Irina gloats over her victory in the Macy's challenge and everyone ignores hers because she is annoying. People also pretend to miss Louise, but who would miss all the weeping and rending of sackcloth? Well, besides the Lutherans.
Out on the runway, the designers flinch as Heidi announces yet another surprise. The runway is flooded with women in wedding dresses. But these are not nubile young brides-to-be, they are gay divorcees (or almost divorcees) and they want their wedding dresses turned into like athletic wear or something practical. As the winner, Irina gets to choose her model first. When she goes for a women who looks like she is wearing not so much a wedding dress as a wedding cake it becomes apparent that the designers are lusting for fabric and as much as they can get. From Epperson through Althea, the designers select their models based exclusively on square footage of dress. Finally, the last woman standing is left to Shirin and the lady is wearing a glorified doily minus the lace. Shirin is screwed and she makes sure the camera knows it. Adding insult to Shirin's injury, her divorcee is dying for a Cher costume and not in the easy chuck-some-fishnets-at-her-and-wrap-a-ribbon-around her-lady-bits "If I Could Turn Back Time"-way, but in a not ironic "Half Breed" way with maybe some peacock feathers for flair? Shirin quietly packs her bags.
Obviously this challenge hits close to home for Gordana (the house matron) who has been divorced and whose stress at being confronted with a mirror of her own failed relationship and the anxiety of being separated from her children has manifested itself as blackened hands. Like, really. And they don't even try to explain why her hands look like she mounted Everest without gloves.
During the rounds of his look-and-sneer, Tim is worried about Logan's pantsuit, but loves Gordana's mummy inspired mini-dress and gives poor Shirin some much-need moral support (and an even more needed Xanax). He sends in the models for a fitting and it is not that interesting. Especially because the divorcees don't give us the usual T and A show, which always livens up the hour, but now that I think about is probably a good thing in this situation. Not that the ladies weren't lovely; they just weren't models.
On the day of the challenge and half the women are excited, but Christopher's and Shirin's are not so sure. Shirin made a very simple white shift with black stitching, which is a far, far cry from Sacajawea-inspired peacock-accented wear. In other words, it is tasteful. Christopher's dress on the other hand brings to mind the harsh words of the judge's last week: disco shower curtain. Christopher, those weren't compliments!
At judgment ,Nina Garcia is still MIA, but Zanna has grown on me like a fashion-forward hangnail. The divorcees rock it down the runway. Nicholas, Althea, and Carol Hannah are passed on to the round despite the fact that Nicholas's vest and pantsuit are heinous. Gordana's dress is gorgeous and she gets the compliments she deserves. Christopher's "space bubble dress" is, well, a space bubble dress. Epperson is complimented for his impressive Oktoberfest impersonation. That is not a good thing. Shirin's dress is adored by all (except maybe her model). Logan also finds himself in the bottom with his pants and shirt combo. Irina's taupe lace dress rounds out the top three.
Gordana is named the winner. And she truly deserved the laurels. Her dress is gorgeous. She cheers backstage and Christopher, Logan, and Epperson are left on the runway. In a shocking twist, Christopher is safe. WTF? That dress was like a tinfoil conspiracy hat wrapped with floral tape. Logan and Epperson are left. Both are mocked for their Oktoberfest inspired looks, but Logan is far too cute to send home, so Epperson it is. So, a black man can be elected president, but cannot win Project Runway. I'm starting a petition to bring Ra'mon back!
