Previously: The Manzo boys moved out on their own, while Bratshley readjusted her sights and decided she could live with a commute to the city if she got a car. Family strife weighed heavily on the Giudice-Gorga clan, and Teresa reached out to her brother in a handwritten letter. Because that's way more melodramatic than a text fight. Take that, Staub!
Melissa and Joe are playing with the kids when she "spontaneously" breaks into song. That old standby, "Amazing grace... that saved a wench like me." Joe tells her she sounds like she's coming out of a radio, and Melissa admits she's dreamt of being a professional singer since she was four years old. The dream is a bittersweet one for her, though, because her deceased father was her biggest fan. Joe tells her not to waste her talent by singing in the shower and urges her to take it up part-time for now.
Elsewhere, Caroline moans about the cold weather as Albert plays golf. Sick of her grousing, he tells her, "We better have grandchildren quick because this is not going to work." Caroline admits she's suffering empty nest syndrome. Albert also suggests Caroline could get in the business of offering parenting advice. Because it worked so well for the McCord-Van Kempens. Not a mockery at all!
That night at the Laurita homestead, Chris and Bratshley come into the kitchen with conspiratorial looks on their faces. Chris tells Jacqueline he went to look at cars with Bratshley that afternoon. Jacqueline can't help bringing up Bratshley's failure to embrace responsibility last time they gave her a car, but Chris has already worked out a deal with his stepdaughter: He'll make the first couple of payments, Jacqueline will co-sign for the car, and it'll go back to the dealer if Bratshley doesn't live up to her end of the deal. Jacqueline's all, "What in the co-signing what?" She doesn't think Bratshley's up to the challenge, but Bratshley insists that she can not only maintain her internship (the one she hasn't been showing up for) but also take on a part-time job to keep up with the car payments. Her entire argument for why she deserves a car is basically pinned on the fact that she's "a good kid," who's not in and out of rehab. Nope, just civil court. Jacqueline asks if she can think about it, but Chris tells her it's too late.
The day, Teresa gets a voicemail from her brother Joe that he would like to attend Gia's gymnastics meet that weekend. Just the mention of it reduces Gia to tears. They try to call Joe to welcome him to the event, but they get voicemail, and his mailbox is full. Not a good omen.
Kathy and her husband Rich have a sit-down with their kids to talk about their annual contracts with each other. Since they were young, Kathy's kids have signed contracts promising not to do drugs or drink. As they send the kids upstairs to write out their promises, Rich teases Kathy that if the kids screw up, it's her fault. If they do something good, he's responsible. The kids come back down with their contracts. Sixteen-year-old Victoria's is rather straightforward, promising not to do drugs or drink. Little Joseph, 14, shows some promise as a future lawyers as he rocks the legalese, talking about "pre-existing contracts" and avowing that he will stand by his beliefs, though he admittedly refuses to promise not to drink. Kathy reacts as you'd expect a concerned mother to react. Rich says he respects Joseph's honesty and admits he drank in high school. He interviews that he supports Kathy's ideals for her kids but still likes to play good cop sometimes. Kathy, on the other hand, interviews that she wants Rich to step up as head of the household, then slyly adds that she'll be the neck -- "because without the neck, the head doesn't go anywhere." Rich continues talking with the kids, advising them to try out drinking with him first. They're all, "That is SO not the point, dad."
Melissa goes shopping with her sisters and enlightens them about her thrilling coat fetish. And by "thrilling," I mean boring as all hell. Teresa interviews that Melissa was planning on being a teacher when she met Joe, then they got married and her educational aspirations conveniently went on the backburner. As Melissa tries on a slew of questionable ensembles, the girls chat about Melissa's dreams of being a singer. Apparently Joe bought her a piano and is really pushing her to pursue her passion, which is amazing because, in Melissa's words, "Joe likes me pregnant and cooking in the kitchen." As it happens, Kathy has introduced Melissa to a songwriter, and so the wheels are turning on a Zolciak-esque rise to relevance. Though I'm banking on more of a Jo De La Rosa trajectory. Especially if Melissa taps her sisters to be back-up dancers like they're desperately angling for.
Back at the Giudice ranch, Gia strolls in the room talking on the phone with her uncle Joe. Not content to give her daughter one moment of attention, Teresa quickly grabs the phone, and the conversation devolves into a he-said-she-said about whether Teresa told Joe about Gia's meets in the past. Eventually they get back down to details, promising to hash out their differences after the meet. After they hang up, Teresa calls Jacqueline, who congratulates her on taking this step and urges her to remain calm when she meets up with Joe. She tells her it's okay to admit that Joe has hurt her. Teresa squawks, "Finally you say somethin' right!"
That night, Jacqueline is still annoyed with Chris as she takes Bratshley to pick up the car and is clearly waiting with baited breath for the moment to say "I told you so." They step into the dealership, at which Bratshley jumps into the car and shouts out like a toddler, "Mine!" The auto salesman, a ringer for Jersey Shore's Vinny, steps away for a moment to deal with paperwork, at which point Chris eyes the spare set of keys and suggests he and Jacqueline should keep them just in case. Bratshley immediately cops an attitude and throws a tantrum that the car is hers. When your money crosses the counter, we'll reassess that claim, jackass. Faced with the possibility that Chris might want to exert some control over this huge purchase, Bratshley tantrums, "If this is going to be like, then I don't even need a car." This is the kind of maturity and foresight that gets you a top internship with Lizzie Grubman and a free car, people. Their tiff is broken up when the manager intervenes to get the papers signed before the deal falls apart. As Jacqueline co-signs the paperwork, she deadpans, "All my kids need me for different reasons. Ashley needs me for rides." Bratshley snatches up her keys and takes the new car for a ride home. Meanwhile, Jacqueline tells Chris tartly, "time, consult me first."
