Kennedy High. Nicole and Mary Cherry are standing at a Jostens table in the hallway, handing out yearbooks. Okay, this scene is funny, as is the rest of this episode, so I'm not going to complain too much about the fact that in real life, the Nicoles and Mary Cherrys of this world never do yearbook. The Sams and Carmens of this world do yearbook. If by some bizarre miracle Nicole and Mary Cherry are on the yearbook staff, they'd never end up being the poor fools who have to man the yearbook table at the end of the year and make sure everyone paid up. Take it from yours truly, who actually did man the yearbook table my freshman year, in the hopes of being given a position on year's editorial staff. I was given an inaccurate list, and a bunch of guys from the football team stole yearbooks from me while a handful of faculty members looked on and said nothing. And guess who was blamed for everyone not getting their yearbooks and subsequently not given a staff position? Not that I'm still bitter sixteen years later or anything.
Mary Cherry looks through one of the yearbooks (which features Nicole and Mary Cherry on the cover) and becomes tearfully sentimental about the end of her sophomore year and all the memories. Nicole is loving the fact that the school year is over, but adds that she doesn't like what happens to her favorite TV shows during May sweeps. "There's always a wedding or someone gets pregnant or somebody dies," says Nicole. "Or there's a terrifying natural disaster," says Mary Cherry. "Or an appearance by a cheesy boy band or exploitative nudie shots of pretty-boy asses." "Or how 'bout those horrific 'When Pets Attack' stunts?" asks Nicole. "Or those hideous gratuitous musical numbers?" While they list these sweeps stunts, each one is listed to a check mark on the screen, preparing us for the plot points ahead.
Lily approaches the table and demands her money back, complaining that there are no photos of anyone but the Glamazons. She must really be angry, because she calls Nicole and Mary Cherry "bitches." As she goes through the yearbook to prove her point, we see that she's right. There's a picture of Mary Cherry with the caption, "ass most likely to succeed," a picture of Nicole with her finger down her throat "purging for success," and a two-page spread devoted to Mary Cherry and Nicole tripping Carmen. I want a copy of this yearbook. I'm serious. Mary Cherry argues that there is a photo of Lily. She turns to the Animal Rights Club page, and there is a hideous picture of Lily wearing a Meat is Murder strappy tank. "Maybe you should skip Sophomore Skip day and go get that lazy eye fixed," says Nicole. Lily stomps off and the Blondes give each other high fives.
Carmen and Sam lean against a row of lockers and look at the yearbook. There isn't a single picture of Sam in the yearbook and Carmen wants to know why she's so happy. Hey, if Sam is editor of the school paper and does all that stuff for the TV station, why isn't she in the yearbook? The Sams of my high school, if they weren't editor of the yearbook to begin with, always had some pathetic yearbook photo editor in love with them and had more photos of themselves in the yearbook than any of the cheerleaders. "Just saying a silent praise to Yahweh," says Sam "Shiksa" McPherson, who would like to forget this year. "Life is about two things," she continues. "Endings and beginnings, births and deaths." Actually, Sam, that's four things, but I'll forgive you because your hair is looking surprisingly good throughout this episode. Carmen gets freaked that Sam is mentioning "births" and wants to know what's up with that. Sam gives that whole speech about last day of school, door opening, doors closing, accentuating the positive, blah blah blah. Carmen is still in her own private world, still obsessing over the "births" comment. Are we still supposed to be guessing who's pregnant this episode?
Bio's classroom. Harrison and Nicole write nasty things to each other in their yearbooks. Bio comes over and asks Harrison to sign her yearbook and wants to sign his. The class is restless. They all just want to get their biology grades so they can participate in Skip Day at Magic Mountain. Funny, at my high school when we had skip day, we skipped the entire day and waited to get our final grades in the mail! We didn't come in for a class or two and then skip the rest of the day, but then again, I didn't go to a glamorous Southern California public school like these kids. I hear they have different customs. Brooke, at Sam's insistence, raises her hand and asks Bio what their grades are. Bio tells them gruffly that Brooke got an A+ while everyone else got Ds. Okay, I seem to remember a plot line that involved Harrison, Josh, and Sugar Daddy getting As for the year in exchange for keeping quiet about the Veronica Pain video. I also remember Bio raising everyone's grade a point during Christmas, but hey: It's Popular. Who needs continuity when Popular's got more gay subtext than a gladiator movie? When the class protests that it's unfair to get such bad grades, Bio explains that this has been her most disobedient and unfocused class ever and she's decided to kick their asses. Harrison, while signing Bio's yearbook, notices that all their pictures have been razored out. He asks why this is. Bio explains that she took all their photos and faxed them to the head of security at Magic Mountain. If any of the kids show up at Magic Mountain, they'll be arrested for truancy. "So what, you fossil hag," says Nicole. "There's a hundred and fifty other restaurants and hangouts that we could skip off to." Bio explains that all of those places have been faxed photos as well. "In short," says Bio. "You skip school today, anywhere in this city and you will be arrested and accordingly, be held back a grade -- have a great summer!"