There are only four boys left in the competition, which could mean that a woman may actually win this season of Project Runway, although it may be a pre-destined victory what with the show's move to Lifetime Television (Motto: er...I need more coffee before I can be clever. I'll come back to that later.) Suffice to say that Lifetime is just all about the ladies, you know? It's pink and they make Nora Roberts books into feature-length films and although I don't know anyone who reads Nora Roberts (in fact, according to my Facebook friends poll the number one favorite author among my friends is Michel Hollebecq, so apparently my friends are Hollebecq girls, which is exactly what Gwen Stefani was singing about) but anyway, my point is apparently some women really like Nora Roberts and unicorns and LeAnn "Adulteress" Rimes and also Project Runway and Lifetime paid good money to prove that point. So a girl totally has to win this season. My logic is impeccable, so don't even try to argue. Besides, Christopher is about to burn out and Nicholas is such a bitch he would count as a woman anyway. HOWEVER proving that the women are not impervious to the judges' dismissal, Carol Hannah bemoans the loss of Louise in the blue challenge last week. HOWEVER, Carol Hannah does this while applying mascara about two centimeters from the mirror doing the whole google eye mascara application thing and the cameraman (or woman!) decides to film the entire quasi-surgical procedure. Like, blink already, girl! For her efforts, Carol Hannah is awarded the standard line in any competitive reality show about how they've gotten to the point in the competition where really talented people are going home and it's hard to watch. Yawn! It's a competition, people have to go home so you can win! The shot is of a wet-headed Carol Hannah on the floor straddling a full-length mirror (she's fully-dressed so get all those '70s feminist know-your-body mirror party images out of your heads) and she is once again fetishistically applying mascara. She also appears to have her breakfast on the floor with her, like she knows she is going to be there a good long while and brought provisions. Maybe Carol Hannah should talk to her trusted medical professional about Latisse, because in her case, longer lashes might be medically necessary. At least in the sense of medical necessity as "time management aid" because OH MY GOD it's been like twenty minutes of mascara application. Gordana interrupts the make up application to mention that she wants to never miss out on anything, which is why she is here. No regrets, or however you say that in German. Irina sits in her chair smugly sipping her cuppa and arrogantly assuming all the girls hate her because she won two competitions in a row. And, while that may be true, I'm sure Irina has given the girls plenty of other reasons to hate her. Logan tries to explain Irina's logic. He thinks she has a sophisticated look that appeals to the judges and her confidence has been boosted and now she thinks she is better than everybody. Actually, Logan, I think Irina always thought she was better than all of you. In a moment of foreshadowing, Christopher reminds us that he can't be in the bottom three again or he will be forced to go back in his parents' basement in Shakopee, MN and then he will die surrounded by cats and muttering to his mannequins, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" Oh c'mon, you know it's true!
Heidi welcomes the designers with a surprise: New models! The designers don't cheer or thank her or anything for the surprise because they are ingrates. The new models come out and they are of assorted makes and models with one underlying similarity: they are all wearing wedding dresses. Logan confesses that he has been dreading a wedding challenge and that since all the models are so "out there" in their looks he has no idea what to expect. Logan, honey, these women are not "out there" in their looks. We can't all be as pretty as you! Heidi points out the obvious fact that all the women are in their wedding dresses. But, these women have already walked down the aisle and are now divorced. They want the designers to take their wedding dresses of sorrows and turn them into frocks for tomorrow! If you make it rhyme it sounds less depressing. Sort of. This challenge was probably designed specifically to appeal to Lifetime's demographic and that alone is sort of a bummer. The designers are bummed, too, but for a different reason. Nicholas has a clear "oh shit" look on his face as he eyes the mountain of acetate and taffeta and (shudder!) ruffles in front of him. Heidi introduces the models: Jessica has been divorced three months (Gordana blurts: "Congratulations!" to everyone's amusement), Charlie has been divorced three months, and on and on down the list of gay divorcees. As the challenge winner, Irina gets to pick her model first. She opts for a model with yards and yards of fabric billowing around her. Gordana explains that the more fabric you have the easier your job will be. And sure enough as Heidi draws the designers' names out of the bag, they each choose the model with the most yardage. But the models don't seem to realize it is an issue of square footage and cheer when they are chosen and those remaining on the stage seem to be reliving their rejection again and again until they are relieved of their last-in-gym-class misery and whisked off stage. The last two models remain and Althea chooses the one with the appliqué leaving Shirin with Charlie, an exuberant woman with a dress so simple it was seemingly designed to ruin Shirin's day. Shirin bitches to the camera about how the dress had nothing to offer her but heartache and misery. That's funny, I bet Charlie feels the same way.
