It's the morning after everyone arrived at the house. We see various shots of people waking up, stretching and drinking coffee. Stephen, Irene and David are each writing, possibly in journals. This becomes important later in the episode. Of course, the producers could have used footage from any point in the season. We don't know that they were all writing that particular morning, right?
Nate is on the phone with Stephanie, and she's bitching about how he's having a great time and she's not, and "it's like a bad trip." Remember, because they almost cast Stephanie AND Nathan, but then picked Nate alone? So on top of being annoying, Stephanie is probably a little bitter that she didn't get on the show.
David and Rebecca are both working out. David is lifting weights, and Rebecca is riding an exercise bike. Lindsay is just sitting there watching them, and reading The Good Girl's Guide to Good Sex, because she can't let two minutes go by without a sexual reference. She's all astonished at what the book says (yeah, right) and David comes over and asks what is so shocking. She points at a particular section and David reads it and then shrugs and says, "Different strokes for different folks!" and then makes a joke about Lindsay and farm animals. Lindsay and David banter some more, like how tired is this already, and Lindsay tells David that he doesn't know her. Rebecca pipes up and says that David deals in stereotypes. Rebecca is reading The Massage Book while riding the bike. David resumes lifting weights and then says that the funny thing is that the girls are turned on by "eloquent ways of saying the same things different ways." Once again, I have no idea what he's talking about. He just never makes any sense. Rebecca protests that her book is not a sex book, it's a massage book. David says that it's the same thing, since they are both "sensual matters." Rebecca and Lindsay both insist that Rebecca wasn't thinking sensually. Lindsay adds that if Rebecca wants sex, she'll say, "Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!" Well, maybe she wouldn't say it exactly like that. I doubt she would say it five times. David says Rebecca wouldn't say that because she's not "a demon" like Lindsay. She would say it "subtly" and "write in her journal." Rebecca points out that David is stereotyping her again. David hugs her by way of apology and says that she will be a "cat woman in ten years" who "wears her hair in a bun," as if that doesn't negate his apology. David has a habit of saying mean things, but then claiming that he was joking when people get mad. Rebecca claims to be an "incognito vixen" and David calls her a "little hoochie." God, David has such an obvious Madonna/whore complex, it's almost offensive. Anyway, David asks Rebecca if he can practice massages on her.
We see two more shots of the Space Needle, from different angles. In a voice-over, David says that he was writing in his journal. In case you don't get it, they show him writing in his journal. David feels that "ethnically," they are all diverse but "in a sense," they are all the same. They do an over-the-shoulder shot so that we can see the journal in which David is transcribing his thoughts, and cue the "The Butler Did It" music because it's the same journal and writing seen earlier by Nathan, Janet and Lindsay! In an interview, David says he wonders why people like his friends aren't on the show, people who don't go to school, who are "schmucks," who "deal drugs on the street." People who "work at caahhh washes," and what about "the every day Joe?" If I didn't know any better, I'd think that David has been talking to a disgruntled employee of the Bunim-Murray casting office. David confesses that he ripped the front page of his journal out and left it on the table "like a meathead." In an interview, Nathan says he honestly thought Stephen (he learned his name) wrote it and so he said something to David, and David "looked [him] right in the eyes" and said he wrote it. Nathan shows off the acting skills he is currently putting to use in the master epic Tangy Guacamole by miming surprise and shock at David's admission. Then, we get to see the actual conversation between the two. They are playing pool and David asks Nathan if "they" were offended and Nathan says he doesn't know. In an interview, Nathan says he felt like the "biggest jackass in the world for even having those thoughts" about Stephen. I notice once he found out that David wrote it, all of his righteous indignation from earlier magically disappeared. What a hypocrite. David admits that it was "abrupt and rash" on his part to say that "right away." Even though he definitely didn't mean for anyone else to actually see the page from his journal, and went to every effort to hide it by ripping it out and leaving it in plain sight on the table. Nathan suggests that David talk to Janet about it, since Janet was really, really upset about it, even going so far as to call the whole thing "lame." Oh wait, that was Nathan. Sorry.
David is having a hushed conversation with Janet about the issue. He tells her he didn't mean it to be negative. Janet, like Nathan before her, can't forgive him fast enough by saying that she knows he didn't mean it (which isn't what he said) and that seeing it in "black and white without any explanation" made it look negative, but she "tooootally" hears where he's coming from. She continues, "Honey, I would have never held it against you now that you've told me." Hmm, if Stephen or Irene had been the author, would Janet be so quick to forgive? David says he didn't want her to read it and think someone else wrote it. Except that's exactly what he wanted. Janet can't smooth things over enough, and keep repeating, "Right, right, it's all good." David smiles and says he knew it would be, and I think David is a master manipulator, but then again, it's like shooting fish in a barrel in this house, no? Janet yells out to no one in particular, "See, this is what it's about. Open communication. This is why we all get along so well." No one answers until Rebecca strolls through and says jokingly, "Can't we all just get along?" Janet repeats it because she has run out of words.
