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Everyone is worried about the judges focusing on them and their shortcomings. So, what's the challenge? Design for Nina Garcia. There's no escape. She hates everything. Seriously. She gives the designers a list of things she won't wear and, if I'm correct, the only things left are a nun's habit and ponchos. It's all brutal. She's smiling the whole time, but the consultations are... scary. I'm going to have nightmares. Her favorite thing to do is ask people if they have a "plan B" when they give her plan. Who has the time to have a plan B on this show? They don't even have time to brush their teeth -- I just don't see how they could be expected to make multiple plans. The winner of the challenge will be featured in Marie Claire editorial, as well as in an ad on the top of taxi cabs.
Anthony and Becky choose the same fabric, which, given the size of Mood, seems virtually impossible. You'd think someone who worked there could tip a sister off. Cecilia gets the doom score from the start. Kimberly also seems lost. Anthony skypes with his fiancé, who is 100% adorbs. Julie also seems to have trouble, but she's such a good salesperson you can't really figure out what it is until it's on the runway. Anya, bless her heart, cannot sew. It is becoming a problem. She's so damn cool though.
The guest judges are Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, and Kerry Washington (!) who is so pretty it's blinding. The producers are kind enough to put Anthony's and Becky's looks on the runway back-to-back. Kimberly seems to have pulled it out when her look makes it on the runway. The boys suggest to Anya that she dye her fabric and it turns out pretty smashing. Bryce and Cecilia seem like the clear bottom people. But, Bryce makes it through. Julie's in the bottom. Again. Kimberly is in the top! The judges kind of go crazy for her look. Anya is in the top again too! It's remarkable how likable she is. She makes this chic jumpsuit that everyone loves. Danielle lands herself in the bottom too with a her "auntie in the '80s" blouse and slacks. Joanna Coles makes a bunch of comments about what horrible things she would do if Nina were wearing the outfits that she doesn't like. I sensed a little bit of aspiration there.
The winner of the challenge is... Kimberly! Viktor was also in the top with Anya. The bottom two are Julie and Cecilia. And, Julie is out. That means three of my five top choices are out. And, all of my choices for people at the bottom have soared. I'm concerned about my judgment.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Fallene couldn't dress giant ladies in a way that Kim Kardashian found rigorous enough. So, she went home. Honestly, Kim Kardashian? I guess some people really like her. And, she's pretty. And, I guess we care about her clothes. But, she's certainly one of the ringleaders of our cultural implosion. Put that on your wedding cake, Kimbo.
It's morning at the Atlas and Becky tells Cecilia that she's going to miss Fallene. She hopes that she's OK, because she was taking her elimination rather hard. She thinks that Fallene just couldn't handle the pressure of the things that they have to do in the competition. Wow, that's menacing. Makes it sound like there's some untelevised torture going down. Of course, that's part of the allure of this show for me -- those veiled hints delivered in hushed tones about crazy stuff that we just don't know about. I mean, what? What could it be? We've all been sleepy before. Is that what they're talking about? Because some lost sleep is not crazy enough. They act like it's A Clockwork Orange on this show. Which makes me love them. Julie says that Fallene gave her a great haircut and I can definitely see evidence of that. Becky and Cecilia discuss how they're feeling less nervous and Cecilia adds that she feels like she belongs there now.
In the boys' apartment, on the chalkboard, we see the words "Bring the Bald Guy Back!" Presumably, this refers to Josh C? I wish they would bring him back too. I really don't think he was meant to leave so early. And, though I'm not sure how his Mormonism would affect our relationship, I kind of think that Josh and I had a good thing going for a hot minute there. But, with him gone, Olivier and I can really just focus on each other. Pardon me while I organize my sticker collection and cat posters.
Bryce and Josh are having their morning coffee klatch. Bryce says that the time constraints made him panic, so he'd finish his design then realize it was crap. That actually sounds like the torture. That would make me feel crazy. He interviews that he knows the eyes of the judges are on him and he doesn't want to look like the fuck up. Bryce seems like a fairly nice guy, but I have no idea of who he is as a designer. Up to this point, it has felt as if he was just trying to solve the problems of the challenges.
