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So, Ivy is alive. She needs to stop smoking and drinking so much Diet Coke. The challenge is to design a gown to complement a Philip Treacy hat. Treacy is on the show and seems like an awesome weirdo. Some designers are super-excited, while others are stumped. Everybody is uniform, though in their constant criticism of other designers. Casanova thinks that Other Michael makes boring shit. Kristin thinks his taste is off. Gretchen doesn't like Kristin's work and feels that April's work is too "student." And on and on and on.
Other Michael has a problem with his dress being crappy, so he starts over. Also, we learn that he has a son. April makes hot pants, and everyone acts as if she spit on a nun. Cute Michael wears possibly the most adorable work outfit of all time. He looks like a Dolce & Gabbana cobbler.
The show is perplexing. Mainly, the choices of top and bottom designers. Christopher is in the bottom, and I really don't understand. Also, Other Michael is in the top! Valerie and Cute Michael are also in the top. April and Kristin are in the bottom with Christopher. April cries backstage after the critique, and I want to hug her and make her some banana bread. And, Other Michael rips the win from Cute Michael! Everyone, EVERYONE is shocked. Me, too. And, Kristin goes home.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: The designers created designs from party supplies. Andy won the challenge! Sarah, with her so-much-better-in-the-design-stage outfit, got the boot. And, Ivy died.
God, ya'll, Mondo in the credits? It's like an alien is about to burst from his chest. He's as frightened as we are.
So, small exaggeration. Ivy was not technically dead, at least not after the studly paramedics pulled her out of the clutches of the Reaper. Or, are those just PA's? Valerie's worried that she's going to be out of the competition, but then seemed to realize that she should actually just say that she's worried about Ivy's health. She and Gretchen discuss how Ivy was run down and hadn't been taking care of herself. Gretchen, with typical condescending flair, says that it was more important to finish the dress than to take care of herself. Valerie adds that Ivy drinks a lot of Diet Coke and smokes a lot of cigarettes. Well, take it from someone who knows (my mother has a computer that she may one day learn how to use and find this), there is no way in HELL that she's going to stop doing either one of those things in the middle of a stressful experience like this show, so Gretchen can just go suck it with whatever judgments she's having right now. Just put a damn iron lung beside Ivy's work table and all will be fine, for a while.
Anyway, Ivy's not dead. She was just "dehydrated," which we now know officially means that someone has had too many cigarettes and Diet Cokes. We're ON to you, Mariah Carey. But, she's super-psyched to work on the challenge because she was inspired while she was in the hospital. I did not make up that last part.
At the runway, Heidi greets the designers. She reminds Andy that he has immunity. She says that she's very excited about this challenge and says that the models will explain why. Great, models explaining the feelings of other models. This should be absolutely riveting. Wait, the models are all wearing really far-out hats. They're explaining Heidi's feelings through FASHION. Brilliant. The hats are really very cool. Cute Michael, whose Bernadette-Peters-by-way-of-Wallace-Shawn-by-way-of-Nick-Nolte voice is becoming to me like some sort of woolen Onesie with a little teddy bear head that my face can peek out of (I love it that much), says that each hat is more beautiful and fantastic than the one before it.
If you've seen the shots of Sarah Jessica Parker at the premiere of the first Sex and the City movie, you're familiar with the designer's work. It's Philip Treacy, and Heidi introduces him. He comes onto the runway with a little bit of a David Lynch vibe. I like that in a milliner. Everybody goes on about how he's more of an artist than a designer, and while it's true that his stuff is really inspired, I don't see why that doesn't make him a designer. Along with the architecture, his hats are very calculated in terms of proportion. They may look crazy, but they're supposed to make you look good.
Heidi tells the designers that their challenge is to create a look inspired by a Philip Treacy hat. Excellent. Frankly, I think this is how it should be with his designs. Philip's advice is that the designer consider the overall silhouette of the person they are designing for. Most people stay with their original models. Peach doesn't really like her model, but her hat is great and the girl is a knockout, so she stays with her. Valerie's girl is wearing a mask and she feels weird about it, but she decides to be loyal to her girl, too. Eventually, Kristin, who is the last designer, is stuck with her model, who is wearing a hat shaped like a giant orchid. It's magnificent, but Kristin is worried about it.
At the workroom, Tim excitedly greets everyone. This is a big deal. Treacy's hats have been paired with some big-honking-deal designer gowns. They'll be in good company if they do it well. April's hat looks like an inverse whirlpool, with white and pink stripes. It reminds her of futuristic beachwear, so she wants to make some sort of modern resortwear. We haven't really spent that much time with April, but I think I like her. She's got a real matter-of-factness that isn't mean-spirited or passive-aggressive. Not to get all Chandler Bing here, but could there have BEEN more hyphens in that last sentence?
