David and Rebecca are walking down the street. David says they will be "digging the fish," which sounds vaguely obscene until we see that they are headed for the Seattle Aquarium. Once inside, we are treated to numerous shots of Rebecca and David looking at fish. While looking at one fish, which may or may not be a puffer-fish (hey, I'm no ichthyologist), David comments that it has "so much going on." Yeah, look, it's swimming, and then it's swimming, and then it's swimming. So much going on there. Rebecca thinks the fish looks "Asian-esque," and I don't know why she couldn't have just said "Asian," unless she meant it only looks slightly Asian or something. David makes fun of her, like his statement was so great. In an interview, David says he doesn't know if Rebecca challenges him, so clearly the interviewer asked, "Does Rebecca challenge you?" David continues by saying that Rebecca opens his eyes to certain things and makes him feel happy, and he likes being with her. Back at the aquarium, David tells Rebecca she's like a salmon. Huh? Was that supposed to be a compliment? In a voice-over, David says that Rebecca is "in search of understanding" and he respects that, because that's him in a lot of ways. He concludes, "Rebecca has a lot of class." For the first of many times this season, we hear the terrible song "Kiss the Rain" playing, and the Space Needle makes its thirteenth appearance of the season. Good thing, because for a minute there, I thought they were at the Boston Aquarium. I'm glad they set me straight.
Irene is waiting for a cab, and when she finally gets one, she goes to the chiropractor and says she's having pain in her neck. The chiropractor asks her some questions, and then cracks her neck a couple of times. He tells her she can get in for a massage in the twenty-four hours. Irene hopes it will "de-stress her," because moving into a house with strangers has stressed her out. Irene leaves the office and says in a voice-over that she's still not comfortable in Seattle, but she is more comfortable in the house, or at least a little more comfortable. Advancing my "Irene as outsider" theory even more, the first time we get a "storyline" that focuses on Irene, she's going somewhere alone, and talking about how stressed-out and uncomfortable she is. I'm sure if they asked anyone else if they were comfortable in Seattle and the house, that person would have responded the same way. But we're supposed to see Irene as the one that's not fitting in. Meanwhile, we have seen her going out on the town with her roommates and enjoying herself, but only in the background. I'm just sayin'.
Rebecca asks David why he went to VMI. David says he had no aspirations to go to college whatsoever. Then he started playing tennis in high school and he was good, and people asked him why he didn't study. So he took the SATs and "ripped them in half." Does he mean he literally ripped the test in half? Because I think that's illegal. Oh, I guess he meant that he did well. Anyway, his success helped him to realize that he could make something of himself. Rebecca asks what he got on the SATs, like what a freshman-in-college thing to say. David says he got a "1370," to which I reply, "Yeah, right." I mean, come on! Oh, I forgot, they are all "academians." David has this strange way of looking aloof during a conversation, like he looks at a paper in his hand or stares off into the distance instead of looking at the person, which makes me think he lies a lot. David says he started studying secretly while he was in school and he didn't tell anyone, and he started getting A's. In a voice-over, Rebecca says that there's more behind David than she originally thought. David tells her that he never had honor before he went to VMI and the way they teach you is kind of rough. A lot of guys "don't understand what honor is" and think it's "a bunch of rules, and if you break them, you get kicked out." David says when someone understands honor, "to have that honesty and level of communication is awesome." I don't get the connection between honor and communication, but then again, I didn't go to VMI. In an interview, Rebecca says she thinks David is "an interesting character," and thinks he's looking to find himself too.
