The contestants are released from their cages and let free in the wilds of Rodeo Drive with the promise of working with a world-famous designer. They are all excited until they realize it is just stupid old Michael Kors. Tim pretends it is all huge and exciting, but doesn't manage it very well. Then Michael makes the designers all look at his vacation slide show and tasks them to design outfits around his amazing super awesome life that they will never have.
Each of the remaining seven contestants gets to choose a destination that is on Michael's usual star-studded itinerary in his "globetrotting and jet set travel." They have $150 and a day to make an outfit to wow the judges. Carol Hannah opts for Palm Beach, Nicolas takes Greece, Althea lands in St. Tropez, Gordana wants the bright lights of New York City, Irina takes Aspen, Christopher pretends he has heard of Santa Fe, and Logan gets stuck with Hollywood.
The designers set to work feverishly trying to figure out what people wear in destinations they have never been to. When Tim shows up more than one designer is struggling to get any outfit together. Gordana has almost nothing to show Tim. Christopher is creating a belted turquoise cliché and Tim has to beg him to strive for sophistication. Logan looks like he is designing for Urban Outfitters and Tim calls Nicolas's shirt "different." And while "different" is sometimes better, that was not what Tim meant.
Out on the runway, the actual judges actually show up. Nice of Michael Kors to take a break from his jet-setting to be with us. The guest judge (for no apparent reason) is model-actress-singer Milla Jovovich. The show starts and Logan is first with his Hollywood inspired look that could have been bought from H&M during his lunch break. Boring! And if boring the judges is a crime, Logan should be out. Althea's St. Tropez outfit consists of shiny gold short shorts and sheer with a white tank underneath. It's nice, if staid. Nicolas stops the show with his autumn mummy look that consists of tight grey pants and a tight-fitting toga top. Er… no. Carol Hannah's Palm Beach floor-length dress is nice and simple with a wacky pattern and a great fit. Christopher's Santa Fe sophisticated is all sorts of wrong with a beige skirt, turquoise top with a white t-shirt. Irina has managed a very chic look that could actually be worn in Aspen. Gordana has come back from the brink to create a sleek Park Avenue look with a simple silver dress and throw that is very urban chic. As to who is getting chucked from the bus, I say it is a toss up between Christopher and Nicolas.
Judgment time: Althea skates by once again and is safe. Everyone else stands and awaits their critique. Irina and Carol Hannah are in the top and so is Gordana. That leaves Nicolas joining perennial losers Logan and Christopher on the bottom. Carol Hannah is in and Irina's '80s fantasy is crowned the winner. Gordana is given a morale boost by Heidi and is safe until the round. Logan is scolded for being safe and boring and is sent off stage. Christopher and Nicolas anxiously wait and when Christopher is harshly dissed by Heidi you think it is going to be him to go, but no, it is Nicolas. Nicolas looks stunned, especially after last week's near win. Maybe he will take the time to go to Greece and see how many people are wearing pants and mummy tops.
And, Michael Kors? Shut. UP.
