Previously on Real World: Arissa said that coming to Las Vegas was her ticket out of the projects. She's going to make like George and Weezie and move on up to the East Side. Irulan and Gabe have an open relationship, which Frank and Steven thought was awful. Irulan made out with Alton in bed. Alton said he didn't want to mess with a girl that had a boyfriend. Irulan said she would answer any question Gabe asked, but notice she didn't say that she would answer it truthfully. Irulan told Gabe that there was nothing going on with her and Alton.
Arissa calls her boyfriend, Dario. In an interview, Arissa says she hasn't seen Dario in two months, and now he's coming to visit. Arissa tells Dario that her "hair is gorgeous" because her "Farrah is back," and in fact, Arissa does look much better, and her hair does look like Farrah. In an interview, Arissa says that the first time she met Dario, he was fifteen but told her he was seventeen, and she called him "golden boy" because he had such a presence about him.
Irulan and Alton set up a tent in the living room like Claudia on Party of Five. In an interview, Irulan explains that she set up the tent so that Arissa and Dario could have some privacy, and she didn't want to sleep in the boys' room because "they smell and Frank farts and Trishelle and Steven have sex." So why can't she sleep in Trishelle's bed, if Trishelle is in with Steven? Oh, because then she wouldn't get all of the attention of having a tent in the living room? I see.
Arissa tells Dario that she had to go hunt down her check because she didn't have any money. She hunted it down? They don't just get paid on a regular basis? In an interview, Arissa says that she can't seem to hold onto money because someone always needs her money. Or she could just tell them they can't have it. Unless it's, like, a bill collector. You kind of have to pay them. Arissa adds that Dario needs her to send him $100. On the phone, Arissa agrees to send it. That seems like a lot of money to just give anyone, even if he is your boyfriend. I mean, $20, okay. But $100? I wouldn't even ask my parents to just give me $100. I'm just going to pretend there's some back story to why Dario needs the money and leave it at that. Arissa tells Dario that she's going to go downstairs and gamble. And then she wonders why she can't hold onto her money. I guess the slot machines keep telling her that they need it.
Arissa heads downstairs and puts $20 into an I Dream of Jeannie slot machine. She banters with the slot machine (no, really) while she plays. Irulan appears out of nowhere. Arissa explains that she was up two hundred (and I think it's a quarter slot, so that's actually $50) and she was going to stop, but then she realized that if she hit the jackpot, Dario would be really psyched. Look, I just got back from Vegas myself, and I'm not going to pretend like I didn't lose more money on the slots than I originally intended. But I did set a limit for myself, and I stopped when I lost that amount, because I know that otherwise I would just keep playing and playing. Which is what the casinos count on, and it's how they make their money. Irulan urges Arissa to quit playing, but Arissa says that she needs to win for Dario. Maybe Dario needs to get a J-O-B.
Irulan and Arissa sit in a booth. Irulan tells Arissa that if she needs money for various reasons, she shouldn't have gone to the casino and blown $100. Irulan adds that even though Arissa has been lucky with gambling, luck runs out, which is how the casinos stay in business. Hey, I just said that! Arissa says that maybe Irulan was taught to pay bills and manage her money, but that's not something Arissa was taught, and it's something she has to learn, but it's hard. It's really not that hard. You make a certain amount. You spend less than that. You save the rest. Or even better, you make a certain amount, you save part of that and you spend the rest. I'm not saying I'm the perfect money manager, but I do know what I should be doing, and I do that most of the time. Because I grew up in America. I don't buy the whole, "Well, my parents never saved money so I don't know how to do that." If you are aware that there is another way to be, then be that way. In an interview, Irulan says that it's hard for Arissa to step away from her background, but if she wants to change, Irulan thinks she's capable of it.
