Rage Against This Machine

Previously: it totally doesn't matter.

We open in Babylon, with a comic-book theme. The screen breaks into squares as we watch mostly naked men dance rather poorly for this show's standards. You know, I just miss how sexy this show used to be. Now I have to wait for the sexy. It used to be just sexy all the time. Sexy and dirty and naughty. I miss that. So much. The film periodically speeds up to show just how long we've been watching naked boys dance poorly. The right side of the screen shows boxes of Justin drawing, having a good time with Michael. The mostly naked boys have a hard time ripping through the butcher paper they're dancing behind, and I worry about their muscle mass. Justin and Michael are watching the one good dancer in a neon green Speedo, and are using him as a model for Justin's drawing. The bartender tries to put a bottle of water down on Justin's drawing, but Michael says that the guy in the drawing is too hot to be a coaster. Justin says that everyone looks good when you're on Ecstasy. Michael says that Justin's drawing is almost a superhero, just without the cape and insignia. Justin draws a cape and adds an "E" to the chest. They've just drawn their first drug-inspired superhero. Bravo, boys. And uh, how much fun are you at parties? Drawing on coasters instead of participating in fun and/or games. Wait, then Justin asks if he should draw a cape, and Michael says that capes are "so last century." But he already told Justin to put him in a cape. Oh, whatever. Justin and Michael babble more druggie thoughts as they slur on about how hot their superhero's powers could be. Brian walks up and asks, "What are you girls all giggly about?" He sees the drawing and says that Justin can't have any more drugs. Ted busts in and asks if he can buy everybody another round of drinks. Booze and drugs. You'd think someone would learn a lesson about anything on this show. Ted brags that Emmett was nominated for a gay porn award. They all celebrate and can't wait to tell Emmett. Apparently, nobody remembers that the love of Emmett's life just died five minutes ago. Brian says it's always nice to be rewarded for your "hard" work. How many dick and fuck jokes can they make in forty-five minutes? It's getting so lame. Ted says it'll be nice to give Emmett some good news, "especially after all that he's been through." How is this going to make Emmett feel all better? Ted reads the letter aloud, because in a club filled with loud music, smoke, and lights, there's nothing easier than reading a letter or creating an art project. These guys need to start hanging out at coffee shops instead.

Ted finishes reading the letter to Emmett, who is appropriately in mourning. Emmett's been nominated for "Newcumer of the Year." I don't even smile while I watch this show anymore. I just have this blank face, waiting for something to surprise me or entertain me or something. Anything. It's like I'm watching the same bad episode over and over again. Emmett says it's very nice of them to nominate him. Ted thinks that Emmett's being ridiculous for not dancing around shaking his booty that a porn group nominated him for a Crystal Dick. Ted says he'll hire a limo to drive them to the awards ceremony. Emmett thanks Ted but politely declines, since he doesn't feel too much like celebrating, given that he just flew around the world with a dead boyfriend by his side. Ted has had enough of Emmett moping around the house for a day, and tells Emmett he can't just turn down the gay porno awards. Ted needs to be checked into someplace that can help him with his sex addiction. I really hope they address this. Ted tells Emmett he owes it to himself to get out and have some fun. Emmett says he might consider it if his boyfriend didn't just die while fucking him. Emmett says he's still trying to figure out what he's going to say at Pickle's funeral. Wait, they haven't had a funeral yet? When did he die? Has it only really been a day? Ted, back the fuck off of Emmett and let him be sad. Someone died, Ted. Get a grip on reality. Ted scoffs at the notion that Emmett would be allowed to speak at Pickle's funeral, but Emmett doesn't see what the problem is. Emmett says he wants everyone to know how wonderful Pickle was and what they shared. He says he still needs to say goodbye. He says he never really had the chance. Um, wasn't he flying in an airplane with Pickle's body for hours, talking to him? Ted says that Emmett should speak, then. Thanks, Ted, we were all waiting for you to weigh in before we made any decisions.