Nathan is on the phone with Stephanie again. Do I really have to recap their inane conversations? Basically, they fight over the fact that they both leave the house without the other, and they both flirt with other people. The lowlight comes when Stephanie calls Nathan a "fun, flirtatious, hot person." Ew. After the call, they show a shot of a crab in the fish tank, which is supposed to mean that Stephanie is crabby, I guess ["Or that someone has venereal disease. Y'know, either way." -- Toenail].
The roommates get ready to go out on the town. David has emptied an entire case of motor oil on his head. Nathan sprays eight tons of gel on his hair, and then Lindsay says he looks like "a swinger" and asks to see "that butt." Nathan complies, and turns away from her while striking some poses and dancing, and I really can't take much more of this. David is about ready to go. We haven't seen any scenes with Irene-as-outsider in a while, so since everyone else is waiting around, they cut in shots of Irene just starting to dry her hair, when in reality she could have been the first one ready. David is standing by the door and Lindsay attacks him, pretending to be a cat. I start to give credence to the rumors that this cast did a lot of drugs. Janet helps Irene put on makeup, in the first semblance of bonding with Irene, but kind of ruins it by first telling her she looks like a rock star, but then claiming that rock star would be "Alice Cooper." Nice. Irene affects a Julia Childs voice to say, "I think we're all ready," and then asks Nathan if he needs to "call his chick" and "talk to her for another hour." Everyone laughs but Nathan. Stephen walks out carrying an umbrella and wearing a wool cap. I know when I'm going to a club, I frequently bring my umbrella, because there's nothing you want more in a crowded club than something cumbersome to carry around. In an interview, Stephen says they all "went out together, and the key word is 'together.'" I think for Stephen, the key word is "out," if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Nathan prepares to get into a cab, and he yells out to Stephen that another cab is on the way to pick up the three remaining roommates, and that the four already in the cab will meet them at Pioneer Square. Although we don't see who is in Nathan's cab, I'm pretty sure you can assume that it's David, Janet and Lindsay. In a voice-over, Nathan tells us they went to a bar and listened to a blues band, while we see them all in a bar, listening to a blues band. Nathan tells us they started drinking, while we see them drinking. Nathan says he could tell he was "going to get kind of wild" while we see Nathan hugging David. Nathan "dances" with Rebecca and Janet, if you want to call it that. I mean, he's moving around to music, but I wouldn't call it dancing. In an interview, Stephen tells us that he wanted to do some "real dancing, boogie-down stuff," so I guess he shares my assessment of Nathan's footwork. Stephen wanted to go to some club called the Fenix Underground. We see David, Nathan, Stephen, Rebecca and two random girls standing outside and Nathan drunkenly agrees to go to the Fenix. In an interview, Stephen tells us that David and Nathan had two girls with them, and Stephen was talking to one of them while they walked, and he felt some friction, and that David was staring at the back of his head. We see the scene in question, and in reality, David is just chatting with Rebecca and really not paying much attention to Stephen at all. Maybe David realizes, like the viewers, and the entire world except Stephen, that Stephen is not much of a threat in the "getting women" department. In an interview, Nathan says that not everyone in the group was twenty-one, and that Rebecca and Stephen couldn't get into the club, but Nathan assumed they were okay with it. We see Rebecca and Stephen walking out of the club after being denied, and Rebecca says she's fine with it and doesn't want to try again. Meanwhile, where are Janet, Lindsay and Irene? I guess they went home early. Stephen wants to try to do some "smooth talking" with the bouncer, which fails miserably. I can't imagine why the bouncer wouldn't want to let them into the club illegally on camera. What a jerk! In a voice-over, Rebecca says that Stephen gets frustrated when David and Nathan go places he can't. After getting rejected again, Stephen opens the door to call Nathan out so they can all leave. We see a shot of Nathan and David talking to those women again, and not paying any attention to Stephen. Rebecca walks out of the club, even though last time we saw her, she was standing on the sidewalk. She tells Stephen not to "make it an ordeal" and Stephen says he's not, and he didn't want to go in that "stupid-ass club," and then he picks up his ball and goes home like the five-year-old he is. Stephen opens the door and yells, "We're leaving!" even though Nathan and David clearly don't care. Rebecca suggests that they go home and let Nathan and David stay. Suddenly, David is standing there on the sidewalk with them. This is all edited so strangely. Rebecca hails a cab and Stephen says in a voice-over that the boys were "eager" to push them into a cab. Well, given how maturely Stephen is handling this whole thing, I can't imagine why they don't want to hang out with him more. Rebecca gets into a cab and cheerily says goodbye to the boys. Stephen lifts his hand in a desultory wave and refuses to even look at them. Yeah! That'll show them who's boss, Stephen! In a voice-over, Stephen tells us he can tell what kind of a friend someone is by the way he reacts around women. We see David and Nathan chatting up their conquests some more, and Nathan's woman is about thirty-seven years old. Stephen says he felt that David was "super-shady."