Here's Bert at the chalkboard and there's a finished game of Hangman on it. Someone lost. Anthony, Viktor and Olivier are grooming and Anthony says that he hopes the challenge isn't making something out of paper or whatnot. Viktor tells us that he feels he made a bad impact on the judges during the challenge. He doesn't want to be that guy. So, he wants to show the judges that much like Phoenix, he can be hot. See what I did there? OK, so Viktor. He's interesting. I think he's a genuinely nice guy, but I stand by the fact that I thought he was inappropriate with Bert during their challenge. It felt very high school. But, he's displaying a level of humility here that may have been earned then, so lesson learned? I don't know. I do know he looks awfully cute in his little blue boatneck tee. I'm in that place for this ep, folks. Everybody's cute and I have to talk about it.
At the runway, Heidi greets the designers. She tells them that they will be designing for a very important client for this challenge. A client that knows A LOT about fashion. She says that they should be nervous and Anthony gives out a nervous giggle to comply. There's someone behind the scrim. Is it Marianne Faithful? Wouldn't that be fucking epic? No. It's Nina Garcia. Which is at least kind of epic. The designers want to crap on themselves. She tells them that they will be designing for her. She says that she's going to be very hard on them. Becky interviews that she and Nina couldn't be more different and she doesn't know how she feels about her.
Nina explains that the designers will be creating a look for her that she can wear to the office and out to the many important events she attends in the evenings. Danielle feels good because day/nightwear is sort of a specialty of hers. Nina says that her style is classic with an edge. She likes clean lines. A big no on volume, patterns and colors. Bryce finds that she doesn't like more things than she does like. Wow, that's like Nina in a nutshell. And, I just got my drag name. Nina N'Anutshell. Seriously, come see me at Joe's Pub cause that shit's happening. Heidi kind of voices Bryce's concern and asks what's left for her to like and her voice pitches up and she's all, "A lot!" Don't act so surprised, Nina. You know you're being restrictive. Heidi says she's just kidding, but she's not. She knows the dark Nina.
Heidi says that the winner of the challenge will have, aside from bragging rights and immunity, their design featured in a Marie Claire ad...that will be on the tops of taxi cabs in NYC. Now, maybe I'm wrong, but is your average upscale fashion customer looking at the tops of cabs for fashion tips? Seriously, I don't actually know. Anya thinks it's really effective. So, they're going to sketch and consult with Nina before shopping.
In the workroom, Tim directs the designers to pics of Nina dressed like Nina before they begin to sketch. Viktor is excited for the opportunity. Kimberly wonders what to make for Nina that she hasn't already seen. They begin sketching. Bryce is fancying a cowl neck. Anya is worried because she works in prints and Nina is all monohateful. Julie is doing a shift dress and feels like she is running out of second chances.
The consultations begin with Anya. Nina tries, but she can't outshine her. Anya is a freaking crazy knockout. She brings in two ideas. A minidress, which scares Nina even though she acts like it's just a gaffe in Anya's taste. And, a jumpsuit. She likes the jumpsuit but questions whether Anya will be able to sew it. Anya looks at her like, "Things aren't problems for me, Nina. They just sometimes take a little bit of talking." Viktor kisses ass hardcore and says that Nina is amazing. Bitch is gonna make this work. She eats it up. He presents a sparkly dress that she likes. Bryce presents the cowl and she hates cowl. She asks Josh if he has a Plan B.
Oh my God -- Anya tells the story of how Nina asks her if she has a Plan B, in case she can't make her original idea. She is so cool! She essentially just told everyone that the judges have no faith in her but she doesn't care. I can't tell you how much that makes me love her. I want to be Anya when I'm five years younger. Nina tells Danielle that she wants one of her blouses. Julie presents a coat dress and Nina says she is down with the silhouette. Kimberly comes in with a shift dress and Nina tells her she wants pants, which Kimberly exploits to lovely effect. Meaning, she acts like she's being punished because Nina likes something that she does. Well done. Let those other cats know how IN DEMAND you are. Cecilia presents a (lovely sketch) dress and jacket to Nina and she feels that it's all too much. She asks her if she has a Plan B. Nina thinks it's Dynasty, which has apparently become a bad thing? So, no jacket.
In the workroom, as Cecilia is dying, Bryce asks if anyone ever imagined that they would be talking to the editor of a major fashion magazine. Tim comes in and says that he spoke with Nina and she doesn't want boring (even though she asked for boring).