"Someone ought to kill that Miss Glass," says Mary Cherry. "For once," says Lily, "I agree." Oh, just kiss already!
Harrison, clad only in a towel, is sitting in the locker room reading what Bio wrote in his yearbook. Sugar Daddy asks him why he looks so pale, and Harrison replies that he thinks Bio might want him. Sugar reads what Bio wrote: "Dear Harrison. The sight of you makes my thighs sweaty. I can't hold you back a year but year I can -- and will -- hold you in my tender and sexual embrace. Enjoy your summer, love Bio Glass." Bio enters the locker room, ostensibly to get her pen back from Harrison. "Is that what I see hiding under that filmy, sexy tea towel?" she says with a wink. She leaves, and Sugar Daddy proclaims that Harrison is a goner. Harrison sulks off, ashamed of himself but looking quite fine, I must admit, in that towel. Josh calls Sugar Daddy over from the showers. He tells him that he still loves Brooke and asks him for advice on how to get Brooke back. "Look at Bio Glass and Harrison," says Sugar. "They prove that courtship begins, not between the sheets, but between the pages of a yearbook." Sugar suggests that Josh write something inspired in Brooke's yearbook and he'll have her back like that. The boys give each other high fives and Josh's towel falls off, revealing his pixelated butt as one of the promised sweeps rating stunts.
The Novak. Brooke comforts Sam about Sophomore Skip Day being ruined by complimenting her on the menu she came up with for the rehearsal dinner that night. Sam grins like she's in a Slim Fast ad and makes a pact with Brooke that tonight's dinner will go off with no glitches whatsoever, preparing us, of course, for the ironic disaster that will befall said dinner. They leave the Novak, and Josh asks Brooke if he can sign her yearbook. She lets him, and he exits with it. Sam laughs at Kennedy's golden couple and tells Brooke that she and Josh "are one of those typical TV show couples who breaks up, gets back together, breaks up and gets back together one last time on the last show strictly for promotional sweeps purposes." "I know!" says a glowing Brooke.
Bio and Studly Vice Principal Calvin Krupps are in his office laughing over the fast one that Bio pulled on the kids. Meanwhile, the Blondes and the Browns sit in an otherwise empty cafeteria bemoaning the fact that they are the laughingstocks of the entire school. Bio pours Krupps a glass of Remy Martin and they do morning announcements, even though it's noon, because Krupps is in charge and loving his own power. In an homage to one of the final scenes of Grease, Bio plays introductory chimes, Studly Vice Principal Calvin Krupps delivers an inspirational end-of the year announcement, and Pomp and Circumstance plays in the background. "Oh what a year it has been," says Calvin. "We sat by and watched as two of our girls from different walks of life put their petty differences aside and learned, at last, to be sisters." Reaction shot of Nicole and Brooke looking pleased with themselves. "Their journey was so drawn out and laborious that many of us wondered, 'Hey, what about my story? When am I getting some screen time?'" Reaction shot of Lily nodding to herself. "As we move on, the beginnings that await us will hopefully be exciting. Maybe someone of us will dabble with bisexuality like our gay parents have." Reaction shot of Harrison considering that very move. "Maybe one of us will learn it's what's inside that matters, and maybe over the summer, that person will date and cherish Exquisite Woo." Sugar Daddy gets a high five from Josh. "Maybe one of us will get back with our golden-girl girlfriend despite dark flirtatious thoughts of quitting school and becoming a porn star." Josh gulps. "And maybe one of us will grow up to be a Hustler centerfold . . ." Nicole beams. ". . . or an ax murderer . . ." Mary Cherry looks disappointed. "Needless to say, kids, the future is yours. Think of this last day of school as a fresh start. Just whatever you do, don't bring a bastard child into this world." Carmen spits juice all over the table. Krupps signs off, reminding everyone to pray for May Tuna, who developed a faulty heart valve from an infection brought on by dirt eating, and who now awaits a heart transplant.
