We open the show with the twenty-fourth shot of the Space Needle, just to establish once again that this season takes place in Seattle. Then, there's an American flag, because, you know, it's the United States. What -- a shot of the globe to let us know it takes place on Earth? A shot of a candy bar to let us know it's in the Milky Way? Nathan claims that it's "hot as hell" in the house. Lindsay is lying on the scary couch on her back, and you all know that she got breast implants at some point during this season, right? And didn't tell the producers? I'm guessing it was sometime before this shot was filmed, because sister has got a RACK! Janet says something about not knowing how to turn the heat off. How sad is it that these people can legally drink alcohol in the States but don't know how to work a thermostat? Even sadder is the fact that, despite their complaints about the heat, there's a fire in the fireplace. Nathan finds the thermostat and says that the heat is on ninety degrees. Janet wonders who did that. You don't hear a response, but the camera cuts to Stephen, up in the library-balcony area, so I guess he said something. Lindsay says that this isn't San Diego. Nathan apparently didn't hear the Stephen admission, because he says that whoever put the heat on ninety is a [bleep]. Stephen says he didn't know it was at ninety, he just turned it on last night. Nathan complains that he can't even go in the bedroom and lay in bed. Like cry about it. Maybe they could...I don't know...crack a window or something? Nathan adds sarcastically, "Sorry you're from sunny San Diego." Stephen turns around sharply and says, "What?" And that's the end of the scene. Hmm, do you think these two will butt heads later on in this episode?
Rebecca and Irene are walking back from the store. Rebecca says that Stephen seems sad. In an interview, Rebecca says that she thinks Stephen feels isolated and lonely. Irene tells Rebecca that she thinks Stephen is trying to figure out his niche.
It's daytime, and there is a rainbow in the sky. Guess where it ends? The Space Needle. Janet and Nathan are leaving Pier 70 on foot. Janet says that this is the story of her life, "helping [her] guy friends pick out Valentine's Day gifts for their girlfriends." In an interview, Janet says that for those without a significant other, Valentine's Day is one of those days that slams and slaps you in the face. The background music says, "Sending my love to you..." as Nathan and Janet arrive at Champion Party Supply to look at cards. Janet mentions that it's hard to buy cards for her grandparents. Nathan says that he always picks religious cards for his grandmother. Janet says she has to translate the cards into Korean, so she has to look for cards with a lot of room to write inside. Nathan and Janet then go to a Mailboxes, Etc. type of store. Nathan is carrying a HUGE Betty Boop card for Stephanie. Nothing says "I love you" like a 1920s cartoon character, apparently. Nathan signs the card, "I love you!!" because nothing says "I love you" like two exclamation points, apparently. Nathan voice-overs that he is trying to get everything together for Valentine's Day and do something special for Stephanie.
They ship off the card, and as they walk out, Nathan says he was all happy until he realized that it "ain't gonna be there on Saturday," which must be Valentine's Day. Janet says it'll get there on Monday, and it's the thought that counts. Actually, if he's going to send such a crappy gift in the first place (come on, how much thought goes into a Betty Boop card?), he could at least pay the extra few dollars for Saturday delivery. But then he would have to cut back on his Happy Hour beer consumption this week, and the boy has priorities. In an interview, Janet says that Nathan worries about Stephanie's perceptions of him, just like she worries about her parents' perceptions of her. That, in short, is the theme of this subplot. Janet tells Nathan that Valentine's Day "isn't about February fourteenth, it's about taking a day out to tell them how much you love them." Janet the philosopher.
In an interview, Janet says that she and her parents have a strange relationship, because they support her financially and she knows her parents will be there for her, but they were very against her coming to Seattle. We see a shot of Janet translating her card into Korean. Now she's on the phone with her father, who is speaking Korean. Janet asks if they can drop it, because it's not a problem, and she would like them to understand what she's going through, and it's killing her that they are so against it. So, let me get this straight: They support her financially, but she doesn't think they have any right to have a say in her life decisions? I don't get that. If she really wants to be independent, she needs to start supporting herself, or resign herself to listening to what her parents have to say. In an interview, Janet says that she doesn't think her dad wants to know what's going on in Seattle. On the phone, she tells her father that this is a very valid experience, and she can't explain it. Her father says he understands. Janet doesn't think he does. Well, now she's just being contrary. Her father says it's a new start for her. Janet says it's one thing for him to understand it, but it would be nice if he would accept it.
