Previously on Popstars: Girls danced. Some looked like boys. Several screens show girls pointing and vamping it up. Our fearless narrator informs us: "It began with open auditions. A once-in-a-lifetime chance to fulfill a real-life musical fantasy." A blonde we've never seen before tells us that she's nervous. The narrator interrupts: "In six cities across America, thousands of girls tried out. But only a few hundred were asked to return for the phase." Only? Some girl wore a neon pink dress and a black boa for the audition. I have no other comment for that. "On day two, they participated in vocal callback auditions where each girl appeared alone before the judges. In the end only ninety-three girls remain." We see about nineteen girls all holding their hands to their faces or pointing. Christina Petty. Baby Norman. "Tonight, the competition continues. Each girl will have to dance alone before the judges, and as a final test, perform in groups of four." It looks like a stripper audition, the way the girls are rubbing their stomachs up on the camera. "The judges must decide which twenty-six girls to bring to Los Angeles for a week-long workshop of intensive dance and vocal training. Each girl will get a phone call. For most, the dream will be over. But for the lucky few, it means one step closer to becoming Popstars." One girl screams on Jaymes's speakerphone as Jaymes smiles at us and says, "Wow!"
Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun. Slow-motion style. For the first time, I notice just how many girls are crying in these tiny pictures.
Travis runs into the Los Angeles audition room, beaming. Behind him are thirty girls, cheering and hooting it up. Travis has worn his lucky purple and black striped sweater and leather pants. He's carrying his lucky clipboard. We're introduced once again to Travis and the Hyphentwins. The narrator tells us that today's focus is on dance. We see shots of several girls pulling their legs over their heads, stretching across chairs, pulling on their arms, trying to remember anything from the high-school jazz classes their moms made them take.
Travis repeats for the retarded: "This is Phase Three. Um, earlier in the audition we concentrated more on your vocal ability. Now we will get a chance to see you move." Jaymes stares at Travis with her arms crossed, livid that she has no say-so in this phase of the auditions.
Cut to Travis's exaggerated clapping as the girls begin to "get into the groove" to Pink's "There You Go." The narrator tells us that the pressure is "enormous." Any wrong step could mean "elimination." I'm surprised they don't explain what an audition is every single episode. Girls slither and wiggle towards Travis as he slithers backwards until he says, "Now, let's turn around and walk that way." He watches them walk away from him. "It's time for each girl to show Travis what she's got," the narrator sasses.
We cut to the Miami auditions. "Others might be nervous," the narrator tells us, "but not Petagay Rowe. Born in the West Indies, Petagay has been dancing all her life, and now works as a professional choreographer." Judging from Petagay's aggressive dancing, she must choreograph the Dolphins' Touchdown celebrations. We see Petagay's day one audition. The narrator tells us that she "spiced up" her audition with dance moves, but it really looks like she's just got a weak neck that her head keeps wobbling around on. Petagay's dancing looks strikingly like the motions I make when Billy Blanks tells me to go "double time."
Oh, sweet Alexandra Bachelier. The narrator tells us that Alexandra "moves to a different beat. Her style is more sensual." She looks incredibly embarrassed to have to shake her hips this way. We're told that she was shy starting from day one at the auditions. Flashback to Alexandra singing and the covering her ears when the judges were making their final decisions. Split-screen to Alexandra (who recently dyed her hair darker) telling us that she freaked out because she didn't think she was going to make it. The narrator tells us that Alexandra will have to overcome her tendency to "hold back" if she wants to "stand out" from the others. Alexandra does this by shoving both arms over her head and jutting her ass out. Good job, Alex.
Molly Zimpfer, twenty-three, New York City. We've never seen her before. She's got years of New York dance experience, we're told, and we can see the evidence with the way Molly can throw her leg up so high she's practically kicking herself in the forehead. She does this roundhouse kick over and over and over again, with the same leg. Jaymes and Jennifer, relegated to sitting on the floor in the corner, tell each other that they think Molly is a little "streeter," which is a word Jaymes has just invented to sound hip. Jennifer says that Molly can dance and has an interesting way of moving. I don't know. She's pretty and I covet her "Angel" tank top, but other than that, she's just a pretty blonde dancer. Don't give me someone Week Three and expect me to wish them success instantly.
Oh, man. Baby "Put Her In the Corner" Norman is back. So is the Scarytwin, and Ivette "But She's So Cute!" Sosa. Jangela snaps once. Shiny Happy Kelley sasses around and shows us her large collection of back tattoos. Kerrie "Christian Makeover" Roberts has worn a full t-shirt to the callbacks, which was a bad idea. Narrator: "While prior experience is helpful, the judges are looking for potential as much as ability." Aaliyah's "Try Again" is playing in the background, which is what I'd tell most of these girls to do, anyway.
Travis tells us, "Not always the best dancer who catches my attention [sic]. It's usually that dancer who has a special something that draws my eye to them [sic]." As Travis says this, we see Baby Norman grind her ass on the camera.