Arissa waits for Dario in front of the hotel. Irulan waits with her. I have to say that if I had not seen my boyfriend for two months, I would've at least showered and maybe tried to wear something nice. Arissa apparently didn't feel the need to make that much effort. In fact, it apparently would have been too much effort to put on shoes, so she's wearing leopard-print slippers. Maybe Dario digs that, though. Irulan thinks that once Dario arrives, Arissa will be able to relax. Arissa says that she knows the first thing she'll ask him is, "What took you so long?" Irulan points out that Dario has been traveling for a long time and his plane was probably delayed, so Arissa shouldn't start off on the wrong foot. In an interview, Arissa says that a normal person would assume that Dario's plane was delayed, but she wonders why Dario is doing this to her. Because she's self-absorbed and can't see past how the whole thing affects her. Dario's cab finally pulls up. Arissa jumps in and hops on his lap, giving him kisses. ["She's so excited to see him that she even chucks her lit cigarette! Oh, wait -- she totally doesn't. You're going to burn his hair, woman. Ditch the butt. Jeez." -- Sars] They snuggle and hold hands in the elevator. In an interview, Trishelle says that Dario is "a big, cuddly teddy bear" and she can see why Arissa likes him so much. Arissa straddles Dario and gives him a big hug. In an interview, Arissa says that Dario could not have come at a better time, because she needs to have him hold her right now. Again, it's all about her.
Irulan and Alton go to the Paris casino and pose for pictures. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton is an amazing person and whatever he wants to do is cool. Alton compliments the way that Irulan and Gabe chill out together. That is the weirdest relationship compliment I've ever heard. In an interview, Alton says that Gabe deserves Irulan, because she's "an awesome woman," and he's had a crush on her since day one. Haven't we been through this already?
Dario and Arissa go out to a club with the roommates. Irulan says that she and Alton were "the two odd men out," so she made him be her "pretend date." But she's not leading him on or anything. I just think it's kind of cruel, since she knows how he feels about her. In an interview, Arissa says that she thinks Irulan might like Alton, and she knows Alton has a crush on Irulan. In an interview, Alton talks about how great Irulan is. Wow, that was a fascinating scene.
Alton and Dario eat chicken wings in the kitchen and laugh about the tent in the middle of the living room. Arissa eats a salad. Dario begs for a bite of it; Arissa says no. Alton goes into the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face. In an interview, Alton says that while Irulan might be attracted to him a little bit, her situation doesn't allow him to make himself that vulnerable. You know, I thought I understood what he was saying, and then when I typed it out, I realized that I have no clue. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton invited himself to sleep in her tent by knocking on the door and asking if he could sleep there. Well, that's not really inviting himself. She could've said no. Alton crawls into the tent. Arissa crawls into bed with Dario. In a confessional, Alton talks about how much he likes Irulan, especially giving her massages. Or maybe that should be "giving her massages." Alton cuddles with Irulan and rubs her back. In an interview, Irulan says that it all happened because of timing and opportunity, and that she felt lonely because Dario was in town and stuff. I really don't get her. Gabe was just there, probably less than a month earlier. Like, if she doesn't want to hook up with Alton, don't. And if she does, do it. But don't pretend like it was all a big accident and she didn't really want it, but she was in the situation and decided to just go with the flow or something. Take some fucking responsibility.
Steven and Alton eat at a restaurant. Alton says that he had a dream that he and Irulan got married. What, is Alton like Buffy all of a sudden with the prophetic dreams? Steven doesn't want Alton to get hurt. In an interview, Steven says that Irulan sees Alton as a conquest, and Alton is going to get hurt. I'm sure Steven feels that Alton is just like him, before his marriage and subsequent transformation. Steven tells Alton to be careful, because "she has an open relationship but [Alton doesn't] have an open heart." Wow, he's a regular Dr. Phil with the catchphrases. Except that doesn't make any sense, because Alton does in fact have an open heart, and that's his problem. Steven tells Alton that he's going to get his feelings hurt, because Irulan is going to stay with Gabe. Alton disagrees at first, but then says that Steven might be right. In an interview, Alton says that he just likes Irulan a lot, but he knows he has to be careful because she has a boyfriend. He adds, "I could like her too much and she's one of the girls that I could like too much." But what I want to know is, does he like her just enough? Or too much? I wish he would just reveal that information.