Stephen is showing Lindsay some pictures of himself when he was younger, including one of him as a fat kid. Lindsay can't believe that it's him, and then asks to see a picture of someone named Natasha. In an interview, Stephen says that he misses talking to his ex-girlfriend (presumably this Natasha character) and he hasn't dealt with it. Now it's a totally different time, and Stephen is playing pool while Irene sits in the chair and talks to him. She asks if he's told his sisters that he and Natasha broke up. Stephen hasn't, because he doesn't want to hear their lectures over the phone, or to get it from his mom, and he's not even sure where he and Natasha stand. Irene says that she thought the last time he and Natasha talked, they had a good conversation. Stephen says that they are still friends, but he doesn't want to tell his mom right now, and that he'll probably tell her in a couple of months. Irene laughs, "A couple months?" I can understand that he doesn't want to share every up and down in his relationships with his family, but they broke up, right? He's calling her his ex-girlfriend. I don't get it. Why the mystery?
The cameraman congratulates himself for the cool shot he got of a framed photo of younger Stephen in the foreground, and modern day Stephen in the background. Then the cameraman takes it a step too far, when he shoots the cover of Love Among the Ruins, by Walker Percy, as a metaphor for...well, you get it. I don't want to get all B/M on you. In an interview, Stephen says, "Love and Natasha is the one situation in life where I get caught up and my guard is completely down. She does things for me that no one in the house can do for me." I'm not EVEN going to go there. You all know what I'm talking about. Stephen is on the phone with Natasha (I almost typed Nathan there. Oops.). He tells her things are stressful, and she says he sounds down. He says that things are all right, and his roommates are all right, and mommy's all right, and daddy's all right -- they just seem a little weird. Surrender. Surrennnder! But don't give yourself away. Sorry, sometimes I get bored and just start typing Cheap Trick lyrics. I'll try to control myself. Anyway, back to the boring conversation. Natasha asks Stephen if he's met anyone he really likes (i.e. does he have a girlfriend?), and Stephen says not really. In an interview, Stephen says that he wouldn't say he's over Natasha, but it's really difficult to get over someone you've been with for so long and had so much crap with. Aw, what a romantic. Stephen gets all passive-aggressive on the phone, saying, that he "used to talk to [Natasha]," but she stopped calling him. He pauses and waits for the, "I still love you, baby!" but is greeted by silence. He tries again with, "I guess it was my fault." Pause again while he waits for, "Not at all! I still love you, baby." Nothing. He gets the hint and says good-bye, and then sits with his head in his hands. Just tell her you still love her! Or something. Because this is really boring.
Irene is opening a package from her grandmother while Rebecca watches. It contains a stuffed gorilla, and Irene reads the tag out loud. "I sing the original 'Wild Thing.' Try me!" Irene tries it, and she and Rebecca laugh at this gorilla, which beat out that fucking singing fish by three years. Rebecca answers the phone, and is told that some florist has flowers for Janet. Janet comes into the living room, and Rebecca informs her of the imminent flower delivery. Janet's all, "Who are they from?" Rebecca tells her they should be there soon. Janet says, "I got a secret boyfriend." I happen to know (from reading the book about the season) that this is what Janet considers her most cringe-inducing moment on the show. Not fainting on Mt. Everest. Not her fish-market stalker boyfriend. That one line. I think it's because she didn't have any makeup on when she said it.
Irene is getting ready to go out, and wearing her Edge T-shirt. In an interview, Janet exposits that as modulators (oh yeah, they have a job!), they all have to wear the same T-shirts and jackets, and work as a team to hand out CDs and bumper stickers. Seriously, I think the producers went a little overboard with the job this season. See, two seasons prior -- in Miami -- they tried to get them to start a business on their own, and we all know how that turned out. So, in Boston, they figured they would assign the kids a job -- but a real one -- where they were responsible for taking care of actual human children, and we all know how that turned out. So, this season, they must have thought, "We need a job that any idiot could do. I know! Handing out free CDs and stickers at bars!" That's really the only explanation. The whole group is waiting outside for a cab that Stephen claims he called. No cab. No cab. Janet says they're late. Still no cab. Stephen clearly never called, so he starts trying to hail random cabs that are passing by, and finally he suggests that they walk up the street and catch a cab elsewhere. Janet unhelpfully points out that they are really late. In an interview, David shows up for his one appearance this week and says that everyone is pissed that they are late. Then, he adds gleefully, "Silent tension."
