Watch Him As He Goes

S02E15

Justin and Michael are out having drinks, bitching about what Brian did: "At least we backed everything up on your hard drive or else we'd really be fucked." Wait, so those were just printouts that Brian pissed on? Then what's the fucking problem? Brian probably paid for those pieces of paper and that computer ink anyway. Justin complains that it's going to cost a couple hundred dollars to reprint everything. Michael says they'll send Brian the bill. Oh, like he didn't pay for it the first time when they used his computer. Michael starts justifying Brian's actions, saying they did exclude him, and that he can act irrationally when he's angry. Justin says they were working. "In his place, in his face," Michael rhymes. He points out that they fell asleep together. Justin says it's not like they were fucking. Michael says even a superhero can morph into a jerk. Where is that line coming from? It's like stuff's getting cut but they don't bother piecing the script back together in a logical line. Justin says he can't believe Michael's going to forgive Brian. He says that Mikey puts up with anything. Michael says he's not going to this time, even though he will and already has. Justin says he's been fooling himself into thinking that Brian loves him. Michael tells Justin that Brian really does love him. I don't understand this line: "You saw his face this morning. We could have removed his teeth with pliers and he would have let us." Because he was so stone-faced? Justin says they should have, since he deserves it. Michael says now they know that Rage has a fatal weakness, and it's not kryptonite. What a loser.

These porn awards. So many dumb jokes in a row. Two porn stars deliver bad writing stiltedly. This isn't a black-tie event for anyone but Ted, it seems. One guy's wearing, like, a t-shirt. Anyway, Emmett wins and Ted celebrates like he's Emmett. He just screams and shouts and Cuba Gooding Jr.s all over the place. He's beaming as he holds the Crystal Dick and finally remembers to tell them that he's not actually Emmett. Ted strokes the Crystal Dick and says it's such a thrill to be holding a dick. God! It's all so insultingly bad! Then Emmett walks up slowly, but nobody applauds until he speaks his first line. There are two girls with blue wigs in the audience, but they're not sitting together. Emmett looks fabulous in a red, shiny suit. Emmett takes the microphone from the reluctant Ted and accepts his applause. He thanks everyone and says the award means a lot to him. If he hadn't been on JerkAtWork.net, he wouldn't have met the most wonderful man he's ever known. He says Pickle's name, and there's a bad voice-over of one guy going, "Schickle's Pickles?" The production values on this show make You Can't Do That On Television look like The Sopranos. Emmett decides to read the speech he'd prepared for Pickle's service. I guess he thinks he's got all night for his acceptance speech, and I don't think delivering a eulogy at a porn award show is any classier than getting thrown out of a funeral service. Couldn't he have read it as they were leaving the service, or at the cemetery? Anyway, Emmett says that Pickle was a man of prominence and wealth, but to Emmett, he was just George -- a man who just wanted to love another boy. "I was lucky enough to be that boy," he says. "I'd like to think I brought a little fun into his life, but what he gave me was so much more. Something all his money couldn't buy. He made me feel like I was somebody." Emmett folds up the paper and says, "I love you, Georgie. What we had for a few short months was more than most people have in a lifetime." Emmett thanks them, and the crowd applauds as Ted comes up and hugs Emmett. You can see people leaving from the audience as they politely applaud and wait for "Best Cum Shot In an Ass Ram." Then they stand and give Emmett a blue-light standing ovation.