In a "Gratuitous Lip-Synched Musical Number," Lily calls the Browns and the Blondes together to get revenge on Bio Glass. "Skip day is ruined/The Knives are out!" Mary Cherry joins in, lip synching what sounds an awful lot like Miss Ross's voice, "Bobbi Glass is a skank, who deserves a prank." The Browns and the Blondes dance their agreement in the background. Whoever wrote the music for this scene is frighteningly familiar with the Andrew Lloyd Webber-Tim Rice rock operas of the seventies and eighties. Gee, dya think that there are any gay people on the writing staff of Popular?
In the Novak, Brooke combs her hair and sings a ballad about not wanting to ruin tomorrow's wedding with a prank that will get out of hand. "I agree with fair Brookie," sings Sam, not wanting to do anything that might get her blamed for ruining the wedding. "People already think/I'm a psycho untamed!"
Over on the settee, Nicole, Carmen, MC, and Lily convince Brooke and Sam to join them in a harmless prank. Carmen's singing voice sounds like Madonna's. "There's no need for alarm/We'll cause no real harm," sings Lily. "We'll give her a case of diarrhea!" sings Mary Cherry, holding up a test tube filled with E. Coli bacteria that she carries around in her purse just in case she "needs to lose the odd fifty pounds."
Ticker tape falls from the heavens and the Brown and the Blondes march united down the hallway, waving flags and singing, "An eye for an eyeball/A prank for a skank named Miss Glass!" They pass Bio's office, where Bio sings a solo about her own frustrations at having to teach privileged kids with clear skin while she barely makes minimum wage. "But I've got dreams and I'm ruthless/My vengeance isn't toothless/They all get Ds/And no Sophomore Skip Day!"
"An eye for an eyeball/Miss Glass will rue the day" sing the kids in a Busby Berkeley-style circular patter. "Then again, I got an A," sings Brooke back in the Novak, hesitating in joining in on the prank. Sam backs her up, and the two of them dance among animated doves. "Don't give up," sings Nicole. "We need to be united." "Please help me from being Bobbi Glass's defenseless sexual plaything," sings Harrison, channeling Murray Head from Chess. Sam and Brooke are in, and the gang cements their unity by singing the grand finale of this mini-rock opera: another verse of "An eye for an eyeball," complete with berets, flags, and tickertape.
Bio grades final exams in her classroom. The gang enters. Harrison tries to tempt her with a banana smoothie laced with the E. Coli virus -- and, apparently, a great deal of dry ice. "What do you kids take me for?" asks Bobbi Glass. "A sucker?" The gang fails to make eye-contact with her, looking around furtively. Bio recounts years past, in which other resentful classes gave her shakes crawling with the Ebola virus. "I knew you were coming," she says. "That's why I took the liberty of changing, in advance, your grades -- to solid F's!" This means that the gang will have to repeat sophomore year and have Bio again for Biology. Mary Cherry offers everyone cyanide. "Nothing can stop or kill me," says Bio. "After the nuclear apocalypse, I'll be the only one left standing besides the cockroaches and Cher." With that, she loses consciousness and falls to the ground.
Meanwhile, Josh is still in the shower trying to think of something meaningful to write in Brooke's yearbook. While he labors over his words, captioning comes on at the bottom of the screen, urging viewers to vote on who is going to die. Amazing stuff when you consider that he was just in Bio's classroom trying to feed her the poisoned shake.
Back at the scene of the crime, the students try in vain to revive Bio. They throw water at her, Mary Cherry pulls some ER paddles out of her purse and uses them, and Nicole even tries giving her an emergency tracheotomy with a pen, prompting my favorite exchange of this episode: "What are you doing, you psycho?" screams Sam. "Giving her an emergency tracheotomy," says Nicole. "Duh?" Finally, the gang draws straws to see who has to give Bio mouth-to-mouth. Harrison loses, and upon unsuccessfully trying to revive her, he pronounces her dead. Everyone is confused because Bio didn't even drink the shake, and even if she had, she'd only have gotten the runs. Nicole suggests that they all frame Sam for the murder. Everyone agrees. "Why do I have to take the fall?" says Sam as Brooke starts to panic about the wedding getting ruined. "We coulda figured Sam would have done something to screw it up," says Mary Cherry. Carmen asks if anyone has any pickles, because not only is Carmen fat, a fact that hasn't been brought up in quite a while, but she's eating for two now. Lily finds a personal notebook of Bio's. Inside, "those who can't do, teach/those who can't do, teach" is written over and over again throughout every page. ["Nice Shining shout-out." -- Sars] Lily concludes that because teachers are so underpaid and underappreciated in our society, Bio freaked out and had a stroke. She also finds a book of Bio's dreams and haikus. "All of her secret dreams and haiku hopes locked away," says Lily. "Like her potential. I feel so horrible about this." "You should," says a voice from off camera. Nurse Jessie Glass enters the room and accuses everyone of killing her sister. "Is this E. Coli I smell?" she asks, sniffing the shake. Lily protests that Bio didn't drink it. Nurse Jessie warns everyone to keep quiet or else they'll all end up in jail. Dun dun dah!