The gang arrives at the 107.7 offices, where a pissed-off Aubbie is waiting. As they walk in, Rebecca says, very insincerely, "So sorry, Aubbie." What the fuck kind of name is Aubbie, anyway? Every time I go to type it, I start typing August or Audrey. Anyway, Aubbie lets them know that there is traffic in Seattle. Then she tries to explain where they have to go, and uses the Westlake Center as a landmark. David and Nathan concentrate all of their brainpower (that is, not much), but they don't know where the Westlake Center is. Stephen pipes up dismissively that he knows where it is. Nathan tells him to get up there and help. In an interview, Nathan says he thinks Stephen has a chip on his shoulder, and he doesn't know why. They all get into the van, and for some reason, Nathan tells Stephen to be a gentleman. Stephen goes postal, saying that is what he means when he says Nathan is "military," that Nathan gets "pissed off in a second, on a dime, dog." I'm distracted from the excitement by the twenty-sixth shot of the Space Needle. Stephen says Nathan thinks he's going to "beat somebody down." Nathan keeps repeating, "What are you talking about?" David could easily defuse the tension with a well-placed, "Kids, don't make me turn this van around." Or he could fart. Either one would work, I think. Stephen says, "If you raise up with me, I'll raise up on your ass right now." He continues his compelling argument by turning on David, saying that David told him he would get "knocked down," because Nathan is his "homeboy." If David didn't know Nathan, then this wouldn't be a problem, it would just be between Stephen and Nathan, or so says Stephen. The girls intermittently tell everyone to calm down. Nathan says that Stephen called him a prick. In an interview, Nathan says that his "first intention" was to "hit [Stephen] in the face." Yeah! Fight! Finally, something exciting is happening! Irene suggests they all calm down. Nathan says that he's fine, because he's mature enough to know that they have to go do a job. Ooh, burn. Not. Stephen says they should just chill. Well, that thrill was short-lived.
They arrive at some bar, which is nearly empty, and give out CDs and stickers. That was a whole scene.
Now they are all at some sort of Japanese-steakhouse place, where the chefs cook your food right in front of you. Aubbie is with them, and some band is there too, I guess. Stephen is sitting by himself, not talking to anyone. In an interview, Stephen says he was feeling really crappy, and he's dealing with things he hasn't dealt with yet. Suddenly, the cameras are outside the restaurant, so we see a shot of the door, and we hear audio of Stephen telling everyone that he's not feeling well and he's taking his leave. We then see him walk out the door and head for the bus stop. They intercut scenes of the group having fun at the restaurant with Stephen sitting alone on the bus. In an interview, Lindsay says that Stephen wasn't having a great night, but the rest of them got into a food fight. We see shots of the roommates throwing food at the chefs and one another. How pissed would you be if you were another restaurant patron? What a bunch of imbeciles. If the cameras weren't there, they totally would have gotten thrown out. In an interview, Stephen says he didn't feel like he was "in the mix," and he felt cheated. He was the (Sars, close your eyes!) third wheel with Nathan and David, and sometimes he puts things aside instead of dealing with them. I fail to see how it is anyone's fault but Stephen's if he feels left out, since he made the decision to sit alone and pout, and then leave early. While I ponder this, there is another shot of the Space Needle. That's twenty-seven.
Janet and Lindsay are walking outside. Janet says her dad is angry because she came to Seattle. Yeah, we got that the first hundred times we heard it. Thanks. Lindsay asks if it's because she left school. In an interview, Janet says that she took on the responsibility of becoming the successful lawyer in the family, but she gave that up after her freshman year, and a part of her parents' expectations died. Lindsay says it would be nice if Janet had a little more support. Janet says she got kicked out of her house for the first time in her life the night before coming to Seattle, and it was also the first time her dad ever yelled at her in front of her friends. I don't know what the point of that scene was, since it didn't tell us much we don't know already.
Stephen is on the phone with his friend, Jigmy, or so the on-screen text tells us. Stephen says he tries not to be visibly upset for a long time about things, but he is. Stephen thinks he should realize that, just because these people are different from him, it doesn't mean he can't have a good experience, but it's more stressful than he thought. Jigmy goes all Grasshopper on him, saying, "Compassion manifests good karma." Stephen actually cracks me up when he says, "All right, Tibet." Then Jigmy suggests that Stephen "kill them with kindness." Stephen has never heard the expression before, and asks what it means. Jigmy explains what any grade-schooler knows: Stephen should be really nice to his housemates, and they will have to be nice back. Also a good strategy if you work in retail. Anyway, Stephen decides to write it down, which is just sad.
Nathan and David arrive home from somewhere. Space Needle number twenty-eight.
