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So, apparently, everyone thinks that Fallene doesn't belong here? Whatever. I think she's rad. Anthony is feeling special. When they get to the runway, Heidi is on stilts. She doesn't fall. Sorry. She tells them that they have to think "big" for their challenge. All of their models are on stilts. They are working in teams of 2- Bert and Viktor are working together, which really bothers Viktor. Bert, in turn, is frustrated by Viktor's response. This is going to be interesting. Anya and Olivier are team members and that seems like it's going to be perfect, right?
There is tons of weirdo competition. Viktor and Bert seriously don't get along and, despite what the producers of this show tried to make me believe, I feel that Viktor was a totally disrespectful asshole. Bryce and Fallene are team members and Bryce takes over, which, to me, is not a good thing. Also, Kimberly and Becky don't click. Neither do Josh and Julie. But, Bert and Viktor take the cake. They argue in front of Tim and he's, of course, all telling them to make it work. Fallene is, look away, SELF-TAUGHT and Bryce talks a ton of shit about her. Fine, she needs to know some stuff, but Bryce is no sort of genius.
Wait. Danielle and Cecilia don't get along either. Fallene totally falls apart. Like, she can't finish shit and she starts crying and she's clearly a lovely person who maybe doesn't belong on this show. She doesn't trust herself and it's a nightmare. She cuts some stuff off-grain and he deems the bodice that it affected not runway-worthy. So, he decides to make a tube-top instead. Hmm.
The runway show is a public affair that happens on the water in NYC. All of the judges are in black. Fallene cries about having made nothing for her look and Tim tries very hard to talk her down. OK, briefly, can we talk about how hot and stupid that one husband is on the Russian Dolls show that's happening? God help me if I have to write about it, but hubba. That's all. Heidi is seriously so incredibly gorgeous at this show. Awards. Someone needs them. But, shoot me in my face, Kim "Kill Me" Kardashian is the guest judge. New Low? We found it. Oh. No. Make all the excuses you want, but she's trash and WHY?
So, this is the dumbest runway show ever. Just not cool. To me, Becky and Kimberly were the first to not really suck. That's not true -- Viktor and Bert were not bad, but grrr. There's a lot of crap. I just don't like designs on stilts. Anya and Olivier are safe. Joshua and Julie, Bryce and Fallene and Bert and Viktor have the lowest scores. Laura wins the challenge! Anthony doesn't get immunity though. Weird. Laura was happy that AR was so gracious. Fallene and Viktor are the bottom 2. It's rough. Fallene is out. This sucks. I don't know if anyone is paying attention, but two of my top picks are out and only one of my bottom picks has ever been in the bottom 3. I hate everything.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: The designers encountered the "unconventional" challenge, where they were required to make looks from non-living items found in a pet store. Josh C. attempted to fly under the radar, but instead crashed into it and was eliminated. Bert made no friends by being a slacker during his week of immunity.
I'm still not digging Nina and Michael in the credits. It's ridiculous to even write but... it lacks dignity. It's morning at the Atlas building. Josh M. and Bryce are grooming and lamenting the departure of Josh C. Josh M. feels that he had so much more talent than Fallene, who apparently doesn't stop talking about being a hairdresser. He doesn't think she's much of a designer. That's not an entirely bitchy point to make.
Now, we see Becky and Fallene trying to wake up in their beds. Fallene says that she's nervous about the day's challenge and wonders if maybe she's too normal a person to be on this show. I mean, that's an interesting question, but I have a feeling she's talking about stuff that we haven't seen. In fact, though I feel like production has made attempts, I've never gotten a real sense of the apparently uniform rigors that the twenty-seven seasons of this show have endured. They all react in the same way, but I'm usually like, "You want to make clothes, right? That's what you're doing right now, isn't it? Suck on your binky." That said, all of these interviews must take place during the time that they're working, so they don't even probably get the actual allotted time to work on their designs. Or, they film them after the workday- meaning they get even less sleep than we think. And, the sleep deprivation has always seemed like the hardest part to me, but not something that would make me wonder if I was too normal. Incredible mysteries. Fallene says that her way of designing is a lot more artistic (read: non-technical) than what they have to do on the show. She's glad the judges gave her a second shot.
I really like Anthony's boots. He has two of them. He interviews that he's feeling good so far. After being in the top three for the first two challenges, he's looking to rock his first win. All buffed and medicated, the designers make their way to Parson's.