At Mood, Danielle can't find the color she wants. Anya chooses mustard, even though Tim does all but slap her to stop her. Becky and Anthony choose the same REALLY ODD fabric, which is super weird. Cecilia can't find what she wants. She seems to be melting down a little bit.
Back at the workroom, they continue. Josh likes Anya's mustard fabric, but she's still worried. Anya tells Josh that she wants the two of them to be in the top together and he blames Julie for having been in the bottom. Nasty! He needs to learn to shut up. Julie says that she went to fashion school because she was over bartending and waiting tables, but she felt she was out of place because everyone was very talented. The thing is, you have to trust yourself. We see her talking to Cecilia, who tells her that she's very different. Julie replies that she's trying to be normal. Cecilia says that Julie is a true artist.
Anthony insinuates to Josh that Becky stole his fabric, but in a really non-shitty way. She's cooler about it. The first time she heard that he wanted the fabric was when she was carrying it around. Cecilia chose a fabric that she thought was purple, but it's gray in the workroom. Viktor talks about using muslin to create a mock of a dress and the absence of talking about the moms and dads associated seems in that seem seams pointed.
Nina comes into the workroom. She tells Danielle that it needs to be a little harder. There's no edge. Everybody thinks it's boring and Nina's a complete bitch about it. Nina thinks that the collar on Julie's look is too large. The music makes it sound like she's crazy, but I still love her. Nina hates Anya's fabric. She asks for a Plan B. Lord knows they have tons of times for lots of plans. Nina tries to criticize the color of Laura's dress, but she shuts her down. Viktor accepts Nina's advice about her dress. Cecilia explains that she thought her fabric was another color earlier. Sad times. Anthony thinks her palette is muddy.
Nina leaves and everyone gets to work. Kimberly talks about losing her mother and her brother and how it motivated her. With Josh and Anthony's help, Anya dyes her mustard fabric. Anthony looks so cute when he's helping her, like some old farmer. She's in the room when he Skypes his fiancé, Matthew. Matthew is a stone cold FOX! Anya says hello and he tells her that she is cute, as he had been told. She giggles and tells him to not tell anyone that Anthony is her favorite. I can't stand it. So adorable. I'm not lying when I say that, and I've considered trying to make it happen, if I have a daughter that is of the pageant persuasion, I want her to be like Anya.
The models come for fittings. Things go well. Then, things don't go well. Julie is having problems with her sewing. I really do like her so much. I wish she were better at all of this.
The day, Viktor says that Kimberly will be in trouble. Anya still hasn't dyed her stuff. Cecilia's model has huge nipples. Or "neeples." I like "neeples." They get to the workroom and start chugging away. Tim enters the workroom to find it empty. He has to go to the sewing room to find the designers and tells them that they have two hours for hair and makeup. He says that he's so nervous he's sweating through his suit, but I just don't believe him. He doesn't look sweaty at all.
Anya gets that shit dyed. Becky asks her how she's going to get it sewed but she seems confident. Meanwhile, Viktor seems excited about his look. His fitting is joyous and all about how rich his look is. Cecilia is so worried that she can't think. That's rough. I usually want to take a nap when I'm feeling that way. Don't sleep, Cecilia! Hair and makeup happens. Seriously, that makeup dude is smoking. Who is he? Cecilia snaps at Julie about her work not being clean and it's really lovely, because she tells us that she loves Julie's companionship. She just wants her to be correct. Julie knows this too and thanks her in interview form. Julie ends up gluing stuff. Tim sees it and freaks out. Laura helps Anya finish her look, which is really sweet. Viktor, because he's struggling, I'd imagine, finds Laura help to border on cheating. Laura just says she wants Anya's vision to be realized, which I think is perfectly valid. My roommate, who works in fashion, thinks this show should be staffed with seamstresses anyway, so there'd be none of that. It truly would be about design. I'm still not sure how I feel about that.
It's runway time! Tim has a really hard time getting them to follow him. The designers are greeted by Heidi. She introduces Michael, Nina, Joanna Coles (editor-in-chief of Marie Claire) and freaking Kerry Washington. How beautiful is Kerry Washington? Save the last dance, girl, cause I'm coming for you. In a completely not-stalker-like way. She's so pretty, right? Anyway, the show begins.
