Previously on The Real World: Jo went to court. She likes her David Cross-looking friend, Steve. Rachel is a Republican. Judd considers himself to be a "bed-wetting liberal." I'm sure the first half of that statement is correct.
Rachel smells some flowers, and finds out they aren't for her. Steve sent them to Jo. "I don't envy you at all, man," Rachel laughs into her coffee mug. I guess Jo's going to have to let Steve down this week. It shouldn't be too hard, since I'm pretty sure she's misunderstanding things and that Steve's just waiting for Mr. Right. Pam asks whether Steve's "too nice" for Jo. Rachel says that it's not that Steve's "too nice," but that he's "too nice for not being a boyfriend." I'm not sure what that means. Jo says she likes to get flowers.
Dinner. Someone plays with an avocado slice. Rachel asks whether anyone wants to come to her Republican conference the day. It's pretty quiet as Rachel lists the playbill of Republican attendees. Rachel tells us it'd be a great opportunity to gain "a little insight" into who Rachel really is. Judd tells us he can't imagine what it'll be like, with all of those "button-down conservative types" and Rachel. Judd tells us he has a "hunch" that the men at the conference won't be too upset to see Rachel. Why does Judd always bring it back to Rachel dating people? He hates anyone else getting laid. He even hates Republican sex. That boy's got some problems.
I'm not really sure what's going on all of a sudden, but after some San Francisco establishing shots, we see Jo and Steve poring over some Shakespeare. He's making her read it, and she's complaining about having to read it. She tells us that she has finals week, and that she hasn't been studying. Cut to Jo dictating a list of supplies she needs Steve to buy for her. One of them is a "hole punch." Cory starts teasing Jo for treating Steve like her father: "Dad! I need this and I need this!" Jo says that she doesn't have her dad there, so she has Steve. Steve just nods his head, thinking about a sketch he'll do with Odenkirk in a few years. Jo tells us that Steve is like her little brother and her dad. Ew. She says that he can be a little overbearing, but that, for the most part, she can handle it. I can't handle all of this excitement. Jo plots out her studying strategy for Steve. Riveting. Jo gives up immediately, and gets on the phone to drop her English class. Everyone says she shouldn't drop her class, but I guess she just did.
Jo's reading the paper, and Steve's sitting to her. He asks why she doesn't study now instead of reading the paper. Why is he just sitting there with his hand in his pocket, anyway? It's creepy. Give him something to do. Jo says she doesn't want to study anymore. She tells us that she is an independent person, and she doesn't want Steve bossing her around anymore.
That night, Jo tells Cory that her family means a lot to her. She tells us that she and Rachel are like sisters now. She says she's close to Steve because she didn't have anyone else. There's a knock at the door. It's Cory. She's unhappy that Rachel's spending more time with Jo instead of her now. She doesn't say that, but it's obvious in the way she's warbling on about nothing.
Cory tells us that she's hurt at how exclusive Jo's and Rachel's relationship is. Judd says they share a brain. Cory tells us that she thought she was close friends with Rachel. Flashback to Rachel and Cory laughing in bed together, spooning. Cory says that they totally used to hang out and it was totally cool and shit, but now Jo's there and Rachel totally ignores her. Cut to Rachel and Jo having fun, sans Cory.
Cory sadly packs as Jo and Rachel have fun three feet away from her. Cory tells us again that she was hurt because she thought she was friends with Rachel. Then she tells us again. Cory pouts and sleeps on the couch to get as far away from the fun as possible.
Jo goes to the Republican conference with Rachel, because that's the law when new friends ignore everyone else. Judd tells Jo she's going to be miserable. Quick montage of the conference. Judd and Pam have gone as well. Rachel tells us that Judd and Pam "have stereotypes of the way they think Republicans are." I've recapped so much reality television in the past year that I no longer know when I need to add the [sic]. How fucking sad is that? Judd says that he only saw white, upper-class Americans at the conference. Judd tells us that they are just "gussing up the old." Pam says that it's easy and comfortable to talk about the issues when you're rich. Rachel tells us that she considers herself a good representative of 1990s Republican youth.