My how quickly the competition flies. Just last week Carol Hannah won her first challenge and little Shirin was finally rendered speechless when she was auf'd. Now the show is getting the "final stretch treatment" and all the remaining designers spend the introductory moments of the show discussing how this is, you know, the final stretch. What does the final stretch mean exactly? It means the challenged will explain: How there are only a few designers left, how it is a great honor to have gotten this far, how amazing they are as designers to have beaten out the rest of the pack, and how quiet it is now that Shirin is gone. Nicolas begins the proceedings by explaining that he has ironed his hair because he is into a beatnik revival minus the bongos and also if you iron your hair no one can mock your white man's afro. Okay, I don't know if Nicolas actually has a white man's afro, but I really enjoy thinking that he does. Really just freeze frame and squint your eyes and imagine the possibilities of eternally whining Nicolas rockin' a pick-worthy 'fro. Admit it: it's awesome. Anyway, Nicolas and his boring stringy straight hair are attempting to justify his overwhelming narcissism as all part of the competition. It's me me me, because he is here to win. Also, he once read a coffee mug that said nice guys lose, he believes it, and that settles it. Christopher reminds us that through some mystifying algorithm, "he is one of the top 7 designers in this competition." Despite his lack of fashion training or experience (or taste!) he is still here while nine other designers have gone home. Now a moment of silence for those nine designers who are no doubt watching this soliloquy and scratching their heads in confusion and starting to question their own skills and taste level. Nine designers who because of you, Christopher, by your continued presence on this show, are starting to doubt their own self worth. You, Christopher, your continued existence is causing their self esteem to falter, which will undoubtedly require years of therapy to undo. So, Christopher, don't at all be surprised if, say, Louise (just to choose a depressive's name out of a 50s style hat) shows up on your door in ten years time and begs you to make amends despite the fact that you cost her thousands of dollars of therapy and created potentially a lifelong dependence on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds simply by remaining on the show with your garbage bag and tinfoil creations that look like they belonged in the Glad Family of Products, while she was sent home despite intricate beading and detailed needlework. But don't feel too bad, Christopher, because these nine designers also look at you and the fact that you are still on the show despite your "disco shower curtain" and "cinched up Hefty bag" creations, these designers look at you as a ray of hope. Why? Because looking at you and your work, they know it was not them. It was the competition! A competition that is obviously rigged. Obviously! I mean how else to explain the Christopher? Yes, you, Christopher, you are the evidence to prove the auf'd designers' conspiracy theory of a shadow agenda for the show. It is not that they are lousy designers, because if being a shite designer were actually the reason that people went home, you, Christopher would have been sent home decades ago despite your endearing personality and homespun charm and creepy eyes that follow you everywhere. Nay, this is not a design competition, but a means of forwarding crappy design into homes across the nation and making sure the judges applaud that design no matter how heinous just to reinforce to Americans that no matter how ugly or off-putting or unwearable an item is, if it has a name brand of a major player, a Helmut, a Calvin, a Zac, or Behnaz or Ralph sewn into its tinseled Hefty bag label, it is fashion. And it is great. Phew, that was exhausting! Conspiracy theories are really tiring, especially when they are true.
The last seven designers lumber like dinosaurs before an Ice Age back to the fashion institute to hear the challenge. Heidi trots on stage in sky-high heels, a Mad Men-modest black dress and chandelier earrings. She looks very chic. She reminds the designers that there are only seven of them left and they are getting closer and closer to Bryant Park. She then tells them that for this week's challenge, Tim is carting them off to Rodeo Drive where they will work with a real life designer whose work is known around the world! They all try to guess who it is. Christopher guesses it is "Hot Topic", but the other challengers just roll their eyes and Althea kindly points out that "Hot Topic" is not actually a designer, but a mall store that sells Twilight inspired jewelry collections and is the place to go if you ever need a decal of Calvin peeing on something. Christopher reminds her that she doesn't know, it could be Hot Topic. Althea gives up as they pull up to the shop. And in a sign of just how small the production budget has gotten on this, who is the world-renowned designer they are working with for this challenge? It's just stupid old Michael Kors. Like the producers couldn't spring for a real designer to give the kids a whirl. Nope. It's not Yves St. Laurent or Tom Ford or Balenciaga. No, no, it's the khaki West Coast flagship of Michael Kors. Le sigh. Nicolas and his limp hair try to pretend that this is a very exciting opportunity to work closely with one of the judges and that designing in the camel-colored shade of Michael Kors is not going to be all kinds of annoying. Even Tim seems unimpressed. Michael Kors explains that he wants to see how the designers are inspired by some locations. He has vacation photos of his so-fabulous life and wants them to be inspired by his success, good fortune, white teeth, and world travels. It's okay to hate him a little bit. Seriously, Michael, didn't your mother ever teach you not to brag? And if you want to go on and on about how frickin' fabulous you are, just rent a skywriter like everybody else. Duh. As I ignore him gloating about his globe-trotting and jet set lifestyle, I have time to notice that he is wearing far too much bronzer in his attempt to re-create his St. Tropez tan. Speaking of St. Tropez, that is just one of the fabulous locations where he spends his awesome life. Kors then strings together a bunch of words, which I recognize, but do not seem to resemble any kind of challenge to the designers. All he wants is "inspiration" "wow" "fun" "fabulous" and "design". I mean why did they drag the designers all the way over to the Michael Kors flagship store? Was it just to show it off on national television in a feeble attempt at convincing viewers that Michael Kors is a relevant designer and not just a dresser of rich grandmas and Kim Cattrall? I know, same same, but different. But seriously, Mr. Kors, your efforts failed and you just look like a publicity hound. Rather, a bigger publicity hound. Now all I think of Michael Kors is that he really thinks he is fabulous. But I think I could have guessed that before. Kors then sends the designers back to their dungeons at FDIM with no idea as to what they are supposed to be doing and nary a goodie bag in sight. Dick.
