In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Miranda's funeral is a perfunctory affair -- give or take a few ghost-quakes, sudden unkindnesses wheeling around in the sky, and of course Uncle Dracula acting super weird -- but after Caleb delivers an eloquent eulogy, and Junior Groundskeeper Springer gets fired for drinking on the job, Collins is impressed enough to move Caleb into the estate's carriage house, where we learn the groundskeeper was secretly murdered. So that's what Caleb is mostly up to, living in this haunted cottage to a haunted mansion in the middle of a haunted graveyard located over a haunted buried city full of haunted people who are also haunted you.
Miranda finds out she can't leave the grounds, which sucks, but not as sucky as how she keeps randomly teleporting around all over the place, into the house and out of the house and upstairs and downstairs, and everywhere she goes she gets mad shit-talk from scary ghosts she can't even see, possible wet demon girls, and who knows what else. Then she gets a phone call on the haunted phone, but it is a mean prank call from mean ghosts telling her to eat ghost butts, and then later on she glows for some reason and now the Gang (except maybe Luke?) can all see her.
Oh, and there was a great part where The Grunwald almost senses her, and then keeps on creakin' down the hallway with a cup of tea, because all The Grunwald ever does is tote tea around the house, sense ghosts, say non sequiturs, and ignore the ghosts she senses on a case-by-case basis depending on how she is feeling.
Now that Miranda's dead, Olivia's the one to start seeing monsters and things, and also be haunted by hallucinations she doesn't even know about, such as ghostly fingers.
Her main ghost is Abby Wheeler, a pretty blonde girl who dated their dead father in high school but then was tragically blown up in the Science Lab explosion the last time this Curse happened, which Remy has figured out was one of at least six, if you count this latest one that the show is about. Turns out that the dad was under the impression that Abby was trying to warn him from beyond the grave that he shouldn't be looking into the Curse, but then he died anyway.
The amount that Luke is not into any of this is actually pretty great. He straight-up asks their mom if Abby was screwing their dad and maybe killed him, just because he is tired of BS, and that's when the mom also gets to be like, "They weren't sleeping together... Because she's been dead for TWENTY YEARS!" That whole family is really pretty good fun this week.
Remy's Dad has a secret tape of his wife's platoon getting blown up, and then Remy finds documents that say her mom was supposed to get VAPORIZED -- also pretty rad, as well as being rad that it did not happen -- but then Olivia goes to the Science Lab and has a vision of Abby Wheeler burning to death that is fairly visual in its own right. Still, the amount of effort Remy puts into feeling guilty about her mom being alive and Miranda dead is pretty astounding, because -- since it makes no sense -- she really has to push it.
Eventually, everybody is so freaked out they decide to play along with Remy's whole theory, and Luke even acts pretty decent to Caleb. He levels with them about Ghost Miranda, and the girls are immediately on board, and then like her crazy has been fully activated, Olivia decides to hold a séance so they can get Ghost Abby to tell them WTF is even going on with this show.
Abby doesn't exactly tell them anything, but before the house tries to kill them eleven different ways and Miranda starts glowing everywhere, Abby does say that their dad, the Mayor, died because of this Curse and that the Curse is coming for them and something about FIVE PACT, so I guess they have to make a pact of some kind?
I would say, "Let's all promise each other right now to get the fuck out of Ravenswood. Are you in?" That's the main pact I would be pulling for.
Week: Luke's feeling it less than ever before after that nonsense of the deadly séance, Olivia and Miranda become bros because of ESP and also this Curse, and Caleb tries to explain the ABC Family show Ravenswood to Hanna Marin, who is not having it, because how do you even go about doing that.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
I don't even know, bro. Everybody died! Most of them got better. Remy is putting together a dossier on everybody else that has ever died, or not died. Caleb's best friend is a ghost with mommy issues. The Twins have a supernatural power of always bitching, and their Mom is seriously great. The Grunwald took Collins to task for his messy room, and that awesome groundskeeper guy the Pretty Little Liars met is dead as hell.
