“ Jiggling 'Gus' on his knee, Brian grins, 'Are you ready to spend the weekend with your old man, sonny boy?' 'Gus' looks like he couldn't come up with a lively expression to save his/ her/ its life. I want my old baby back. ”
First off, I'd like to give mighty props to Phillips Magnavox, the makers of my combo TV/VCR. As we all know, Sunday was the first day of Daylight Savings Time, and guess who forgot to check that the timer? Hmm? And guess who remembered at 9:45, except it was really 10:15 because my dashboard clock was wrong and she was thirty minutes away from home at the time? Uh huh. Fortunately, my TV/VCR wonder box automatically updated the time. My business? Theirs forever. End of story. Except to say that Daylight Savings Time works my ass, every single time.
So, Jennifer Beals is back. Good for her. Finally figured out her tie-in, too -- last year, she starred in a A House Divided, an original production by Showtime. She played a post-Civil War Southern Belle who finds out that her mother's actually a slave. D'oh! Talk about your coming-out stories! Insert your favorite Thomas Jefferson joke here.
Open on Justin in the shower. Brian's shower. Justin stayed over at Brian's, I guess. I don't know. Theirs seems to be a very loosely defined relationship, and I tire of questioning it. Justin walks out into the bedroom area and peers into the living room. Lindsay's all dressed up, twittering about, giving Brian directions about taking care of Gus. Gus is placidly lying in Brian's arms, drinking from a bottle. Lindsay tells Brian that Gus takes a nap at eleven, and another one at three. Justin says that that sounds nice, and it really, really does, doesn't it? Lindsay gives Brian a list of emergency numbers and tells Brian to be sure, when he takes Gus outside, to put on his little beanie cap so that Gus's head doesn't get cold. This baby does not look like last week's Gus. Who is this child? He/ she/ it is not nearly as cute. No one else seems to notice that the Gus I've come to know and love has been replaced by an uglier, less animated impostor. Justin, getting dressed for school, asks whether either of them has seen his other shoe. Brian's sitting on it and, tossing it to the boy, snerks, "I knew it wasn't one of my usual rubber toys." Lindsay, exasperated, asks whether Brian is even listening. Brian rolls his eyes and tells her that he's got it, and "Gus" will be fine. Lindsay sighs that she knows, and that she appreciates Brian's taking care of him for the weekend. Since the unfortunate incident with TLFKAM and the Sapphic Slut, Lindsay had to go back to work early, and must attend a teacher's conference of some kind. Brian snickers that maybe she'll meet a "nice lady P.E. teacher." And does a weird, gross, flippy thing with his tongue. Thanks for the visual. Justin tells Lindsay not to worry: "I'll keep an eye on him, too." Brian says that he doesn't need the help. Justin smirks that he meant he'd keep an eye on Brian, actually. Lindsay flutters around some more with papers and briefcases and firmly ignores them. Brian pointedly replies, "I'm his father; I'm not going to fuck it up." Lindsay just looks worried, worried, worried. Brian sits "Gus" on his knee and asks him, "Would you please tell them to give me some credit?" Lindsay says that she is, which is why she's leaving the baby with him in the first place. Whoever this baby is. Brian retorts that the only reason she's leaving "Gus" with him is because TLFKAM is in Miami visiting her mother and won't be back until Sunday. Another loosely defined relationship. These make me nervous. Lindsay gives Brian the main conference number. Brian reassures her that they'll be fine. Jiggling "Gus" on his knee, he grins, "Are you ready to spend the weekend with your old man, sonny boy?" "Gus" looks like he couldn't come up with a lively expression to save his/ her/ its life. I want my old baby back.
David's. Mike's on his way to work. David, carrying a cardboard box, cheerfully asks for a hand cleaning out the guest room. Mike apologizes for not moving some of his stuff beforehand, jaunts up the stairs to grab a box, and asks when "he" is arriving. David says 7:30, "if the plane's on time." And God help it if it's not. Mike laughs that David must be pretty excited; David kisses him and grins, "I've been counting the days since summer." Mike says that that's a long time. David says that Oregon's really far away, but he's on "his" Buddy List and they email. David gushes that he can't wait for Mike to meet his son, then goes on to talk about how amazing the kid is: "He's smart, he's funny, he can play tenor sax, he can do websites, he juggles." At the same time? I'd like to see that. And sell tickets. Seriously, I could use the cash. Mike sarcastically replies, "Great. When does he have time to do brain surgery?" Yeah, you wish. No, actually, I wish. Sigh. Mike adds that he sounds great. David says that the kid's going to love Mike, too. Mike's not so sure, and asks how David knows. David grins, "Who wouldn't?" Nah. Too easy. Let's move on. Dave opens up one of the boxes, and pulls out a pair of Captain Astro boxer shorts. "I've not seen these before," he guffaws. Embarrassed, Mike snatches them from him and puts them back in the box: "Well, maybe someday you will."
