Christopher acknowledges that much like Balloon Boy, he started strong and then deflated into a sad story done, perhaps, for the publicity. Now he is going to take charge and try not to scare the judges. And am I the only one who noticed the similarity between Balloon Boy's flying machine and Christopher's last dress?
Heidi drags the eight designers left on to the runway and gives them some veiled threats about no more immunity and a clue for the challenge. They are then escorted to meet fashion legend Bob Mackie a.k.a. the Sultan of Sequins. How does one get such a fabulous moniker? By working with Christina Aguilera. For their challenge, the designers must create an extravagant stage look. Bob warns them that this is NOT fashion and I whole-heartedly agree. I also really wish Chris March, the fabulously gay costume designer, was here because he would knock this out of the park. The designers need to wow (wow, I say!) Mr. Mackie and Christina and the judges. They have two days to design the look and goddammit they had better fire up their beadazzlers.
Nicolas is pretty confident that his theatre design background and ability to work a crystal will help him (also he has a shrine to Bob Mackie and offers up a daily sacrifice of J.Crew separates). But Nicolas isn't the only one who knows how to rock a sequin -- the designers all gravitate like birds and babies to the bright and shiny and feathery and zebra printy.
Christopher's concept is '80s punk prom, which sounds fabulous, right? Except it's Christopher and it won't be. Tim thinks it looks like a 1990 costume department ice-skating Halloween outfit. He wants more slut! More sexy slut! More hot sexxxxy slut! (Tim's words, not mine). Carol Hannah is a little worried because she doesn't do things over the top except her mascara. Logan is from Seattle and hasn't left grunge behind and so doesn't really follow Christina Aguilera, but hopes she is good with a little fur and a zebra print. Gordana is glad that she has immunity since she is already struggling. By day two she has chucked out her first outfit and started over. Shirin is crafting a chiffon concoction that reads more prom dress than Christina Aguilera. Or in Tim's words -“Guinevere meets Vampira”. Shirin's shortcomings buoy up Carol Hannah's spirits though, which is a silver lining adding to her confidence is Tim's love of the dress. Tim doesn't like Althea's dress, calls Gordana's dress "matronly," and thinks Nicolas is being lazy and re-packaging his sci-fi dress.
Irina continues to play the bitch in this dramedy and disses Shirin's dress (perhaps rightly) and tells her model that Carol Hannah is a really mediocre designer with no personality. Okay, maybe she's not "playing."
So Michael Kors is gone, but Nina Garcia is back! Bob Mackey and Christina Aguilera round out the Panel of Doom. Kudos to Heidi for wearing a short belted black dress, which is basically the anti-Mackey dress.
Runway time: Althea shows a long silver shiny long flowing dress with feather jacket. Which looks good and you could definitely see from the cheap seats. Logan offers a pretty lame silver and black shiny zebra print mini dress with a little cropped black fur vest and some cute little chains. Shirin's long black dress has not improved much from Tim's critique. Christopher obviously thinks his dress is a show piece. It's not. It's short and black and is a dress and then it is a jacket and silver shiny hot pants and black bustier sort of top. Nicolas has shortened his dress and there are beads on the top and lots of feathers on the bottom. Gordana's dress is long and white and looks like a wedding dress you could buy at Big Lots. Irina offers up a tame short n' shiny black dress with black coat. Carol Hannah steals the show with her long strapless black dress with interplaying matte and shine and discreet feathering. It's fabulous.
Judgment: Irina is the only one safe based on her score and leaves the runway. Then Heidi tells Gordana she should be grateful she has immunity because she probably would have been the one going home. Carol Hannah wins because her dress was far and away the best. Althea and Nicolas round out the top two. That leaves Logan, Christopher, and Shirin loitering in the basement. Shirin's "upscale witch dress" is ridiculed; Christopher's outfit is too Lady Marmalade, if that's possible; Christina thinks Logan's dress is fit for a cavewoman. In the end Logan is safe, Christopher is left to suffer, and Shirin goes home.