I guess everyone went to the conference, because then everyone's shaking Jack Kemp's hand, as Rachel tells us that he's one of her idols. Judd says he respects Jack Kemp, then asks, "Could I vote for him?" Judd says that even if you covered him in red ants in the middle of a desert, he still couldn't vote for Jack Kemp. Rachel says she didn't invite everyone so that they could tease her. Cut to Judd saying he needs to lie down as Cory laughs. Man, boot Judd and bring back Puck. I'm not a Republican, so I'm not offended by what Judd's pissed off about, but man, he's such an asshole these days. Is it the lack of sex?
Look out, everyone. Rachel's in a beret. She says that there are reasons for people to be on welfare, and that people are abusing it. She thinks that there needs to be welfare reform so that people learn to get off of welfare and it doesn't become "a vicious cycle." This from the girl who gets all of her money from Mommy and Daddy. "So once again, black people brought it upon themselves," Judd snaps. Everyone starts bickering at once. Rachel asks him to "chill out," adding, "I think that, one, that I'm not on trial." She laughs. "And two, um, sorry if you don't agree, but that's the way that I stand on it." Judd says that he's not knocking her -- just the racists that she supports. Rachel says that's a "very, very, very, very unfair statement to make." Rachel says that she's a minority and not racist. She tells Judd to stop throwing that term around. She calls it "unwise and not fair." She then storms out of the house. She tells us she was "flabbergasted" that Judd called her a racist.
After Rachel's left the house, Pam smiles and says she was too scared to say anything. Cory laughs and agrees. When is Cory not scared to open her mouth? Rachel pedals her snotty ass down a hill and tells us that she was really shocked. "It wasn't intended to be the spark to start a big political debate." A giant Republican conference? Where she forced her liberal friends to sit through lectures? Is she kidding?
Rachel decides to fix her aggression by calling over her best gal-pal and getting a tattoo. She's deciding between her ankle and her hip. She says that there are a lot of stereotypes about Republican females. She says she's not a Laura Ashley girl.
Well, finally Pam and Cory find something to talk about: judging other people. It's what this group does best. I notice Mohammed didn't have to go to the Republifest. Cory and Pam say that Rachel's confusing because she thinks she's a wild girl, but she's got all these conservative views. It's not that hard, girls. It's called "Hi! I'm a rich girl who's experiencing her first taste of independence! I'm going to rebel against all of the safe things I know that will drive my parents crazy, like getting tattoos, sitting in bed with boys, and knowing gay people, but really I hate everything that's different, just like I was taught. I have to. That's where the money is!"
Back at Ed Hardy's Tattoo World (I didn't make that up), Rachel's on her stomach, getting her tattoo. For some reason, the artist asks her whether she wants the rose in red. Shouldn't that have been discussed before the outline was finished? Rachel squints as they tattoo her ass. "Belly button's nothing compared to this," she says. She tells us she thought it would be "really cool" to have a "really cool cross" and have "the thorny rose wrap around it." That's so really cool. Jo shouts when she sees the three-foot tattoo on Rachel's back. Rachel says she was really close to getting it on her ankle. It's huge and hideous, this iron cross with a rose bush gnarled around it.
Back at the house, Rachel tells everyone it was "really painful," as Cory whimpers at it. Pam looks at it and says, "Oh, my God!" Rachel asks whether Pam likes it. Pam takes a few seconds to muster up all of her strength and lie, "Yeah, I do." Pam's wearing a candy necklace.
Jo tells Rachel that she's now officially "the girl from the Aerosmith video." She apologizes for being rude. Pam says she doesn't understand how Rachel justifies her strict religious and political views with her stupid lifestyle. Pam, see above. Rachel rides on the back of a bike and lifts her legs so her skirt flies up and we see her ass as Cory tells us, "Rachel's lifestyle is pretty alternative." This is a nice way of calling Rachel a whore. I'm no fool. Rachel hangs with her bike-stunt friends who jump bikes over Rachel and jump bikes over staircases to empty cop cars. Extreme! Surge! Radical! So not Republican! Dude! Rachel drones on about the bike boys. They're Ian and Jeff, and they do something called "bicycle shows." I'm sure the end of that sentence is "at Six Flags." We see one of them hop his bike onto a skateboard. Extreme! All four of them get on one bike and scream. Surge! Montage of BMX bike stunts. Radical! The girls high-five and giggle after the boys jump their bikes over them. Jo tells us that there wasn't much going on in the house, so they decided to invite the bike boys over for a slumber party. These girls are so gross. Jo and Rachel drink and flirt and open their legs in front of the bike boys. Skank! Cory pouts at the end of the table, wondering when someone in the world will notice her. Martyr! Cory explains to us that she used to date one of the bike boys, and now Jo's all over his dick. Skeeze! Cory sits just outside their room and tells us that she feels like she's on the outside when they used to be her friends. Jo and Rachel get into the same bed with the bike boys. Four people, one futon. Scabies! Rachel calls it "crashing." Cory tries to sleep in the room, but they're all being too loud.
