Okay, this is it. The episode we have waited for all season. The one for which this season is famous. Fasten your seatbelts, babies. It's going to be a bumpy nine pages.
Lindsay, Janet, and Irene sit in the conference room at the radio station, discussing their show. Okay, "discussing" might be a misleading term. Really, Lindsay is telling Janet what to say, including the words "which is my personal favorite." So spontaneous, that Janet. Irene just rubs her forehead and starts plotting how she can get the hell away from these two. Don't worry, Irene -- in twenty-two minutes it will all be over. Rebecca is present at the meeting as well. Lindsay generously (not!) tells Irene that she can "plan [her] own breaks." Irene straightens up, white as a ghost, and says that she feels "very sick right now." Lindsay asks whether she wants to go home, and Irene does. Lindsay gives her fucking permission, because apparently she's the boss. Like Irene isn't an adult with a chronic illness who can make decisions on her own. In an interview, Janet says that Irene gets "very groggy" because "she's heavily medicated," and that it's understandable. Irene gets up to leave, and Lindsay wisely (again, not!) suggests that Irene "eat and have a cup of coffee" to wake herself up. Or she could just go to sleep and then call her doctor to complain about the side effects of the medication. In an interview, Irene says that nobody noticed how sick she's been, but that's how the disease works. No, that's how her self-absorbed roommates work.
Back at the radio station, Lindsay starts their stupid radio show, and still insists upon calling Janet "J," which is so annoying. "J" says, "Hey, guys!" which she probably read from a piece of paper because she's unable to speak on the air unless it's something Lindsay wrote down for her.
The day, maybe, Irene tells Rebecca that she is having a hard time coping with being in "an on-and-on situation," i.e. being on television and having cameras and lights in her face all the time. Janet and Lindsay are there also. In an interview, Irene says that she has good roommates, but that they "can't support [her] right now." Lindsay starts to say something about Irene's "holding all this in," and Irene retorts that she didn't want to hold it in, but she didn't have "anywhere to go with it." Which is true, but it also might not be an indictment of her roommates. Maybe she just didn't want to talk about it on camera. In an interview, Janet bitches that Irene claims she's too busy listening to everyone else's problems that she never gets to talk about her own, and no one asks about them. Janet snarks, "That's not true!" Yeah! Because Janet took that one day to be nice to Irene. I mean, what more does the bitch want? It's not like she's the one in chronic pain or something. It's not like she's dealing with a potentially fatal disease. Jesus. Some people.
Rebecca actually has a leg to stand on when she says that she was always there for Irene, and when Irene says that she had no one to come to, "that's a shaft to" Rebecca. Irene says that's not what she meant, but before she can explain, we cut to an interview with Rebecca saying that Irene is "under a huge amount of pressure" and is "definitely having a difficult time." Lindsay tells Irene that she needs to "look at every side of the situation." Irene claims that she always does, and Lindsay tells her that she's not right now. Um, Lindsay? You have such a fear of illness due to your dead father that I really don't think you are able to be supportive right now. So, step off. Lindsay goes on to tell Irene that she is "irrational." Because I know in arguments, the best way to get someone to see your side is to call them irrational. I think I heard that on Oprah. And also, what is this, an intervention? Irene is sick. No one but Rebecca has been very helpful or supportive, even though they now know that she has a chronic, serious illness. Maybe she's being a bitch. Maybe she is being irrational. So they all gang up on her? Janet really helps (for the third time, not!) by telling Irene that she's getting defensive for no reason. Janet says that Irene is pushing them away, and she knows Irene doesn't want their pity because she's "a prideful [sic] person," but Janet can't help feeling sorry for Irene because she doesn't have a great body and good hair like Janet. Well, I might have made up that last part. In an interview, Irene says, "Being sick is a quick way of finding out who's going to be your friend and who's not."
Space Needle Shot #65. Janet tells Stephen that this is the first Easter that she's been away from home. Stephen flicks a lighter as he asks whether she's going to church. Janet says that she and David are going to "the Korean one." Stephen regrets that he didn't get to go to a Seder. Janet asks what a Seder is, and then admits that she forgot that Stephen was Jewish. Which goes to show what an observant Jew Stephen has been while in the house. Stephen says that he's not going to argue with anyone "for this entire time." The entire time he's in the house? The entire time of Passover? I don't know. Stephen says that not fighting has been his goal and he's "reached it every time because it's just a matter of self-control, and like, staying cool." Heh.