Nathan, David and Stephen are in bed, and Nathan tells David to turn off the lights. Stephen says they can't turn off the lights yet because they have to talk, and apparently they need lights to do so. Stephen gives a speech about how he's big on respect, and he gets pissed off if he feels that someone doesn't respect him. Nathan is wearing a baseball cap to bed for some reason. Stephen apologizes for disrespecting the others in the past, and says that he can't ask for respect from Nathan or "Donnie Brasco" (David) if he doesn't give them respect. Stephen knows that Nathan is a good guy, but he has a temper sometimes. Nathan says that he can't deny that. Stephen says that a friend told him to kill them with kindness, and he thinks they should all follow that philosophy. Stephen says he came into the house on the defensive, and he shouldn't have. Nathan shakes his hand and then hugs him. David says that Stephen "blew him away," and we see them all hugging in their underwear. This scene is very homoerotic.
It's Valentine's Day, and the song "We Got a Love Thing" takes me back to, well, 1997. The gang is working at the Westlake Center, where a DJ from the radio station is performing a mass wedding. Janet and Lindsay stand outside and piss and moan about the crappy weather and how Janet is in a bad mood. In an interview, Stephen says that he has been missing Natasha for a year (and he still hasn't told his mom they broke up?) but she'll always hold a piece of his heart. Stephen gives the girls flowers. Lindsay teases Janet about her bad mood. Lots of shots of people getting married. They don't show that Rebecca and Irene were one of the couples who got married though. That would have been a lot more interesting than Janet and Lindsay bitching about the rain.
It's night. There's Space Needle number twenty-nine. Will we make it to thirty before the end of this episode? Janet comes into the house, carrying her flowers (hey, weren't they supposed to arrive like three days ago when Rebecca took the call?). They're from her parents and grandparents. Lindsay says that Janet's family should give her family a lesson. Janet says that it's a big move on her parents' part. It's kind of sad, though. I remember in high school, the National Honor Society used to sell carnations for a dollar and then the members would deliver them to the various homerooms, and every year, I used to hope that I would have some sort of secret admirer or something. And every year, I would get one from my mom. I love my mom, and it was a nice gesture, but it was kind of anticlimactic. Oh, I think I have revealed too much about my past. I'll shut up now.
Janet calls her parents on the videophone, and thanks her "daddy" for the flowers. Her mom gets on and asks if she misses home, causing Janet to start crying. Janet tells her father that she's fine and she doesn't need anything, and her dad says he loves her. Janet hangs up, and Stephen comes out of nowhere and gives her a hug. Like, was he eavesdropping the whole time? Janet cries some more.
Oh, yes. It's Space Needle-shot number thirty. Nathan asks Stephen if he's ready to go out, and then we hear glass breaking. Stephen broke some bottle. As he cleans it up, the phone rings and the machine picks up. It's Natasha, and she leaves a message. In an interview, Stephen says he loves the girl, but only to a certain extent, and that her games are too much right now. Nathan helps him clean up the glass and tells him not to let the message get to him. Stephen wants to call her back, but Nathan tells him not to. Yeah, because Nathan is such a power player in his own relationship. If that was Stephanie, Nathan would be on the phone tout de suite.
Irene, Nathan and Stephen are out at a bar somewhere. Irene and Nathan are laughing drunkenly over something Stephen said. In an interview, Stephen says that he was sitting there wishing Natasha was there, and he had to "get out of the element" because it was "piling up on him." We see a shot of four empty glasses in front of him on the bar, and he's working on the fifth. It looks like he's drinking a sloe-gin fizz. He's a girl-drink drunk!
Back at the house, Stephen goes into one of the bathroom stalls. Irene and Nathan goof around drunkenly. Stephen calls out to ask Nathan for help. Nathan asks if he's all right. Clearly not, if he needs help! Stephen says he is, but he doesn't want the girls to help. Nathan goes over to the stall and tells Stephen to "flush it!" Ewww! Then he rubs Stephen's back, which is usually nice when you are sick, but Nathan does it far too briskly and aggressively. That would not be soothing at all. Stephen says he figured out that he "hates the bitch," and "as much as he loves her, he hates her." Ah, drunken epiphanies. In an interview, Nathan says he felt for Stephen, plus he was thinking about his ex, but Stephen told him he flushed Natasha down the toilet with his puke. That is like poetry. Irene comes over and asks if everything's okay. Stephen says he wants to talk to Nathan only, and Irene makes like a tree and leaves. Stephen starts crying. In an interview, Nathan says that at first, they "clashed heads," but then they talked about it, and their relationship has been progressing forward each day. In an interview, Stephen says that two weeks ago, he wouldn't have thought that Nathan would help him out. Cut to Nathan helping Stephen to the bedroom and putting him to bed. Stephen cries in the bed, and Nathan tells him that it's tough, real tough. Where is David? Thank God, this boring episode is over.