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Bryce feels like the weakest link because he hasn't won a challenge. Heidi brings a lot of dudes onto the runway, which makes some of the designers mighty nervous. Also, we find out that the immunity Anya has for winning the last challenge is the last immunity that will be granted during the competition. They choose randomly from the dudes and Olivier is openly rude about having to choose a guy who isn't thin. Rude. Tim tells them that they will actually be designing for the spouses or girlfriends of the guys. The consultations are fun for some, uncomfortable for others. Olivier even judges his client's girl for having boobs. I mean, he asks around at Mood about her cup size as if he's dealing with an amputee.
Bert's client motorboated his dress form. Seriously, he's obsessed with boobs. The ladies come in for their fittings and it's all pretty cute and fun. Luckily, they get there before any of the guys do too much damage, as a great deal of them are wrong about what their girls would like. However, Josh's client said his girl liked simple and she REALLY likes it simple. Olivier seems deeply troubled that he has to work with a human person, with human dimensions. Bryce gets emotional and everyone is rooting for him, but he chose a wonky fabric based on his client's recommendation. But, then, Tim likes the fabric. Poor Bryce is not good with decisions. Olivier is a snail though. Tim even has to remind him to send his client to hair and make-up!
Laura seems to have something shitty to say about EVERYONE'S garment. Frankly, she's getting on my last nerve and sounding more shrill every moment. Also, pre-runway, all of the designs look pretty cute! Malin Akerman is the guest judge and I happen to think she is just the cutest and still love her from her days on The Comeback. The girls are all super cute! You know, this is completely before the judges say anything, but I think that Bryce made a really cute dress. Kimberly's look is a little... fraught. Olivier's look is confusing. It's kind of modern but I can't tell if it's good. Anya is lucky that she has immunity. Viktor's girl looks totally adorable.
I'm completely wrong. Josh, Anya and Viktor have the highest scores. Bert, Anthony and Bryce have the lowest. Bert gets slammed for being safe. The judges think it can be found anywhere. Nina thinks that Bryce's dress has too many details. Meh. Whatever. Malin loves the pockets on Bryce's dress. Anthony's dress gets slammed for looking like an old dress, but his client designed it with an old dress of his girlfriend's in mind. Josh wins the challenge. Great. Anthony and Bryce are the bottom two. I mean, we know where this is going, right? Bryce is out. You know, he didn't do so bad for his final showing.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Josh M. freaked out on Bert and it was incredibly uncomfortable for everyone. The designers created their own textiles and Anya won her first challenge! Becky went home, which I guess was overdue.
Josh and Bryce her fixing their hair in the morning and Josh says, while pointed at Bryce, "Congratulations Top 9." He could just be talking to himself. Bryce, who see making questionable choices in order to create a little volume on his dome, interviews that being the only designer to never win a challenge makes him feel like the weakest link. He wants to prove people wrong. Josh interviews that he's exhausted emotionally and mentally, but he's in a much better place today. He's excited to see what the new challenge will be. He seems a little contrite today, which is only appropriate. Let's see if he can keep it up.
The ladies are putting on their faces and Laura makes some crack about how she's sure they're all mourning for Becky's departure. Unnecessary? Yes. Expected? Absolutely. Anya says she can feel the air getting a little electric as the pool of designers dwindling down, yet there's also a feeling of camaraderie. Laura says that they are the last three girls who should be there, and I while I can't say that she's incorrect, I wonder why she's pushing the d-bag factor so much. I've discussed with someone whether she is a. a Mean Girl who fights to hide it, b. a Mean Girl or c. a boring girl who thinks that being a Mean Girl is interesting so she's just trying to be a total bitch. Whatever. She's dead to me.