It's spring! There are flowers and birds. Lindsay and Irene go to church. On the steps of the church, they discuss the fact that they were both mad at God for years. Then a lightning bolt comes down and strikes them both dead. Then, God laughs. Then I laugh and thank God for answering my prayers.
Okay, none of that happened. Really, there is a mass of some sort. Since there is a three-second shot, I can't really tell what denomination it is.
Rebecca says, "I'm so glad you're here on Easter." The Hip, Squiggly Font of Character Introduction (tm Djb) tells us that Rebecca is talking to "Rebecca's mom," who doesn't even get a name. They walk across the street as Rebecca says that it's a great day to have Mrs. Rebecca around.
Back at the house, Irene talks on the phone to her grandparents. In a confessional, Stephen tells us that Irene came home from church and asked him to get off the phone because her grandparents just got a videophone and she wants to call them. Stephen said that he would get off the phone soon, and Irene told him to get off right that second because it was "very important." Irene talks to her extremely cute grandparents on the videophone. ["She's also perfectly calm and cheery, which suggests that she didn't just bitch Stephen out moments before, despite his version of events." -- Wing Chun] Stephen continues in the confessional, saying that Irene said, "Right now, I don't give a fuck about you," and got on the phone. Of course, as with all important moments in BMP history (save the one coming up at the end of this episode), no one got it on camera, so it's totally his word against hers. In an interview, Stephen says that "if you're sick, and you want sympathy, you gotta be sympathetic to other people first, because I'll be the first one to turn you off." Yes, of course. I know when I'm sick, the first thing on my mind is making sure that everyone else is okay. Hell, no! When I'm sick I want my mom to bring me chicken noodle fucking soup and I want it now. Basically, Stephen is saying that he doesn't care about people unless they kiss his ass.
Irene walks outside, where Lindsay is lying in the sun. Lindsay asks whether she talked to her family. Stephen walks up and bitchily says, "Uh, you don't have to look at me, because I don't really care, but that was, like, the absolute rudest thing I've ever seen you do to anyone. And I knew it was in you, that's why." Irene tries to explain, but Stephen isn't having it, and says, "Wait, my ass. To tell me that you don't give a fuck about me, on Easter, and you're Catholic?" Irene protests that it has nothing to do with her religion, and tries to explain about the videophone. Stephen interrupts and points in her face, "You're not exactly what you think you are. I got off the phone for you, Irene. And I looked for you. And I was considerate. You're on my shit list, and that's a bad thing. Just right when I thought you gave a damn about me, dude, you don't. I have my own problems, Irene. My friends aren't coming now. My family doesn't want to be here. Your nana's coming, whatever. Kiss my ass! You're not the only one with issues in the house." Well, that's for sure. Irene tries to explain why she had to talk to them right then, but Stephen calls her a bitch and walks away. Irene gives up trying to explain.
In an interview, Irene says that normally she wouldn't allow herself to be treated like that, but she's sick and her medication is making her feel terrible, and Lindsay totally abandoned her. Irene concludes that the incident is indicative of why she hates it in the house: "People become inherently selfish." Or they were selfish to begin with. And I'm not saying Irene is not now nor that she never has been selfish -- I'm just saying that she was hardly the only one with mental issues in that house, and yet she got the rap as "the crazy one."
