Previously on Party of Five: Bailey meets Holly, a British chick who was just in the neighborhood. Bailey gets punched out by his married lover's husband while on a date with Holly. Holly tells Bailey that he is just a kid, so she doesn't want to date him anymore. Griffin and Daphne get in a motorcycle accident. The Salingers agree to pay for his hospitalization, because he doesn't have insurance. Charlie says that the thing that matters most to him is making a baby, even though he just did it two seasons ago.
The whole family (minus Owen, of course) is gathered at the table, and Julia says she "put some numbers together" to allow them to figure out how they are going to pay for Griffin's medical expenses. Bailey is helping Will move into the basement (a.k.a. Owen's dungeon). Bailey asks how Griffin is doing, for those of us who didn't catch last week's episode. Julia informs him that Griffin's head is fine, and that they removed his chest tube, but they still don't know if he will regain function in his hand. Everyone is shocked at how much the medical expenses cost, particularly Claudia. Maybe she should have thought of that before committing her family to pay for everything. Julia has figured out how much money they each get from their share of the restaurant, and that if they each give up a third of their income, they can pay off the hospital bill in fifteen months. Charlie notes that the restaurant income is down, and Bailey says, kind of defensively, that it's because of the holidays. It couldn't be because Bailey, who has been portrayed as some sort of food service wunderkind, has spent a total of ten hours at Salinger's in the past few weeks, and that four of those hours were spent on dates, now could it? Charlie and Kirsten appear uncomfortable at the prospect of giving up a third of their restaurant income. Julia offers to pay everyone back for their shares later, but everyone refuses. Bailey suggests putting off some needed home repairs to save money. Kirsten suggests postponing "this thing Charlie and I have been working on." Charlie quickly jumps in to say that, instead, he can rotate the tires on his truck instead of replacing them. Bailey says that he has some savings bonds, and Claudia says she has her college money. You'd think someone would suggest that Julia use her book advance money, or get a real job, or that Claudia work at the mall like every other sixteen-year-old in the world. Julia says that she doesn't want any family members dipping into their savings accounts, and that she feels terrible about the whole thing. Bailey says that Griffin is their friend, too. Kirsten says, "Thirty percent off our monthly budget -- how hard can that be?" Last time I checked a third was thirty-three and a third percent, not to pick nits or anything. Regardless, I am glad that the writers illustrated where the family's money comes from, because I was wondering. And it's all about me. Also, everybody wants to be closer to free.
I notice that the whirling Julia with Owen is back in the credits. Or maybe I just missed it last week. But they are definitely still new credits.
A doctor is testing Griffin's hand, but he doesn't feel anything. Julia asks what that means, and the doctor says that they replaced a nerve during the surgery, and that it will take time to regain function. Julia is wearing a really ugly pink sweater, and Griffin is wearing a lot of bandages. The doctor is wearing a lab coat. Griffin says that his head "hurts like hell," and the doctor points out that he's lucky to have a head at all, since he wasn't wearing a helmet. Julia asks what happens now and the doctor says that they could do an EMG, which I'm guessing is some sort of head-checking test, but I don't have Sars's Stedman's Medical Dictionary, so I can't check. The doctor suggests that they hold off on the EMG, and maybe do it as an outpatient procedure. Julia asks why they need to hold off and the doctor awkwardly brings up Griffin's "insurance situation." Julia tells them to go ahead and do whatever needs to be done. Is it legal for Julia to make medical decisions for Griffin now that he is conscious and everything? I mean, didn't they get divorced? Griffin asks who will pay for the test and Julia tells him not to worry and quickly changes the subject, following the doctor out of the room while babbling about occupational therapy.