Bert doodles on a chalkboard that includes a space invader and the line, "It's raining men!" Oh my. Everybody seems really tired. At Parsons, Heidi greets the designers by telling them that they will be working with different models. Then, she brings on a bunch of normal-looking dudes. Everybody groans. Anthony says that he knows nothing about menswear. Josh M. says that he's not intimidated by menswear, but rather by the waistlines of the dudes onstage. These guys aren't models. They're not trainwrecks, but this isn't Project Dockers. Anya gets to choose first and she praises the Lord that she has immunity, because she knows nothing about menswear. She chooses the thinnest guy, then Heidi chooses successive designers from the button bag. They go down the line like that, each choosing the skinniest remaining dude. Olivier is sad that he's left with all of the "fat people, which is fine" but not when he's making clothes. They finish choosing and Heidi sends them to the workroom to hear about the details of the challenge from Tim.
To the delight of everyone, Tim tells the designers that they will be designing for the wives/girlfriends of the guys they chose. It's a challenge for the guys to see how much they know about what their ladypeeps like to wear as clothing pieces. But, sizes are hard and any smart man would not want to be caught dead guessing a woman's size (or any dumb man for that matter -- or even guessing most PEOPLE'S size, aren't we all touchy?), so the dimensions of each woman has been provided. The women will be walking the runway. Bert is worried about the consultation though, as his experience is that most straight guys don't have a clue.
The guys come in and meet with the designers. Viktor's guy doesn't even know where his lady shops. Anya can't get any answers at all out of her client. She interviews that most guys don't know how to describe color and shape. Gosh, I just have to point out how FUCKING COOL Anya seems right now. She's just got it, that girl. Bert's guy wants his wife's bosom on complete display. He says that she's a "hot piece of toochie." Well, that's sweet, but.... This is not going to be good for Bert. One of the frustrating things about this show and the judging when it comes to these client challenges is the notion that there is a marriage of good taste, high fashion and, I don't know, safe? Pedestrian? Whatever -- like there's this balance that can be met and everyone will be happy. It's not true though. Sometimes the ideas are completely at odds and there really isn't a compromise that will make the judges happy. I've never seen someone come out on that runway and say, "I hate what I'm wearing" and have the judges reply, "Well, it's brilliant. You look great." It's not going to happen. The judges would look like assholes. But, when a designer pleases the client and the judges think it's not fashion-forward and tasteful enough, they insinuate that the designer should have either defied the client or worked harder to find this utopian marriage of wants and needs that I'm telling you sometimes just doesn't exist. Freaking Snooki is not going to be happy with anything Olivier thinks is pretty. At all. Just the truth. It's not happening. Bert is trying to like this boob-obsessed dude, but he's trying. Josh's guy says that his lady likes simple. Heh. This is going to be fun. Josh sees the challenge though. He knows himself and feels that this will be a smart way for him to stretch.
Bryce's guy is adorable. He's going to get so laid when his girlfriend sees how cute he is talking about her style, though he may not have had too much of a problem with that in the first place. Cutesy but elegant but girly, he says she is and he seems kind of flushed with admiration and desire when he says it. Jivan is the cutest. Bryce, however, doesn't seem inspired. Poor guy. I think he has brain freeze or something. That's totally what would happen to me if I were on a show like this. The further we went along, I would just see one design in my head, for everything. Even just as a person dressing myself, towards the end of a particular season, I'll wear the same clothes over and over again. Fall just shocked me back into my cords and that has been welcomed. Socks too. Jivan's girlfriend likes pink, which Bryce says is not his thing. Don't be afraid of color, people. Anthony's client wants to replace a dress of his girl's that he lost.
Olivier seems disturbed that he's working with a woman with large breasts. He practically ignores his guy as he ponders the nightmare of the human body. The guys accompany the designers to Mood. Everybody is running around because these ladies have hips and boobs. They make me feel like they're going to be monsters or something. Olivier asks Tim for help with planning for the boobs and he, of course, is no help.
They get back to the workroom and begin to work. The clients remain, which must be difficult. Kimberly tells us how style lines are used on a dress form. That's fun! Bert's guy tells us that he motorboats his wife. On TV. I wonder if the FBI works with people like this. To save them from themselves. Seriously, he says that, much like the Cookie Monster, he's the Booby Monster.