Back at the fashion institute, Tim actually explains the so-called Michael Kors challenge. The core of the challenge is "inspiration" and the designers will each choose one of Michael's favorite vacation spots and base their design on what they think people wear there. Carol Hannah is nervous about today's challenge. You can tell because she has quadrupled her normally-considerable mascara and now she is so black around the eyes that when she bends over the photos of the locales to choose her inspiration, she looks like she might tip forward. She grabs Palm Beach, struggles to right herself, and then explains that although she has never been to Palm Beach, she is looking forward to the challenge. Nicolas is and despite the obvious hometown advantage, he passes on New York City, because it is too easy and instead opts to use Greece as his
inspiration. Althea quickly grabs St. Tropez; Gordana goes for New York. For some reason the photo the producers have chosen to embody New York City and inspire the designer is a really obtusely cropped shot of Central Park from high up in some building on what looks like 53rd street. I only recognized the view because my old office building is in the picture. Also, Chanel's U.S. headquarters are housed in the building. Maybe Michael was using a telephoto lens to try and catch a glimpse of Chanel's designs. Irina opts for Aspen because she is all about fur and outerwear. Maybe a PETA protester will douse her in red paint Carrie-style, which would certainly add some drama to the runway. Christopher picks Santa Fe, leaving Logan with Hollywood. Logan does a sarcastic victory fist pump that causes even Tim to crack a smile and makes me heart Logan even more even if he is just an average designer with kind of greasy hair. Tim sums up the bad news: First, the challenge is stupid. Second, they only have $150 at Mood. Third, it's a one-day challenge.Everyone settles down to sketch and pretend they have any freakin' idea what fashion-forward people in Santa Fe or Greece wear. Carol Hannah thinks of Palm Beach as a town that is simultaneously relaxed and put together. I can't remember if Palm Beach is in Florida or California but I am sure she is right, either way. Wait, Palm Springs is in California (I remember this wholly because of the reality television based at the Parker hotel in Palm Springs), so Palm Beach must be in Florida. Okay then. Althea knows that there are yachts in St. Tropez (she saw them in the picture she was given) but she also knows it is an old fishing town and she wants to reflect both of those in her designs. So...fish nets and a picture of Paris Hilton and the Shah of Dubai? Gordana is designing for the sophisticated independent woman who lives on Park Avenue in New York City. Does the Macy's accessory wall have either a tiny dog or a doorman, so she can really exemplify the style? Tim ushers everyone off to Mood with a rousing "C'mon it will be fun!" Nicolas mutters something about denim, which just sounds all sorts of wrong, but I've never been to Greece either, so what do I know? Logan is looking for anything that jumps out at him, which I can only assume will be a swarm of teenage girls. Gordana spends all her money on jewels while Irina complains that she can't put together a winter look on that budget. Glad to see she is getting in the snooty Aspen mindset!
Back at the work room, Logan is putting together a bohemian Hollywood look with super skinny jeans. Well, Hollywood is filled with tourists and wannabe starlets, so I guess that look could work. Irina is making a three-piece outfit with pants, cowl-neck sweater, and a vest with a hood. Nicolas is taking a risk by designing a look for a tomboy fantasy of a Greek. He is fully aware that they are either going to love it or tear it apart. Hey Nic, are you sure that is such a good idea at this point in the competition? Why not take a card from Althea's deck and create safe looks that get you through to the round? Carol Hannah is creating a dress out of a very busy print, but may not have quite enough fabric to finish the look. Irina takes a moment to complain about how all the other designers are, like, laughing and having fun in the workroom when they should be working. How dare they? Irina, it probably takes just as long to go bitch about everyone behind their backs as it does to, like, have fun. TMYK! Gordana knows from experience that people can crack under all the pressure, but she is going to stay strong (with the help of some Croatian homebrew she stashed in the lounge). Christopher adds that designing a look for Michael Kors based on his family vacation photos is nerve wracking and Nicolas agrees. He just wants everything to be perfect. Meaning, of course, it will not be perfect.