The designers head back to their workspace to start sketching ideas and inspecting their materials. Irina realizes her layered lace frock is all acrylic and acetate, while Shirin's dress adds insult to injury by turning out to be made from polyester, which cannot be dyed. (This show is so educational!) Tim comes in to give them the one-two punch that the challenge winner will have immunity, but it's a one-day challenge. He sends in the models as the designers collapse in pre-stress stress. (You know, stress-derived from knowing that you're going to be stressed. I think longer lashes help cure it.) The divorcees all run to greet their designers. Adding to the textile challenge facing the designers, the divorcees are the clients and the outfits must meet their exacting standards (unlike their husbands!) Nicholas' feisty model insists on cruelty free fabrics, despite the fact that she is wearing a fake fur collar. And, yes, I'm aware that it is fake, but if you are so opposed to it, why wear a facsimile that keeps the style in fashion? Why not just wear something that doesn't even look like it came from an animal? It's like Orthodox Jews eating fakin' bacon. It's kosher, but it doesn't look right. Shirin is having a no good very bad day. Her dress has only two-yards of polyester to work with, and her model has some very big ideas. Like Cher big. She wants feathers and a Harrah's showgirl headdress and an attitude. Shirin grimly points out that she doesn't want to make a Cher costume because she doesn't want to get kicked off and she just doesn't want to and she also can't because she only has TWO YARDS OF FABRIC! Poor Shirin. I hope she wins the challenge.
Over at Mood, Tim tells the designers they can buy up to two yards of fabrics and anything else they need to make the outfit. Shirin throws her hands in the air at the mention of two yards of fabric and then runs around shrieking "Peacock!" until someone shoots her with a tranquilizer dart. I like Shirin, but I can see why the other designers want her to go. She really does talk a lot. A problem which is strangely not cured by social isolation. Maybe Latisse? Everyone grabs their Mood bags and heads back to the workspace. In the confessional, Carol Hannah tells the camera that she makes her living making wedding dresses, so having to tear one apart is like heresy and god will most likely smite her before the hour is up. That would make for awesome reality television. I bet a god-smite would totally go viral on the YouTube. She then straps on a dress and runs wild through the workroom like she was touched by the holy ghost. Everyone giggles except for Gordana. She stands like Sam the Eagle in the corner of the room, frowning at the antics of the young and flighty designers. She does not approve of their silliness. Especially because this challenge has hit home for her. She was once divorced and now she must relive the entire experience via the beautifully symbolic nature of this divorce challenge. Judging from what she is doing to the wedding dress (ripping, shredding, twisting, torturing), this process may end up being cathartic for her. She is dyeing her gown a graphite color, but no one appears to have offered her gloves and her skin has now taken on the hue of a no. 2 pencil. When she goes to call her children she ends up sobbing and hiding her face in her hands, but thankfully (or due to careful make up artistry by the experts from L'Oreal Paris) there is no grey handprint on her face. She sobs into the answering machine that she is really happy and having a great time and don't worry about her! I'm sure her kids will love that. And totally believe it. And not need years of therapy at all to recover from your sobbing and blatant delusions.
There are only ten hours left in the day and the designers are all pinning and ironing and stitching and thinking really hard. Especially Epperson who explains that he is planning on using as little of the original dress as possible, which pretty much seems, I don't know... WRONG. Did he not hear the challenge? Does he not notice that everyone else is struggling to make the most of the fabrics they have been given? I appreciate his desire to give the gay divorcee a shot at fashion redemption with his entirely new outfit, but, it also really misses the entire point. Oh Epperson, don't go home on a technical! Shirin is stuck. She is pinning trim, rolling her eyes and looks like given ten minutes she will be sending sackcloth and ashes down the runway. She has no ideas.