Nathan and David are dancing with the women to the strains of the Will Smith classic, "Gettin' Jiggy With It." In an interview, Nathan says that he and David are trying to "meet as many local people as possible." Then there's a beat and then they cut in a completely unrelated shot of Nathan laughing, to make it look like he knows how ridiculous that statement was. Nathan continues by saying that it "might be like dirty dancing, but that's just the way that [he dances]." It's not like he's grinding his dancing partner. The most risquéé it gets is when he grabs her lapels and pulls her a little closer. Suddenly, Irene and Janet are there watching them. Where the hell did they come from? In an interview, Janet says that Nathan is "three thousand miles away from his girlfriend" and "it's human nature to want to be cuddled and hugged and there's temptation." Dude, they've been there like four days. Unless of course this interview was actually done later in the season and pasted-in here. But they would never do that, right? The scene ends with a shot of Nathan's dance partner putting her hands on his hips. Ooh, intrigue!
Back at the house, Rebecca walks into the kitchen wearing a towel wrapped around her, with her bra on, like why wouldn't she just throw a shirt on? She tells Janet that Stephen was "irritated" and "a little hurt" by David. Lindsay talks to Stephen. Well, Lindsay says one sentence and then Stephen talks for a long time. He says once again that he feels that Nathan and David blew them off and Stephen didn't like it. He thinks you don't do that to friends, and that it was "shady" and he's going to put it "in his file." Lindsay just sits there and stares at him. So basically, we are told for about the tenth time tonight that Stephen is a baby.
Back at the club, David is sexing up his woman in inimitable David style. Nathan dances with a girl who is actually rather cute, but is sporting a modified "Rachel" haircut. At one point he hugs her and lifts her up in the air. She starts drunkenly mumbling in his ear, and I brace myself for the sex talk, but it turns out that she wants to tell him that she has a boyfriend. Nathan says it's okay because he has a girlfriend and that her boyfriend knows she's just having a good time, and his girlfriend knows it too. At the mention of his girlfriend, the girl looks around alarmed, as if she is standing behind them. Nathan tells her that they just met tonight and are just having fun, and that there's no "sexual innuendo," but he leers and makes a goofy gesture that grosses me out. He tells the girl not to worry about it. He sounds an awful lot like a guy who is trying to talk a girl into staying with the hope that later that evening, he might get in her pants.
David and Nathan arrive home and David starts drunkenly yelling to Stephen, who is sitting at the computer. David comes up behind Stephan and starts rubbing his shoulders (and I swear to God, I'm not making this up) and asks what's going on. Like David didn't get any play from the girl at the bar, so now he's hitting on Stephen? Oh, that's right, David is straight. Ostensibly. David asks if Stephen is turning on him, and at first I thought he meant that Stephen was turning straight, but then I realized he meant that Stephen is turning his back on him by not talking. Stephen accuses David of being the one who turned by throwing him in a cab. David says it wasn't about "chicks" and that Stephen looked him in the eye and told him it was fine and that Stephen wanted to go home. Stephen doesn't think he said that, and they certainly never showed it on camera if he did. David repeats that Stephen looked him in the eye and said not to worry about it and that he and Rebecca were going home. Stephen replies that Rebecca wanted to go home but Stephen wanted to "fucking dance" and that he thought the guys would help him motivate Rebecca into staying. At this point, Stephen is all choked up, like what is the big deal here? It's one night in the grand scheme of things. Stephen needs to step back. David leans on the table so that he is face-to-face with Stephen and says "straight up" that in no way was he dismissing them. Stephen says he understands and that it bothered him, because he thought David thought he was trying to horn in on his action. David laughs and then turns all sincere and says that "they" would never be like that, and they made a mistake but it's no biggie. Stephen says it's "totally cool." David says, "Remember, kid, I would never punk out on you like that...I would nev-ah do that. Ev-ah." Stephen says, "Cool, dawg."