Heidi appears behind the scrim on the runway with what appears to be eight-foot long legs and I'm talking like actually eight feet. And, the silhouette suggests that she's wearing leg warmers big enough to smuggle Reese Witherspoon through Canadian customs. Bitch even waves to them from ABOVE the scrim. I bet this was part of one of her big swingin' Halloween parties. She finally enters the runway wearing stilts. Sadly, there are no leg warmers, simply flared pants. She asks how everything is going "down there" and Anthony's like, "Haven't we covered this?" Someone please stop me. She says that there is a reason she is dressed like that and Laura interviews that it appears that they are going to the circus. More like "ohmygodwe'regoingtothecircus." She's so not excited she couldn't enunciate. I feel her. Bryce is also not thrilled but it's more of a nerves thing.
Heidi says that she wants the designer to think "big," but imagination is unnecessary as they are greeted by a group of models on stilts. Viktor thinks that they are scary. They are giving me a Return to Oz flashback that is generally an unpleasant memory for me. Between my reactions to that movie and this weird Juice Newton video from the '80s where she was like slowly beaten to death by her boyfriend, my grandmother still tries to change the channel from the evening news when I come over. Heidi announces that they will be designing for the ladies on stage. The judges will expect them think outside of the box and make something imaginative and larger than life.
Heidi tells them that they will be working in teams of two and Cecilia is not happy about this. I'm expecting that the full force of what is obviously her evil core will be shown to us later. I like that they keep giving us these little chilling glimpses. Her adverse reaction to working with a teammate could easily have been translated to mean, "Oh well, I wasn't quite ready to feed yet, but...." Heidi chooses the teams from the button bag. The first button she chooses is Bert's. Then, she chooses Viktor's button. We're watching him when his name is called and he makes absolutely no secret that he's not at all happy. Cecilia, who is behind him, laughs and pats his shoulders and says, "Now you're dreaming." Whatever that means -- rude. OK, so from my talks with folks who watch the show, it is clear to me that Bert is not really an audience favorite at this point. Even some writers on this very site feel compelled to text things such as "Bert is lame!!" That doesn't necessarily have to be attributed to Joe R, but I guess I just did that, didn't I? We'll talk more about this as the recap continues, but I just want to point out that, aside from other designers being somehow offended that he didn't pull out all the stops for the pet store challenge (a response I find fascist and juvenile -- and juvenile fascists are no joke), Bert hasn't done shit. His only crime is that he's old and not sexy and whatever he did when he was on that decades long bender in D.C. So, FOR THE RECORD, and this is the record, this moment is the throwing of the first stone. To start a group project with this kind of attitude is beyond stupid and unproductive. And mean. Viktor tells us that he didn't want to be in a group with Bert. Really? Quite the poker face you're working with. Heidi tells him that he looks funny and he interprets that as a description of his reaction. She may have been talking about his haircut though. He says that his heart dropped. Why? Because working with the guy who worked under three of the biggest designers of the past fifty years as opposed to say a hairdresser or beauty queen is some sort of death sentence? Viktor interviews that Bert says the "wrong thing at the wrong time" and it annoys him. Ah. Well THAT makes it better. The mannequins are so deeply upset that they don't have arms right now. Bert interviews that he thinks that Viktor's response was childish and unprofessional and he doesn't appreciate it. Can't really argue with that. It just WAS childish and unprofessional.
, Heidi pulls out Anthony's name. He's sitting to Laura and the name Heidi pulls out is... Laura's. And, he looks around for her. She had to tap his arm to let him know she's beside him. He doesn't know her name, ya'll. Josh and his eyebrows (we've got to talk about them at some point, Gay Man's Eyebrow Manifesto is imminent) are matched with Julie. Now, I know that Josh doesn't want to work with Julie. She's weird and has not really proven herself yet (I love her), but Josh is not a fool. He smiles and makes a tiny crack about "Here we go" but it's fun. He interviews that he's nervous because of her performance in the last two challenges, however, he doesn't make her feel bad and he doesn't set up his team for strife. Go, Josh. Love the hair. We will discuss the brows.
Danielle and Cecilia are working together, which seems appropriate. Anya and Olivier are matched... BY HEAVEN. Seriously, best team possibility of the season. They should kill it, right? Anya interviews that she totally lucked out. Kimberly and Becky are matched. Kimberly interviews that she is not inspired by Becky's designs because they are very plain. Now, I don't hate Kimberly or anything yet, but she's really working the attitude. And, to date, I remember more of her quips than anything about her designs. She should try to switch those things. But, Caroline Herrera bless her for having a normal spelling of her name. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with "Kimberly," people? Cymberlie, Kymberleigh, etc. -- Namers of the world, stop. There's something a little matronly about Becky, but I believe she has some good ideas in her. That leaves Bryce and Fallene. Fallene says that she's about to shit her pants because, after her awful last challenge showing, she's being paired with someone who also had bad results. I think she's talking more about her team's radar position for the judges than any judgment of Bryce's abilities. Bryce agrees that he feels like there is a giant bulls-eye on his team.