Meanwhile, Josh is still in the shower despite the fact that he was just back in Bio's classroom helping to kill Bio. While he struggles to find the right words to write in Brooke's yearbook, a "Popular Purge" update appears at the bottom of the screen, informing us that Josh has taken the lead as the character viewers would most like to see killed due to his womanizing tendencies.
Back in Bio's classroom, Brooke whines some more about how the wedding can't be ruined. Sam refuses to take the fall for something she didn't do. Lily points out that they did do something. They all contributed to Bio's stress and pushed her towards a stroke. Lily, you're pushing me towards a drug and alcohol problem. Where's my sympathy? "Stick with the plan," says Nicole. "Frame Spam!" "No," screams Sam. "I have to be at the wedding." Harrison screams for everyone to be quiet and suggests that they should call a hospital or the police. Nicole points out that the police already have Bio's composite sheet containing photographs of all of them, and therefore they all look suspicious. "Did anyone else but me find it odd that Nurse Jessie accused us and then almost immediately said, 'Watch the body while I pull the Pinto around'?" asks Sugar Daddy. "Yeah," says Lily. "Whassup with that?" Nurse Jessie enters, tells the kids not to call the authorities because they tend to "ask a lot of questions," and leaves with Bio's body, wishing them all a great summer. Sam and Brooke warn everyone to keep quiet and go along with the wedding. I don't get it. Last week's motif was "crime and punishment" and no one did anything all that bad. This week there's a murder and no one mentions Raskolnikov's name even once?
The Novak. Lily reads Bio's Haiku journal. The poems are all concerned with how unhappy Bio was and how much Nurse Jessie hates her and wants her dead. Lily runs out into the hall and tells Nicole and Mary Cherry that she thinks that Nurse Jessie killed Bio, and they've got to find the body and order up an autopsy before the evidence is destroyed and the gang is framed for murder. "What do you think Nurse Jessie is doing with the body?" asks Mary Cherry.
Glass sisters' house. Nurse Jessie drinks martinis and taunts Bio, who is not really dead but paralyzed with some New Guinea herbs and very much aware of what is going on. Nurse Jessie sprinkles catnip all over her and lets her cats, who haven't been fed for weeks, eat her alive. "The best thing about killing you," says Nurse Jessie to Bio, "sleeping in our twin bed alone and giving my beloved pussies the best goddamn meal of their nine lives." Hey, where's the hairless pussy she got for Christmas? She leaves to go work out on her "Linda Evans treadmill." Lily, Nicole, and Mary Cherry watch from the window in horror as a cat, in a "When Pets Attack" ratings stunt, removes and begins to eat one of Bio's fingers. The girls cover their eyes, but Mary Cherry peeks through the gaps in her fingers.
The Palace. Brooke sets the table with Sam, and tries to get more details out of her about the trip she took to San Francisco last week, which seems to have changed Sam's attitude toward the wedding. Sam is evasive. A wheeze comes from across the kitchen. It's May Tuna, hooked up to a portable respirator, who has been granted a Make A Dream Come True wish. Her wish is to spend the weekend with Brooke and see how it feels to be popular. Nicole, Lily, and Mary Cherry enter with Bio's body. Mary Cherry puts a detached finger of Bio's in the fridge and gets Nicole a Diet Coke. Lily explains that Nurse Jessie killed Bio and "now she's going to pin the dirty deed on us." "Take her out of here," says Sam. "She's going to ruin the rehearsal dinner and I know I'm going to be blamed for everything." Ratings stunt number four happens: an earthquake, and there's a delicious shot of May Tuna being hit on the head by falling debris just before the commercial break.