Christopher is on Project Runway for one reason and one reason only: to get out of his parents' finished basement. He also wants to make it to Fashion Week. He seems to think he is alone in this dream, and not merely a little salmon swimming upstream with seven other little salmon all equally desperate to survive that steep swim uphill through rocky waters with hungry bears, and dams (hydro-electric, even!) blocking their path as they fight with their last breath to survive and lay their eggs in the rocky waters of Bryant Park. Christopher is self-aware enough to realize that he started strong, but like a rock tied to a deflating balloon he has slowly sunk to the bottom. After last week's saggy tinfoil balloon dress (or as Michael Kors called it "a cinched up metallic Hefty bag"), he knows he has to stand up and go huge! But not too huge to scare the judges. Christopher, I am impressed. Last week you were delusional enough to think that your Jiffy Pop frock was going to win and this week you realize that you frightened the judges. Should I write a thank you not to Merck? Meanwhile Shirin is a dog. Downward facing, that is. After her near-victory last week she is feeling pretty good about herself. Wait... what's that sound? It's the bells tolling her death knell. Whatever, she deserves for so obviously flaunting the rules of good mojo. She didn't knock on wood or anything after saying that. Carol Hannah opines that she's never been in the bottom, so perhaps slow and steady will win the race. I suppose that would make her a tortoise to Christopher's hare.
Over at ye olde arte institute, the designers are arranged in front of the runway waiting for the precious moment when they get to ogle Heidi. Heidi marches onto the runway wearing an outfit obviously inspired by '80s punk. The pants are skintight, low riders in a reptilian-patterned bright red fabric with zippered pockets. She has paired it with a leather studded belt and a black blouse. The pants could have walked off of St. Mark's Place, but, frankly, Heidi could never pass as punk rock. She might be able to kick your ass, but I can't really see her in the center of a mosh pit or bumming a hand-rolled smoke off a guy with ear stretchers and a foot-high mohawk that he keeps erect with Elmer's glue and Dippity Do. Also? No punk wears a "blouse." Heidi gives the designers a hint about their challenge, but as per usual the clue is more perplexing than useful. Something about outshining and upstaging. She then kicks Nicolas in the head, throws a bottle at Althea, yells "Nevermind the Bollocks!" and crowd surfs off the stage.
Somewhere in Los Angeles, the answer to Heidi's clue resides. He is silver-haired and suited and standing to Tim. Nicolas describes him as "The Legend", which sounds a lot more like a kung fu film than this dapper old man. The only clue to his identity is the giant "Bob Mackie" sign hanging over his head. I think my grandma liked him. Oh wait, Tim just said that they are actually still at the fashion institute, so I guess the shot of the Los Angeles freeway system was just for grit. Tim introduces fashion legend Bob Mackie apparently better known as "The Sultan of Sequins," which sounds really hard to monogram on a hand towel. Some of The Sultan's outfits are displayed on mannequins behind him. Tim justifies his moniker by explaining that he has designed sequined outfits for Cher, Diana Ross, and Madonna. (And my grandma.) Tim explains the basics of the challenge: They are to design an extravagant stage look. Bob Mackie parses that out: This is not fashion, it is sequins. Also, when he says hi, the designers, shout back "Hi!" like a bunch of mismatched Mouseketeers. Tim fills in the details: They have two days to design a stage look in the Bob Mackie style for a multi-platinum, Grammy-winning artist who sets style trends and her own rules. Who are the lucky designers creating a look for? Drum roll please: Christina Aguilera!! (Is there anything more exclamatory than two exclamation points?) And to think I was going with k.d. lang. The designers start giggling madly and Nicolas might just die from glee exhaustion. Christopher looks absolutely stunned. His eyes are as wide as a velvet puppy's and his jaw is resting on his penny loafers. Tim gives everyone a few minutes to sketch and as the designers begin sketching their outfits, Nicolas is literally floating on a bubble of Bob. He hugs his notebook to his chest as he twirls around the stage like a lesser von Trapp.
At Mood the designers are in fabric frenzy. They are running amok over the Mood satellite store, snatching up ever bit of bejeweled, bedazzled, and befeathered googaw in the place. Carol Hannah is feeling the pressure, but is prepared to show the judges that she can push the boundaries. Judging by the feathers and sequins and shiny leather, she is most likely talking about the boundaries of good taste. Nicolas takes a moment to sneer at all the other lazy designers who don't know how to properly emulate Mackie-style and are sullying their looks with pre-sequined materials. Nicolas knows how Bob does it, because he, Nicolas the Magnificent, does it the same way. He can't believe Bob's precious vision has to be cluttered with these pre-made fabric posers. He's sequining from scratch, dammit! I know on Top Chef that the judges slice and dice (and fricassee) any and all who dare to serve them pre-made pasta, but do the judges on Project Runway care if it is the designers or some six-year old child in Sri Lanka who is sewing the sequins on the fabric? (On design grounds, not ethical ones, obvi.) But, really as long as the dress looks good, does it matter how the sequins got on the gown? I guess we'll find out soon.