Time is passing. We know this due to the shot of traffic moving really quickly on the streets of Los Angeles. As anyone who has ever been to LA or watched Entourage knows, moving is not the normal state of affairs for Los Angeles cars. So obviously the producers set up time-lapse photography to show time lapsing. Which may not be a word, but who cares when there are clothes being sewn. I really wish I had an old Bravo episode of this show to see how much time was spent showing the designers sewing. Today we had six minutes of set up and shopping and it looks like the rest of the time will be spent watching designers stare mutely at mannequins. I swear there used to be more action and backtalk and less intense cutting. But I could be wrong. So Althea is obviously sewing. As are Carol Hannah, Irina, Nicolas, Gordana, and Logan. Christopher, however, is busy deluding himself. He claims that he has been at the top for most of the challenges. And yes, there were a few high points in his Project Runway tenure, but the low points were so very very low that they far out shine the earlier work. It's like a supernova of ugly to a dying star of good taste. As he stitches zebra stripes onto some tan leather, he explains that he just needs to remind the judge's of his sophistication. Er...good start there, Christopher. Gordana is making a grey dress with a simple silhouette. Rather, she is planning on making a simple dress, but she hasn't started it yet because she is hand-crafting a bejeweled necklace. It appears to be made out of tissue paper, glue, and rhinestones, but in, you know, a nice way. Tim has come in for his whirlwind design critique and is very concerned that Gordana will be showing nothing but a necklace. How very brave! And outré! And avant something. She would make New York City proud if she sent a model wearing nothing but a necklace down the runway. She would probably get a job offer at Harry Winston or something. By the way, the outfit that Gordana is wearing today looks like she should be at the Laundromat washing absolutely everything else she owns including the curtains, because there is no other acceptable excuse for wearing a brown crewneck long sleeved t-shirt under a green-ish paisley spaghetti strap dress. Okay, no other acceptable excuse except new motherhood and Gordana is several replacement estrogen therapies past that. Can one of you please remind her that she is on national television please? Good grief. Althea's making a pair of short shorts and a menswear-inspired tunic. She is taking her time with the sewing, but is happy with her progress because she thinks St. Tropez is all about looking expensive and exquisite tailoring. (I am pretty sure that is a euphemism for plastic surgery.) Apparently Christopher thinks Santa Fe is the Tex-Mex restaurant at the mall in Shakopee, Minn., because he is making a "flowy little dress" out of a baby blue top with enormous sleeves and a deep v-neck showing a white tank dress underneath and a sheer brown full skirt. When Tim expresses doubt about the originality of the look Christopher swears that his unique handmade leather belt with yellow diamonds (and pink hearts, green clovers, and I really want Lucky Charms) will totally bring the look together. Tim begs him to think "sophistication" and then Tim makes Christopher write down the word a hundred times. Good effort, Tim, but I don't think there is any hope. Irina takes a moment to remind everyone that she is a bitch and can't figure out why Christopher is still there. She thinks his outfit looks like something an Amish woman would wear, which is pretty harsh... to the Amish. I mean come on Irina, if someone is going all rumspringa are they really going for a light blue Sunday School dress?? No. So if you are going to diss anyone Irina, go for the Lutherans. Because that dress has Lutheran bridesmaid written all over it. Tim is mystified by the amount of fabric on Carol Hannah's dress form. She explains that she wants a long flowy dress with a lot of pattern and as soon as Tim stops rubbing his eyes from the after effects of Christopher's latest fashion travesty, he can't help but wonder if Carol Hannah has fallen und