THE FUNERAL
The new groundskeeper is Springer, the messy dude that is always dicking with Luke and maybe is dating Tess or maybe got dumped by Tess, or maybe they never dated and we just aren't actually privy to the nuts and bolts of Springer. I hate him. He is mean to Luke, which would be fine except it makes Luke a) cry and b) act like a douche, and he was already going to do those things anyway.
What Springer's up to today is, digging Miranda's grave! This involves your usual gravedigging, but also multiple appearances of the random unkindness of ravens that constantly shows up when things aren't quite spooky enough. The camera has a succession of seizures, Springer finishes up the hole, and that's it for now with Springer.
Uncle Collins stares all around and looks like Springer's hot older uncle, and things are as usual at the funeral home. He purses his lips while he's drawing on Miranda's dead lips on her face, and then snips a lock of her hair, because those are two weird things you can do.
Miranda is complainy about how nobody is coming to her funeral except Caleb, but then everybody in town shows up anyway. Caleb is wearing Uncle Collins's old suit and looks smashing. I wonder what it smells like. I am going to say Cool Water. One thing it does not smell like is, garlic.
Caleb: "Are you deader yet?"
Miranda: "There is no tunnel with a light at the end, if that's what you mean. I feel like when my horrible childhood left me at school all evening and the sun went down and I realized I didn't matter to society."
Caleb: "I know this doesn't help whatsoever, but I am going to figure out this Curse. That way I won't also be dead. I hope it cheers you up."
The Grunwald: "You look nice in that suit."
Caleb: "You look nice in that witch costume."
Miranda: "Explain who all these people are at my funeral. I didn't get to meet them before I killed all of us that time the other day."
Caleb: "That's Luke, he cries all the time and has a bad attitude toward life. The other one is Olivia, she has problems. Their Mom is the hot blonde over there that is probably drunk."
Miranda: "Who's the spicy morsel with the Dawson Leery haircut?"
Caleb: "That's Dillon, Olivia's sometimes boyfriend. He is not a factor yet, but we are counting the days."
Mom: "It's nice that all your little friends came to this funeral that was almost for you."
The Twins: "Mommm! They're not our friennnds, Mommm! We don't haaaave friends. Ever since Dad got stabbed we are persona non graaaata!"
Mom: "Meanwhile, that graffito has reappeared about how I'm a BLACK WIDOW."
Collins: "Miranda was my sister Lila's daughter. I didn't know her very well."
Miranda: "Yeah, because you kept goin' ghost every time I tried to talk to you!"
Collins: "She was seventeen, now she is dead. She is with the angels or something."
Miranda: "This is so dumb."
Springer presses the button that lowers her body into the ground, and Miranda suddenly flips out because what if she disappears? Caleb holds her hand, her ghost-hand, but then after it's over with and Collins has creepily thrown dirt on it like you do, she is gone!
Olivia sees a pretty blonde girl standing at the BLACK WIDOW gravestone, and takes note. Within the already muted color palate of this show, her ghost-vision is sepia on top of that, so even if the camera were jangling around on molly you would still know something was up. I think Olivia already knows that she is becoming the new Ghost Whisperer.
Or should I say, Gho5t Whi5perer. In the credits, the "s" is Ravenswood is a "5." Raven5wood. I love that in a way I cannot describe. I love everything about this show, that is the weirdest show ever made by people. I thought Bunheads was the weirdest thing that was ever going to happen on TV, but no. Plus, this show is not horrible.
Two points to Hou5e Raven5wood.
CREEPY RECEPTION
Everybody stands around looking sad. Not because of Miranda, just because it's Ravenswood and that is what everybody does at all times. Remy looks fucking amazing like always, and Caleb is still making a face like he has colitis.
Remy: "Her foster family really was bullshit, huh? They didn't even come."
Caleb: "Or her friends, or... Hey, why are all of you guys here?"