Back at the workroom, amid the clamoring sequined hordes, Nicolas continues his designier-than-thou rant about he can create couture out of a handful of sequins, some ostrich feathers, and good old fashioned elbow grease. He is annoying me and I hope he loses. But he probably won't. Irina is already on a bitch rampage (bitchpage?) about how you can tell that some of the designers are confident in their designs and others are simply as lost as little deer who wandered into the parking lot of a gun show. Ominously the omniscient camera cuts to Shirin bemoaning her fabric choice as too "prom dress." Is the lighting in Mood so bad that she couldn't tell it was red satin? Meanwhile, Nicolas tries to psych Christopher out by pointing out that there are only four challenges left before the three finalists are chosen. Christopher looks panicked. And he should be because his design concept is '80s punk prom. Let's all say it together: Costume-y! He has even doodled adorable little skulls and cross bones for inspiration. He is planning on a beaded corset, too. Nothing says "Awesome" like beaded skulls. Wait, okay, the sarcasm is for everyone except Alexander McQueen and Damien Hirst. Unlike the confident Christopher, Carol Hannah is a little worried and luckily Irina is here to help rub it in by labeling her fabric choices as cheap and Halloweenie. As Carol Hannah stares at her myriad sequined fabrics, she admits that she doesn't know what she is doing yet. Despite the fact that just last episode she said she designed wedding dresses, she claims she doesn't do things so over the top and she's not sure where to go. You know the saying "those who can't, teach"? That runs through my mind when Carol Hannah wanders over to Logan's station and gives him some pointers on his outfit. He doesn't follow Christina Aguilera because he is from Seattle and only listens to Mudhoney and whoever is on the latest KEXP podcast and sometimes Alice in Chains just for some retro flava. He hopes Christina is the sort to wear zebra print and chains and fur. And while I don't follow Christina Aguilera because I too am from Seattle and I only listen to the latest KEXP podcasts (but never Mudhoney because they once gave me a really lousy tip on the stock market) but I am pretty sure Ms. Aguilera has never snubbed a zebra print. Everyone is getting a little silly and Logan pins Carol Hannah into a caveman fur coat and everyone is giggling except for Irina who has a school marm's glare and you can hear her tsk tsk tsking all the way over here. Nicolas the Magnificent is mumbling to himself about Bob Mackie and Christina Aguilera being on the same stage and how he hopes his head won't explode and how on Judgment Day he is planning on wearing industrial strength adult diapers in case they don't crown him the winner. He is also planning on bringing his lawyer in case they love him so much they want to adopt him.
Christopher is growing on me. He is giving everyone pep talks, including Gordana, who, despite the fact that she has immunity and should really just go take a nap, is in a panic. She already knows that this is not going to be her best work. She is struggling with her dress and also her mood. She is all kinds of blue today, but since they already did the blue challenge, she is in trouble. She has defective beads and ran out of her Thorazine. As more beads begin to litter the floor like sad little snowflakes, she crumples on Althea's worktable. Althea reminds her that she has immunity and to get off her desk and take her gloomy Gus act over to someone who cares. Okay, she didn't really, but her terse response definitely hinted that she didn't feel too bad for Miss Immunity. Hmm. Miss Immunity gives me a great idea for the CDC and NIAID to sell their vaccines to the public. A Miss Immunity pageant! Where all the women are fully inoculated and their swimsuits show off the band aids from their shots. Wouldn't that be a winner? Gordana wanders the floor of the workroom for a while and then goes to take a break in the lounge. At my office we have not one, but two, unofficial cry rooms. It's nice to know that public radio and reality television have something in common.