er Christopher's spell because the dress looks like a fern-printed Snuggie and not in a good way. He is worried and tells her she has a lot to do. Tim tries to shake off the last encounter and turns to Nicolas for some relief. Instead he finds another fashion faux pas in the making. Nicolas claims that he is designing for a fashion forward woman, but Tim is biting his knuckle in order to prevent screaming, "The horror!" and wrinkles his forehead before muttering something about silhouettes and tailoring. He tries Logan, but to no avail. Logan has no wow factor and a lot of work to do. But I bet his white teeth and perfect skin will carry him through to the round. At long last Tim finds Irina. She has done a lot of work already and created some incredibly unattractive brown pants that look like they are done in one of those modern fabrics that you can just wipe the stain right off of. She also has a camel colored sweater with the biggest cowl neck I have ever seen. It's almost a parody of a cowl neck it is so big, like it should be walking down the runway of a Christopher Guest mockumentary of the fashion industry. She is also creating a fur vest and the mention of "fur" and "vest" in the same sentence sends Tim scurrying to the cry room.The models come pouring into the room and their visit is ill timed, because few of the designers have anything to put on them yet. Logan's jeans are too small for his fat ass model. (Kidding! But seriously Celine did you need that extra taco? Kidding. But think about it.) Gordana's necklace looks fabulous on her model, but there is no dress in sight. Irina takes some time out of her busy day to explain that all the other designers are far inferior to her and lack her drive to make clothes really well. Carol Hannah cuts in to explain that Irina is not here to make friends. Um, yeah, I am pretty sure we all noticed that. Nicolas explains that he has never worked with jersey before and he isn't liking the drape or the look of the fabric. Hmm. Guess you should have chosen something you were familiar with, then, eh? What, Mood was out of white material? WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID? All eyes then turn to Christopher's garment and Althea can't help but opine that if Christopher sends his dress down the runway and doesn't get sent home she will be surprised. Luckily Christopher is listening to the thoughts in Althea's head and realizes his dress screams Lutheran fellowship hall or as he says "Little House on the Prairie". He rethinks and then hacks twenty inches off the bottom of his dress. It's amazing how twenty inches can take a dress from Lutheran to just ugly.
It is midnight and the designers are dragged kicking and screaming from the workroom and returned to their apartments. They all (yes, including Irina, who is probably only mean behind the backs of her co-workers, which I'm sure makes it so much nicer) grab a glass of wine and try to un-whine. Nicolas loves all the other designers and doesn't want anyone to go home because he feels that they are all really great designers. He appears to include Christopher in that description, but he could just be trying to be nice. Althea has really let her hair down in this challenge (literally) and it kind of looks like a platinum Loretta Lynn mullet. It is pretty impressively voluptuous. Carol Hannah and Althea add to Nicolas's ode to contestants. They both think that they will miss whoever gets sent home despite the fact that they will be one step closer to Bryant Park. Although their platitudes are boring and clichéd and repeated on every single competitive reality show ever produced (yes, including, I Love Money) it is nice that the producers actually show us something besides simply sewing, because frankly there is a public television show for that. I think it is called "Simply Sewing."
The morning Gordana makes bacon while Carol Hannah once again vehemently applies mascara (although not as heavily as yesterday, so she must be feeling confident). Nicolas confesses that he had a freak-out last night and didn't get his top done the way he envisioned. He wonders what Michael will think of it. What Michael will think of the shirt you didn't finish the way you wanted in a material you've never used and you don't like? Hmm, I wonder what Michael will think? The challenged head back to the workroom and all work quietly in what Carol Hannah describes as "silent panic." The models come in and Tim urges the designers to use the Macy's accessory wall OR DIE. Christopher has no need for the wall of Macy's because he has made his own pseudo Santa Fe belt and it looks awesome (in his head!); in reality it looks like he cut up a zebra skin rug and put a clasp on it. Gordana likes her dress, Logan's jeans fit his model, and Carol Hannah is feverishly trying to hem the bottom of her dress. Nicolas has finished his look, but laughingly admits that he does not "see Greece in it" but claims someone in Greece could wear it. Yes, Nicolas, they could, but I'm pretty sure people in Greece only wear dresses made out of the skin of annoying tourists or pelts of the venerated loukoumades. Althea loves her look too. The models get Garniered and L'Orealed while the designers steam and sew and sigh. And then time is up and everyone is herded to the runway.
