindsay laughs first. Irene explains that her stories sound better the first time, rather than being over-rehearsed. In an interview, Janet disparages Irene's desire to be funny at all times. Which, granted, would get annoying. Also, this one scene has had probably twenty cuts already, and Irene's speech is so chopped up that it's difficult to follow her conversation. Because, you see, she's crazy. This is the beginning of the "Irene is crazy" plot. And you must believe it to be so, or the editors will hit you over the head. Oh, they're doing that already. With an anvil. Sorry. Lindsay explains that Irene's spontaneous remarks cut into their time. In an interview, Lindsay says that Irene's "personality" is "on and off lately." Then she accepts the fifty that the producers slipped her for setting up their "Irene is crazy" plot, along with their promise that they won't film her running into the hotel door to use the facilities, because she was unable to defecate with the cameras around. Hey, I read about it in the book about this season.
Irene, Janet, and Lindsay sit in the control room and listen to a pre-taped interview with some band, taking notes. Well, Janet and Lindsay take notes. Irene sits there and looks worried. Instead of just showing Irene, the footage is edited so that we see the same shots twice in a row, to make it look like she was just zoning out in a big way. Irene voice-overs, "It's been going on for a while that I've been sick." Lindsay asks who wants to introduce the interview. The editors cut in a voice-over so that we don't hear Irene answer her. In an interview, Irene says she's not so sick that she needs to be in bed, so "it's very hard to find a balance." Get it? Because she's unbalanced. What, you're not convinced yet? Well, watch this shit.
Train on a track. Train crossing gates going down. Irene, Lindsay, and Janet walk home. Bus driving down the street. Irene walking. Cars sitting in traffic. Irene walking. Car headlights grow until they take up the whole screen. This is a totally different day than the scene in the radio station we just saw, by the way.
The three girls arrive home. Or do they? Irene was wearing a striped shirt and tan pants at the radio station, and a collared shirt and black pants on the "walk home." When she walks in the door, she's wearing a long black skirt. But it's cut together to make it look like it was all one day. Whatever. Janet and Irene walk in the door. Irene grabs her head and moans. Janet tells Irene to get into some pajamas, and offers her a drink. Irene mumbles, "Yeah, maybe," and then says that she thinks she's going to puke. Irene takes off for the bathroom. Janet heats something up in the microwave. Irene returns, and holds her head in her hands. The music is very insistent here. Janet tells Irene to go lie down. Irene says that her headache is making her sensitive to light. Maybe it's meningitis! That's a sign, you know. The microwave goes around and around.
Irene has her pajamas on now, and is sitting on the couch, holding her head. She says that she doesn't know why she gets these headaches. Janet derisively says, "You never got it, like, checked out before?" Thanks for the non-help, Janet. Irene says that she's only had a headache that severe once before. Janet snots, "And you never thought to go to the doctor for it?" Jesus, if I went to the doctor every time I got a bad headache, I'd be there about twice a month. ["Same here. And the time I did get a prescription for my migraine, it made me sicker than I've ever been. Headaches and migraines are very hard to diagnose, and treat." -- Wing Chun] People get headaches. That's why aspirin is sold over the counter. Irene insists that it was only the one time. Maybe Janet is giving her a headache. Janet is giving me a headache. Irene drinks a big mug of tea and tries to think whether there is a pattern to her illness. She winces and says she "can't even fucking see."
Okay, this is the silliest "crazy Irene" montage yet. We get, in rapid succession, the following shots: white lights, orange lights, white lights, a statue of a guy, white lights, Irene, another statue, white lights, another statue, Irene, a camera man, Irene, the huge lights in the house, Irene. What the hell was that all about?