Luckily for Gordana, tomorrow is a brand new day. So when day breaks in Los Angeles, she has put on a happy face and decided to chuck her sad beadwork in the bin and start anew. I'm sure her psychotherapist would be proud of the symbolism of her do-over. Althea, who we very rarely hear from, pipes in that she has high expectations for this challenge. It's hard to take a designer's taste seriously when she is wearing light blue acid-washed jeans a white tank top and a cap-sleeved black athletic jacket accented with a neon green zipper. Now don't get me wrong, I think Althea is a top contender. She just dresses like a Texan tween. That said, she claims she is out to win it and wants to blow everyone away and I am sure she can. We finally get a look at Nicolas' dress and it is pretty much a dead ringer for his winning Ice Queen costume (which we all know would never have made the cut if Nina Garcia was judging that day). The dress is white and beaded and feathered, but he hasn't decided exactly what to do with the top yet. All he knows is that Christina likes to show off "the girls" and, dude, I realize you probably don't get called "dude" that often, but, dude, that's someone's mom. Quit talking about her lady bits or you'll have to pay into her kid's therapy fund. You know, there is something about the very slight alterations Nicolas has made to his dress that has taken it from "Ice Queen" to "Tonya Harding". It really looks like a Zamboni is going to follow his model down the runway. Shirin's dress on the other hand is looking very Ursula the Sea Witch complete with reams of black fabric accented by white twirls that descend from the hips to the bottom of the long dress. It's a stage dress, to be sure, but for Stevie Nicks, not Christina Aguilera. Carol Hannah is impressed by the sheer volume of fabric that Shirin is working with, but can't really come up with anything else to say about the dress so far.
It's Tim Time! He begins his tour de sneer with Christopher. Christopher has been crafting a two-part ensemble -- a sort of long jacket that looks like a short black dress that, much like Chippendale trousers or Janet Jackson's bra top, can be ripped off at a moment's notice to reveal what lies beneath. Which is another short black dress. Tim is disappointed. He thinks that if there is going to be a big reveal, the jacket should come off to show a super sexxxy slut. It is amazing how Tim can just say things like "super sexy slut" without blinking or blushing or even giggling a little. I can't even type "super sexy slut" without giggling to myself. Tim is obviously far more mature than I am, although he's the one saying "super sexy slut". Tim pushes Christopher to step out of the '90s costume shop and into the red light district. Christopher claims that he is under extra pressure because most of the other designers have dressed celebrities before, but hasn't. Obviously the others designers are mocking him and giving him swirlies for his celebrity shortcomings when they are back at the apartment. He needs this win. He has never been anywhere near celebrities. Yes, honey, that is what restraining orders are for.
Tim's stop is Althea. Who is making a black-feathered jacket with a silver sequined floor-length sheath. Tim looks concerned that she is focusing too much on "the reveal" and not enough on the dress itself. He leaves her to ogle Gordana's matronly white dress. It has some impressive ruching and a halter top (which is fashion's definition of matronly), but she has a lot to work out. As a designer, Gordana is embarrassed and admits to Tim that her head is not in the game. Tim does not abide excuses. He pimp slaps her and moves on to Nicolas. Uh oh, Tim thinks Nicolas's dress looks just like his Ice Queen costume. If he doesn't make the dress more memorable, the judges will see him as a one-hit wonder, a one-trick pony, and a one-note designer. Nicolas hopes Tim is wrong, but is Tim ever wrong? Only on shirt dresses. Carol Hannah has made a simple long strapless dress and added black feathers, sequins, and beads to make it interesting. Tim thinks it could have a major "wow factor" for the judges. Shirin is and Tim is not optimistic about her dress's chances. He thinks it is Guinevere meets Vampira. I'm not sure why Tim makes that sound like a bad thing. Just slap on Bella's Engagement ring (or, Rosalie's necklace if you don't want to be so, you know, common) and some heels and head to the nearest Twilight fan meet up and score some hot role-playing ass. Oh god, don't email me. I loved Twilight! I even watch The Vampire Diaries! And I totally plan on going to see New Moon, like, twelve times! Pinky swear! On a stack of first editions! On the soul of Renesmee! Tim can't find one single solitary nice thing to say about the dress, but only because he lacks imagination. Shirin is horror-struck, but Irina, who has absolutely no qualms about blatantly eavesdropping, just smirks. She tells the camera that she has no idea why Shirin is still there when far better designers (like Ra'mon!) have gone home already. She mentions how Shirin's clothes would fit in at the old bargain basement. Tim walks out reminding everyone that tomorrow will be someone's last day. That makes it sound like the loser will be executed like in The Running Man. Awesome twist, guys! I knew the move to Lifetime would bring some much-needed changes to the competition, but I didn't even dare to dream of this! Christopher explains that after Tornado Tim leaves the workroom everyone is silently trying to rebuild their looks and their self-esteem. Shirin is freaking out and Christopher agrees that she should be freaking out. Much like Dr. House diagnosing a patient, Shirin is stuck with a brainstorm mid-conversation with Christopher and runs back to her mannequin with black sequins in hand. The models are sent in, but instead of the usual gab, Garnier, and L'Oreal fest, they are on screen for literally one minute. Then they are ushered off and it is back to the designers simply staring at their dresses, which is getting just a tetch monotonous. Towards the end of the night Carol Hannah and Logan get giggly and friendlier than usual. It's cute, but Carol Hannah, he will just break your heart.