Heidi walks the runway in a black leather minidress that looks like it was made out of the upholstery from a Volkswagen Beetle and tan ankle boots. She looks good, if slightly automotive or like she is actually wearing an outcome from one of the Project Runway challenges. Well, not from this season. Is it weird to be sort of disappointed that they designers have only worked with actual fabric this season? I sort of miss the supermarket sweeps and the sight of ten scrawny hipsters tearing apart a car or diving through piles of recycling. I know there was that newspaper challenge, but newspaper is a far cry from shredding a Kia with their bare hands or tearing apart a restaurant's décor in order to create a garment. Are they trying to make it easier for the designers? Anyhoo. Heidi reminds everyone that there are seven designers remaining and after they each disappoint and bore the judges, one will be out. Michael Kors is judging his own competition. Nina Garcia has also bothered to show up. The special guest judge is Milla Jovovich who is an actress, L'Oreal spokesmodel, and apparently a CFDA nominated designer. I guess it is not terribly surprising that Jovovich-Hawk was nominated for a CFDA award. While simply to be nominated is an honor, it is a long way from actually winning. Not that slouchy Little House on the Prairie-inspired dresses couldn't win a CFDA award, Christopher. Stop crying. Milla smiles and waves at everyone like she is really really excited to be there. I appreciate the enthusiasm. Most guest judges simply give a half-hearted "what's up" head bob, like their publicist forgot to tell them whether they are supposed to be honored by their turn as a guest judge or whether they are supposed to be way too cool to be there. Logan sends Celine down the runway in white skinny jeans and a blue tight-fitting tank with slim suspenders and a black belted vest. It is well made and fits his model perfectly, but it looks like he ran over to Urban Outfitters and bought the entire outfit during a commercial break. It is very mainstream. But Hollywood does have a lot of tourists trying to look hip, so it actually might be spot on. Logan claims he is proud of his look. Pride comes before a fall, Logan. Althea's St. Tropez look is . She has crafted bronze short shorts that are definitely inspired by menswear with the detailed tailoring. I think they are leather, but it's a little hard to tell. She has paired the shorts with a white v-neck tank and a sheer blouse with three-quarter sleeves and a belt. It is a good look and I'm sure she will get through to the round, but it's not the most inspiring or original outfit. Also, the amount of bronzer on the model is truly impressive. Bravo, Garnier you made her look like a St. Tropez handbag. Nicolas is and Koji rocks his outfit as best she can, but it is so overwhelmingly lame that there is no way it can inspire her to greatness. Nicolas has made slim fitting grey slacks with, like, white piping around the pockets. And, yes, I said slacks. He has paired his slacks with a tight fitting white shirt with loose extra long sleeves, a v-neck, and so many layers of white jersey wrapped around her torso she looks like she could go trick-or-treating as a sexy mummy. Her hair is down with just the top held back in a barrette, like I used to do in middle school. All in all, it looks like Koji is dressed for an uncomfortable day at the office. A day she will spend tugging at her pants and wiggling in her shirt trying to make it comfortable. She will undoubtedly rush home to rip off the outfit the second she walks in the door and throw on jeans and a t-shirt, put her hair in a ponytail, and sigh with relief. Seriously the one adjective I would assign to this look is 'uncomfortable'. Nicolas voice-overs that you can't go through life without taking risks, which is true, but you could definitely go through life without those pants.