Will is cooking something in the Salinger kitchen while telling Bailey about some "welcome aboard thing" for the Forty-Niners organization, so I guess he's working for them now. Bailey says he's not in the mood to go. Will says with a straight face that they could be "rubbing elbows with NFL greatness -- assistant coaches, equipment managers...groundskeepers, Bay!" Will confirms that he is interning for the Forty-Niners now. Bailey still isn't convinced. Will mentions the female interns who will be attending because he is so Steve Sanders. Bailey tells Will to put some pants on because his sisters are around. Will says that all his pants are dirty, and Bailey points out that he lives in the laundry room. Heh. Bailey insists that he doesn't want to scope out chicks, and Will insists that he does, and can't understand why Bailey doesn't. Will finally figures out that this is about Holly, but Bailey denies it.
Charlie and Kirsten are getting frozen yogurt. Way to save money, guys. Charlie says he doesn't want to tell his family about their baby-making efforts because the family will try to help. ["Ew -- HOW?!" -- Wing Chun] Kirsten floats the idea of taking time off from trying. Yes, please! Charlie points out that she's five days into her cycle, and that she has already injected hundreds of dollars worth of hormones, so they should go through with it this month. Aw, what a romantic! Kirsten starts talking about all the things they will have to cut out, like cable television and magazines. She is shocked at how much the frozen yogurt costs, and says they'll have to cut that out as well. Then Kirsten swipes a bunch of Sweet 'n' Low packets and some napkins. Oh, how I wish I were making that up. I think these two need to take some of their copious free time and volunteer at a homeless shelter, so they can see what poverty really looks like. I can tell you that it doesn't wear a leather jacket like Kirsten's.
Bailey is having a garage sale to raise money. Holly stops by and asks how much a really gaudy gold frame costs. Bailey tells her it's $75 and asks why Holly is there. She is meeting John, her date from across the street. Holly asks why he's trying to raise money and starts listing off all these luxury items Bailey might want to buy, like a wide-screen TV. You'd think after she put her foot in her mouth at the hospital last week, she'd learn. Bailey tells her he is trying to raise money for a friend's operation. Holly puts the pieces together and feels really dumb. Bailey makes a crack about her "boyfriend." Holly asks why Bailey has to be so angry. Bailey says they liked each other and she threw it away. I know that recap is pretty disjointed, bur frankly, I could not care less about these two, so I'm trying to keep it short.
Claudia walks into a studio, carrying her violin case and wearing a lot more makeup than usual. Ross, her old violin teacher, is in the middle of a lesson with a young girl. He totally blows her off to see Claudia, and they start yapping while the little girl continues to play. Finally the little girl's dad tells them to keep it down. Claudia tells Ross that she wants to come back for lessons. She can't pay him right now, but she will when she gets some work. She pushes Ross to schedule a lesson for that day, and he agrees. Ross asks what the big rush is, and if she should be at school. She tells him she has a free period. Haven't we seen this storyline before?
The doorbell rings at Casa Salinger, and Bailey answers it even though he is wearing a tank top and sweating profusely. It's Holly and she tells him she found a pilot rehabilitation program and she thinks she can get Griffin a spot. Bailey thanks her and asks why she's there since she could've given him the news over the phone; then he tells her he doesn't want to play games. Holly admits that she wanted to see him. Then there's a cutesy scene where Bailey tells her what to say and she says it, but all you really need to know is that she apologizes and they set up a date. Trust me, you don't want to know more than that.