The morning the designers are back at work, sewing, stitching, and bitching. I know it's a two-day challenge and everything, but oh my GOD can we please have something on the screen other than people with a mouthful of pins staring at fabric? We haven't even had that many commercials, although I may be the only person to have a complaint about that. It's just all sewing all the time. Like if I wanted this much stitchery I'd go be an overlord at a sweatshop or join one of those sewing circles/terrorist societies that are so popular around women's colleges. While Shirin is nine kinds of nervous, Althea had fun with the challenge because she could really let loose on this one and get in touch with her inner drag queen. Her silvery sheath is glamorous though. Thank the good lord Tim is sending the models in. They have two hours to get them to hair and make up. Hopefully some of that time will be on camera. Nicolas thinks his outfit looks amazing, but he's nervous because all the other designers have full length gowns or big reveals and his looks like a sequined swan, but not in the cool Bjork kind of way, but more in the Swan Lake on Ice sort of way. Carol Hannah has added about two geese worth of feathers to her dress and it looks pretty amazing. Irina tells her model Celine that Carol Hannah is a mediocre designer with a bad personality to boot. Um, Irina? I hate to be the one to point this out to you, because you are a little scary, but some people would think "total bitch" is a bad personality to have, too. In one of the most hilarious interviews, Nicolas comes on and says, "Irina is a really good designer; her only problem is that she's a bitch." Yes, that pretty much sums it up. Christopher thinks you couldn't ask for more than a bustier and sparkle panties. I'm not even sure what to say about that. Tim announces that it is ten minutes until runway time. Carol Hannah is hot gluing feathers on to her frock, while Gordana is complaining that everything has gone wrong today. Tim calls time and everyone files to the runway, some looking grimmer than others.
Heidi steps onto the runway in a simple black dress which is the antithesis of Mackie-style and it is a welcome relief. Like, seriously, my eyes! Heidi introduces today's judges: Bob Mackey and, thank god!, Nina Garcia is back. She should slap some sense into those sequins. Heidi then pretends like there is a super secret surprise guest like Michael Kors is going to pop out of the back and we can actually have both judges in the same place at the same time. But no, it's just Christina Aguilera. This season has really suffered from the lack of consistent judging. How are the judges supposed to know how the designers are evolving if they only show up to collect their paychecks? Any way, Miss Marmalade has extremely straight white blonde hair and very, very severe bangs. She's wearing an adorable blue strapless dress with a black waistband. And she only comes up to Heidi's shoulder! Aw she's a little gnome! Precious! I bet she hangs out with that hot Travelocity guy -- all the celebrities know each other. Heidi boosts Christina into her seat and the runway show starts.