Eight hours until the end of day and everyone is going full tilt. Dr. Tim comes in to do his rounds. First stop? Christopher. First word? Worried. Christopher tries to put Tim's fears at ease. He swears that the simple and chic dyed-black shift dress currently on the dress form is going to be entirely hidden from view so no one will ever know that he even created something so sleek and sophisticated. Not when there's yards of a shiny, silvery, and sheer shower curtain lying around and some awesome floral lace that looks like wrought iron to cinch it all in. Seriously, Tim, no cause for alarm there. Tim brushes past the tacky mess and heads to Irina. She has died her fabric taupe and is aiming for a short kimono style dress, which doesn't look half bad. If Irina wins again, I think her head might get so big she will topple over. Ooh Project Runway bobble head dolls; who wants one? [There are Tim Gunn bobble heads, that are so adorable, but contestants with big heads would be far more apropos. - Angel] Epperson's outfit consists of a black and white dress with a jacket that Tim compares to a lab coat. Tim suavely tells Epperson he has a lot of decisions to make. Logan is on the agenda and Tim does not like what he sees on the table. Logan swears that his model only wants pants and he is just giving her what she wants. That's what nice boys do, Tim. Tim manages to refrain from throwing himself across the table and begging Logan to stop the insanity and make an adorable frock instead so he can stay on the show and everyone can ogle him. Gordana has taken out all of her aggression on her dress. The resulting shreds have been stitched back together into a mummy-ish mini dress. But in a good way. Like if Hilary Duff was going to a Halloween party dressed as a mummy, but still wanted everyone to know that despite her formative Disney years, she puts out faster than Jamie-Lynn Spears, she would wear this. It's the perfect slutty mummy dress. Tim thinks it is beautiful. He moves on to poor, poor Shirin who has managed to cut the dress short and stuffed two peacock feathers in the décolletage, but that's all she's been able to muster. She moans to Tim that her client wanted something shorter, strapless, with peacock feathers and a matching headdress. Her woes are the fodder of giggle fests for Nicholas and Christopher who have nice normal clients who don't use Cher as a fashion icon. Did I mention it was "Half-Breed" that was the intended inspiration? Not even classic attire like "If I Could Turn Back Time". Say what you want about Cher's outfit in that video, it got her point across to those 900 sailors. Shirin breaks down in tears forcing Tim to give her a rather avuncular pat on the back. He recommends that she take everything off, lay it out on the table, and just play with it. As Tim leaves, he offers the group at large a word of caution that is clearly intended for Epperson and Logan: he reminds them that the wedding dress is meant to be the core of the design. Epperson's palm meets his forehead and he starts to redesign his look. Logan just can't give up his pants and sallies forth. Tim sends in the models for a fitting. Obviously Shirin's model is not thrilled with the simple dress Shirin has made, which is about as far as one can get from "Half-Breed" as one get without using aluminum foil.
So I had to take a break from all this vaguely depressing challenge and just spent, like, an entire hour reliving my misspent youth on Facebook. Seriously: Portland, Oregon in the '90s? You have a friend request. I don't know exactly why I find this challenge depressing, but it really is. There is just something about all these women who have kept their wedding dresses while their marriages fell apart around them. One woman just filed the paperwork on her divorce, while others have been divorced for over a decade yet still have their wedding dresses tucked into their closets and only now feel empowered to shred them to pieces and start fresh. Remaking their lives through the tattered shreds of their wedding gowns. The symbolism is just too wrought for me. I mean I watch Project Runway to escape from life, not revel in the mid-life rebirth of the feminine mystique. Oh whatever. Look, ruffles!
It's the day of the runway show. At the apartments, the designers are getting ready for the day. Christopher stands firmly behind his dress, although he doesn't think his model "gets it". Oh please, what is there to "get" about that dress, except far, far away? Remember last week how the judges derided Christopher's teal tunic as a shower curtain disco ball? Well he took that to heart and has decided to design his entire line around the phrase. You know how gay people reclaimed the word "queer" and made it rhyme with "here" and use it in all their parades? That's what Christopher has done with disco shower curtain. The dress is heinous and displays such a shocking lack of taste that I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the judges to see it and for Michael Kors to gasp in horror and Heidi to raise her eyebrows so high that they meet her ponytail. I can only hope Nina Garcia will be judging today so she can throw her Latin blood into a full-bodied sneer. But Christopher stands behind his garment and I guess that's something.