The whole cast arrives at a radio station and meet a bunch of people, including Aubbie, who is going to be their supervisor. First of all, what the hell kind of name is Aubbie? Second of all, she bugs me right from the get-go. I wouldn't want to have to supervise these losers either, but she has bought into the radio station's marketing campaign way too much, as we will see momentarily. Nathan voice-overs that the radio station is "107.7 The End," and that things couldn't be better. They meet some more people at the station, including Phil, the program director. In a conference room, Phil starts hyping the station, saying they were the first in Seattle and one of the first in the country to play bands like "Beck, Smashing Pumpkins, The Verve, Third Eye Blind, Radiohead, Prodigy, Green Day, Everclear, the Foo Fighters and Bush." I'm sure he should have inserted the word "commercial" between "first" and "radio station," because I think a lot of college stations played those bands before he had even heard of them. In an interview, Nathan says he realized this is a "kick-ass radio station" that plays "a lot of the music [he listens] to." Aubbie comes back in and explains that they will be "modulators," which are part of a promotion team, and that they will go out in the city and meet listeners or "people who haven't heard of the station" because they're new in town. Clearly, Aubbie can't comprehend that people might have heard of the station and not want to listen to it. If they don't listen, it must be because they haven't heard of it, and if they haven't heard of it, it's because they're new in town. Anyway, the roommates' job will be to tell people about the station, so that people will go home and "flip the dial," as if one of those lamers would ever be able to convince people to listen to a radio station. Aubbie says the "ultimate goal," after they learn about the city and the music scene and about how radio works, is to earn their own radio show. Janet and Lindsay laugh.
David voice-overs that "it's like BOOM! We're working at a radio station and in ten weeks, we'll have our own gig." Ten weeks? Aren't they only there for like thirteen weeks? So they only had their show for the last three weeks? Let's see how that matches up against the episodes we see, shall we? Just keep that in mind. Anyway, Nathan says in an interview that it's cool. They showed a whole interview just so Nathan could pronounce it "cool"? Aubbie says their first job will be what they call an "End Session," where they go into a recording studio with fans and listen to a band play some songs, and she compares it to "a concert in your living room." The band that will play is "Cornershop." Aubbie makes the mistake of singing, "Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow," the most memorable line from Cornershop's hit, "Brimful of Asha." Everyone in the room points to Irene, who says she was just singing that song. Irene asks if she gets to "meet the man who made up those lyrics." In an interview, Irene says she'll know a few lyrics here and there, but she doesn't know who the artists are or what they look like.
Back at Pier 70, Irene is on the phone, telling a friend that she will be working at a radio station, and she doesn't know anything about the music. She tells her friend that the station specializes in "alternative new wave." Wow, she really doesn't know anything about music. She whispers to her friend, "I haven't even told these people about Neil Diamond," and says that she told her roommate (Rebecca) the other night, but Rebecca thought it was a joke because she still thinks Irene is "into the Beastie Boys." Irene jokes, "They ain't onto me." At least I think she was joking. Do I even have to point out that this is another attempt to make Irene the outsider? I'm just glad that she has the balls to admit that she knows nothing about this type of music, rather than trying to bluff her way through it like some of her roommates (and we'll get to Stephen's disastrous interview of Greg Dulli and Tad later this season).
Lindsay and David are cooking dinner. Lindsay asks David if he likes "blonde girls" with "long blonde hair" and "pretty eyes." Hey, she's describing someone, but I can't put my finger on it. Is it...Janet? No, maybe it's...Irene? Hey, wait, Rebecca has blonde hair and pretty eyes! Oh, but Lindsay is speaking hypothetically, of course. Lindsay asks David if he's had a lot of blonde girlfriends. David cuts to the chase and asks her if she's talking about his "love for Rebecca," and then says that Rebecca is "a dynamic woman" and "she's an old soul." Ugh, I hate when people say someone is an old soul. What does that even mean? I think David just likes the sound of certain phrases, but doesn't know what they really mean. I'm talking about phrases like "honor" and "old soul" and "shampoo."
Stephen and Rebecca are talking in one of the bedrooms. Rebecca says she's ready to be married right now. She doesn't mean she wants kids, or to settle down, but she wouldn't feel like she hasn't experienced life enough to be married.
In contrast, back in the kitchen, Lindsay says she's all about "the red light district" and mimes some sort of sexual act, for the three people in the audience who didn't get what she meant by "red light district." David says he is too, and that it's "really sickening when you go there." Lindsay asks if he's ever "gotten together with a hooker." David says no, but he was "friends with a lot of them." Then he sticks his dirty, unwashed finger in the marinara sauce and licks it off, which is so incredibly gross! David explains that he worked at an escort service. Lindsay asks if he was an escort, but David says he just drove them around and made a lot of money. I'm sorry, but I could totally see David turning tricks as a male hustler. I'm not saying he did so, I'm just saying that I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility. Don't tell me you don't see it.