Heidi announces that, for the very first time in Project Runway herstory, the fashion show will take place in front of the public and media. Heidi and the giants leave the runway. In the workroom, all of the groups start brainstorming. Anya and Olivier look so cool talking to each other. Josh is making a real effort to try to get inside of Julie's head. Viktor wants to make a Mae West outfit with pants. Bert points out that Mae West never wore pants. Viktor interviews that Bert is too defensive and needs to calm down. Bert's defensive? What it looks like to me is that someone just got their panties in a wad because they got schooled.
Tim comes into the workroom and asks everyone how they feel about the challenge. He thinks it's thrilling. It's totally not thrilling though. Tim says that this challenge reminds him of Paris couture and how a lot of it looks unreal. Laura is excited too. I don't get it. This seems dumb to me. Tim sends in the models before they head to Mood. Also, he tells them that the fashion show will be that day. The girls come in wearing their stilts. Laura and Anthony have a lot of questions for their model about comfort and safety and all that. They decide to go with a Grecian couture concept.
So, here's Viktor talking to his model. He says that he was thinking of a Victorian theme for their look. This would include boobs that have been pushed up and together, just like those uptight Victorians loved to do with their boobies in public. Bert tells Viktor that he means Elizabethan and not Victorian and Viktor's all whatever. He interviews that Bert is obnoxious and Bert reminds us all that Queen Victoria was in mourning for half a century and wasn't pushing her breasts out there for the world to see. I mean, sure, it sounds a little obnoxious, but he's supposed to be designing this thing too, right? If Viktor doesn't even know his own references, how are they going to arrive on the same page?
The models leave and we go to Mood for the first time this season. So, my roommate has to go there for work all of the time and she hates it! Did you ever think?! She says that they are pretty unaccommodating. At Mood, Josh is scandalized by Julie's choice to have big sleeves on their look. Bert and Viktor seem like they're trying to play nice, but it doesn't appear to be going well. Tim tells Anya and Olivier that they are a "dream team." Julie really crosses the line when she asks Josh if a certain fabric can be pleated. "Julie, anything in life can be pleated." Pants, check. Dollar bills, yes. Foreskin, natch. He's really losing his patience rather quickly, huh? I'm glad I learned that about pleating though. Cecilia? I, uh, think that she's disappointed that Danielle wants to use chiffon as their fabric. She vocalizes what chiffon is to her and it's not a word. "Haahhhhhhh." That's chiffon. I don't get it either, except that it's very light and this must disturb her? Fallene and Bryce are not agreeing on the color. Tim calls time and it's back to Parson's.
At the workroom, Bert and Viktor continue to have problems and, again, I'm placing the blame with Viktor. He's just perpetually frustrated with Bert and I don't see why, except that he's not cool. The only thing they agree on is the silhouette. Viktor says that Bert is like a small child, then he walks away without letting Bert reply. Viktor interviews that it's difficult to communicate with someone who is crazy. Seriously? That's lame.
In the sewing room, Viktor and Josh discuss the dust-up. Viktor finds Bert defensive. So, then he goes back to talk to him and it's tense. I think maybe the problem is that Viktor is not really that smart and Bert is a little rusty with the ol' social skills. And, since Bert is off of the social lubricants, this can only go one way.
Laura rightly states that the hard part of this challenge is trying to make the girl look chic. Anthony says that they are working on a hoop skirt reminiscent of an "Alabama plantation dress." Isn't he from Louisiana? Why does he need to bring Alabama into this? Anya and Olivier are still the dreamiest of teams. He says that the important skills in team challenges are listening and collaboration. Tears in my eyes. Josh seems to have some resentment for Julie lurking right under his bronzed surface. She's talking about an idea and he calls her out for poking him, then says she's a rough girl. He interviews that they could switch genders.
Now, I'm confused. Maybe Cecilia is happy with chiffon. At least, she says she's comfortable working with it. Kimberly is having trouble reading Becky. Fallene and Bryce are a big ball of nerves. Bryce won't allow much color in their design and Fallene really doesn't have the balls to press the issue. Josh talks a little bit of trash about Julie when she's out of the room. Anthony and Laura toss their idea for a hoop -- it was taking too much time. Bryce explains to us the importance of cutting fabrics along the grain, but apparently he does not share this information with Fallene. She's starting to unravel and Bryce does his best to be comforting.