Remy: "I'm here because I'm rad, and it's sad that she died. We were all in the car and we are all subject to the Curse, so it seemed like the right call. Olivia, I don't know why she's here, or their mom. Luke is here to have boners at me."
Caleb: "Reiterate the same thing you say in every conversation, okay?"
Remy: "Okay. I think we were supposed to also be dead."
Dillon: "Olivia, are you sure we should be here? Ever since your dad got stabbed to death you have been like a crazy person."
Olivia: "This funeral is not sending me to a dark place, worry not."
Luke: "Remy, would it be inappropriate to have boners at you at this death reception?"
Remy: "No, that's never inappropriate. I'm just bummed my mom got PTSD on our way here, and couldn't come."
Luke: "She'll be okay."
Remy: "Well, she should be dead and that's why this funeral is happening, so I was kind of looking forward to seeing if anything weird happened by her coming."
Luke: "Not to be rude, but I'm glad your mom is not dead and that strange girl is."
Remy: "We need to talk."
Luke: "Rubbing foreheads talk?"
Remy: "No, horrible Curse talk. Bring Olivia to the coffee shop. I will bring Caleb."
Luke: "That is the opposite of boners. I hate that guy and I get beat up at the coffee shop."
Random Lady: "Did you go to school with this dead girl?"
Springer: "No, she was a homeless who never got to go to school with us."
Random Lady: "It's sad that she died after a life like that."
Springer: "I'm pretty sure she was just here to get money out of Collins."
Random Lady: "I just realized you're horrible, I have to go."
Caleb can't stand this nonsense, and also what if Miranda hears this talking?
"Actually she just wanted to meet him. She never met a relative before, or a vampire. But I will tell you this. She was beautiful, and funny, and could really make for an enjoyable midnight ride on a haunted bus. She liked movies, and books. Quote 'real books,' with many pages. Smart cookie. She loved stories, and she had some of her own. We are poorer for not having heard them."
Everybody: "This werewolf gots the gift of gab."
Luke: "Former friend Clark, can you make the police stop shaking my mom down?"
Officer Clark: "If she can go back in time and not murder her husband, sure."
Luke: "What about the vandal of the tombstone? Maybe they're related."
Officer Clark: "All I know is, they were heard fighting about a lady named Abby."
Olivia: "Our parents were both cheating on each other? Jeez!"
Officer Clark: "When somebody gets stabbed, it's usually that."
Olivia goes to the bathroom to have more emotions, and then in a fit she drops to her knees on the floor -- of a bathroom of a funeral home! -- to feel the A/C vent on her face. It's an odd thing to do, to my mind. But even odder are the scary ghost fingers that come out of the old-timey vent and she doesn't even see them! Olivia has caught Miranda's Demon Ghost Girl disease! Don't let her near the wheel of your car, or you are done for.
AFTERWARDS
Caleb just chills in the graveyard thinking about graves, and Miranda finally appears.
Miranda: "Do you really think I'm beautiful or were you just trying to get me back?"
Caleb: "Is that how that works? Good to know."
Miranda: "I wish my body wasn't in a hole in the ground."
Caleb: "Comes with the territory."
Miranda: "How are you so chill about your bestie being a ghost and a Curse killing you?"
Caleb: "Once you've met Mona Vanderwaal, everything's pretty normal by comparison after that."
They head out to meet Remy at the coffee shop, because one thing these people cannot stop themselves from doing is being in the same place at the same time so the Curse can murder them. But Miranda gets stuck at the gates of the graveyard! I wonder if that's because of her burial? I can't remember her ever showing up off the grounds either way, though. Anyway, she's stuck. Caleb feels bad about leaving her there, but she's like, "I'll find you later. First because I have nothing else going on, and second because I will always find you, because we are bros."
THE VAULT
The coffeeshop is called the Vault. I don't know why I can never figure out the name of the Rosewood coffeeshop, but this one is called the Vault. Fuck it, maybe I will also just call the Rosewood one the Vault too. I just tried to think of it just now and all I came up with was "Rear Brew," which is absolutely not a coffee shop name and also sounds bonus disgusting.