Althea begins the proceedings with a beautiful long silver dress with a halter top and trailing skirt. It's a little disco ball-ish, but the black feather jacket cuts the effect to a reasonable level. You could definitely see this dress from the cheap seats. Logan's dress is . We haven't really seen his outfit while it was being created, so it is a bit of a surprise to see a sea green sequin zebra striped one-shouldered minidress come down the runway. He has also made a tiny jacket (a jacketlet?) from black fur. The outfit is completed with black boots. It's not as ghastly as it sounds, but who knows who the judges will like this time. Seriously between Christina Aguilera who will fully admit that she and I have dramatically different taste in clothing (and men) and The Sultan of Sequins himself, I have no idea where these judges will be drawing the line between good taste and tacky. It's a very blurry line. A very sequined, feathered, blurry line. Shirin is . It is clear that the judges (and Irina) are not going to like this one. She hasn't improved it much from its Ursula the Sea Witch beginnings. It's still long and form-fitting black satin with vertical slits showing off silvery white ruffles, which give the bottom of the dress a lot of movement. Shirin admits it didn't turn out how she would have liked. But I bet the costume designer for The Little Mermaid would be thrilled to have it. Christopher starts giggling as soon as his outfit comes out. The first layer of his two-look ensemble is a black mini dress with a bubble skirt, a semi corseted top and cap sleeves. The model doesn't give the judges much time to look at the dress before ripping it off Chippendales style to reveal the much-anticipated (by Christopher) bustier and sparkle panties. The model is also wearing a garter belt lending the outfit a vaguely whorehouse feel. Bob Mackie looks a little disturbed. In comparison, Nicolas's dress looks fantastic. Not in comparison to the goth whorehouse look, Nicolas's dress still looks like an ice skating outfit. Granted a very well-made and pretty ice skating outfit. It also looks a lot like his Ice Queen costume. But her swears he can see Christina wearing it. He is hoping to be number one. Gordana's dress comes out and she voiceovers that it is not as bad as she thought it would be. Which is kind. It is long and white with a simple halter, beaded bodice, low back, and floor-length skirt. If you bought it for $99 at one of those bargain wedding dress shops, you would be thrilled. And then you would go home and remove the weird NIPPLE POINTS. I had to put that in bold, because I have rewound the tape three times and I can't tell whether it is an intentional outré design element or just an accident. It seriously looks like she is wearing small metallic pasties on the outside of her wedding dress. I am sure that is a look that somebody somewhere might go for but it would involve a lot of time on Craig's List to find that person. Irina has made a black jacket, which looks like a man's smoking jacket and a tuxedo jacket met in a bar and spent a night on a well-worn leather sofa together. The model takes off the jacket to reveal a very short dress black with low cut bodice, thin straps, and patterned beadwork that creates an interesting texture across the garment. It looks like what the women of Mad Men probably called a teddy. Really, it looks like expensive lingerie more than an outfit. But maybe that is Christina's thing. I don't know. down the runway is Carol Hannah. Her dress is gorgeous. It is a strapless floor-length column dress with a short train and amazing texture created by the interlaced feathers and sequins. It creates an almost mermaid like effect. Or, I guess a feathered mermaid like effect. I'm pretty sure there is an evolutionary link between mermaids and chickens, they just haven't found it yet.
Judgment Time: Irina is called out alone. I hope they are going to send her home for bad sportsmanship, but instead she is the only one who has qualified to move to the round. Gordana is . Heidi sternly tells her that it is extremely lucky that she had immunity this week otherwise she would be going home. I guess Christina doesn't like to accent her nipples. Instead of just nodding her head and slinking off stage, Gordana decides to tell the judges about her no good very bad day and her complete meltdown. Gordana, honey, they don't care. The judges nod politely until the giant hook comes out and yanks Gordana backstage. That leaves Logan, Christopher, Nicolas, Shirin, Carol Hannah, and Althea as the potential winners or the losers. The models come out. Carol Hannah starts the proceedings. She explains that this challenge was a stretch for her because she is not used to working with feathers and sequins, so she decided just to focus her attention on one glam look. Christina applauds her efforts with the ultimate compliment: she could see herself in it. Carol Hannah giggles appreciatively. Bob Mackie loves the interplay of shiny, matte, and feathered blacks. He thinks Heidi would look good in the dress. Oh Carol Hannah is totally going to win. If Heidi could wear it and Christina could see herself in it, everyone else should just walk off stage now. The judges turn to Shirin. Heidi asks if she is happy with the look and she admits she is not wild about it. She wanted to take on a lot to really go over the top, unfortunately she fell over the top and ended up on ugly. Heidi calls it an upscale witch costume. Nina claims to have liked the top half, which is nice with well-constructed straps creating an interesting pattern, but as Nina explains it is all lost when you get to the "Carmen