Tim comes in for consultations and starts with Julie and Josh. He loves their pants, which Anthony describes as Beetlejuice-inspired. He seems concerned about the proportions of Cecilia and Danielle's look. Then, he comes to Bert and Viktor. They throw a blame game party and it gets real ugly. Tim reminds them that they have to make it work, but I don't know. Tim thinks that Anthony and Laura could have a "wow" moment if they pull off their design. He also seems secure with Kimberly and Becky's work. He tells Bryce and Fallene to be confident with their work. Anya senses that Tim doesn't like hers and Olivier's fabric selections.
Viktor and Bert try to put their differences aside and work together. Fallene is spending a lot of time working on the bodice of her design. Josh is a good worker. He's able to quickly show Julie more efficient ways to work.
Here come the models for a fitting. Anya and Olivier are not happy with the look of their design. So, Fallene cut the fabric for the bodice off-grain. She's a total mess and sobs and apologizes to Bryce for letting him down.
The morning, they are awake super early. Fallene tells everyone that she's feeling lost so far in the competition. Bryce decides to make a tube top for the design, to replace the bodice. Bert interviews that he feels Bryce is pushy and steamrolled over Fallene. Julie and Josh. They're interesting and I can't really figure out what's going on. If Josh is actually unhappy about something that is going on, he's not really letting it be known, but it's clear that he's not a huge fan of Julie's. I think she's awesome. Olivier's worried that their design might fall apart.
Tim comes in and tells the designers that the fashion show will be outdoors. Fallene is not happy with what Bryce made to replace her botched bodice. Olivier is so cute. His little face looks like honeydew melons. During make-up consultations, the hot daddy make-up dude seems to totally not be into Josh and his manic energy. The hair for Cecilia and Danielle's model is crazy big. Fallene is worried that she shouldn't have let Bryce take so much control.
The designers go to Battery Park for the show. We see the judges talking to the press. Fallene melts down backstage and Tim has to talk her down. The show begins and Heidi introduces the judges, including the awful Kim Kardashian. The show begins with Josh and Julie. They made and pant of white and black squiggly fabric topped by a red bolero jacket. It's dramatic. Julie thinks there's too much embellishment on the design. This is a stupid challenge. I just don't think giants are pretty. There's no real way for any of this to be pretty.
Bert and Viktor's look is . It's just a long dress with a boring bodice in couch fabric. Bryce and Fallene's look is . It's a tutu and pants and halter-top. Fallene is correct is describing it as amateur hour. Here's Becky and Kimberly. It's a one-shouldered jacket with slacks. Also, the model is wearing borrowed stilts and is walking super funny. Kimberly doesn't like the pointed collar that Becky created for the jacket because she feels like it is "too Star Track." Seminal, the Star Track is. Anya and Olivier's look is and it's fine. Interesting fabrics and a nice cut. Olivier wishes that they had worked more quickly. Cecilia and Danielle's look is nice, but the hair... Crazy. Anthony and Laura's design is very pretty and dramatic. They picked some lovely shades of red.
Back at Parson's, the designers are ready for judging. The winner of the challenge will have immunity, as Olivier has for winning last week's challenge. Both Anya and Oliver get passed through to week. Anthony/Laura, Becky/Kimberly and Cecilia/Danielle have the high scores. That means Josh/Julie, Fallene/Bryce and Bert/Viktor are in the bottom.
They start with the good stuff. They love Anthony and Laura and Anthony says that Laura should take the credit for the success (though he acts a little like he's a saint for bestowing her with the praise. Heidi likes Danielle and Cecilia's look. All of the judges hate the hair though. They love the pants for Becky and Kimberly's look. Nina doesn't love the pointed collar though.
Now, onto the losers. Michael hates the bodice for Bert and Viktor. He thinks it looks really old. Nina thinks it looks like a bad costume. They start blaming each other for the faults in the look. Wow, they really hate Fallene and Bryce's look. Half-assed is the general consensus. Michael does like the little headpiece that Fallene created, so that's good. Fallene says that she should go home if they were the bottom. Onto Josh and Julie. Everyone thinks it's a very bizarre look. Julie laughs along with the judges, but Josh is super serious. Julie says it was her idea and she accepts responsibility.
The judges confer and the designers all return to the stage. Anthony and Laura win -- and Laura has immunity! She hugs Anthony and they leave the stage. She says that winning is great, especially with such a gracious partner. Becky/Kimberly and Cecilia/Danielle are also in. Josh and Julie are in. Bert is in and he pats Viktor on the back before he leaves. Bryce is in. Fallene is... out. She starts crying and gets her kisses from Heidi. She interviews that she's happy to have tried this. She says that she hopes she inspires people to go with their hearts.
Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. Comments and shared love for the highly professional Ashley Tisdale can be forwarded to jeff.long75@gmail.com