All of the girls come in and they're super cute. Laura's girl says that she wants to be Barbie. She had 15 siblings. Crazy. Booby Monster's guy doesn't seem nearly as out there as he made her sound. They're actually a really sweet couple though and I bet they have a great time together. Viktor's girl is effing cool. She's wearing the silhouette that he has on his dress form! That's crazy. Anthony is trying to recreate the dress that his girl's dude lost. Most of the girls seem really impressed with how their guys lead the challenge. Josh's girl is super conservative. Olivier's girl is a little difficult. Her and her husband together are confusing Olivier with their energy. Though he seems like he might fall on the autism spectrum when speaking with them (I'm not even being glib, he's acting soo uncomfortable), I kind of understand how this is hard for him. Also, I think there might be a little bit of a language barrier.
Bryce tells his girl, who is SO cute, that he doesn't like the color that he bought and is going to try to dye it to make it brighter. Later, he tells the other designers that it's hard being around people who are so much in love because it makes him miss his boyfriend. God. That's really sweet. He gets choked up in the interview talking about how he didn't say anything to Jivan and Janine about his boyfriend, because he knew he'd cry. Can we all just hold hands for a moment? Seriously, don't we want to be with (or glad to have) someone that makes us cry when we talk about them when they're with us? Or to have someone feel that way about us? Listen, I know this is about clothes and it's "reality" television and it's all savage and we're not going to be happy until someone dies ON THE AIR, brutally; but, sometimes, watching people be just people (even if they can't help it -- we all have to be human occasionally, except for maybe, I don't know, Elaine Stritch, who I imagine transcended this bullshit years ago), you see those... moments. And, in contrast with this high stakes circumstance in their lives that they probably all imagine as this literalization of having the brass ring right the fuck in front of you, when every conscious moment they have is spent either doubting themselves or pumping themselves up by whatever means necessary or praying to something -- a moment like Bryce simply and exhaustedly crying because he wants to be near someone who's not there, I don't know. People cry on these shows all of the time, but sometimes there's a tenderness that kind of sets things right. None of this matters. You've got someone who loves you. You have a place in the world, even if it's not at one of those sewing machines. I don't know who I'm turning into right now, but I just found that all remarkably poignant. OK, you can let go of my hand. Did you just smell my hair? Gross. Actually... never mind. You can smell it. That's hotel shampoo. I know. Palm Springs. Miley Cyrus was there at the same time.
Anya says that she feels that Bryce is in a downward spiral of disappointment over his performance in the challenges. Anthony says that they're all trying to help him, but thinks that he can't make anymore mistakes.
The morning, Anya and Laura are in the same bed and talking about how they don't want to go back to the workroom. Laura doesn't want to talk to Tim today either. Bert is afraid they're going to tell him that his dress is too simple. Bryce dyed his fabric a color that Viktor says reminds him of an anti-diarrheal medicine. He says it makes him want to go to the bathroom. That joke has messed up logic. That's like saying that seeing Tylenol makes you have a headache. I think the fabric looks fine. His girl loves it. Viktor's girl is seeming very happy. Olivier is having a hard time with his couple. He doesn't want to listen, but knows that he's supposed to.
Tim comes in and starts with Viktor. He loves it. Bert says that Viktor did an amazing job translating his client's direction. He interviews that he thinks Anya's dress looks like a student's project. Mrow. Tim asks Bert's girl if she liked all the cleavage and she said she did. Laura says that his look is disgusting. She's so not constructive, but maybe no one is. I just don't like her anymore. Tim thinks that Olivier's color combo (blue and yellow) are wrong. He points out that Olivier has time management issues and the husband is all, "Yeah! You were going slow!" People need to shut up. No one's feeling that Anthony's look is modern enough. Tim finds that Josh really edited himself. He tells the couple that Josh's is style is just short of something that would be on a float in a parade. Score! That was amazing. The lady is happy with what she's wearing. Her husband is happy that Tim complimented his lady's rack. Bryce considers rethinking some things and Tim tells him that is time to be decisive.
Everybody is making Bryce feel weird about his pink fabric and I wish he would just stop listening to them. Viktor tells Josh that he thinks Olivier is in trouble.