Remy: "As I may have mentioned several thousand times, Miranda's death was no accident."
Luke: "Literally that is what it was."
Remy: "No, I mean that the accident was no accident. From 1918, every time there is a war, this Curse happens. I have found several more, between episodes, and now there are six total that we know about. I missed a couple, because they were the Curse massacre happening inside a larger massacre."
Luke: "People are constantly blowing up in our town. Odds are that five teens would..."
Remy: "No, it is a Curse."
Olivia: "I have to go have more emotions but I'm not trying to be rude. I probably believe you at this point."
Luke: "Remy, I am going to check on my sister now. But because I don't want you feeling like Caleb is your guy for this, I am going to make like it's a supreme sacrifice to bounce, even though it's what I would be doing anyway."
Remy: "Well, Luke is right that we aren't dead. Which throws a wrench in it, unless we are still going to die."
Caleb: "He'll come around. You're not crazy."
Remy: "Do we hate my mom for not dying?"
Caleb: "Your mom is not to blame for any of this. Stop making it about you."
Remy: "Actually I'm going to keep making it all about me, if I may."
MATHESON
Olivia: "Let's go through our dad's computer for clues."
Luke: "Didn't the cops already do that? Besides, what's he gonna write, motel for gross sex with Abby Wheeler, 2:30 to 3:15."
Olivia: "I think maybe he was not having an affair with her."
Luke: "Because you want to believe our parents are SAINTS?"
Olivia: "Just take it down a notch, Luke. You cannot be at Nine at all times. It will wear out your body."
Mom: "I remembered that you eat food! So I got a bunch of food. Let's eat it."
Luke: "Was our father having an affair with Abby Wheeler and that's why you stabbed him to death?"
Mom: "I'm gonna need some wine for this. Grab the Château Ashley Marin 1994 down from the rack, okay?"
Olivia: "The police you hate so much think this is Abby-related."
Mom: "Okay, I'll tell you the facts without even fighting you on this. Abby Wheeler was your dad's girlfriend in high school. Shortly before his death, he told me she contacted him to stop digging into the town's history, because it was getting dangerous. And apparently she was right, seeing as how now he is dead."
Luke: "I can see how that would lead to them having sex. Which, were they?"
Mom: "No because ABBY WHEELER HAS BEEN DEAD FOR TWENTY YEARS!"
REMY
Mom: "One thing I forgot how to do in Afghanistan is make salad dressing."
Remy: "I'll make some, but I'm going to need a giant serial-killer knife."
Mom: "When was the last time you ate?"
Remy: "I had a latte at the Vault, which is the name of the coffee shop."
Mom: "That's not food, and also, sorry I PTSD'd on the funeral like that."
Remy: "It's sad but I'm not mad at you about it."
Mom: "My whole platoon got slaughtered and I didn't go to their funerals, so going to this random funeral -- even though it's kind of about you, in a way -- was too much."
Remy: "Well, you're safe now. Safe in Raven5wood."
The giant serial-killer knife jumps off the counter, determined to impale itself in Mom's foot, or maybe Remy's foot, and they act like it's weird? But not that big a deal.
MORTUARY
Down in the place where he does the stuff, Uncle Collins is looking informal and sassy in some civvie workout clothes. What he is doing is washing his hands. I hope that happens a lot, Uncle Collins.
Caleb: "The Grunwald summoned me down here. Did you fill in Miranda's grave yourself?"
Collins: "Yeah because Springer was drunk so I fired him. He got dumped -- by Tess? -- and broke into my liquor cabinet, again."
Caleb: "Maybe you should let The Grunwald help more with staffing decisions."
Collins: "Anyway, thanks for giving the eulogy I could not. I see now that emotion and human sentiment get a better response than platitudes and acting like a dracula."