Irulan talks to Gabe on the phone. She uses the baby talk. I hate the baby talk. Irulan tells him that she pitched a tent in the living room and that Alton slept in there with her. In an interview, Irulan says that Gabe knows she's lonely in Vegas and he just accepts that they have an open relationship, and she calls him and tells him what's going on. Irulan tells Gabe that lying with Alton was like being with him. I have to say that if I were ever in an open relationship (which would never happen, by the way, for so many reasons), I wouldn't want my boyfriend to tell me how much the girls he was hooking up with reminded him of me. Because then why not be with me? I would rather hear that he was hooking up with the exact opposite of me. But uglier. But those are my insecurities. Anyway. In an interview, Irulan says that she and Alton "shared an innocent time in the tent and that's it." She's totally lying. You can tell by how uncomfortable she got when she said that last sentence. Irulan tells Gabe that she just cuddled with Alton and it was just "the friend love," which is "nonsexual." In an interview, Irulan says that Gabe doesn't want her to fall into a relationship with somebody.
Rain. The roommates are promoting some sort of Hawaiian theme. In an interview, Frank says that their job is going very well. Arissa and Dario dance near the stage. In an interview, Frank says that Dario seems really easygoing, which is probably what Arissa needs, because if Arissa dated someone reactive like herself, the relationship wouldn't last. The editors didn't do a very good job of matching up the music we hear to the music they were dancing to, so it makes them all look like bad dancers. I don't think they are that bad, though. All of the roommates dance up on the stage. Some blonde dances with Dario. In an interview, Arissa says that when she's sober, she doesn't care if Dario talks to other women, but when she's been drinking, she gets irrational.
Arissa and Dario dance together. In an interview, Arissa explains that the girl Dario was dancing with earlier came by and Arissa thought she felt a push, so she looked over and the girl called her a bitch. The girl runs right up to the camera and yells, "I think she's a bitch." So she wants camera time. It seems the best way to handle someone like that would be to ignore him or her and move away so that they don't get any camera time. But by making it into a big thing, it becomes a storyline and will probably make it into an episode. Dario tells the girl not to do that. Arissa gives her a look, and everything goes slow motion so you know something is about to happen. Arissa voice-overs that she felt threatened by the girl, so she "had to make her feel threatened." Arissa pushes away from Dario and grabs the other girl's hair. About eight giant security types descend and wave their flashlights around. I tried to tell what the hell actually happened -- I even watched the whole scene in slow motion -- but all you can see are the backs of the bouncers and occasional glimpses of Arissa's arm. In the end, Arissa breaks free and walks away. Who still gets in fistfights past the age of, like, twenty? I remember the last time I almost got in a fight, and it's an embarrassing story, so why not tell it here? I was probably twenty years old and at an REO Speedwagon concert with my friend Brenda. No, that's not the embarrassing part, believe it or not. Anyway, it was general admission and we had pushed our way up to the front. And the lead singer's crotch was really sweaty. But that's not the embarrassing part either. So, these girls standing behind us kept pushing us and talking about us to each other -- like, loud enough so that we could hear, but not actually talking to us. Now, I'm not tough, but Brenda kicks ass, so I was feeling bold. So I turned around and was just about to say something bitchy like, "Um, what's your problem?" Because I'm nothing if not devastatingly witty. And before I could say anything, I realized that the girls were like fourteen years old. Yes, I was about to get in a fight with a bunch of eighth graders. I so would have kicked their asses, though.
In an interview, Arissa says, "I am not even disappointed with myself. I am disgusted with my actions. I've been taught to fight, to protect myself. I've been taught to fight when I've been wronged in some way." Here's the thing with Arissa's "I've been taught..." defense. It might work in one situation, but when you try to use it as an explanation in every situation, it loses impact and credibility. Arissa returns to the suite. In an interview, Arissa says that where she comes from, the tough people were "validated" and the weak people got picked on constantly. So she comes from junior high? How is that so different from where everyone in America grew up? Arissa thinks she'll get fired, and if she goes home, everyone who thought she would fail will be proven right. Arissa cries to Dario that she's sick of being treated like some bitch. Dario comforts her. Arissa cries that she reacted in the wrong place. Dario insists that everything is cool, but Arissa slams her hand against the wall and says if she gets fired, she's out. Dario hangs out in the kitchen while Arissa cries outside.