Back in the bedroom, Stephen says he has seen "so many relationships crumble" and his "heart is so hardened." Rebecca says she doesn't have baggage, and that's what makes her romantic and able to get married. She doesn't have "a hard side." She says emphatically, "I don't want it! I don't want a hard side!" Okay, take it down a notch! Anyway, she'd rather just get married and never have a hard side because she hates it. Oh, I see what they're doing here. David is hard. Rebecca is soft. David has worked in an escort service. Rebecca has no baggage. They're like opposites! And opposites attract! But wait, I thought last week Nathan said David and Lindsay were going to hook up. Oh, this could be some conflict! Do you think the producers will portray it that way? This would all be a lot more dramatic if I didn't know now that (A) Rebecca had a boyfriend back home throughout the season and (B) David was already having a secret relationship with Kira the casting director. But when the season first aired, we didn't know that.
Rebecca, Janet, Lindsay, David and Irene go to a place called "The Pike Pub." Rebecca and David are sitting apart from the others, because opposites attract. Rebecca is giving examples of cheesy pick-up lines, and offers up, "If I wrote the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." In an interview, David says Rebecca is sexy "too," and that she "has that way about her." Why is she sexy "too"? Who else did he say was sexy in that interview? These are the questions that will never be answered. David is sloppy drunk, and he asks Rebecca if she will put on a "tight, black, spandex dress one night" with "mascara and blush" and "be a total slut for [him]." Have I mentioned David's Madonna/whore complex yet? I have? Well, here's some more of it. Rebecca says she doesn't think that would look good. Out of nowhere, we get a shot of Lindsay shooting someone a dirty look. Where the hell is she? Is she even in the same bar? David asks Rebecca, "Will you be slutty for me for one night?" Ew! David, take a cold shower or something. Lindsay can't stand the lack of camera time any more and yells out, "Are you trying to hit on Moon Dancer?" I'm guessing Moon Dancer is Rebecca. David says he "totally is right now" and practically falls off the barstool because he's so drunk. Lindsay says she won't "cramp his style," like he has style to cramp. Then there is a shot of David. Then a shot of Lindsay. Then a shot of David. Then a shot of Rebecca. Could they try any harder to manufacture a storyline here? They have been reduced to just inserting random shots of people over music because they didn't actually say anything that fit into the "storyline."
Then we are rewarded with not one, but two shots of the Space Needle, in case that whole bar scene made us forget what city they are in. It's morning and David feeds Janet some cereal in the bathroom. Who eats in the bathroom? God, David is gross. Janet asks David why he's so hyper. David says he "woke up with a hard-on, go fig-yah!" and then laughs. Stephen laughs too, probably because thinking about David's penis makes him feel funny on the inside, like when you climb the rope in gym class. Janet makes a disgusted face, like she just realized that she ate food in the bathroom. Lindsay heads for the shower, but not before giving David a sexual gesture. Is that supposed to mean, "Let's have sex in the shower"? I don't get it. David laughs and says his experience was horrible, like no guy has ever woken up with a boner before. Irene dries her hair in the living room because she's an outsider and isn't allowed to play the reindeer games going on in the bathroom.
In a confessional, Irene grabs a piece of her hair and says, "Do you hear that? My hair is upset." She explains that moisture "creeps through every orifice of this house" and that "even Paul doesn't work in extreme situations like this." She explains that Paul is Paul Mitchell, "[her] regular boyfriend." As someone whose hair also goes crazy in humidity, Irene, I feel you. But also, note that this is another way in which Irene is uncomfortable and different from her roommates.
Lindsay, Janet and Rebecca are walking down the pier. Suddenly, they are all at the radio station. Aubbie explains how they should set up the "End Session," using a rug and candles and pillows to make it "as trippy as possible." Shut up, Aubbie. The group gets to work setting things up. Nathan the narrator explains in an interview that there was a contest where fifteen people got to go to the recording studio to hear some songs. Stephen tells the room at large that Irene wants to "volunteer her bosom for a pillow." Irene says she wants a picture. In an interview, Irene says she thought the crew was the band, and she had no idea. We see shots of Irene getting her picture taken with the crew and asking them to explain their song's lyrics to her. In an interview, she says she didn't know what was going on until they said that the band was coming out . She refers to herself as a "tech groupie" or actually a "crew groupie." Oh, that wacky Irene. She's not cool like her roommates. She doesn't fit in. She's an outsider.