Caleb: "It helps that I knew her, unlike you who are a jerk."
Collins: "I want to show you something. Come closer to me."
All right, all right, all right.
CARRIAGE HOUSE
Collins: "This is where you can live now. It belonged to the groundskeeper before he 'moved on.'"
Caleb: "Meaning he was murdered there and his blood still stains the walls?"
Collins: "Yes, but you don't need to know that. Let's say he moved to Phoenix."
Caleb: "If I do this and become your surrogate Miranda, will I have to embalm?"
Collins: "I would love that but let's start with yard work and hauling tombstones. Oh, and I also give you a Jeep."
Caleb: "You got it. Let's shake on it."
Collins: "I don't touch people unless I am prepared to eat them, but here's a kind nod."
Miranda: "That dick gave you a house?"
Caleb: "I am sure he would have warmed up to you -- in the metaphorical sense only, since he is a dracula -- but then you died. Sucks for you. Maybe him being nice to me is really about you, though. Think about it that way."
Miranda: "Hey, there's a shower in here so he can't naked-strangle you, that's fun."
Caleb: "And yet ironically it's glass-walled, so there is no shower curtain. Ravenswood, you are a me55. But I don't even think he did that anymore. I think it was Wet Demon Girl. Collins is off the hook for now."
Caleb: "Oh, a creepy haunted toybox in my new haunted murder house. Let's go through it! Look, a teddybear without eyes. Look, a doll with a knife through it. Look, a music box that if you play it the music makes you turn insane and murder your family. Hey look, a spinning top that if it ever stops, the world is eaten by a giant snake."
Miranda: "Hang on, I have to randomly teleport around because I'm dead and sometimes that happens."
Caleb: "Hey, help me compose a text to Hanna that is like, I kind of want to talk to you but I don't really want to talk to you because Ravenswood is going to make you think I'm crazy enough to break up with, so I need a plan before I... Where did you go?"
It's a hallway that looks like the only hallway we ever see, and is a hallway in the sense that The Grunwald walks around in it with her ubiquitous cup of tea she's always taking somewhere, but apparently it is not entirely of our realm, either. While Miranda is there she gets blown in her face, she gets spooky voices saying mean things and to get out, and she gets thumping.
The is when The Grunwald walks by, stops like she is having an ESP, and then is just like "Fuck it" and keeps walking with her tea. "This a YP, Ghost Girl. The Grunwald doesn't have time for your drama right now." I thought this would be the best The Grunwald part, but then at the end of the episode she says some frightful shit while fondling the drapes in an absurdly tactile fashion, which easily wins.
The lights go on and off, she stares and acts really scared by things we can't see but must imagine along with her, and then the Haunted Phonebooth rings, but when she answers it, just more of the same. Not even creepy Bioshock music this time, just nonstop whispering like the beautiful music of Goblin, instead.
Miranda: "...Okay I am back."
Caleb: "That was weird, where did you go?"
Miranda: "Just door. I got weird noises and blown in the face. It was awful."
Caleb: "Maybe they are also ghosts, that seems right."
Miranda: "If they are ghosts, they are ghost dicks. I'm sticking with you."
REMY
Remy: "Dad, why are you watching combat footage? Is that from when Mom got recently blown up but didn't die, creating a Curse for me and my kind of-friends?"
Dad: "She was supposed to be vaporized! I don't want to talk about it."
Remy: "I think we should let Mom know you have this information."
Dad: "Not until she settles down and takes over as the doctor of our whole town."
Remy: "Yeah, because that's the kind of pressure she needs right now."
OLIVIA
This is where Olivia confirms that she is actually cool. This whole episode she's been all right, but now is where she moves up to the first tier. First she uses her Popular Girl skills to be a detective, hunting down the 1992 Yearbook of when Abby Wheeler died.
She looks like if Alison DiLaurentis had a baby with Rachel Blanchard. She wanted to be a lawyer, and loved most about high school Student Council and also Honor Society. Your basic ball of laughs. Anyway, she was blown up in the Science Lab explosion that claimed the lives of five teens this one time a person came home from war that should not have.