In an interview, Lindsay says that Stephen is "a great guy, but he's got a temper, and when he wants to blow up, he blows up." Stephen walks down the street with Nathan and some random guy. Stephen tells Nathan that he was there, and that he saw that Stephen got off the phone for Irene and was "being a considerate little dude." Nathan agrees. Cut to Irene telling Rebecca and her mom that she couldn't believe Stephen would act that way. Also, there is someone else in the room -- possibly Rebecca's sister? She doesn't get any Hip, Squiggly Font, so we'll never know. Stephen tells Nathan and Random Guy that he knows Irene "has a nerve problem right now," so he doesn't want to "get on her nerves." Boy, that Stephen sure is an academian. Nathan of all people explains that it's nerve damage "in her hands and legs" and that it's "not mental." Stephen says he thought it was mental. Stephen is mental. Cut back to Irene still complaining about Stephen, and Rebecca notices that she's about to cry. Irene does start to cry, and sits down on her bed with her head in her hands. Rebecca comes over and comforts her. Irene stammers that she's just going through so much right now, and that she's more pissed than sad. Irene laughs and cries at the same time while saying that Stephen is "a complete moron in life." So true. Rebecca's mom comes over and gives Irene a hug and says, "You're homesick!"
Back at Pier 70, the music is upbeat, and we get another shot of the Space Needle. That's #66. The music says, "I'll feel better when I don't care," as we see Irene sitting in a chair, waiting for Stephen. He walks in, and she starts to talk to him, although he doesn't look very interested. She says that a lot of things have been going on with her, and she knows he doesn't understand, and she doesn't really understand either, but that isn't an excuse for the way he talked to her. Stephen is shaking his head no before she gets halfway through that sentence. Irene calmly explains that it hurt her feelings when he yelled at her. Stephen starts pointing again and says that when she said she didn't give a fuck about him, he didn't give a fuck about her, either, and he won't play her game. Irene says that this isn't helping her right now, which is kind of a selfish thing to say, but at least she's not telling him he's irrational the way Lindsay did to her. Stephen waves his finger in her face and says that he doesn't want to talk to anyone who's going to be a bitch to him. He concludes, "You flipped out right there and you were a straight bitch." Irene looks resigned. In an interview, Irene says she doesn't know how you get raised in a way that you think you can treat another person like that. You know, if she just apologized about the stupid phone thing, this would all go away. ["I still don't think it went down the way Stephen says it did, which is why I choose to believe she doesn't apologize." -- Wing Chun] Irene tells Stephen that she just found out she's relapsing, and she's having a hard time with the cameras because they aren't figuring her out. I'll give you my theory on this whole thing in a minute. Stephen says that he doesn't care, and that he doesn't need stress in his life, and that she is stress. Irene tells him that if he walks away, he's going to look "like a chump," because he has "these temper tantrums." Stephen asks whether this is "the bitch coming out." Irene says that it is, and that he's not allowed to talk to her this way, or treat her this way, and that he does not know her. She even gets a finger wag in there. Irene says that he might think she's being a bitch, but she's "never seen someone so compassionless" as his behaviour indicates. Stephen just smiles and walks away. I really hate him.
Nathan and Lindsay, and possibly some other roommates, are eating at a pizzeria. Nathan observes that Irene hasn't been a bitch to him, but that she has been "a complete bitch to Steve." In an interview, Nathan says that he doesn't know whether Irene knows how to apologize, but that all she has to say is that the problem is her illness and medication. Well, if he knows that, couldn't he be a little more supportive? I mean, so far, we've seen him joke around and punch her feet, but none of them, except maybe Rebecca, have really sat down with Irene and asked her how she's feeling about the whole thing, or what they can do to help her. At the pizza place, Janet gets all fired up and relates a story about a time when Irene thought no one was home, and took a phone call for Stephen. Irene was "a complete bitch" to the person on the phone and then claimed to be Janet. Which I think is kind of funny, but not really, I guess. Except it is. Then Janet says she "got out of the closet," and...wait, what? Why was she in the closet? Was she spying on Irene? Wuh? Anyway, Janet got out of the closet and told Irene to "quit that." In an interview, Janet says that Irene is "dealing with this in such a crazy way that even she doesn't know what's going on in her head right now." Janet claims (and now we see that David is also there) that she has caught Irene being a bitch and then claiming to be Janet "four or five times." Seriously, does Janet just sit around and eavesdrop all the time? And hide in closets?