In the workroom, some designers are making final adjustments to their dresses, while Shirin rushes to embellish her plain dress, Epperson claims he keeps "fluffing" his look (a thought I find... intriguing), and Logan despairs over his decision to make pants. Epperson's client loves the dress. Althea's and Carol Hannah's divorcees tear up at the sight of their new frocks. Christopher's model mutters "fat grandmother" while Christopher circles around her pinching the space blanket layer into peaks and valleys while leaving her waist to be defined by floral tape. He tells us that if he goes home for this garment at least he knows that it truly reflects his design taste. Oh lord. Christopher started out strong, didn't he? He had some nice looks during the first few rounds of the competition. What happened? Was it the pressure? Was it homesickness that made him want to dress his models to match his parents' plastic-wrapped couch? The model pretends it's cute. Meanwhile off-camera Nicholas has managed to create a totally nasty pantsuit for his model. It's brown and cream and appears to have been constructed entirely of doilies and tree bark. At least Nicholas has the self-awareness and taste to agree. He explains that it is the ugliest thing he has ever made, but it's what his client wanted. Logan is stitching and smiling and the model is all smiles because Logan is kneeling in front of her. And, really, if you are going to cast off the shackles of matrimony and really embrace your new single life, wouldn't Logan be a great place to start? I mean if he just wrapped himself around his model and sent that down the runway, what could the judges do but agree?
The divorcees are sent to the Garnier hair salon and the L'Oreal makeup studio. They have also been trained in the ways of the runway Benny Ninja-style by the models who needed something to do this episode. Nicholas's model Stephanie is a four-feet tall hoot and a half with a firecracker personality who is going to work that brown pantsuit like it doesn't look like a granny turd. Tim comes in to announce that it is runway time! Logan is frantically stitching and explains to the camera that he just got lost as a designer and he knows the outfit is a disaster. Irina agrees, but she's the bitch in this competition, so she has to.
Heidi comes out onto the runway in some high-waisted grey slacks, which I think have a control-top panel built in and a sheer grey lizard-print shirt. I am not a fan of the high-waisted pant, but at least it looks like she got dressed this week as opposed to the off-the-treadmill looks she was sporting last episode. She stands on the runway and disproves the notion that models aren't smart by doing math IN PUBLIC. It's a story problem, too: There are nine designers this week, today one will go home, and then there will only be eight. She didn't use her fingers or anything! She recaps the challenge and introduces the judges: top American designer Michael "Mall Emperor" Kors; editor of Marie "No Circulation" Claire magazine Zanna "Not Nina Garcia" Roberts; and founder and president of Jimmy Choo Tamara "Money Can't Buy You Eyebrows" Mellon.
Starting off the show is Irina's grey taupe dress, which looks better than I thought it would. It's a lace top with wide kimono-esque short sleeves, a wrap waistband that stops right at the knee. It's very classy, if a bit mother-of-the-bride, but she did a good job covering up the wedding dress lineage. is Shirin. We are well-acquainted with her dress. It's a white mini dress that Shirin has hand-stitched with black thread to give it a subtle pattern. It's has a black empire waist belt. It's cute, but not stunning. Her model kept asking her to make it shorter, but Shirin had the good sense to ignore that request along with the peacock feathers and Sacajawea and headdress. Logan's model struts confidently down the runway in her twill pants and over-worked sleeveless top. As she walks, Logan tells us that while he is glad the model is happy, he just wants to hide from this outfit. We haven't seen Carol Hannah's dress at all so it is a pleasant surprise when her model comes down the runway in a grey strapless mini dress built out of layers of tulle with a smart mini jacket over the top. It's a really nice look. Althea's dress was also created off camera. It is robin's egg blue with darker blue accents that show off her... er, womanly assets. It's flared at the bottom and has a playful scoop back. It's cute, but not a winner, although her model is practically skipping down the runway. is Nicholas. His model's grayish-green pants diminish the effect of the poop-brown shirt and doilie top. There is also no sign of the wedding dress origins of the outfit. You know that famous Will Farrell sketch where Christopher Walken is demanding "more cowbell"? That's how I feel about this look. More wedding dress! If she was wearing a white skirt it would be pretty cute. But instead this outfit is pretty lame, although Nicholas did a far better job tailoring the pants than Logan. Gordana's dress is a show-stopper. It is still sexy mummy, but she has finished it really well with interesting frayed edges and a really nice asymmetrical shape. Christopher's dress is and the differences between the two frocks are astonishing. Where Gordana had a chic, understated gown that fits her model beautifully, Christopher sends his model down the runway in a blousy bubble mini skirt that is not only age inappropriate, but also makes her look bad and the dress is hideous. Did I mention that the dress is ugly? Because it is really ugly. Epperson's dress is youthful with a full white skirt and graphic black and white corset-y thing. He also made a mini jacket thing, which is pretty useless since it looks exactly like the top of the dress and adds nothing except for interactivity. He explains that he tried, which doesn't bode particularly well for his prognosis.