Daphne shows up in Griffin's hospital room with some white lilies. She apologizes that they are the flowers of death, but she got them from Victor's cousin's funeral home, and figured they were better than nothing. Griffin thanks her and Daphne apologizes for her role in the accident. Griffin says that it's not her fault and that she doesn't owe him an explanation. Daphne suggests that when he gets out, they take a trip somewhere together. Griffin mumbles (well, mumbles more than usual) that he doesn't know. Daphne says, not unkindly, that she didn't mean it like that, and that she gets it, and he doesn't owe her anything. Griffin asks her who's paying for his medical bills. Daphne plays dumb (well, dumber than usual) but Griffin asks again and she says she thinks it's the Salingers. Griffin dramatically rips out his IV (ouch!) and prepares to leave the hospital. Daphne yells a lot instead of calling a doctor or doing something else useful. ["God, who did he think was paying for it? Daphne? Victor?" -- Wing Chun]
Griffin attempts to eat a TV dinner, but then he is reduced to tearing off the plastic with his teeth! Oh, the humanity! Julia knocks on the door and demands to be let in. Once inside, she yells at Griffin about leaving the hospital without telling her, and for jeopardizing his recovery. Griffin yells right back at her for not telling him that they were paying his medical bills, and says they should've just sent him to County, where it would have been free. Julia says she didn't want them to mess up his hand. ["Peter Benton walks in and bitch-slaps her." -- Wing Chun] Griffin says it wasn't her decision to make (thank you!) and that now he owes a fortune. Julia says he doesn't owe them anything. They argue about that for a while, then Julia asks him to come back to the hospital so the doctor can check him out. Griffin says that costs too much, and Julia tells him (again!) not to worry about the money. Julia, that didn't work the first hundred times you said it, so I don't think it will work now. Griffin says that he isn't part of their family, and that he will pay the money back.
Claudia is practicing the violin, but she claims that Thurber's snoring is distracting her. Hey, they let Thurber out of the basement! Ross says that she is getting better. Claudia is frustrated that she's not as good as she was before. Ross says that she just started again, and she has to relearn some things, but she has time. Claudia tells him that she signed up for "The Bauer" and Ross is shocked. Apparently "The Bauer" is a serious competition, and it's very soon. Claudia says that they better get back to work, then.
Bailey leads a blindfolded Holly down a concrete hallway, which looks like it's underground. And yet, Bailey is wearing sunglasses. Then he tells her to stay there, and leaves. After a few minutes, he yells to her to remove the blindfold, and it turns out that they are in 3Com Park, and Bailey has set up a picnic for them on the field. I'm going to guess that professional sports teams don't let friends of interns potentially tear up their expensively maintained fields, just so that said friends of interns can get over with their girlfriends. But that's just a guess. Holly is amazed that Bailey could afford to rent the whole stadium. I'm wondering how an English chick knows so much about American football. Bailey reveals that the food came from his restaurant, and that Will hooked him up with the stadium. Then he says, "You're worth it, whatever the cost." Since he just revealed that it was free, that doesn't seem like much of a compliment. Bailey says he doesn't want to waste his chance with her. Holly asks if he is worried about scaring her away and Bailey says that he can't help saying these things. Suddenly, a sprinkler comes on, and instead of running for cover like sensible folk, they just stand there and gaze into each other's eyes. See, they're in love. Bailey does a cheesy English accent and they start slow dancing. Their dancing reveals that there is really only one sprinkler on, and if they moved like ten feet to the left, they wouldn't be getting wet. ["Keith Nelson from Some Kind of Wonderful walks in and kicks Bailey's ass for ripping off his routine." -- Wing Chun]
Charlie and Kirsten are hanging out in their apartment by candlelight, and wearing like six sweatshirts each. Charlie is figuring out their finances, and Kirsten says that it's not enough to pay for the rest of the drugs she needs. Charlie reveals that he heard about buying drugs cheap, but it's illegal. Laws be damned, people, this couple needs a baby! When Kirsten balks, Charlie says that they are always complaining. That's true. Oh wait, there was more to that sentence. They are always complaining about the cost of the drugs, and how people like them "can't afford to have babies this way." Are we supposed to feel sorry for them? Charlie says it's not like they're buying heroin. Kirsten asks if they are really that desperate. Charlie points out that they have turned off the lights and the heat to save money. I can tell you from experience that turning off the heat really doesn't save that much money.
Griffin is trying to fix a motorcycle by leaning over it and doing something to the opposite side. Why doesn't he just walk around and kneel down to it? He takes off his sling and rests his cast on the handlebars, which gives him better access. But not as good as if he just walked around to the other side. Anyway, he slips and puts his full weight on his bad arm, and knocks over the bike. Then he starts swearing and kicks the bike. This is just like on Happy Days, when Fonzie went blind and Richie took apart his bike and dumped all the pieces in the middle of the floor and Fonzie ended up putting the whole bike back together by touch. Those Cunninghams knew from tough love.