Compared to Nicolas's restrictive office attire, Carol Hannah's Palm Beach dress is a breath of cool ocean air. It is long and flows as her model walks. The pattern is not as overpowering as you would have thought. The dress reminds me of something Ulli would have made. It is simple and elegant, if more sheer than I would feel comfortable wearing what with my need for foundation garments and industrial-strength Spanx. Christopher is and while Mattar looks fine in the frock, it does not scream, "Santa Fe!" at all. It is good that Christopher lopped off twenty inches, but the dress is still so boring and looks really unfinished. The light blue material at the top is sheer, but the white tank underneath doesn't spice it up, but rather reduces it to junior high prom. The brown skirt is shorter, but if Christopher thinks his black and brown leather belt is elevating the whole design from Sunday School to sophisticate, he is sadly mistaken. He claims that he is extremely happy with his fabric and color choices and it is overall a very proud moment for him. While I am obviously pro positive thinking (my vision board is covered in pictures of Rob Lowe, white stallions, and Electrolux stacking washer-dryers), after his last three designs were all crumpled up and used as toilet paper by the judges, you would think Christopher would be a little less sure of himself. But no, he is extremely happy with all of his choices and
very proud of his dress. No hint at all of doubt. He must be further along in his Eckhart Tolle book than I am. Irina's model marches down the runway in her tight brown pants, over-sized cowl neck sweater and faux fur hooded vest. The model does a funny little head shake to knock off the hood and proceeds down the runway looking for all the world like an angry and entitled Aspenite. The pants don't look as flame resistant as they did on the mannequin and the sweater has an interesting cut-out in the back saving it from looking like an outright 80s knockoff. Overall the look is a vision in brown, not in a Mr. Hankey way. Well, a little like Mr. Hankey. Gordana's dress is . Her necklace looks great and true to what she intended the dress is a very simple grey sheath with a few curved lines sewn into it to save it from boring and is paired with a sheer grey wrap. It is overall a very smart and elegant look.Judgment time. All seven designers line up on the runway and Althea is called out. She skates through to the round, meaning everyone else is a winner or a loser. The models come out and Koji looks so uncomfortable in her Office FAIL attire that I just want her misery to be over quickly. She would probably be grateful to be sent home just so she could put on sweats. The judges start with Irina who explains that she wanted to create a sophisticated ski bunny look and that her pants were inspired by ski pants, which almost explains the water-resistant material. As the guest judge, Milla doesn't hold back. She thinks that Irina created a fantasy and she totally buys into it. Michael Kors thinks it is great, but she could have twisted the 80s thing a bit more, but overall she did a good job. I am glad that Kors mentioned how 80s the whole look is, because while the outfit is not boring, it is also not super original. In fact, none of the designers have done anything especially original or interesting this time around. Perhaps the fabulous life of Michael Kors just didn't inspire them to greatness. Did they not see his tan? Or notice his very white teeth? Do they not aspire to such things themselves? Dream big, designers! Dream big. Speaking of dreaming big, Christopher is in la la land as he tells the judges about taking his inspiration from the sand and sky landscape of Santa Fe. Michael Kors is completely underwhelmed and derides the look as cheap and costumey and uninspired. Milla plays nice and claims she loves the belt, but Heidi knocks that compliment out of Christopher's needy little hands by pointing out that the belt is the only interesting thing about the entire outfit. Christopher looks crestfallen as Heidi smashes his shiny new compliment to bits under her stiletto heels. Carol Hannah's Palm Beach look is universally applauded. Milla claims she would live in that dress as "at-home glamour". Nina and Heidi love the fabric and the details in the straps and belt. Michael Kors swears the wacky fern pattern is a Palm Beach pinstripe and everyone chortles appreciatively and Kors looks like a puppy who just got a Milk Bone because everyone laughed. Nicolas tries to defend his Grecian look by claiming he was envisioning an office worker who worked in, like, the Scranton of Greece, but aspired to work in the Cleveland of Greece. The judges don't get it. They don't understand why anyone would buy it, they don't understand why the pants are so ugly, and they don't understand why Nicolas is wasting their time with this ho-hum hum-drum hoo-haw. Nicolas can't answer any of those questions. Heidi turns to Gordana who was creating an outfit for a socialite going to a gallery opening. The judges appreciate the work she put into the dress and the necklace and think she really captured the essence of Park Avenue. Logan is under the judges' evil stares and he tries to explain how his Hollywood look was inspired by what he saw at H&M last week since that is where aspiring starlets actually shop. Logan name checks both Lindsey Lohan and Mary Kate (although I can't see MK in something so form fitting or revealing since whenever I see her milling about the West Village she is wearing four trench coats, two pairs of boots, three pairs of sunglasses, and a sarong and is always carrying four bags of cans to take to the redemption center for the refund.) Nina thinks he missed on some of the styling and is showing them "just clothes", but Heidi "doesn't mind it", which I think is what the professionals call a back-handed compliment. Up close, Logan's look is actually much more interesting than it appeared on the runway. The jeans have zippered ankles and pockets and the vest has some interesting straps holding it together. Milla wishes he had spray painted the jeans to really give them that Turk 182 edge. Kors calls the look "clothes, not fashion", which is probably really harsh in the fashion world, but just sounds silly to the rest of us.