God, is this season over yet?
Dario and Arissa hang out in a bar. Is it later that night? Some other night? Who knows? Dario asks why Arissa thought he would be talking to another woman in the first place. Oh, good thing it's captioned! Bad thing it's Comic Sans. Dario adds that he thinks Arissa's jealousy is cool "for a little amount of time," but it quickly becomes bullshit. Dario wants her to tell him something real. Arissa says that she doesn't know how to trust people. Didn't we resolve this storyline with the team-building workshop? What? You mean people don't resolve things in thirty-minute episodes? Arissa says that she can't change overnight. Dario yells at her that it's a sure thing if she changes, and wonders why she can't just do it. Me too, Dario! But I don't get what he's so upset about. Was her fight really about jealousy? I thought it was because the girl called her a bitch and she felt threatened. So why is Dario angry all of a sudden? Dario plays video poker, probably using Arissa's money.
6:10 AM. Alton and Irulan are in the tent. In an interview, Alton says that they had "this tent experience," and that they kissed. All we see is the two of them giggling and cuddling. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan can hurt him by allowing him to love her. Again, I thought I knew what that meant, but when I typed it out, it made no sense. How does he do that?
In bed, Arissa and Dario lie in the most uncomfortable-looking position ever. In an interview, Arissa says that she doesn't want to put Dario in the position where he has to make excuses for her actions, and she doesn't know why she couldn't just walk away. Because she's batshit crazy? Then there are a couple of shots of like housekeepers and janitors, people who have real jobs. People who, if they got in a fistfight while on the job, would be fired so fast it would make your head spin.
Arissa meets with Marc on the rooftop. Arissa voice-overs that she's shaking because Marc is carrying an envelope that is meant for her. Marc tells Arissa that she made a mistake, and she can't start fights no matter what. Arissa says that her only defense is that she felt assaulted and needed to defend herself. She felt assaulted because the girl called her a name and bumped her in a crowded club? Does she not remember that the whole thing is on tape? Marc says that doesn't make it right, and that Arissa hit someone and drew blood. Arissa is shocked, and Marc explains that the girl had a bloody nose. I cannot believe that the girl didn't sue Arissa, the Palms, MTV, BMP, Awesome Anne, the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce, Marc, Marc's grody sunglasses, and Irulan's tent. Seriously. BMP must have really, really good lawyers. Or they got her to sign a release before she sobered up.
Marc asks Irulan to sign a written warning for her file. Arissa apologizes, but Marc says that it's no justification for her actions. I wonder if Marc realizes how ironic this is now that he's been fired for inappropriate behavior on the job. In an interview, Arissa says that she hopes she can learn not to react when this happens again. She adds, "I am a grown-ass woman. I have no business doing this anymore." Normally, I would be like, "Finally, she's talking sense!" but given Arissa's history this season of having revelations about changes that need to be made that never actually get made, I'm not buying it yet. Also, can you believe she only got a written warning? What does someone have to do to get fired in that place?
Arissa tells Alton that she doesn't know why she didn't get fired. She adds that she needs to either take anger management classes or never leave the house again. Or just calm the fuck down and maybe not drink if she knows that's how it affects her. Alton laughs, but Arissa says that she could've gotten arrested. Alton thinks that puts it all in perspective.
Dario and Arissa sit in the confessional. Arissa talks about how she ruined Dario's vacation by getting in a fight and nearly getting fired. She says, "I constantly come in here and talk about all of the issues that I need to change, and I haven't." Tell me about it. Arissa starts crying and says that she feels like she ruined the short amount of time that Dario was there. Dario says that he doesn't care, but he just didn't like how she dealt with him. They hug and walk out.
Arissa goes downstairs to see Dario off. Montage of them hugging, Dario getting in a cab, them hugging, Arissa crying, the cab pulling away. In an interview, Arissa says that Dario is her best friend and she's definitely pushing him to his limits. Arissa walks back through the casino as she voice-overs that she's not changing, but she needs to make some changes or she'll always be the same. Wow. That's, like, so deep.
episode: Alton and Irulan are definitely not hooking up, so Alton finds another girl and tells her that he wants to give her a [beep].