I can't really talk about the scene, so I'll keep it short. Bailey and Holly decide that a hot shower in the stadium locker room will warm them up, after getting drenched by the sprinklers. Then, right in the middle of some hot shower action, my local affiliate cut to commercial. Oops! Then they come back and suddenly Bailey and Holly are naked and making out in the shower. I hope they don't get athlete's foot. Or worse.
After a real commercial break, Bailey and Holly have just finished doing it. Holly has to go and mention that they did it twenty times on the first date, which must be a lie. Bailey kind of hints that she's exaggerating, but for my mental health I wish they had come right out and verified the falsity of her statement. Holly starts blathering about doing the "American thing" of talking about her feelings, and ends up revealing that she "feeling all this stuff and it's kind of intense."
Griffin is in a bar, drinking a beer with his good hand. He makes a phone call, I guess to his mom, and says that his dad can't help him. His mom won't let him stay with her either, and he hangs up.
Claudia is at "The Bauer" with Ross. She feels like she needs to rehearse more, but Ross tells her there's no time and reassures her that she'll be fine. Claudia says that she won't win or even place in the top three. Ross tells her to relax, but she has walked away.
Bailey and Holly are watching television. Bailey furthers his transformation into Brandon Walsh by doing a really bad Marlon Brando impersonation. thing you know, he's going to start calling everyone "bro." There's a knock at the door and Holly goes to get their Chinese food. Except it's John, her sort-of boyfriend who lives across the street from the Salingers. Bailey totally eavesdrops on their conversation, and he hears Holly pretty much break up with John over him. Holly comes back in the bedroom and says it was her crazy neighbor.
Kirsten and Charlie pull up to the curb in the proverbial bad part of town. They go into a store and Charlie starts yelling for someone, because there's nothing like calling a lot of attention to yourself when you're trying to score some illegal drugs. A guy comes out and Charlie says, "The eagle has landed." The guy says, "The fat man walks alone." Then they do a secret handshake. The guy invites them into a back room, where he keeps the good stuff. Drug Guy asks to see Kirsten's prescription so he knows what dosage to give her, and reveals that he and his wife went through the same process. See, he's not a bad guy! Drug Guy bitches about how the drug companies are all about making money, as opposed to all those other companies who just give stuff away for free. He asks for $600 and Charlie hands it over. Does anyone else see this ending badly?
Ross finds Claudia outside the performance hall. Claudia asks if she could ever be as competitive as she was before she quit. Ross tells her that she knows she can't, but he doesn't understand why it matters now. Claudia says that Ross promised her that she would play Carnegie Hall, and Ross reminds her that she made the decision to be a normal kid, and that it was the right decision. Claudia kind of stares at him and then leaves.
Charlie and Kirsten leave the store. Charlie is all high on life until Kirsten discovers that all of their newly-purchased drugs are expired, and Drug Guy ripped them off. A drug dealer who lies and cheats? What will they think of ? The door to the store is locked and they start pounding on it. I know that when I'm in a bad neighborhood, having just gotten ripped off while purchasing illegal drugs, my first instinct is to attract as much attention as possible to myself. Not that I've been in that situation, understand. Anyway, Kirsten notices that there is a police officer to their truck, and that a boot has been placed on the tire. Charlie begs to just be given a ticket instead of the boot, but the officer says that Charlie has unpaid parking tickets. Charlie almost tells her how he just lost all his money, but instead begs for mercy. She says no. Let me get this straight. We're supposed to feel sorry for them because they just lost all their money buying illegal drugs to try to make another child when they've already got two kids at home? Plus, poor Charlie can't even pay a stupid parking ticket? I am so finished with this storyline.