I guess it's the day. Irene is on the phone and the Hip, Squiggly Font tells us that she is talking to her friend Kathy. Irene is crying and says that she has "the worst headache in the world right now." Kathy asks whether "this would have happened" (meaning her relapse) if Irene were at school. Irene says yes, but then admits that the house is "the worst place in the world to live if you're sick." Irene catalogs all the issues -- the studio lights are on all the time (and the camera pans up to show us an amazing amount of lights), there are no doors, and she lives with "one kid that clearly has a chemical imbalance." ["Irene, dude -- do another head count. You live with about four kids who clearly have a chemical imbalance." -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Irene says that "this is a situation where you have to be on all the time, like even [their] house is an 'on' situation, and [her] body wouldn't let [her], and so [she] had to compromise facets of [her] personality." Irene tells Kathy that the situation sucks because it's being turned into "Irene sucks." Okay, so here's my theory that I alluded to earlier. I don't think Irene is crazy. I think she went on the show thinking that she could be the wacky, funny one, which she was at first. That was her persona, and it is part of who she really is. But she tried to be the wacky, funny one all the time, and no one can do that. But that's what her roommates got used to. And when she got sick, she had to let her persona drop, and her roommates thought she completely and fundamentally changed and became a bitch, but that was the real Irene. Or at least one side of the real Irene, but a side she hadn't shown until then. Also, it didn't help that Stephen had issues, and that Janet and Lindsey were completely closed off, and that David was never around. And that the editors tried to make her look as crazy as possible. So that's my theory on Irene, in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't, so let's get back to the recap.
Irene waits outside, and then gets into a cab. In an interview, Irene explains that she is "going to a relaxation therapist for [her] Lyme Disease." Now we're in the therapist's office, and I'm sure it's really extra relaxing to have the cameras there. ["It's so, so wrong to have cameras on in a therapy session, of any kind. I'm kind of surprised the doctor allowed it." -- Wing Chun] The Hip, Squiggly Font tells us that this is Dr. Wiedenfeld. Irene sits on the couch, and Dr. Wiedenfeld asks Irene what her therapy goals are. Irene says that she "doesn't have the proper channels to explain what [she's] going through." The camera zooms in on the therapist's notes, like that's really professional. Irene explains that she was "a mentor to [her] roommates" in the beginning, and that as she learned more about them, she didn't feel that they were people she could go to. In an interview, Irene says that her whole therapy session was about how much she hated the cameras and her situation, and she cried the entire time, and her therapist told her that she didn't fit in there. Irene leaves the therapist's office as the song on the soundtrack says, "This is the vocabulary of the real world. If you don't like it, you're just going to have to deal with it." Nice meta-statement, editors.
Just when I thought we had exhausted all possible forms of transportation in the episode, we see a plane taking off from the water, and then pan over to get Space Needle Shot #67. Back at the house, the song continues, "You may think you can change the world..." and then trails off. Irene cheerily tells Lindsay that she's not going to work that night because she's leaving the show. David looks up, surprised, and asks Irene when she's leaving. Irene replies that she's leaving the morning. Suddenly Rebecca is there as Lindsay clarifies that Irene is actually leaving the house the morning. Everyone looks stunned. Irene explains that she's going to hang out in Seattle, and then go to San Francisco and Los Angeles, and then possibly do summer school abroad. As she says all this, Stephen walks up. Stephen smiles and smugly says, "You're leaving?" Lindsay asks her whether this is what she really wants to do, and Irene happily says, "Mmm hmm! This is like the best thing in the world!" In an interview, David says he doesn't know what's going on in Irene's head, but he knows she's hurting. Irene tells her roommates, "You can only hit a limit of how deep people will go here, and rightfully so. People have to protect themselves." Stephen tells Irene that she is full of shit, and that she's fake, and that's those are the reasons she doesn't feel comfortable. Further supporting my theory as stated above. Except then Stephen goes on to say that Irene is "an absolute bitch and [she] can't 'fess up to it." Irene tells him that he's right. Stephen can't shut up, and continues, "I loved you while you were here, while you were cool, but you flipped out. You got to go back and get your sanity from where you left it." Irene just keeps repeating, "You're right, Stephen." ["This is a non-debate technique that really infuriates immature people who are constitutionally unable to give up the last word. I mean, it's an immature technique, as well. But I've used it." -- Wing Chun] Stephen retorts, "Don't try to get smart with me, because I won't take that shit from you." Then there's a weird cut and Stephen walks out saying that she can kiss his ass. But I don't think Irene was trying to be smart. I think she was admitting that she had been faking it the whole time. After Stephen leaves, Irene laughs and tells the others that Stephen has "emotional problems." Which he does.
