Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sweet Disposition
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 01.31.2011
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Aria has been up all night -- dressed like if the Hamburglar joined Bananarama -- because that picture of the somebody chasing Alison from That Night was totally taken from Alison's bedroom. So they send Spencer to speak to funny-talking/hot brother Jason DiLaurentis, who gets the photo tested but later admits he could have taken it. He was fucked up that night because that whole year he was doing drugs with Ian, whom btw he and all the other drug guys knew was boning Alison, which is gross on all levels. Spencer figures out at some point during the episode that it's actually herself in the picture -- because of that time she murdered Alison for warning her about Melissa finding out about Ian in a way that seemed like a threat -- but then they see Jason skulking around in Maya/Alison's bedroom and they all scream!
Hanna's stuff this week is amazing. Turns out that old lady is coming back to the bank early, which means Ashley is shitting herself, so A sends Hanna this awesome Mother's Day card and drawn on the front a comic balloon coming out of the mommy's mouth that says, "I NEED MONEY!" which I think just might be the greatest A message of the entire show, it's so fucking beautiful. Well done.
So the deal is that Hanna's supposed to get Ella to figure out her daughter is sleeping with Fitz, by sending her to this out-of-town museum opening that Ezra and Aria are attending as a real-life couple. After Spencer accidentally compares Hanna's A-rrangement to the annexation of Poland, she realizes you shouldn't give into bullies -- for real -- but when she tries to warn Aria off, girlfriend just bushies her eyebrows and calls Hanna a hater some more. All of which gets fixed later; the important thing is that both Aria and Ezra look hotter than the fucking sun on their date.
Thanks to secret helping by Caleb the Cyberwolf, Ella's car breaks down, and she ends up hitching a ride with Estranged Byron and then boning him in the museum parking lot! YES! The cagey way Mom acts and lies about this to Aria the next day just confuses the issue for everybody, but the point is: A was defied. That should turn out well. Oh, and then further irony: Mrs. Potter drops dead minutes before her appointment, so the whole Hanna/Aria throwdown thing was even more of a useless farce than it seemed. Which is nice, because I don't like it when Hanna is sad.
Feeling bad about her memories of killing Alison in the yard that time, or at least yelling at her and being photographed in the yard that time, Spencer spends the episode running around being like twice as Spencery as usual: When Emily gets menaced and gay-bullied by her competition on the swim team, Paige McCullers who wears Selma Blair's old haircut and a shitload of cardigans, Spencer calls a PE coach tribunal that causes Emily to nearly take her head off. Oh, and then Paige tries to drown Emily and it's awesome.
Also, they follow up on the maker of those bracelets they always wear and stare at all the time, and it is Mrs. Garrett rocking some short white hair and support for Geri Jewell's sexuality. She says A bought the bracelets under Spencer's name, so it's a dead end, but then in the creepy tag we find her making tea for A, remarking on her "interesting eyes," and Renfielding around about how she told Spencer the lie she was supposed to. Oooo!
Next week: Running around, screaming, Spencer finally makes an ally of Toby.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Get ready to get creeped out! (Or weirdly and suddenly invested in this creepy relationship! Or both, like me!) Aria comes into Fitz's classroom -- there's one hesher in the back row taking a makeup test, but does she care? -- and unzips her sweater to flash her underage... Necktie? It's oddly sexual and sets up a whole necktie sex thing between them through the rest of the day, and it's weird, but anyway she slips him the museum ticket and he's excited about it, because he's been teaching The Great Gatsby for the last six years and needs something new to talk about.
Ashley's not even picking up the phone at this point, which is too bad for her because Hanna's having one of her days where everything she says is fucking amazing. Coach tells her she was missed in PE and Hanna grins brightly, "I missed you too!" She tries to give her detention for skipping a bunch of times -- you'd think non-Hefty Hanna would have stopped doing that? -- and this is Hanna's response: "Excuse me, but my ankle is still throbbing. I don't know if you heard, but I got hit by a car!"
I don't know if you heard, that's just so great. So Coach is like, "Yeah, kid. I heard. But then I also saw you do a six-hour dance marathon with Mad Lucas, so I'm guessing you're all better." Hanna tries to say that this was a case of adrenaline like when a mom lifts a tree or Hummer for her babies, and Coach is like, "So is that how they got the car off you? Call your Supermommy and tell her you're coming home late this week." Coach does not have time for your shit. For none of it does she have the time.
Cyberwolf appears and flirts with Hanna, maybe, but who knows with this show. Everything is code for everything else but I think maybe he's going to end up tempting her into... Something. Search engine optimization, or to hack the planet, or something. Second he's gone, the very greatest A thing of all time.
It's a Mother's Day card with some cheesy tampon art on the front of a mother and daughter, moseying through a field of flowers with purple mountain's majesty behind them, and A has drawn a cartoon voice bubble coming out of the lady that says I NEED MONEY!
I don't know, it's a fucking masterpiece. I literally can't stop laughing when I think about it. So inside the card is a third ticket to the opening and a task: "Show Aria's mom what her kid's been hiding." I was confused the first time around, because I thought it said "Tell" and not "Show," and so I thought Hanna was going rogue by doing it the way she does, but no: She does exactly what A told her to do.