The power is out, but the rehearsal dinner begins anyway. There are no guests at this rehearsal dinner except for the parents and all of the Kennedy kids. Cherry Cherry isn't even present and she's the other bride. I guess Mike and Jane were only children and orphans. Bio lies by the side of the table in a Hannibal Lecter gurney. May Tuna has blood on her face. Mike wants to call an ambulance. May forbids it. "I want to stay here with Brooke," she says. "I want to stay here and know what it feels like to be popular so back off!" "Why is your teacher here?" asks Jane. "I thought you hated her." "We do," says Sam. "But I'm trying to be more positive and I wanted to include her." She goes on to explain that Bio is in a gurney because she's "tired." Mike makes a toast to family. I believe this is the same toast he made during the Christmas episode. While he speaks, the "Popular Purge" update explains that Mike has taken the lead in the polls for character who should die. At last, someone finally listens to me! The guests raise their broken stemware to Sam and Brooke for hosting such a lovely dinner. Bio farts. "Good God," says the mind of Bio. "I shouldn't have had that burrito," although the closed captioning says, "I've soiled my pants." Nurse Jessie enters and, on the pretext that she needs to get Bio to the hospital for a digestive disorder, wheels Bio out of there. The kids are unable to do anything to stop her lest the parents figure out what's really going on. "Enjoy the fresh air and sunshine while you can, kids," says Nurse Jessie. "It almost sounds like she's threatening you with prison," says Jane. Everyone pretends to laugh.
The Palace bathroom. Everyone bursts in on Josh, who is still trying to write something in Brooke's yearbook. They try to come up with a plan, while they also consider the oddness of the fact that Nurse Jessie hasn't framed them already. "Maybe she wanted to torture Bobbi Glass first," says Carmen. "You can't torture a dead body," points out Sugar Daddy. "Wait a minute," says Harrison. "Can a dead body pass gas?" Mary Cherry remembers seeing a voodoo priest in the Glass home and concludes that maybe Nurse Jessie has placed Bobbi under a spell. They run off to find Bobbi Glass before Nurse Jessie can kill her.
Glass sisters' house. The gang looks through the window, but they can't see the body or Nurse Jessie. All they can see is a Santeria witch doctor playing with the cats. Mary Cherry calls the witch doctor on her cell phone. Carmen asks MC how she knows what Bio's number is. "We only prank call her every night, wannabe," says Nicole. The phone rings, but the witch doctor doesn't pick it up. Instead, there is an outgoing message by Jessie explaining that she's at the Los Feliz Crematorium on Vermont and Franklin. The theme from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane plays, because I guess they get a deal on the royalties if they use it twice. The gang rushes over to the crematorium, but they're too late. A body they assume is Glass has been cremated. "She's only ashes now," says Sugar. "Yeah, but she's never been thinner." says Nicole. Sam implores everyone to keep quiet and stick together if they all want to avoid prison.
In an obvious homage to Billy Idol's White Wedding video, steeple bells chime while the bridesmaids prepare for the wedding, and someone who sounds like Klaus Nomi sings about getting ready for a wedding where someone is going to die. Interesting how Jane's bridesmaids are Nicole, Carmen, Lily, Sam, and Brooke. Where'd those friends go from last week? Brooke and Nicole, the Blondes, wear pale pink. Carmen, Lily, and Sam, the Browns, wear red. I guess that pink is supposed to represent the privilege, detachment, and flush of maiden youth that the Blondes embody as a clique of girls. The red, on the other hand, represents the passion, pain, and womanhood of the more earthy Browns. Nicole's hair is plastered to her head a la Madonna's Erotica video. Mary Cherry arrives late wearing a veil, a huge feather, and a white spotted fur over a dress with a train so long that two midgets in tuxes have to attend to it.
In the church, Godfrey is the priest. He instructs Harrison, Josh, and Sugar Daddy on how to usher the guests. "Did you work at Mr. Cluck's and try to sell us into white slavery?" asks Harrison. Godfrey explains that he has since found God and that this is his first wedding. May Tuna enters the church with her portable respirator and asks to be seated on Brooke's side. "I want to be near Brooke," says May, menacingly. "That's the Make A Dream Come True deal!" Harrison escorts her somewhere near Brooke. Where's April? We haven't seen her this entire episode. It's Josh's turn to usher in the guest. It's Nurse Jessie Glass. "Where's my sister?" she bellows.