Olivia: "So that tracks with what Remy was saying. Hmm."
She goes to the rebuilt Science Lab -- dedicated by her father when he was the unstabbed Mayor of Ravenswood, now we see in part from grief of Abby -- and things go apeshit! The place blows up, and a skinless Abby Wheeler is pounding on the door like, "Let me out of here because it is on fire!"
Olivia totally deals with all of this like a champ, which is a shared resilience that all the Ravenswoodians seem to share, but it's nice to see her in particular pull her ass together instead of just being sad and petulant all the time. Meaning Luke is still the only shitty one out of the Five now, but he's getting better too. I think in the end he might end up my favorite one, based on how shirty he gets this week and also how he is committed to honesty and to the rational.
MATHE5ON
Olivia: "Oh my God are you even crying just right now when nothing's even going on?"
Luke: "Maybe this is just my face. Maybe I am cutting onions also."
Olivia: Such a day I have had. One thing is for sure, Abby was ghostly trying to warn Dad he was going to die. I have anecdotal evidence."
Luke: "You saw a ghost?"
Olivia: "I saw so many ghosts I didn't even notice some of them, like those ghostly fingers in the bathroom I completely overlooked."
Olivia: "I saw Abby twice. Once at the funeral with skin on her, and then just a minute ago at school, minus the skin."
Luke: "Maybe it was somebody that looked like her? Our cousin looks a lot like her."
Olivia: "I don't know if we even still have a cousin, but no. She died of the Curse and now we are going to die of the Curse."
Luke: "You just got not-annoying, and now you're being annoying again."
Olivia: "Our Dad believed in the Curse. So hard he is dead. So you tell me."
REMY
Remy is wearing maybe her best outfit ever: Polka-dot collar points under a collegiate horizontal-striped gray and blue sweater, with the darts in the shoulders such that it forms a military silhouette despite only being a fuzzy sweater, which is so fucking canny on a show that does so much with shadow.
(Olivia by the way is wearing a Peter Pan collar with black piping under a heather-gray sweater, and about a million strands of pearls -- like a Muggle Spencer Hastings; she looks great -- while Luke is wearing a stained ringer tee, in a yellow that does nothing for his constant cry-face complexion but shows off his bod fairly well. I always love the clothes on these shows, but this episode especially is really thoughtful.)
So Remy's doing the dishes by hand when she notices her parents being normal in a general way in that den of theirs, and steals the moment to go look at all the information about her un-vaporized mom. It's too much for her! She must text Caleb about it.
CARRIAGE HOU5E
Remy: "Wait, so you work for Uncle Dracula now? How does your life work, on a basic level?"
Caleb: "I flow with the Now of Wolf Thought. I need to tell you a secret of Miranda."
Twins: "We're here too because shit is just too much. What is the secret?"
Caleb: "It's no secret that this is a Housewarming Party! Just kidding, our friend died. But the upshot is, she is not gone. She hangs around holding my hand and posing all over the furniture. It is pretty great. Oh, and there are also other ghosts, but they seem junky."
Luke: "Bullshit."
Ladies: "No, we're on board with this."
Caleb: "Simple as that?"
Remy: "Well, I am all about the Cur5e."
Olivia: "And I am a Gho5t Whi5perer now."
Luke: "What? When did all this go down?"
Remy: "Literally a few moments ago."
Olivia: "Does Miranda know a ghost named Abby?"
Caleb: "Is that possibly racist?"
Olivia, I like about her that she is flexible but always gives a hundred and ten. Like most girls would take a moment to bounce back from -- what is this, like her fourth personality in a week? -- but not Olivia, she's like, "Now I will use common household things to create a makeshift Ouija board so that we can contact the ghosts of Abby, the Curse, Wet Girl, my Dad, Miranda, and whatever else is going on."