Everything is all set up and the assembled audience claps. Some woman we've never seen before comes out and introduces the band. The band plays their one song. Rebecca says the "Cornershop people were cool," and she "loved hanging out with those guys." Irene sings along and nods at the camera.
Rebecca and Stephen are in the hot tub together. David is standing nearby, and Rebecca asks him if he's interested in being sexy. If he was interested in being sexy, he would shower once in a while, I think. David says they "all want to be aesthetically pleasing." Rebecca disagrees, and David starts yelling, "Hold up! Hold up! You don't want to be sexy?" Rebecca says she wouldn't go out of her way to be. David asks if she doesn't think she goes out of her way to be sexy every day. Rebecca says firmly, "No! No!" David tells her she's in denial. In an interview, David says Rebecca thinks she's not vain and he said she was, and he pointed in her face and looked her in the eye. David talks about looking people in the eye a lot, but he rarely actually does it. David tells Rebecca she's a human being and she does want to be found sexy. Rebecca says she doesn't do things like wear mini-dresses. Stephen pipes up, and tells her she's judgmental. Rebecca says she wasn't being judgmental, or saying that people who do dress like that are tramps, but it's just not her thing. David's reaction in this scene made me really uncomfortable. It reminded me of men who commit date rape and then insist that the woman wanted it and was leading him on somehow. David has funny ideas about women.
Rebecca and David are walking down the street, and Rebecca teases David for taking so long to get ready. David says something dumb and they have a really dumb conversation that's really not worth repeating here. In an interview, Rebecca says she "makes fun of him for being primpy, but he is primpy." In case you weren't sure what city David and Rebecca were walking through, we get this season's sixteenth Space Needle shot. David puts Rebecca's scarf over her head. They start playing "Kiss the Rain" again in the background. In an interview, David says Rebecca calls him a "high-maintenance pretty boy," and that's why she's his "glass menagerie," because she hasn't been broken yet and she doesn't need super glue. Okay, seriously, what is he talking about? She hasn't been broken yet? Super glue? Once again, I consider those drug rumors about this season.
Lindsay and Janet are in a bar. Lindsay say that David "so wants to get on her," meaning Rebecca. Janet asks if David told her that, and Lindsay replies that he didn't, but "even Stephen thinks so." Wait, Stephen thinks so? It must be true! Then they proceed to construct evidence that David is in love with Rebecca, like the producers probably didn't pay them to have this conversation. Janet says David is not "touchy-feely" with Rebecca like he is with the other girls. Maybe it's because she doesn't hop into his bed every night? Janet and Lindsay continue to validate each other some more, and Lindsay ends by proclaiming that she and Janet are "hard-core bitches." She makes me tired.
David and Rebecca are walking down the street some more. They run into Lindsay, Janet and Stephen. Where did Stephen come from? Was that Lindsay/Janet conversation we just saw even on the same day? I'm so confused. Lindsay notes that Rebecca and David are all dressed up and asks where they are going. Rebecca uncomfortably says, "Dinner, later," like she's desperately hoping Lindsay doesn't invite herself. Lindsay says, "That's why you're all dressed up?" Isn't that what she just said? In an interview, David says that Irene and Lindsay were all, "You want to hook up with her," and he was like, "Let it rest." But notice they showed Janet and Lindsay discussing it, instead of Irene and Lindsay. The producers don't want us to think that Irene is involved at all in the household happenings. Now, they have separated into two groups on the sidewalk: Stephen and Rebecca in one, Lindsay, Janet and David in the other. Stephen asks Rebecca if she's in a "pleasant mood." What a weird thing to say. Rebecca says she is and asks why he asked. Stephen asks if her "ears are about to fall off." Rebecca finally figures out what he's hinting at and asks who was talking about her, and looks over at the other group, who don't really answer her.