Andy, whose hat looks like a white plate with a black feather on it from the front, thinks that his hat would be worn by royalty. You can tell Andy LOVES that shit. Royal family stuff and the like. Valerie is inspired by David Bowie and Labyrinth. That's awesome. Other Michael wants to make a hoochie halter dress, and he thinks it will be awesome. Cute Michael wants to make something that looks like a warrior. Already love it. Kristin seems stumped. I smell failure. They go to Mood, and Mondo tells us that he thinks the fabrics have voices. He's hearing them right now. A'ight. Ivy says that, while in the hospital, she was inspired by the contrast of solid and mesh curtains together. So, she's gonna go with that. She says that the scene of the inspiration was "serendipitous" and there's something about the editing that makes me think we're supposed to laugh at her saying the word. I don't feel that way.
Back at the workroom, Casanova tells some of the designers that he's thinking of quitting, because he can't hear anymore criticisms of his taste. Ivy interviews that he's a little bit of a diva, which is to be expected from a "queen." OK, deep breaths, I'm sure she didn't really mean it to sound like that. Because. If she did. I will QUIT this recap right now.
Valerie freaks out because she forgot to buy a zipper. Cute Michael reassures her and tells her that she'll be fine. She interviews that Murphy, from the erstwhile Murphy's Law, is not a friend of hers. Ivy gives her a zipper. Kristin is freaking. She's making lots of excuses in her interviews: it's too literal, she's not literal. Blah. You know what you've got to make it do.
Valerie is having doubts about her work. Ivy feels confident, but she doesn't want to pass out. So, she eats a salad with some sort of red meat in it. Live Strong, Ivy. Kristin is saying now that she is, in fact, inspired by her hat. She used orchids at her wedding, and they happen to look like vaginas, so she is missing her husband. Thanks for that. Other Michael says that Kristin is a character, then we see Casanova slap her really hard on the ass. That's fun. A.J. interviews that he thinks she's crazy. You know, he's not as fun as I'd hoped.
So, it's Father's Day and Other Michael has a 6-year old son. Everybody wishes him a happy artificial holiday. Then, we see him ask Ivy if she likes what he's doing to his design and she replies, "If that's your style." Ouch. She interviews that he's an insecure designer and his design is a "hot mess." He has a seam that is really effed on his dress, and April quietly points it out, though he already knows it.
Tim enters and talks to Valerie. He thinks that maybe she doesn't need to use the zippers. She likes them as a design detail. April is making hot pants, which Valerie interviews that she doesn't feel should be on the runway or with a Philip Treacy hat. Why? That's such a limiting and boring thing to say! Tim, however, doesn't like the cut or the color. It reminds him of a diaper, which makes April laugh. She says that she would wear them... if her butt were small enough to fit in them. She's cute.
Cute Michael is so... well, it's in his name. His little work outfit is making me CRAZY. He's wearing these high-waisted pants with overalls over a tank top, plus a matching flat cap. And a chain and dark glasses. Love it. Copying it. Probably ruining it. Tim thinks that he's moving in the right direction, but cautions him to be both daring and safe. Have fun mixing those, you little nugget. OK, Tim criticizes the neckline of Kristin's garment and she agrees and just starts a-cuttin'. What? Gretchen, looking on, interviews that she doesn't like Kristin's work. A.J.'s using polka dots, but Tim thinks that they should line up. Peach says she's going to make a short skirt but doesn't want to "show the good china." Yes, she did.
Christopher is using a print that Tim loves. Loves it. Christopher interviews that he feels that he's been fairly "steady" in the competition without really taking off. Tim tells Casanova that his dress is tired. Casanova thinks that he has to do well, because he is not "a cat with seven lives." Hmm. Tim reminds him that he needs to think of what woman would wear his hat, and he replies that the hat is too editorial and no one would wear it. Jesus. How has the underside of that rock been? For living? Valerie says that with guidance and his great sewing skills, Casanova could go far. Tim tells Other Michael that he should be worried. He says that he needs to change his design. Before leaving, Tim tells everyone that the winner of the challenge will have immunity in the challenge.
Other Michael starts over. He's not feeling very confident. Gretchen says that April's work looks like "student work," which I find so fucking annoying. Didn't the Proenza Schouler boys get their start while still students? Close. Anyway, I hate her for that. Like you need some sort of secret pass to be legitimate.
Everybody scrambles and is done for the night (Cute Michael didn't even finish his skirt). Back at the apartments, everybody, girls and guys alike, talk trash about Casanova. Some of the dudes think that Cute Michael's piece looks like cardboard.
The day, they're all up and at 'em. Other Michael says that he's worried about April, because her pants look like a diaper. Back at the workroom, they scramble. The models enter, and hair and make-up begins. Mondo is having a mustache drawn onto his girl, which I think is pretty brilliant. The make-up artist says, "Have a seat over here, handsome!" to his model. Heh. Other Michael feels happy with his new dress, but Casanova says every girl in Puerto Rico has that dress in their closet. Kristin says that she's trying to convey romance with her design. Christopher mentions that everyone has mentioned liking his design.
Philip Treacy puts the hats on all of the models. "Why on earth have you got a mustache?" he asks Mondo's model. And, it's time to get this party started. Heidi greets the designers on the runway, while wearing a Philip Treacy creation herself. She introduces Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Philip.