Janet and Lindsay are in bed and Lindsay hears a noise. It's Nathan, pounding on the bottom of a product-placed Nantucket Nectar bottle. He slurs that he's "spanking [his] monkey" and then tells them that he feels like he betrayed his girlfriend tonight. Janet says he should tell his girlfriend. Nathan asks, "That I danced with people?" Janet says that he should tell his girlfriend he's spanking his monkey. Nathan slurs that he spanks his monkey all the time, which was a little too much information for me. Lindsay tries to comfort him by saying that he was just messing around, and that he's not doing anything with those girls, like if he "kissed them or touched them," that would be different, but he was just messing around. Janet says it's not a big deal, and he was just dancing. Nathan claims it was "sensual dancing," but unless they didn't show his best moves, I have to disagree. Then, Nathan says a classic line that I will have to remember: "I dance and I break it down." Ha! Janet says she wouldn't worry about it and Nathan says he feels guilty for no reason. Lindsay thinks he's being overly cautious, like get the hint and go to bed already, Nathan! Nathan tells them the girls they met tonight gave them a ride home and wanted to come in the house. Lindsay asks if they just said no. Nathan claims that David told them it wouldn't be a good idea because they just met their roommates and it would be lame to bring someone home already. Look at David with the morals!
Stephen asks David if the girls wanted to come in and David says they were trying every angle to get in the house, but Nathan finally said they had to go to the bathroom. Good one, Nate!
Back in the girls' bedroom, Nathan says the girls were all, "Thanks a lot!" as if they expected something. Yeah, they expected more camera time! I think Nathan truly believes the girls were into them because of their "sensual dancing" and that it had nothing to do with the cameras. Janet says she has no doubt he loves his girlfriend and she can't imagine why Stephanie would doubt it. Nathan listens solemnly and drinks his juice, spilling some on his shirt. Janet asks if Nathan and Stephanie have been dating for two years. Nathan says it's actually a year and a couple of months, but that doesn't stop Janet from making her point that Stephanie has to know he loves her by now, and if she doesn't, then she needs to figure it out. I don't even understand what she means. Lindsay says it's good advice. Nathan agrees and thanks her, and then tells her loves her and finally gets the hint and leaves the room.
Nathan gets into bed. We see Janet and Lindsay sneaking into their room and hopping into David's bed. Lindsay says she's going to "hug" him, but actually she means "rub her body on him." Janet takes the opportunity to jump into Nathan's bed and Stephen is left out in the cold, although they take pains to show many reaction shots of him alone in his bed, laughing at the shenanigans. Meanwhile, I imagine Irene and Rebecca are putting their pillows over their heads and sighing. Lindsay and David wrestle on his bed. In an interview, David says that the temptation is there because he thinks Lindsay is cool and "how could you not be attracted to these women?" Well, maybe by realizing they are catty and bitchy and vacuous? Oops, did I say that out loud? Also, David, I'd like to introduce you to my good friend shampoo. Back in the bedroom, a glassy-eyed David takes off his shirt for no apparent reason except to show off his abs, which are admittedly pretty nice. Lindsay makes a balloon out of a condom and bats it around the room. Janet shrieks at Lindsay's behavior. Lindsay kicks it like a soccer ball while clutching David's discarded shirt. I could almost excuse David and Nathan for acting this way, since they went to an all-male college, but really, do people act like this after the first month of living in a co-ed college dorm? Finally, Janet and Lindsay go back to their own beds.
Back in their own room, Janet and Lindsay giggle over their tomfoolery with the boys. Janet asks Lindsay what she thinks of the guys. Lindsay says it's "weird now that [she knows] he has a girlfriend" and we're to assume she's talking about Nathan, but based on what we now know, she could've been talking about David. Janet cackles and high-fives Lindsay over the girlfriend issue, which I don't get. I think they are either talking in code, or parts of the conversation were cut. Janet says that ideally it would be cool to "get into something" but you live together twenty-four-seven and these people get to know the "ins and outs, ups and downs of your entire life." Lindsay says that "with certain people it can get more..." but instead of putting a word there she just continues, "so you like relieve it." Janet agrees with Lindsay some more because that's all she's apparently capable of doing. Lindsay says, "Just once." Janet repeats it. Lindsay says, "We'll see." Janet repeats it. I kid you not. Could she be any farther up Lindsay's ass if she were a rectal suppository? I think not. Anyway, they turn out the light and go to sleep and the episode blessedly ends.
Although they slowed down this week, we stand at twelve Space Needle sightings, which is definitely more screen time than Irene or Rebecca have had thus far.