The group has another modulator task to do. Stephen announces that they are at a club called "Rocksport." Nathan voice-overs that modulators are the "guys behind the scenes that put up banners." Lindsay gives out free CDs and posters. In an interview, Nathan says they give out CDs (oh, is that what Lindsay was just doing?) and run "crazy contests" all over the city. These crazy contests consist of Janet sitting on some guy's back while he tries to do a push-up. Suddenly, some guy on a stage is introducing Rebecca. At first, I thought it was Rob Thomas from Matchbox Twenty, but the caption identifies the band as "Superdeluxe." Rebecca trots out the oldest cliché in the book, when she yells out, "Hello, Seattle!" and then thanks them for supporting the local music scene, like she has anything to do with Seattle's local music scene at all. Suddenly, she busts into song, singing "One of Us" by Joan Osborne, not very well, I might add. In an interview, Nathan says that Rebecca told him she wanted to sing on stage and he told her to go for it. God, shut up, Nathan! Must you explain every little thing that happens? We have EYES! David says in one of his funniest interviews ever: "There's something so pure about her, something that I want, something I feel so tainted in me, and she has it." He is such a drama queen. Also, we don't know that he was talking about Rebecca. Just wanted to point that out. Rebecca sings some more. Irene cheers for her. Finally her song is over, and Rebecca introduces "Seattle's hottest pop band." In an interview, Rebecca says she was "so stoked about the job" and she's "obsessed with music." Suddenly the whole group is dancing on stage. Do modulators really get to do that or do the television cameras have something to do with it? thing you know, Irene is crowd surfing and Nathan follows. I would have dropped them. I mean, really. Crowd surfing is so 1993. That's just embarrassing.
They all arrive home and Janet says she has to change for the "rock stars." Janet comes back out and everyone is talking to the band members, and no one notices her. She clears off a spot on the counter and hops up on it, and then yells, "What's up?" so they notice her. In contrast, Irene also changed to meet the rock stars -- into her pajamas and a T-shirt. That explains, in short, why I like Irene better than Janet. Irene tells one of the band members (I'm sorry, I refuse to call them "rock stars") that he knows how to put on makeup better than she does. Irene is talking to a bleached-blond band member dressed like a pilgrim. She tells him that she thought they were grunge. Oh, that is embarrassing. The blond tells her that grunge was "six years ago," and she should "get over it." Because Irene is an outsider. Lindsay tells Janet she's heading to bed. Janet says she can't believe they have "rock stars in their place." Oh, for crying out loud. It's not like the Rolling Stones dropped by or something. In an interview, David says he was "going through issues" because he "gets protective of the girls in the house" and he "thought they were going to get seduced." David apparently can't wrap his mind around the fact that women do have independent thought processes, and might actually want to have sex, and if they don't, that they are perfectly capable of telling someone that. Some of the band members walk down the hall where the bedrooms are. Rebecca is in bed, and some guy identified as "Ron" is standing there talking to her. Like, she's in bed, with her pajamas on, and maybe he should take the hint and leave. Ron has a goofy-looking extra-long goatee. He says that he does rap music. Rebecca wants him to rap for her, and when he refuses, she says she made a fool of herself tonight, so he could too. At least she recognizes that she made a fool of herself. Ron says he doesn't "free style on the first..." and Rebecca fills in, "Interlude."
Irene, Janet, Lindsay, Stephen, and Nathan are in the hot tub with some band members. Lindsay says she wants to "see some bum," and I thought she was going to bed. One of the band members obliges, proving that he will do anything to get on camera. David is in the background playing pool, and he voice-overs that he's "got a bunch of skinny little pseudo-rockers and they're trying to get in the girls I live with's pants." While that may not be the most poorly structured sentence David has ever uttered, it's got to be up there. Plus, everything I said earlier about no one asking David to be the bodyguard of her chastity.
The morning (maybe) Rebecca is on the phone with Ron, the goateed rapper. She greets him with "What up, dawg," which is the one phrase from this season that I probably use the most in regular conversation, although "Wow, thank you for telling me that" is a close second. Rebecca makes plans with Ron to go see the Sonics play. They jump ahead to Ron arriving to pick her up. David voice-overs that he doesn't think Rebecca is going to get involved with her "little boyfriends or the boys she meets." David conspicuously reads on the couch and pretends not to notice that Ron and Rebecca are leaving.