The day, at the workroom, Tim comes in and announces that it's time to send their clients to hair and makeup. He sees that some people still have a lot of work to do. Josh, for instance, has to sew buttons onto the shirt he's wearing, as it seems to be missing all of them. Anya, poor thing, is sewing until the last minute. But, slow doesn't mean bad though! Jesus, poor Olivier is starting to get some sympathy from me. He finally tells his lady that she would love, but he's concerned about this competition right now. Laura thinks that Kimberly is in trouble. Bryce's girl seems really happy! He made the dress in all pink. Hot daddy make-up guy is there. I wonder if he would cry if he missed me? Olivier is sewing and Tim has to remind him to send his girl to hair and make-up! Seriously, what is he thinking? Whatever, I'd probably do the same thing. Laura thinks that Josh's dress looks like it's made for a funeral. A funeral with dancing, maybe -- which, come to think of it, sounds amazing. Bryce knows that the fit of his dress is not great, but thinks that the design is not bad. Olivier is in a rush to dress his girl and she tells him to breathe. It's runway time and Tim has to like scream at people to make them stop sewing.
Heidi greets the designers who are sitting beside the dudes. She introduces Michael, Nina and guest judge, Malin Akerman. She's so cute. She's been waiting for Cameron Diaz to die for an awfully long time. Laura's dress is first. It's a dark green/blue gown with one shoulder and a beautifully draped lower half. The construction is excellent. Laura is very happy with it. There's a train that falls from the middle of the back and is perfect for a Real Housewife. Kudooos!
Anthony's dress is . It's a short dress with a v-neck bodice. The skirt is red and the bodice is black, with a red stripe along the v-neck. I don't like the proportion. I can see the vintage influence, but it needs something. I think he could have gone with a little bit off-the-shoulder. As well, the skirt should probably be a little bit longer. And, the styling is kind of blah. She has a really nice figure and is a cute girl and I feel like this doesn't really do her justice. Her body is screaming for some foundation garments, not because she looks bad, but because she's got kind of va-va-voom measurements and there's so much more you could do with that. Instead, he kind of masks her awesome bust in black and gives her a white belt to widen her waist. And, there should be more volume in the skirt to counteract. Or, it should have been a short-sleeved number that hugged all the way to the knees. Hair up, darker eyes. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this one, but if you've already got the vintage inspiration, it seems obvious to me. Anthony wishes there were more him in his dress.
Here's Bert's dress. It's pretty simple in silhouette. A plunging, sleeveless dress that is cinched at the waist and extends to the knees. The fabric is this sort of black on white brocade. Again, he gave the lady what she wanted. It's really well made. But, you know this isn't going to go well. Bert thinks it's awesome and her husband lurves it.
Josh's dress is and it is pretty simple, which scares him. It's a tulle skirt and sleeveless bodice, but there's some really lovely details with lace at the neck and on the back, which is cut low -- BUT NOT TOO LOW! Josh says that sometimes simplicity is beautiful and high-fashion at the same time. I wonder if Josh will ever visit that intersection ever again, even if it's just to grab some frozen yogurt or something.
Bryce's looks is up. It's a pink dress that's sleeveless and hits the knee. It's belted and has neat cut-outs on the back and pockets in the front. It doesn't fit perfectly and the belting sort of emphasizes that. He should have maybe considered letting it fall a little looser. Pockets would lend themselves to that sort of slouch, right? Her styling is adorable too.
Kimberly's girl is . She's wearing a short black leather skirt and a red top that is tight on the waist and voluminous at the neck. This cute is super short and curvy and the skirt des her a lot of favors, but I almost feel like the top is swallowing her, though I'm totally digging the deep red color. Her dude is all "Sookie Sookie Now." Kimberly notes that she seems to enjoy wearing the garment and I agree.