Kathy and her kids prepare dinner. Victoria goes over her schedule for March, which is Brain Awareness Month. This month is especially important to Victoria because, when she was 10 years old, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor the size of a tennis ball. She had to have 10-hour brain surgery, and Kathy leaned heavily on the support of her family, including the Gorgas and Giudices. She says those days seem like a lifetime ago. Victoria and Joseph caucus and tease each other about how to get people involved in her Brain Awareness Club at school. Kathy says she hopes that her kids never have a falling out like Teresa and Joe did. She says, "But then again, you don't spit in the wind because you never know what's going to come back in your face." The kids agree that they hope to remain close. Victoria jokes that they should make a contract. Snap!
Antony the songwriter arrives at the Gorga house to give Melissa a preview of the song he's written for her. The kids dance while he sings a rough but snappy song about feeling the pressure of being on display. He crescendos into a high note with the words, "I'm not the girl to attack." Melissa loves the song, and they run through it a couple of times. Melissa sings about "feeling all these new feelings," which you totally know she wrote. She manages to hit the note. Kind of. And Antony heaps on praise, telling her she has what it takes. This is how monsters are made.
Over at the Manzo manse, Caroline is nervous about an interview she has with some radio bigwigs to discuss a possible parenting advice show. Albert encourages her to use her experience and run with it. Caroline says Albert is her biggest cheerleader, that he tells her a million times a day that he loves her and she's beautiful. "Maybe he needs glasses," she jokes, "but he ain't never gettin' 'em!" Albert promises to be Caroline's wingman and tells her to go knock 'em dead.
That weekend, it's time for Gia's meet. Teresa excitedly tells her mom that Joe is coming. Gia does a strong routine on the uneven bars, then asks Teresa if Joe has arrived yet. He hasn't. Teresa bitches to her mother about how Joe works all the time. Gia steps up to do the vault. She gets spooked at the last minute and doesn't even attempt to make her pass. Teresa thinks she's too excited about her uncle coming, which is affecting her concentration. As the last event of the day approaches, Joe is still nowhere to be seen.
Bonus: Kathy tells Joseph to pull his pants up and threatens to give him a wedgie. That is all.
Meanwhile, Caroline calls Jacqueline on the way to her interview. Jacqueline gives her the update on Bratshley's new car and Teresa and Joe's possible reconciliation. She says she doesn't think Teresa is ready to make up with Kathy, and Caroline admits she gets mixed vibes from Kathy. Caroline's phone comes in and out, so they hang up, and Caroline goes into her meeting. They ask why she thinks she'd bring in listeners, and she points to her blog. She admits she doesn't have experience in radio but thinks her life experience will make up for it. They tell her she needs to be quick on her feet and pose a question about friending exes on Facebook. She says it's not a problem and, if it breaks up a current relationship, that relationship was already broken from the start. The bigwigs like her answer and promise to contact her in a couple of days.
Elsewhere, the Gorgas don their best sparkly knit hats and begin the long, late drive to the gymnastics meet. They finally arrive but only after Gia has a less-than-stellar turn on the balance beam. Teresa again puts it down to her being distracted thinking about her uncle. Gia asks where Joe is, and Teresa says maybe he's planning to come for the awards. The Gorgas finally show up, and Juicy Joe makes no attempt to hide the sour look on his face. Teresa immediately tells Joe that Gia would have been better if he were there. Way to patch up those wounds, Giudice! Melissa insists that Joe mixed up the times and says Teresa is always doing the same thing. She mentions specifically that Teresa was two hours late to her godson Gino's first birthday. She says she's over the finger pointing.
Juicy sits around with an ugly mug (well... uglier than usual) until Gia gets her award, then makes tracks. The kids clearly love seeing one another and run around giggling and playing after the meet. Melissa says it's sad that her kids can be so happy and she be so empty. Because this is really all about her. Ugh. Joe and Melissa go down to congratulate Gia. Teresa has other things in mind, though, and asks what happened with Gia's vault snafu. Gia says that she looked up and saw that Joe wasn't there, so she couldn't do her vault. It's almost as if she'd been fed these lines! Joe tells Teresa they need to meet up soon. As the Gorgas leave, Joe and Teresa's mom chews him out for being late. Teresa interviews that Joe needs to step up and be a man if he wants their relationship back to where it used to be. As the two parties leave, the children cry that they can't spend more time together. Melissa tells Antonia that daddy and aunt Teresa need to talk to each other before they can start going to the Giudices' house as much as they used to.
The Gorgas get back home and discuss Melissa's alienation from her in-laws. She thinks it's all about Joe when they're at family gatherings and that her in-laws think she is the reason for the rift between Joe and Teresa. Melissa insists she's the person spearheading the reconciliation even as she accuses Joe's family of treating her like shit. She makes it seem like she'll do anything for Joe and like it's his idea to keep himself at arm's length from his family. In fact, she's setting herself up as the ultimate victim. Crafty. Joe asks, "How can I respect my family if they don't respect my family?" He insists that Teresa is guilty and wrong and needs to apologize to Melissa.
week: Caroline does a test run for her radio show. Teresa and Joe meet up and hopefully tear down some wallpaper or something. Teresa calls Melissa for a sit-down.