Okay, I don't really understand the timing and logistics of this scene, but I guess none of the guests have arrived yet, because Nurse Jessie has the entire church to herself to interrogate the Kennedy kids as they sit fearfully in the pews. Apparently, Bio's body was picked up at the crematorium and taken away by someone unknown to either the Kennedy kids or Jessie. The kids try to convince Jessie that they had nothing to do with the body being removed. A beeper goes off. The beeper belongs to May, and it going off means that they've found a heart donor for her. May rushes excitedly out of the church. "My sister was an organ donor," muses Jessie. Jessie and the kids jump up and run off to the hospital. All except Carmen, that is. She stays behind and makes a confession to Godfrey in one of the booths. "I can't keep this a secret any longer," she says. "I . . . [pregnant pause]."
The church yard. Jane and Cherry Cherry wait outside for their cue to walk down the aisle. In a failed attempt to look "radiant," Jane is smiling so hard that her lips are chapping. Cherry Cherry looks cheap in her Snow White's Wicked Stepmother collared dress. Cherry Cherry's got something old, something new, and something blue. She needs something that's borrowed. "Can I borrow your diaphragm?" she asks Jane. At the other end of the yard, Mike and Erik Estrada do some male bonding of their own.
The hospital. A surgeon removes Bio's organs and discovers she has no heart. The Kennedy gang bursts into the hospital and asks May Tuna where Bio is. May explains that Bio was taken away by Nurse Jessie while her Doctor left to go call Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Nurse Jessie appears and tells the gang that Bio is going to fulfill a childhood dream of Jessie's: she's going to be buried alive and her students will be framed for her murder. Josh postures and tells Jessie Glass that she'll never get away with it because she has no proof. Nurse Jessie shows them a practice yearbook he signed and reads them the inscription. "Dear Brooke, I guess it was plotting the death of Miss Glass that made me feel so close to you again." Harrison vows that they will find Miss Glass's body and make a scene. Jessie tells Harrison that she sent the body to a place she knows they won't dare disrupt.
Back at the church, an organist plays wedding music. When a coffin is brought in, the organist switches to a funeral march. The coffin is opened. It's Miss Glass. "Kill me," she shrieks silently to herself. "Somebody kill me!" Meanwhile, Godfrey gets sick of waiting for Carmen to spill her guts. "This is a church, not a yoga center," he says. Finally Carmen tells him that she thinks she's pregnant because she's been throwing up a lot. I guess that explains her vomiting at last week's shower. I'm so glad that scene had relevance to a story arc and wasn't just another example of how Carmen eats too much. Godfrey runs off to start the wedding before Carmen can tell us who the father might be.
Josh finally gives Brooke her yearbook back. "Dear Brooke," it reads. "See ya fall. Love, Josh." "Let's get back together, Brooke," says Josh. "Even if it means we're pen pals after we're sent to prison for murder." "I love that," says Brooke. They make out, prompting the declaration of yet another sweeps stunt: TV couple reunion.
Does anyone want to hear all about the loving sentiments that Jane shares with Sam while they wait? Didn't think so.
Nicole tells Harrison that Miss Glass didn't sign his yearbook with that sexy note. Nicole did it as a joke. Before we can see his reaction, she walks over to Mary Cherry and they plot some anti-Santeria moves on Bobbi Glass's body that have something incomprehensible to do with a trip they made last year to New Orleans.
The wedding begins, and as another sweeps stunt, Harrison, Josh, and Sugar serenade both couples, cheesy boy-band style. The wedding party floats down the aisle, and each person hesitates at the sight of Bio's open casket just sitting to the side. The midgets that were holding Mary Cherry's train are administering the anti-Santeria cure. Sam and Nicole come down the aisle, and Mike watches Brooke, so proud to have such a lovely, poised daughter. The brides walk down the aisle. Jane is smiling even harder, which I didn't think was possible. Cherry Cherry looks like a constipated Patsy Ramsey. As they file past Bio's coffin, Jane looks over in horror, and Bio comments to herself how pretty they both look. Those must be some herbs.
Godfrey screws up the ceremony by pronouncing them husbands and wives immediately. While he looks through his missal to figure out the proper wedding procedure, a pair of legs in high heels enters the church Alexis-Colby-mystery-guest-style. Father Godfrey asks if anyone present knows of a reason why these couples shouldn't be joined together in holy matrimony. "I do," says a familiar voice from the back. It's Peggy Lipton as Brooke's mom. "Mike McQueen and I are not divorced." The guests start buzzing amongst themselves. Bio rises from the dead. Tons of reaction shots. May Tuna falls down dead. We have a winner.