Back from commercial, Lindsay has to decide what she and Janet think about all this. Janet points out that Irene isn't "in control of the situation here anymore and she can't..." and Lindsay finishes, "She can't handle that." Lindsay says that it sucks because in the first month they all liked Irene and wanted to have fun with her, but then something snapped and now "you see one side to her and then you see a whole 'nother side to her, and it's not a pleasant side." Because apparently Lindsay isn't able to deal with people who have, you know, layers. Janet smokes another cigarette and says she's pissed that she let Irene affect her with "the competitiveness, the...everything." Good one, Janet. She reveals that Irene almost talked her into leaving. Yeah, I'm sure it was a big conspiracy against you, Janet. Cut to a confessional where Janet listens to Irene (who we can't see on camera) saying that Janet wakes up every day scared to be there. Back in the present, Janet says that Irene was pushing her so hard to leave, and then Janet says the most apropos line for her of the season, "Fuck me for being so easily influenced." You know, because now she's totally her own person.
The morning (?), Irene answers the phone. It's Stephen and suddenly they are best friends. Irene takes a message telling David to call Stephen. Stephen jokes that this if the first time Irene has "picked up a pen" for him. Irene asks Stephen whether he's seen her stuffed dog -- the one with which she sleeps -- around the house. Stephen says that he hasn't. Irene says that it's missing and Stephen says he doesn't know where it is. This is important in a minute.
Irene tells David that she loves him. David says that he loves her and that he's sad that she's leaving. In an interview, David says that Irene is "solid people, she's good people," but that she's "going through a rough time right now, and people don't always think things clearly [sic] when they're going through a time like this." David adds that he doesn't know how he would act if he were sick. David tells Irene that he's going to miss her, and that he's all bent out of shape. Irene gives him a big hug and laughs. David tells her not to laugh because it's sad. In an interview, David says that Irene's going to feel like she can't talk to the roommates in the future, and that will hurt. Irene tells him that she "hit max point a month ago." David tells her that the others were all saying that they weren't getting along with her for the past few weeks, and he kept reminding them of the Irene they fell in love with; he says he thinks "Irene's the hero of the house." In an interview, David says that Irene isn't getting along with Lindsay, Janet, Stephen, or Nathan, meaning that more than half the house doesn't like her.
Space Needle Shot #68. The roommates are all gathered for an ill-advised final brunch. This is the one part of Irene's leaving the house that I really can't defend. Irene tells everyone at the table that she's an honest person, but that before she has honesty, she has loyalty. In an interview, Janet says that Irene "wanted to make as big a production out of her leaving as possible." Irene continues, saying that she was the only one who gave everyone a chance, and that she wouldn't choose sides even when everyone else wanted her to. Nathan says that he never asked her to choose a side. In an interview, Irene says that she doesn't care whether anyone understands. Stephen says that the one thing he hasn't gotten from Irene is an idea of what's going on in her head. Irene replies, "I don't believe in this project. I don't believe in it, because I don't believe that art has to hurt. And every person in this house, I've seen hurt." I forgot that this is about the most real moment of the entire series -- the moment when someone actually talks about "the project" directly. In an interview, Janet snottily says that Irene is telling everyone outside the house that she's leaving because she has Lyme Disease and that no one in the house is supporting her, but she tells everyone inside the house that it has nothing to do with Lyme Disease, and everything to do with "the project." Irene starts crying and no one is looking at her as she says, "This is a miserable situation for me. It's no one's fault. No one can make me happy but me, and that's why I'm leaving." Stephen says, "As honest and beautiful you are as a person, I think that a lot of stuff caught up with you, you got frustrated and scared, and you're getting the fuck out the door." Which is essentially what I said above. I really didn't plan this -- I had formulated that theory long ago. In an interview, Stephen says that he doesn't know whether he has the right to demand an explanation at all, but he wanted one.