Here we have Olivier's girl and, despite all of the doomsaying, it's not horrible. It's a one-shouldered top that is super-tailored and falls at an angle over the hips of some mildy harem-y pants. I understand that's maybe the least astute description of clothing that has ever happened, but that's what I see. I think the styling should maybe be different. Maybe a loose but, instead of the weird side do that's happening. And, she's carrying sunglasses. No. Olivier is not unhappy with it. He loves it. Oh now, she puts the sunglasses on at the end.
is Anya's dress. It's a neat white and black print (of course, because Anya can't choose something that's not freaking cool -- I'm not trying to be that guy, she's amazing though and we have to at least be seated near each other at a dinner party one day) that's short in the front and longer and flowing in the back. It's one-shouldered, with a long sleeve. Hmm. I wouldn't normally like that, but I think I do. I certainly love the belt action she has created. It's sort of tribal and precious metal adorned. Also, the idea that the thinnest guy would have the thinnest girlfriend has received some support here today.
Viktor's girl mimes playing the guitar behind the scrim before she enters the runway. And, she's totes rock and roll. She's wearing high-waisted, gray skirt that has a ring of yellow at the bottom. It has several large pleats that are so cute. And, she's wearing a turquoise top that is sheer with a camisole underneath. Cute AND sexy. She looks amazing. It was easy to style her cause she's already badass. Make-up daddy said she had great brows.
After the show, Kimberly, Olivier and Laura are safe and move to the round! Backstage, Laura is upset that she's not in the top. Olivier is, of course, silent. Bert, Anthony and Bryce are in the bottom leave the runway for the fun times. Backstage, Bert says that he liked where Anya was going but didn't like the one sleeve, which reminded him of a waitress at a tiki tiki lounge. Laura says, "Bert! You're coming out ALL OVER THE PLACE!" Wait, did she just say that? In such a way as to imply that she doesn't speak the shit ever? Whatever.
Onstage, Anya says that she mixed Japanese and African design. The couple loves it and feels inspired by it. Anya says that she wanted it to be a little bit sexy, but not too much, since she's not looking for a man. This gets a big laugh and is delivered with such élan. Seriously, have we seen anyone on this show with this kind of cool since Laura Bennett? And, Anya's is a different sort. More from heaven. Michael loves the dress. He loves the culture clash. Heidi likes that it feels unusual. Nina thinks it was silly to hide the woman's arm when it's so beautiful (it is), but the girl says that she wanted to hide it. Michael's all, "She's only got one good arm!!" Can't just let people talk anymore, can we? Malin says that she would wear it on the red carpet. She says to Heidi that she would definitely want the sleeve too. She likes to make a bold choice, even if it's a risk. Brava Malin.
Josh says that it's hard for him to do simple, as if we're all supposed to pinch his cheeks at how tacky he is. Heidi says that she's surprised he didn't bedazzle her and he says that he wanted to. Heidi asks the other Josh (that's the client's name) how he likes his wife's look. Um, they're not married. Heidi just made the conservative girl a little uncomfy. Heidi makes a joke about whether Josh has anything prepared and he jokes like he's getting onto one knee but stops and someone is going to pay dearly for this. He thinks his lady looks great. Heidi thinks that he should remember this going forward. Josh agrees and says that he thinks this was a great opportunity to show them that he could do more. Wow, he just played them like a fiddle. Malin loves the detail on the back. Charlene, the girl, says that she loves the dress and wants to take it home. Michael says she looks like a modern day Grace Kelly, which makes her yelp a little bit. Nina says that she thinks the dress could work in any color and Charlene swoons and says, "More of them." She's cute. Her boyfriend must be rich.
Viktor explains that Victoria is a lawyer and he wanted to keep it conservative, but push it just a little bit. Michael thinks it's over-accessorized, but he loves the look. Nina loves the look. She likes most of the accessories. Victoria tells a story about how Viktor shortened the sleeves when she said that's what she preferred and Michael sings that this is a lesson to listen to your customer.
Backstage, Josh says that he was glad that the safe people were safe. Olivier tries to act like he wasn't freaking out, but everybody just laughs and laughs. Silly unable to engage Olivier.