Julia comes into the shed to help Griffin change his dressing. Griffin is packing things up to move out, because if he can't work, he can't pay the rent. Julia says that it was his decision to pay them back, but that regardless, they don't need the money right now. Griffin says that he is selling his equipment and moving out of town to take a job so he can pay the money back. Julia says that he shouldn't treat this like another business relationship because it's not. Griffin helped Claudia at boarding school, and he helped Julia with Ned, so he's part of the family. Julia finally makes sense for once when she says, "If you didn't want us to take care of you, you shouldn't have taken care of us." Finally a little piece of sanity on this show.
Bailey and Holly are eating their Chinese food. Holly asks why Bailey is so quiet (even though he just finished a sentence), and worries that she freaked him out with her speech about feelings. She tells him she's capable of taking it slow, and that it's her "spesh-ee-al-ity," and jokes that she is in fact currently dating dozens of guys so that none of them feel too crowded. Bailey laughs and says that he loved her speech about feelings. Holly wonders what happened to being a "cool, detached Brit." Hey, is she from England or something? Because I don't think they've mentioned that during this episode. Bailey's cell phone rings and it's Charlie, asking for Bailey's credit card number to get his truck back. Bailey says that he will come and get them, even though Charlie keeps telling him he doesn't have to come down, so clearly Bailey just wants to get out of there. As he gets ready to go, Holly invites herself along. Bailey makes some lame excuse and says he'll call her in the morning. Holly's all disappointed.
Bailey, Charlie and Kirsten exit the police station. Charlie and Kirsten have just told Bailey about their fertility issues, because Bailey is yelling, "A baby?" Charlie says they didn't want to tell Bailey, because they don't want his financial help, since it's not Bailey's problem. Bailey offers them money anyway, saying, "You're not my problem. You're my brother." Kirsten suddenly erupts, saying she doesn't want to talk about this, and Bailey says he will go get the car. Kirsten tells Charlie that eventually they will have a kid, but Charlie told her that he trusted fate. Maybe this is fate's way of telling them it's not their time yet. Please, let this mean that I don't have to deal with this ridiculous storyline anymore.
Ross comes over to the Salingers' house to tell Claudia that he knows what it's like to be the best and then have that change, but that she can still be very good. He tells her that she could play in chamber groups or be a teacher. This is where I expected Claudia to reveal that she needed the prize money from the competition to pay for Griffin's bills, but they went another way. Claudia says she always to be able to count on winning. If she can't count on it, then she doesn't want to play anymore. That sounds really bratty when I type it out, but she didn't come off that way at all. Or maybe I was just relieved that the writers didn't swipe the "Silver Platter" storyline from The Brady Bunch.
Will and Bailey have a conversation at 3Com Field. I didn't really understand what Bailey was trying to say here, and neither did Will. Something about how Bailey doesn't want a relationship with Holly because she's too perfect for him and it's too soon after Sarah, maybe? Will "Steve Sanders" McCorkle continues his transformation to -land by talking about sex a lot. Bailey tries to change the subject to talk about the stadium, but then remembers that he was supposed to make plans with Holly. He tells Will to continue talking, and then totally blows him off to talk to Holly anyway. Will smiles because it's clear that Bailey is smitten. And there ain't no getting in the way of a Salinger in love.
Griffin approaches Julia, who is sitting in the back yard. Is she still writing a book or what? Anyway, Griffin says that he got a friend to help him with his bike shop until he gets better, and that he has worked out a payment plan to repay his bills. Daphne sees them out the kitchen window. Has she moved in too? Maybe it was her turn to lock Diana up in the basement. Anyway, Griffin says that he doesn't want to be a burden, and that it's impossible for him to ask the Salingers for help. Julia says that they want to help, and Griffin says that may be why it's so hard for him to ask. Then he says that even if he doesn't always show it, he is really grateful to them, and starts crying. Julia gets up to hug him, and Daphne turns away as if she can't bear to look. Someone get Daphne a date, please. Anyway, there's not another new episode until January 4, so Happy Holidays to all of us!