Kennedy High. Nicole and Mary Cherry are standing at a Jostens table in the hallway, handing out yearbooks. Okay, this scene is funny, as is the rest of this episode, so I'm not going to complain too much about the fact that in real life, the Nicoles and Mary Cherrys of this world never do yearbook. The Sams and Carmens of this world do yearbook. If by some bizarre miracle Nicole and Mary Cherry are on the yearbook staff, they'd never end up being the poor fools who have to man the yearbook table at the end of the year and make sure everyone paid up. Take it from yours truly, who actually did man the yearbook table my freshman year, in the hopes of being given a position on year's editorial staff. I was given an inaccurate list, and a bunch of guys from the football team stole yearbooks from me while a handful of faculty members looked on and said nothing. And guess who was blamed for everyone not getting their yearbooks and subsequently not given a staff position? Not that I'm still bitter sixteen years later or anything.
Mary Cherry looks through one of the yearbooks (which features Nicole and Mary Cherry on the cover) and becomes tearfully sentimental about the end of her sophomore year and all the memories. Nicole is loving the fact that the school year is over, but adds that she doesn't like what happens to her favorite TV shows during May sweeps. "There's always a wedding or someone gets pregnant or somebody dies," says Nicole. "Or there's a terrifying natural disaster," says Mary Cherry. "Or an appearance by a cheesy boy band or exploitative nudie shots of pretty-boy asses." "Or how 'bout those horrific 'When Pets Attack' stunts?" asks Nicole. "Or those hideous gratuitous musical numbers?" While they list these sweeps stunts, each one is listed to a check mark on the screen, preparing us for the plot points ahead.
Lily approaches the table and demands her money back, complaining that there are no photos of anyone but the Glamazons. She must really be angry, because she calls Nicole and Mary Cherry "bitches." As she goes through the yearbook to prove her point, we see that she's right. There's a picture of Mary Cherry with the caption, "ass most likely to succeed," a picture of Nicole with her finger down her throat "purging for success," and a two-page spread devoted to Mary Cherry and Nicole tripping Carmen. I want a copy of this yearbook. I'm serious. Mary Cherry argues that there is a photo of Lily. She turns to the Animal Rights Club page, and there is a hideous picture of Lily wearing a Meat is Murder strappy tank. "Maybe you should skip Sophomore Skip day and go get that lazy eye fixed," says Nicole. Lily stomps off and the Blondes give each other high fives.
Carmen and Sam lean against a row of lockers and look at the yearbook. There isn't a single picture of Sam in the yearbook and Carmen wants to know why she's so happy. Hey, if Sam is editor of the school paper and does all that stuff for the TV station, why isn't she in the yearbook? The Sams of my high school, if they weren't editor of the yearbook to begin with, always had some pathetic yearbook photo editor in love with them and had more photos of themselves in the yearbook than any of the cheerleaders. "Just saying a silent praise to Yahweh," says Sam "Shiksa" McPherson, who would like to forget this year. "Life is about two things," she continues. "Endings and beginnings, births and deaths." Actually, Sam, that's four things, but I'll forgive you because your hair is looking surprisingly good throughout this episode. Carmen gets freaked that Sam is mentioning "births" and wants to know what's up with that. Sam gives that whole speech about last day of school, door opening, doors closing, accentuating the positive, blah blah blah. Carmen is still in her own private world, still obsessing over the "births" comment. Are we still supposed to be guessing who's pregnant this episode?
Bio's classroom. Harrison and Nicole write nasty things to each other in their yearbooks. Bio comes over and asks Harrison to sign her yearbook and wants to sign his. The class is restless. They all just want to get their biology grades so they can participate in Skip Day at Magic Mountain. Funny, at my high school when we had skip day, we skipped the entire day and waited to get our final grades in the mail! We didn't come in for a class or two and then skip the rest of the day, but then again, I didn't go to a glamorous Southern California public school like these kids. I hear they have different customs. Brooke, at Sam's insistence, raises her hand and asks Bio what their grades are. Bio tells them gruffly that Brooke got an A+ while everyone else got Ds. Okay, I seem to remember a plot line that involved Harrison, Josh, and Sugar Daddy getting As for the year in exchange for keeping quiet about the Veronica Pain video. I also remember Bio raising everyone's grade a point during Christmas, but hey: It's Popular. Who needs continuity when Popular's got more gay subtext than a gladiator movie? When the class protests that it's unfair to get such bad grades, Bio explains that this has been her most disobedient and unfocused class ever and she's decided to kick their asses. Harrison, while signing Bio's yearbook, notices that all their pictures have been razored out. He asks why this is. Bio explains that she took all their photos and faxed them to the head of security at Magic Mountain. If any of the kids show up at Magic Mountain, they'll be arrested for truancy. "So what, you fossil hag," says Nicole. "There's a hundred and fifty other restaurants and hangouts that we could skip off to." Bio explains that all of those places have been faxed photos as well. "In short," says Bio. "You skip school today, anywhere in this city and you will be arrested and accordingly, be held back a grade -- have a great summer!"