Josh's is first. It's this short dress with a center block of gray and outside block of orange. It's kind of adorable, if not a little young for Nina. He's feeling confident. It's really cute.
Bert's is . It's a black dress with a low-cut front and back, but it's not tight. There's actually a lot you could do with this dress. Olivier is with weird trousers and jacket. It looks good, but it is OUT THERE. The silhouette seems wrong? I don't know. The way that the jacket is high-waisted and there's something blousy about the trousers. I don't know. The colors and blocking of said colors is nice though.
is Anthony's look. It's that hombre fabric that he's sharing with/stole from Becky. It's a matronly top and skirt. I do NOT like this. It's really not good, if you ask me. Becky's is . She used the dress in a skirt of a dress and I think it looks better.
Kimberly makes a gold top that is super fitted with black trousers. Cecilia made a strudel. It's a dress that looks like a strudel. No. Anya's jumpsuit looks pretty good! Here's Danielle's look and it's pretty cute. Probably not right for Nina, but I like it. Julie's dress is a trench dress that is, sadly, all over the place. It's completely dissonant. From color to fit to finish. It's a nice idea and the tone of it is lovely, but no.
Bryce's dress is unassuming enough. Laura's green dress is almost too much, but I still sort of like it. Viktor's dress looks expensive. Afterwards, Heidi calls Julie, Viktor, Cecilia, Kimberly, Danielle and Anya. The others are free. Backstage, Becky and Anthony are happy that they didn't get slammed for using the same pattern. Laura thinks that Kimberly and Cecilia will be the bottom two. Bert thinks that Olivier will be in the top...but, he's sitting beside him. Jesus, that's embarrassing.
Onstage, Viktor says he tried to keep it simple and elegant. Nina likey. Joanna thinks it solves a lot of day/night problems. Julie explains that Nina wanted a reduced collar from her design. Kerry doesn't get it. Michael says it's a housecoat. Joanna says it's unwearable. Cecilia says she knows that she's in the bottom. Joanna thinks that people would think Nina was crazy if she wore that dress to work. Kimberly explains that she changed a design for a dress to a blouse and slacks. Nina likes it a lot. Heidi loves it. Joanna loves that shit too. Like, she's crazy for it. Anya explains how she dyed her outfit. Nina is amazed. Heidi loves it. She is still stunned that Anya just learned how to sew and we see Viktor looking at her sternly. Is there going to be future drama on this front? Kerry thinks it's fun. Michael says that Nina would never wear mustard.
Danielle wishes that her blouse were more sheer. Michael doesn't think it's modern enough. Kerry breaks through the cloud of hate and says that she actually thinks it's pretty, but she doesn't think it's for Nina. Joanna, sounding like Fagan from Oliver!, says that the model looks depressed and Danielle probably will be too after this.
Backstage, Viktor is fuming over Anya's praise. He wants her to be found out. People actually thought that Julie would be in the top, but she is not. Remember that.
The judges confer. Nina thinks that Danielle was too ambitious. Joanna is a total fucking bitch! I'd like to see her stitch some high fashion in 24 hours. They hated Cecilia's design and her attitude. Michael thinks that Julie had a good idea but used the wrong materials. Joanna makes some stupid joke about how Julie's horrible dress coat is a droat. Heidi points out that Michael has said that Julie is great but she keeps getting worse. I seriously loved the stuff she displayed to get into the competition.
Nina liked Viktor's look. Michael thought it was nice too. Michael loved the cut of the jumpsuit. Nina loved that Anya was so quick on her feet with changing the color. Joanna says that Kimberly's top is what this show is all about.
The designers return to the stage. Nina says that Kimberly is the winner of the challenge! Viktor and Anya are in too. Then, Danielle. It's down to Julie and Cecilia. Heidi says that they question Cecilia's attitude too. She's...in. Bye Julie! That's horrible. I love Julie. Backstage, Cecilia says that she feels bad Julie is going home because she wants to be there more than her. Tim sends Julie to the workroom. She says that she doesn't know where she's going to go, but she's OK with that. I love you, Julie!
Later, Kimberly goes to the Hearst Building and sees Nina, who is wearing her outfit. She says that she got so many compliments that day! Then, she goes down to a cab and is met by a taxi with her outfit on top! She screams with glee. OK, week has people falling down. I love people falling down.
Jeff Long is a writer/performer living in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.