The show begins with Other Michael. It's a pretty boring multi-layered party dress. It complements the hat, but it's still boring. Gretchen made pants and a flowy top. Kind of boring and a little too matchy. Kristin's look is a mess. A mess! She used black and magenta, which I sort of like. But it's in satin and just looks cheap as hell. She is happy with it, though. Cute Michael's look is , and it's pretty rad. The hat is sort of an upside-down fortune cookie and the neckline of his top, which is made with a brown pleated fabric, mimics the opening of the cookie. He matched it with a red skirt that has an interesting rumpled look. Michael is thrilled! Valerie's look is . It's a red dress with a white shrug. I think it's incredibly well-made, but not very exciting. A.J.'s polka dot dress is very cute and does a lot for the hat, actually. Andy made a Miami lady's suit. It's... OK. I don't know. There's something very "local seamstress" about it. Ivy's look is seriously gorgeous. A white skirt and lovely wrap top of beige (with some mesh on the back) that really makes the red hat pop. She says she's emotional seeing it come down the runway, but maybe she's just about to pass out again.
Here's April's look, and I quite like it from the front. It's a nice silhouette and looks modern and cute. From the back, though... It doesn't fit the booty so well. Christopher's look is , and I think it's really cool. It's a voluminous sort of waistcoat over gray tights. Love it. Peach's look is so tight. And, it's so boring. Her stuff is so far away from cool. This is something the redhead on Glee might wear. The one with the mental problems. Casanova's dress looks fine but is so Linda Evans. Mondo's girl comes out in polka dot pants and a short purple vest. It's kind of Prince, but I like the confidence he had in just putting it out there. Christopher says, "Good job. You're amazing. I don't know what planet you came from." If Mondo doesn't feel like he's made a friend now, he's not trying. People don't say stuff like that to you every day.
The show is over, and Heidi calls Kristin, both Michaels, Christopher, Valerie and April. The rest are free to pee. They leave and the models return. Backstage, everyone is saying how Christopher killed it. They think Other Michael is in the bottom. They also think that Valerie is in the bottom because her look and her mask have nothing to do with each other. The judges like Cute Michael's look. Nina thinks it's very dramatic and works really well with the hat. Michael thinks that Kristin's dress is no good. He hates the black satin. He says that there is no harmony to the dress. Nina thinks that she didn't have a plan. They think her dress is contradictory (soft/hard, not flowing/not architectural). Heidi thinks that Christopher's look is... sad. She's not a fan. Michael thinks all of the stuff he used fights the hat. Nina thinks it's over-designed. Huh? Philip thinks that Christopher tried to make the hat day wear, and he says that's wrong. Fine. These guys are stupid. That outfit is pretty fucking cool. And, Michael Kors just said the jacket fabric looked like drapes, and he REGULARLY makes menswear with the subtle shades of yellow reminiscent of yum-yum yellow on life preservers. He should talk.
They love Other Michael's dress. Michael thinks it's the picture of harmony. Philip thinks the use of iridescence was clever. Weird. Michael thinks that April's execution is too literal. Now, I'm no fan of the Neapolitan color scheme of her hot pants, but I don't think they're that bad. Nina thinks that she ran out of ideas. April says she didn't want to overpower the hat. They love Valerie's look. Heidi thinks it looks well-made. Michael thinks that it's unexpected. Nina finds the coyness of the mask is translated into the mask. Philip doesn't understand it. She says that she thought about evening wear but chose to make something more her.
Backstage, Other Michael gloats. Everyone seems shocked about the results. April gets choked up, because she felt confident that her look was her. Onstage, Michael says that Christopher's look was not fragile. Nina says it was dated and I really just think she's wrong. They were not fans of Kristin's look. Michael felt the design was incoherent and not joyous. They hated April's look, though Heidi at least likes that she made separates.
The designers return to the stage. Valerie is in. The Michaels are the top two. And the win goes to... Other Michael. Shut the fuck up. This season is quickly pissing me OFF. Other Michael cries like a bitch, but I'm just being mean. He goes backstage and no one really seems happy. Ivy interviews, "What the fuck?" Gretchen interviews that he's not a visionary. Cute Michael is in. Fuck that noise. Christopher is in. Backstage, Peach tells him that they all thought he was in the top. It's probably because they're all students that they were too stupid to know what was really good. It's down to April and Kristin. Back to the losers. Heidi tells Kristin that her work was disappointing and not happy. She tells April that her look confused the judges with her ill-fitting and too-literal outfit. Kristin is... out. April goes backstage and gets a huge hug from A.J. and Peach. Casanova gets in her face and says that, because they've been in the bottom twice, they "cannot." April mimics him, then calls him "Alejandro."
Kristin gets her kisses, then goes backstage. She interviews that she's happy to go back to the real world. She tells everyone that it was a pleasure meeting everyone and she thinks they're all talented. She gives Tim a big hug and kiss then leaves. She says that this was a great experience and she's still confident in her own abilities. Like we've heard before, this is only the beginning for her.
Back at the Atlas Building, everyone is talking shit about Other Michael's dress. Someone congratulates him and he says that it was surprising yet well-deserved. Oh, God.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see who we think will win!
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Jeff Long is a writer/actor in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com