It's judgment time and the votes are in. Heidi asks Carol Hannah, Althea, and Nicholas to step forward. Heidi congratulates them because their scores are high enough to qualify them for the round. This leaves Shirin, Epperson, Logan, Christopher, Gordana, and Irina on the stage. Shirin and Epperson are the only two I'm not sure about. I think Gordana's going to take it but I think Shirin's and Epperson's dresses are evenly matched in the looks category. Although Epperson's woe-is-me stream of justifications in the confessional make me think he is in the bottom. Heidi brings out the models. Gordana explains that she only used the lining of the wedding dress. Michael Kors loves that the dress is edgy and chic and also flattering. The divorcee looks smokin'. I bet the model's ex-husband is going to demand half that dress in the settlement. All the judges agree that the dress looks great. The divorcee is also thrilled that Gordana really listened to her. At that cautionary tale, the camera flits to Shirin who looks sheepish because as we are well aware: SHE DIDN'T LISTEN TO HER MODEL. Heidi congratulates Gordana on doing a good job "this time." Backhanded much? Heidi really is the designers' ultimate frenemy. She takes any opportunity to undermine their confidence. Gordana's smile fades.
Christopher is up . Heidi asks him to justify his existence. He explains that his model is an actress and he wanted to design something that she could wear to industry parties, something she could network in. He says it all so earnestly that I almost feel bad for laughing out loud. I mean, lord woman, DO NOT WEAR THIS TO AN INDUSTRY PARTY. Unless you want to get cast as someone's crazy cross-dressing granny who reads nothing but the Drudge Report and seed catalogues. Christopher proudly continues that he dyed and crumpled the organza to create this garment. He really does look proud and I know it's not couth to make fun of the mentally-challenged, but he is so delusional it is sad. The guest judge starts the critique but she is a guest and does not want to be too rude, so she tries to be kind by saying Christopher was "clever," but as the model is an actress, she doesn't think her career would benefit from a stint on the worst dressed list. Youch! The divorcee gives Christopher a look like, "Divorced and now this public humiliation? Men are so disappointing." Luckily there is a television network for like-minded women. Michael Kors steals my line and reiterates that she should not go to an industry party in this metallic Hefty bag. He goes on and on and Christopher manages not to cry, but instead purses his lips together and looks increasingly pissed as Kors continues his rant of horror. Zanna describes it as a "space bubble dress" and that is the end of that. Epperson is on the chopping block. He explains that at first he wanted to use as little of the original dress as possible and then realized his error. That is a fatal mistake, because Heidi is very sensitive about her accent and even a hint that someone did not understand something she uttered out of her very expensive lips is verboten (VERBOTEN!). Heidi glares at Epperson and states that she was VERY clear when she gave them the challenge. VERY CLEAR! She said to work with the dress! That meant work with the dress! She squints her eyes at Epperson, harrumphs and turns to his model and demands she explain what she wanted from the dress. The model shrinks at Heidi's overt hostility, gulps and explains that she wanted something flowy that was cinched at the waist, which is exactly what Epperson made for her. Heidi narrows her eyes again before coldly asking, "So you did not specifically ask for Oktoberfest?" It's like she's questioning a hostile witness in a murder trial. Epperson, you are accused of murdering fashion! And of questioning my English skills. You will be defenestered out of Bendel's windows! All the other judges jump on the pig pile: it looks like a pirate dress, it looks unflattering, but Heidi gets all the zingers. Seriously, the dress is not bad. And compared to Christopher's fashion FAIL, Epperson's dress is practically Pradalicious. Yes it's a little excessive in the corseting, but I could see that dress in any number of Macy's locations. Epperson looks grim as the judges turn their evil attentions on Shirin.