Boom, instantly everybody except the adorably, sarcastically grinning Luke -- and Miranda, strangely -- is feeling this, and there are candles lit everywhere, and it's time for a séance! It's just that easy.
Luke: (Bitching.)
Miranda: (Quite worried due to her empirical experience of these ghosts being assholes.)
Everybody: (Séancing anyway.)
Seriously, Luke has never, ever been this awesome. I want him to be snarky and over it all the time. He is hilarious! I really like bitchy Luke, as opposed to brooding Luke (or especially clinically depressed brooding Luke). No more Willow Luke! Only Spike Luke!
Anyway, they get as far as saying Abby's name and everything goes haywire. Luke starts crying because he's afraid. Caleb has a psychic feeling that he needs to go outside. It's very scary to everyone, as opposed to magical ghost destruction and violence which they are fine with.
Luke: "I would feel better about this séance if we had Caleb with us."
Olivia: "No way, I'm doin' it."
While he's down there, Caleb has a talk with Springer, who feels betrayed and replaced as the Groundskeeper of Uncle Dracula, and he's mad, but it comes to not much.
LIMBO
Miranda gets pulled back to the Limbo for more getting blown in her face and screaming in her ear and maybe it's Abby but probably not.
Miranda: "Abby, if you are involved in this, please don't bust my ghost eardrums, or kill my friends."
Haunted Phone: "Hello? This is ghosts."
SÉANCE
Miranda: "I am back and you are making a lot of noise on a bad frequency! I wish you could hear my dead yelling!"
Olivia: "But we can't. Dear Abby, what is the deal?"
I will break it down for you, which is that Abby was at the funeral, did not hurt anybody (yet?), Mayor Dad discovered the Curse on Ravenswood -- this earns a great reaction from Luke, where he just closes his eyes and wishes to be elsewhere -- and now the thing that killed the dad is also killing them. Who is it? Abby doesn't know. Why's it happening? FIVE PACT is all Abby says about it.
Then the ceiling cracks open and the chandelier from Target falls on them, not very dangerously, but just before it does Miranda flips the Ouija board over, freaking them away from it. Then the séance is over.
That's about when Caleb comes back, to see it, and then everybody is dazed, and all of a sudden Miranda starts glowing. How come? I don't know, but now they can all see her. Caleb acts very happy about that even though he could already see her. It is as good a time as any to put a pin in these crazy kids' situation.
GRUNWALD TAG
Collins drinks and drinks while The Grunwald molests the curtains, and they have two crazy conversations.
Collins: "I told him the last groundskeeper retired."
The Grunwald: "Probably for the best. He'll just think the stains are rust."
Collins: "That was a fucking excellent thing to say!"
Then he hears the crashing -- or maybe Springer drunkenly bitching -- and rolls his eyes.
Collins: "Is he having a party?"
The Grunwald: "He has guests -- I wouldn't call it a party, per se -- but perhaps the kind he shouldn't be inviting."
Collins: "You mean like those kids where if they are together they all get murdered? That's true. They should all find other friends."
The Grunwald: "Or do I mean he has a bunch of mean ghost guests? Because those, you never want. Anyway, I gotta run around with a cup of tea some more. You better brush your teeth before you go to bed, or The Grunwald will know."
Collins: "All right, all right."
The Grunwald: "Do not sass The Grunwald. Especially about dental hygiene. The Grunwald does not fuck around with that."
WEEK
Luke thinks maybe a sympathy bone for Tess will get his mind off the existence of ghosts, but probably it will just make Springer beat on him more. Olivia and Miranda realize they have more in common than just Gho5t Whi5pering and being cute as a button, and Caleb tries to figure out how you explain this show to Hanna. Meanwhile, presumably, Remy discovers a pattern in the town's history and thinks maybe there is a Curse on them related to her almost-vaporized Mom, and can't wait to tell everybody about it.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, Homeland, Hostages, Ravenswood, and Masters Of Sex for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, Twitter, and Facebook.