On the runway, it's Bert's turn to fight. He says that his girl chose the design out of the several sketches that he had made. He says that he likes his dress. Ariana says that she loves it and can't believe they're in the bottom. They laugh about how much her dude, Anthony, loves Ariana's breasts. Heidi says "Ba-da-bing!" and agrees that Ariana's rack is love-worthy. Michael doesn't like it because he thinks it could be purchased anywhere. So, was Bert's mistake drawing the sketch in the first place? Because he was listening to his customer. Malin says that, if her husband were there, she'd probably be wearing something really slutty. Nina thinks it should be a couple of inches longer and Ariana cries, "No!" Heidi says that she has the same problem. Heidi, man. She really vacillates season to season. This year, she's more beautiful than ever and we've seen her be like killer funny at least three times. Somebody's looking for a guest spot on Whitney.
Bryce says that he wanted to give Janine something cute and pink but also tailored. Jivan said they wanted to show off her nice legs and back. God, the timbre in his voice just carries such feeling about her. I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW. Nina thinks there are too many details. I don't, except for the belt. Nina thinks she's swallowed by details, but I think she's overstating her case. Malin loves the pockets, but has a small problem with the fit. Heidi thinks that the pockets are too big. Michael and Heidi laugh about how the pockets look like she's going to steal from the buffet. You know, I get that's what we're here for, but I just feel bad that, after all they've done to get here, the designers' work is reduced to little quips that they all laugh at. "Let them eat cake!" Seriously, that's what it's like, them sitting over there in their little director's chairs. I'd wear rocks on that runway. For moments like this.
Anthony explains that he was trying for retro. Malin thinks it looks like a cheerleading outfit. Heidi thinks it looks like a little girl or an old lady. Nina doesn't like the white belt. Michael thinks it looks like "superhero ice skater." Heidi thinks it's safe and boring.
The judges confer. They didn't like Bert's dress, but they did like the fit. And, the customers liked it. Michael thinks that Bert is boring. Malin thought is was "fine." Nina thinks that Bryce's dress was an old lady dress. What? Malin thinks that the fit was the real problem. That's why it shouldn't have been belted! Michael says that it looked like he was trying to make a cocktail dress out of a handi-wipe. WHAT? I don't even understand that! Is he just talking about the construction, which I know he had a problem with? Malin feels that Anthony was fearful in his design. The mix of old lady/little girl disturbs everyone.
Nina loved Josh's dress, for its simplicity and how flattering it was. Apparently, Nina was NOT in love with Anya's design, though Malin was. Michael says that he knows Nina thinks it was too much, but Michael says that, of the looks they saw that day, it was the most "fashion with a capital F." Heidi likes that Anya is always experimenting with silhouette. Michael loved Viktor's color combination. They are aware, however, that Viktor was working with the most fashion obsessed couple. He had a lot of input.
The designers return to the runway. Heidi says they had a hard time picking the winner. Anya is in. Josh... is the winner. He interviews that he's on cloud nine (then does a round-off behind the scrim -- Heidi's worried for insurance purposes, obviously), because he's the first designer to win two challenges. Hmm. I guess that's true. This has been a weird season lacking in true frontrunners and if Josh is the person I have to resign myself to seeing until the end, I'm not happy. Backstage, everyone is happy for him. He makes Anya put her hand on his bare chest to feel his heart and stubble. Olivier seems tentative about doing the same. Viktor is in too, naturally.
Now, for the losers. Heidi tells Bert to remember that he can't be too simple, like they told him earlier. It's down to Anthony and Bryce. Bryce... is out. Anthony leaves the runway. Heidi kisses Bryce and he quietly leaves. He interviews that he was proud to take a risk, even if it was incorrect. He wanted to show everyone what he could really do and he doesn't feel like he ever really got that opportunity. He goes backstage to receive his hugs. Josh says, "Who's gonna make my coffee!" I get that he's trying to lighten the mood, but sometimes you have to just let things be about other people until they're are actually officially asking for a distraction. This, to me, would be one of those moments.
Tim comes in to lead Bryce away. He asks what they'll do without Bryce, but I'm not sure he says that for any reason except he's not sure what else to say. he interviews that he was sure he could be the big designer but was not prepared for what this competition would require. I respect that awareness. He says he's going to lock himself in his room, turn on the Gaga and sketch until he has a brilliant collection. WERK!
Jeff Long is a writer/performer living in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail or followed on Twitter at @jblong. Thrilling, I know.