In the morning, the bike boys ride off. Jo answers the phone. It's Steve, pissed that she's not calling him back or treating him like a friend. She says she doesn't have time to call him when she knows he's going to call her every day. They start fighting. She tells us she's "stifled" by their relationship. She tells Rachel that Steve's a "fucking yo-yo." Rachel says that Steve wants to be more than friends with Jo, so Jo has to take that into consideration. On Rachel's sound advice, we fade to commercial.
Jo's studying again. She tells us she's still having problems. She's distracted and not finding enough time or peace in the house. Steve offers to help her out. She accepts. She has to go back to Tahoe. Jo complains that Steve wants too much of her life. She says they'll have a long talk about their relationship tomorrow. She says she hopes he can be adult about things, and that they can come out of it still being friends.
Since Jo's out of the state, Cory takes her chance to warble about the injustices she's recently suffered. She tells Rachel that even when she's in the room with Rachel and Jo, she's completely ignored. Rachel widens her eyes more and more until they pop out and roll into the sink, down the drain. Cory's blabbing on and on and on and I'm not listening at all. Rachel starts some bullshit, saying that it's always Cory, Pedro, Judd, and Pam, and that Rachel's always been on the outside of that. Yeah, I can't even tell you how many montages of fun involved that gang of four. Poor Mohammed has no clique at all. Cory's wearing suspenders and a striped shirt, by the way. Rachel is in a nightgown. She talks to Cory like she's not in the room, saying that she sometimes wants to do things that "Cory doesn't like to do." Cory says she'd like to go out more and do those things. Rachel just stares at her.
Jo's calling on the phone. Rachel tells Jo to come back home. She tells Jo that Steve wants things she doesn't want. Jo tells us that Steve's calling her ungrateful, and she doesn't know what to do. She says she's thanked him and said that they can be friends. She's so ungrateful. We see Jo and Steve fighting in his apartment. Jo tells us that Steve said very hurtful things to her. Rachel tells Jo that Steve thought Jo'd end up being his girlfriend. She tells Jo to get out of Tahoe. Jo says she moved out of Steve's house, and she's taking a bus back to San Francisco. She says she wants to get on with her life without having someone watch over her shoulder. You know, like the guy who saved her from her last abusive flighty marriage with a restraining order.
Rachel picks up Jo at the station. Back at the house, Jo says that Steve freaked out, and she left. Cory says that it's probably better for both of them that she moved out, since Jo doesn't love Steve. Jo says it's better for both of them, and that she's going to stay single for a while. "Stay single," in this case, means "fuck around with Rachel."
Cory and Pam bring Jo a giant sunflower. Jo gets out of bed and coos that sunflowers are her favorite. She says she needs to spend time with people her own age. She's twenty-two and she wants to act like she's twenty-two. Cut to Jo, Rachel, and Cory riding bikes. Cory says that life is all about having fun. We watch everyone cartwheel down the beach, showing their stomachs and asses. Cartwheeling and cartwheeling. Screeching and laughing. Jumping and screaming. Cory's freaking out, yelling for everyone to play air guitar while they jump in the air. Everyone else is like, "Calm the fuck down, Cory. They already got the 'Enjoy Life' segment. Just walk away."
time: Pedro and Sean get hitched. Puck races soapbox cars.
During the credits, Rachel lies to her mother and says she doesn't have a tattoo. I guess Rachel's mom doesn't own a television and will never find out that she's a liar? Rachel just laughs and laughs as her mother tells her that she doesn't have a mind of her own and that she's a low-class floozy. Word, Moms.