Irene stands up and tearily says, "I think I'm the luckiest person in the world, and I thank you guys for making an effort to try to understand me. I'm sorry I can't communicate with you in a way that you can [understand me]. And I thank you for supporting me in this." In an interview, Lindsay says that she lost Irene a while ago, she got upset about it, and now she's over it, and Irene can do what she wants to do. ["Lindsay gives her permission again! How very generous." -- Wing Chun] Irene says that she truly is the luckiest person, but Stephen interrupts to say that he doesn't support her. Irene says that's okay, and thanks him for listening to her because it meant a lot to her. Stephen says that he thinks she's insane -- that she's gone crazy and is schizophrenic. He's one to talk. Nathan is either really embarrassed and thus trying to hide his eyes, or he's crying. Irene starts to laugh, and Stephen says that he's serious. Irene laughs and cries at the same time and says, "I'm not crazy! Isn't that the most wonderful thing?" She looks directly into the camera -- which no one ever does, and you don't really notice that until someone does it. She looks into the camera and says, "That's why I'm leaving. Because this is fake. And we need people we can talk to. I'm not crazy. That's why I'm so happy. And I'm going to be the strongest twenty-two-year-old person I've ever met, and you know I'm not crazy." Everyone looks really uncomfortable with the simultaneous laughing and crying, and they all get up to leave. I notice that David, who loves Irene so much, wasn't there. They all walk out.
A fish is dead at the bottom of the fish tank. Irene's bed is empty. Irene grabs her Paul Mitchell shampoo from the counter and calls out, "I'll see you guys later." Janet asks whether she's leaving, and Irene says she is. They hug. Nathan comes over and gives Irene a hug, too. I bet if Irene knew how much this footage would be replayed, she would have chosen a nicer outfit. Stephen walks out and waves goodbye. In an interview, Nathan says that he's watched Irene evolve into somebody different, and says she's done "a complete one-eighty." Nathan theorizes that who she is now is who she has always been. That's pretty deep for Nate-dawg.
And it's on. Irene calls Stephen outside so that she can talk to him alone. He follows her out the door. Irene says, "Stephen, I left everybody a gift, and I want to leave you one, too." In an interview, Stephen says he thought that she was going to say goodbye and hand him something. Irene continues, "A marriage between you and I [sic] would never work out, Stephen. You know that. Because you're homosexual, Stephen." Oh, no she didn't! Do you remember the first time you saw this scene? I think my jaw dropped open, and I thought I couldn't be more shocked than I was at that moment. ["Word." -- Wing Chun] And then about two minutes later, I was. Stephen looks shocked, and Irene walks away. Stephen says, "You think I'm a homo?" He makes a jerking-off motion at her and then says, "Well, you're a bitch." Irene walks towards the gate with some guy and says she just did something she should have done about a month ago.
Stephen runs back inside and grabs something out of a cupboard as Nathan says, "She called you a homo?" Nathan sees that Stephen has grabbed Irene's missing stuffed dog, and tells him not to go out there. Janet says, "Stephen, it's over." Stephen ignores them all and runs out the door. Irene is putting her things in the trunk of someone's car. Stephen yells out, "Irene! You're wrong! Check this out!" Irene starts laughing in disbelief. Stephen holds up the stuffed animal and says, "Is this yours?" He then throws it into the water. Irene tells her friend, "I told you he stole it. My stuffed animal. He took it the other night in the temper tantrum. I tried to explain to him that maybe he'd be a lot less angry in life if he'd just admit it to himself." We see the stuffed animal floating in the water. Irene gets into the car.
Nathan yells at Stephen to "let it go," but Stephen is running towards the gate. In an interview, Janet says, "If there was one button to press, that was the button to press." Stephen reaches the street, where the car containing Irene is just pulling away. Irene is in the passenger seat. Stephen taps on the back of the car to get the driver to stop. The car slows down. Stephen reaches up and opens the passenger door. Irene looks out to see what he wants. Stephen reaches in and slaps Irene in the face. Then he runs away. Irene looks shocked, and then laughs. The car pulls away. What can I add to that? Nothing.