The designers are sent off stage while the judges deliberate. They think Irina did a great job developing the fantasy, and Kors cites something called "the runway palette" and I have no idea what he is talking about, but Heidi rebuts it anyway by saying it was too camel-y overall. Gordana gets a lot of compliments for her dress, but her personality is derided. Milla thinks Gordana needs an injection of positivity and self-esteem and sunshine and rainbows and marshmallow dreams. The judges also like Carol Hannah's look as it really reflected Palm Beach. Nina thinks it needed a little more to make it a winner. As for the designers with the lower scores, well, they should obviously all just self-immolate or flagellate or defenestrate themselves for daring to bore the judges with their uninspired looks. Except for Logan. Logan can just give all the judges foot rubs. Christopher had a problem with proportions. Heidi called the dress unwearable, while Milla opted to describe it as "sad". Nicolas is derided for his fabric choices because Greece and grey menswear are simply not synonymous. Kors is convinced that Nicolas was inspired by the musical Grease instead of the country Greece, but I don't get the reference other than as a homonym so I am ignoring it and hoping Kors shuts up about it already. Logan's critique is lead by the mouthy guest judge. While Heidi doesn't mind the look, Milla won't hear it, because this is not "Project I Don't Mind It" this is Project Runway and Logan needs to step it up. People are doing bigger and better things than jeans and tanks and he needs to up his game if he wants to compete. Hey, Milla? Shut up. I realize you are a model and designer and are undoubtedly surrounded by nothing but the most attractive people, but us plebes over here like being able to look at Logan. Leave him on our televisions please! We will be here long after you and we want something to watch. The decision is made.
The designers file back onto the runway. Carol Hannah is in and leaves the runway. Irina is crowned the winner of the challenge for her ability to create a lux look on a low budget. She thanks the judges and is sent off stage where she reminds us that she has won three challenges now and that she is her own biggest competitor. Gordana is given a pat on the back, but also slapped down for her lack of confidence. I'm sure being told she has a bad personality on national television will really help with that self-esteem problem. She is dismissed. As Logan, Christopher and Nicolas pout on the runway, Heidi reminds them that they are all very talented, but they have to pump up the volume to compete. Logan is in and he leaves the runway as the top of the bottom three AGAIN. Heidi reminds Christopher and Nicolas that one of them will be out. Like they needed the reminder that the Axe of Auf is dangling over their heads. Heidi tells Nicolas that he didn't think about the challenge and that his outfit did not remind them of Greece. No, not even of an office park in Greece. Heidi points out to Christopher that he is in the bottom two, yet again. The look was wishy-washy and didn't give them a sen
se of place. Christopher is IN. You can see the Yee-ouch written all over Nicolas's face. I mean really going up against a four-time bottom denizen and LOSING has got to sting a bit. And do you remember way back at the beginning of the show that preppy guy who got kicked off because he was a three-time loser? I bet that guy is PISSED even though he was a lazy designer with a knack for displeasing the judges. Nicolas smiles bleakly and shrugs at Heidi who gets up to kiss him auf. Milla almost cries as she watches Nicolas's dreams go up in smoke and asks the judges how they stand it every week. They stand it BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO SOULS, Milla. They are the embodiment of RESIDENT EVIL and you should probably wipe them off the face of the earth. Nicolas goes back stage and chides people for crying (although it is only Christopher, who is just feeling sorry for himself anyway) and claims that he is going to be a sheepherder in Japan or something. Tim comes in to send him upstairs. Hey Nicolas, bet you wish you had designed an outfit for New York, huh?