Miranda moment" on the bottom. Nina is actually being kind. I guess she's been out of the game for awhile and we need to give her a chance to warm up. All eyes turn to Althea who explains that she wanted to create a dress that would make it absolutely clear who is the star. Bob Mackie thinks Althea's use of the backside of the sequined material to create a striped pattern on the dress was clever. Heidi thinks it makes the model's bum look good. Glad to know that Heidi is comfortable enough with her sexuality that she can ogle a girl's bum on national television. Christopher is and now that I can see the dress a little better I'm going with: Goth Judy Jetson, and not really in a good way. And, yes, there could be a good way, at least for the goth curious. It also has large buttons sewn on with big chunky stitches like the eyes on a character from The Nightmare Before Christmas, which could be cute, but are over-powered by The Ugly. Christopher tells the judges that he envisioned Christina doing a cover of a Cyndi Lauper song then taking off the jacket and moving into one of her own songs in the corset and sparkle panties. The judges ask the model to take off the outer dress. Heidi looks the outfit up and down and announces that she does not like the pants. Or the top. Christopher grimaces. Bob Mackie opines that Christopher really needed to have made a better corset and thinks that the outfit could work for a chorus girl behind the star, but not the star. Christina gives him an E for Effort! Because this is cheer camp, apparently. Christopher apologizes for his failures and begs for forgiveness. Heidi does not offer absolution, only purgatory. Nicolas's dress is well received. Heidi thinks it is very pretty and Christina agrees. Bob likes the dress, but wishes there was another element with it (he makes hand gestures suggesting he wants a Harrah's show girl head piece, but I just can't imagine what the judges would say if Nicolas actually sent some five foot tower of beads down the runway). Last up is Logan. He pretends he knows what he is talking about when he says that he wanted to create a look that Christina isn't wearing now and hasn't worn in the past, namely: Punk Rock Princess. The judges diss his three little chains as lacking the requisite drama and Christina thinks the look is a little caveman-ish. Up close I think the dress itself is actually pretty sweet (not sweet like Strawberry Shortcake, but sweet like awesome.). I could actually see Heidi wearing it. Nina applauds him for taking a chance, but wishes he had gone a little further. C'mon Nina, he lined it in hot pink! What more do you want from him? Sheesh.
The judges mull their options. Nicolas is first. Christina is a self-professed hip mover (suck it, Shakira) and is glad that his dress allowed for that. The judges agree it was a thoughtful outfit. They think Carol Hannah's dress was detailed and glamorous. Althea's dress was beautiful, well constructed and expertly tailored. Bob Mackie seems particularly struck by the look. As for the designers they don't like, they start with Shirin. Nina thinks the dress was unfortunate, particularly because Shirin is a good designer. Heidi makes a "smelled-a-fart" face and pronounces the dress "dowdy". Because there is nothing (NOTHING!) more distasteful than dowdy. Well, except maybe Christopher's outfit. The judges all wave their hands in front of their noses to get the smell of stale design out of their noses. They just can't believe that Christopher is so out of touch that he doesn't know that Christina already did that look and she did it better. Guys, Christopher lives in his parents' basement in Shakopee, Minn., so be nice! Not everyone has all access passes to the MTV VMAs, okay? And sometimes mom and dad cut the cable because they think it will inspire you to get a "real" job. As if reality television aspirations aren't a real job! Heidi gives the air one more wave and turns her attention to Logan's look. Heidi was happy that his dress was at least youthful, but Bob is displeased at the length. He wishes Logan had cut it all the way to "the crotch" and then put her in diamond panties. First off, "crotch" is pretty much my least favorite word in the entire English language. Second, ew! Seriously, if I'm in the front row of a concert I don't really want a crotch shot, even if it is sparkly. Thanks anyway! The judges have reached their decision.
Heidi reminds everyone of the rules: They are the best and the worst. One will be in, one will be auf'd. Althea is in. She walks her seven-foot frame off stage. Christina gets to announce the winner. And the winner is... Carol Hannah! Carol Hannah giggles happily and does a little happy hamster dance when she gets backstage. Christina thought the dress was interesting and dynamic and fit really well. She might even wear it some day. But, don't hold your breath for that one. Nicolas is in and excused from the runway. Logan is safe, too. Christopher and Shirin are the last on stage. Heidi tells Christopher that his look was an inexpensive copy of Christina's Lady Marmalade look and if he was going to do a reveal, he should have revealed something interesting and well made. He has tears in his eyes as he envisions his Star Wars sheets on his bed at home. Shirin lost herself in the challenge and created an unflattering and boring look. Heidi calls Shirin's name and after a few beats, Shirin is pronounced out. She gets kissed off, goes backstage and it looks like no one bothers to get up and hug her. Irina gives her a bored look. Shirin promises to carry on and sally forth and all that good stuff while Mr. Sparkle Panties lives to design another day.