Yes, Shirin, you can try and hide under your Robin Hood hat, but the judges will eventually notice you standing there. She takes a big gulp and explains that her model wanted a Cher-like dress with a beaded feather headdress and she just couldn't do it. Heidi asks Charlie what she thinks and Charlie pulls an Angela's mom and shrugs that it's "safe", but then adds that it is beautiful, but it is very half-hearted. Shirin bites her lip, closes her eyes, and waits for the first shot. Miss Jimmy Choo loves the dress. At that Shirin opens one eye. Michael Kors pipes in that he thought it was great that Shirin completely ignored her model's requests and made a dress that she liked instead. Okay, judges, what gives? On numerous occasions you have chucked designers out of the competition for ignoring their clients' wishes. Now you say it's a great thing? What are aspiring contestants supposed to take away from that? Good grief. Heidi smiles on Logan as she derides his look as yet another Oktoberfest outfit. Despite the fact that Logan's model loves her outfit, the judges dismiss it as badly-constructed and costume-y. Miss Jimmy Choo calls it a tragedy, which is overstating things a bit. Finally it is Irina's turn under the judges' eyes. They love her dress and extol it as clever and flattering and "looking expensive". Heidi calls it "unbelievable." The designers are excused from the stage so the judges can have a moment of peace and quiet and just think for a minute.
Once the designers are gone the judges really critique the outfits. They like Shirin's dress and her determination not to give the client what she wants. They also thought Irina's model looked head-to-toe amazing. And playing up her undermining friend role, Heidi thinks it is great that Gordana didn't play it safe... for once. Maybe she's being extra harsh to Gordana so that there are no accusations of favoritism between the Germanic duo. As for whom the judges hate? Poor Epperson's misunderstanding of the challenge is derided over and over by Heidi. In Logan's look, the judges agree that a lot went wrong from the badly-cuffed trouser to the overly-ruffled top. In short, the look was a walking disaster. And Christopher's putative dress? Definitely a candidate for the worst-dressed list. I'm actually thinking it is a candidate for the Worst Dress of a Project Runway competition. I mean, really, can you think of a dress that was worse? The judges have their decision.
The results have been tabulated and the designers are called back to the runway. Heidi reminds them that someone will be the winner and someone will be out. Shirin is in. She thanks the judges and departs. Gordana is called out and five dramatic drumbeats later she is pronounced the winner! She smiles in excitement. Heidi returns the grin and explains that Gordana's dress was chic and edgy... for once. She leaves the runway with immunity. She is so excited. Irina gets a pat on the head and leaves the runway as well. The losers stand nervously on the stage. In a shocking upset, Christopher is told he is in. WHAT?! Did they not see that dress? Did they not just say it would fit in best on the worst dress list? Did they not just refrain from calling it a dress and instead calling it a cinched up Hefty bag? Are they not concerned that the disco shower curtain has become his design aesthetic? Or that his model hates the dress? That designer is safe and Epperson's billowy dress and Logan's "busy" vest are in the bottom? Since when does "busy" trump completely fucking heinous? Oy these judges are giving me agita.
Heidi reminds Logan that his outfit was poorly constructed, unflattering, and ill fitting and Epperson that he didn't understand the parameters of the challenge. After some tension-building drum beats Logan's name is called. He is safe. He hugs Epperson, thanks the judges and marches backstage to punch Christopher in the nads. Heidi points out the obvious: Epperson is out. For failure to transform. I am in shock. Christopher's dress was a travesty in silver and is it really better to transform something into a tin foil ball of ugly than to leave perhaps a touch too much white fabric? I say nay. And with that, the last minority candidate for the crown of winner of Project Runway heads upstairs to clean up his space. As he says his farewells, he tells the camera that he feels like he won. Will someone else break it to him that he didn't? I just don't have the heart.