Janet and Irene are in Irene's room. Janet spots something and says, "That's sick, Irene." No, it's not David's dirty underwear. Janet pulls out a framed picture and Irene says it's "cute" and "it's not like it's [her] anus, it's [her] colon." We see that it is a coloscopy picture of the inside of Irene's colon. Irene points out "how veiny it is" and says she "never knew [her] ass was veiny until [she] got this picture." Janet just laughs and laughs. In an interview, Janet says that "Irene's life is just pure comedy." Irene starts talking about her doctor and how they were afraid she had colitis. She explains that her doctor collects hats, and that she wanted to get her colon picture put on a hat and give it to him, which would be really funny. In a voice-over, Janet says that Irene is "probably one of the funniest people [she's] ever met." I'm not saying that Irene's not funny, but Janet really needs to get out more.
Janet and Lindsay are walking and talking about Irene. Janet says she thought Irene was "a loner" because "she walked away in the beginning." Yeah, I can't imagine why Irene would have felt shy about hanging out with Janet and Lindsay, because it's not like they're intimidating. Oh wait, they are. Janet says she didn't think she'd get to know Irene, and I'm so proud of Janet for actually having an opinion of her own! Lindsay says she's happy Irene "did her own thing and went off and really was natural and literally did her own thing, because it shows she's real." All these two do is constantly validate each other's opinions, and it's so annoying. Janet says Irene is "intelligent" and Lindsay says she likes her and Janet says she "digs her too." Well, I'm glad Irene has such lovely, smart and classy friends as Janet and Lindsay. Except for the parts about "lovely," "smart," "classy" and "friends."
We get the seventeenth Space Needle shot. David is asleep on the living room couch. Rebecca comes home from the game, and Ron is with her. David asks who won. Rebecca reports that she wants to be a "Sonic girl." David says he has "never seen the cheesy side of [her]," and he's surprised. Rebecca says she's "totally kidding" and that they were "so cheesy." In an interview, Rebecca says she's got this "whole thing going on." She realized that when you "hang out with a guy when you like somebody else, it's much worse than not hanging out with a guy at all because the whole time you're with him, you're thinking about the other person." Of course, they want you to think that the "other person" she was thinking about was David, but I'm sure it was actually her boyfriend back home. David voice-overs that Ron is a "little Seattle guy" with a "goatee" and he's "really into music, really into the ahhhhts." Rebecca tells David that Ron is in a rap band. In an interview, David says that these guys are "going to be giving her watches, taking her out to eat, getting to know her, taking her out hiking" and concludes that Rebecca is "a little player." They're giving her watches? Seriously, I never know what David is talking about. Then we get a shot of Ron. A shot of David. A shot of Rebecca. Ron. David. Ron. Rebecca. David. Space Needle. What the hell was that all about?
Rebecca, Stephen and David are in the hot tub. David says that Rebecca has been breaking "hippie-types' hearts" and she "tries to play it off like she's unaware" or "just making friends." Rebecca says she's not playing it off like that, so "whatevah. I'm not pimpin'." I think Rebecca has been hanging out with Ron the Rapper a little too much. David says she's playing just like a guy. In a confessional, Rebecca says she has "an odd tendency of trying to draw people to [her] even though [she knows she] always will keep a distance, just to have them near, just to feel loved." Rebecca tells David he's "awfully judgmental for a cat who doesn't know the scene." Who replaced Rebecca with Vince Vaughn from Swingers? David says, "I'm awfully judgmental for a person who gives you a taste of your own medicine." Rebecca sputters, "My own medicine? How did you do that?" David gets up and kisses her on the cheek and gets out of the hot tub, claiming that he does it all the time. What is he talking about? Stephen says that David is mad because Rebecca broke his heart. In an interview, Rebecca says that she hopes "on a subconscious level, [she] wasn't trying to mislead anyone" and that she doesn't think she was. David tells her he reaches out to her every day, but he doesn't know how to "come clean" and "all [she does] is smash it" and he's "trying to give her vibes." Okay, seriously, how many drugs is he on? I don't know how someone could string that series of words together, sober, and think it makes sense. I guess that's your answer, right there. The sober part.
They start playing "Kiss the Rain" again, and it's the end part, where it keeps repeating, "Think of me! Think of me!" We see shots of Rebecca in bed, thinking. David in bed, reading. Rebecca in bed, thinking. Kiss the rain!
Final tally: Eighteen Space Needle sightings in three episodes.