Ted's office building. Ted and Emmett walk down the stairs to go to lunch. Emmett is wearing tight red plaid pants, and a furry red jacket, under which I hope to God is just a tight black turtleneck. I suppose I should be happy that it matches, but I keep thinking back to a couple of seasons ago on Buffy, when I had to stop watching because I ended up screaming, "What the hell are you wearing?!" at the screen so many times, my neighbors complained. Ted's wearing his usual brown sweater vest/ white button-down combo, and snaps, "Couldn't you have worn something more discreet?" Emmett. Baby. Gimme a break, already. Emmett replies, "As long as your erogenous zones are covered, you're safely in the conservative column." According to who, Carmen Electra? Emmett continues, "Besides, I tried straight drag? And saw the light, thank God." No middle ground with these people. Emmett switches gears and asks Ted what he wants to get for lunch, suggesting sushi. Ted snorts, "Just what I need. Food poisoning." Emmett then suggests Indian Food. Ted predicts heartburn. Ribs? Ted groans, "Heart attack. You know what I could really go for? Tuna fish on white bread, potato chips, cole slaw, vanilla pudding." Emmett replies that that's what Ted always has. Just then, someone walking down the stairs after them calls Ted's name. Ted looks up and sees a tall, beefy blond guy with spiky hair, carrying a briefcase. Ted asks, amazed, "Dale Wexler?" They shake hands, confirming that they haven't seen each other in years. Emmett, curious as all hell, clears his throat. Ted introduces his friend, adding, "He's not from these parts." Heh. Dale Wexler says it's nice to meet him, and Emmett drawls, complete with elevator look, "You, too." Ted says that the last thing he heard, Dale had set up offices in Baltimore, and Dale replies that he's also in Cincinnati, and now in Pittsburgh. Ted wows that that's great: "You're doing so well -- of course, we all knew you would!" Dale smugly replies that life's been good, and asks how Ted's doing. Ted says that he's working at the same place, and Dale snorts, "Christ, I would have thought you would have left Wershafter by now." Ted nods, "Well, you know, his personal appeal and selfless generosity were just too hard to resist." Dale checks his watch and says he has to get going; he's got to take a client out to lunch: "This new Indonesian place, have you tried it?" Emmett snorts, "Who, him?" Ted jumps up to say that he hasn't, but he's been meaning to! Yeah, right. Once Dale walks off, Emmett asks how Ted knows him, and is told that they went to B-School together. Emmett thinks Dale's pretty cute, and Ted agrees that he always thought so, too: "I hear he's a real mover. He became a millionaire before he was thirty." Emmett wonders what Dale's secret was and Ted snorts, "I'll probably never know."
Liberty Diner. As a man puts up posters for the "Leather Ball" -- mind you, these posters depict one guy in leather briefs bent over another guy in leather briefs, so the subtlety machine rolls on -- Mike tells Justin and Brian that David's son is coming to visit: "What if he hates me?" Brian shrugs, "Fuck him, he's just a kid." Okay, but does your policy with Justin really apply in this case? Mike fusses that he's not just a kid, he's David's son: "You know what that means." "Gus" is in his car seat on the table, looking at Brian like he's still having problems placing him, exactly. Justin laughs, "You're the wicked stepmother. It's like a fairy tale." Mike scowls, "Well, why don't you get your fairy tail back to work? Isn't there a toilet you need to spit shine?" Brian tells Mike to relax -- David's son isn't going to hate him. Mike asks him why he's sure, and Brian sighs, "I'm crazy about you." Attention Brian Kinney: Shut up. This is not about you. Love, The World. Mike panics: "He's right. I'm the stepmother. I'm a stepmother!" Debbie steps up and starts cooing to the baby, "Who's the stepmother?" "Gus" gazes up at her like, "Huh." He's looking pretty bored -- can someone hand this kid a book while everyone else tries to get through this scene? Thank you. Brian tells her that Mike's the stepmother in question, and Mikey explains that David's son is visiting for the weekend. Debbie scootches Mike over in the booth so that she can coo at "Gus" some more. On closer inspection, "Gus" is getting pretty creeped out by the P-FLAG the Clown get-up, and looks over at Brian for some help. Debbie gushes that "Gus" is looking more and more like Brian every day; Brian, proud, tells her that they're still working on the hair. Hee. When Debbie asks where Lindsay is, Brian explains that St. L. is at a conference, and that he has the baby for the weekend. Debbie's amazed: "I wouldn't let you water my plants. Do you even know what a Huggie is?" Mike: "Here's a hint: It's not a sexual position." Ha! Brian fakes that he has no idea what a Huggie is, and Mike and Debbie remind him, in unison, that it's a diaper. Brian says that he knows all about diapers -- he had this trick once who liked to put Brian in diapers and spank him. Once again, thanks for sharing. Debbie says that she's surprised Brian would take on "Gus," what with the Leather Ball happening this weekend. Brian replies, "It was tempting. But this year I'm trading in my leather jockstrap for rubber pants." Less chance of chafing, I guess. Brian lifts "Gus" out of the seat and holds him above his head. "Gus" looks up at the ceiling, because he really doesn't care. A guy wearing leather chaps over blue jeans saunters by, and he and Brian exchange The Look with Zoom Flash.
The airport. Mike stares at the Flight information monitors until David taps him on the shoulder: His son, Hank, is coming off the plane with one of the stewardesses. As David rushes over, Mike takes a deep breath and mutters to himself, "Okay, here we go." Hank walks up and David lifts him over his head, which Hank is way too old for, and it shows on his face. David introduces Hank to Mike. Mike: "It's nice to finally meet you, Hank." Hank: "Wow. You're young." Bwahahahaha! Mike's eyes go wide, which is ironic, considering all the bitching he did about turning thirty. I'm surprised he didn't burst into tears and kiss Hank's feet in gratitude. David jumps in, "I've got a whole list of activities we're going to do this week. Just chock full!" Mike adds, "Pretty cool, huh?" Hank semi-enthusiastically agrees. David grabs Hank's hand, and starts babbling on about the Science Center, and a cable car or something, and a rock-climbing wall that he wants to see, and he's so excited and happy to see his son, that he doesn't even notice that Mike's left behind in a passenger deluge at the bottom of the escalator.