Previously on Party of Five: Kirsten's not pregnant. Claudia tells Julia that she was assaulted. Julia encourages her to report it. Alexa tells Claudia that reporting it is a bad idea.
Bailey is having dinner with some random girl at Salinger's. The girl looks like Susan from Eight is Enough, and she is laughing hysterically at something Bailey said. Bailey says he didn't even tell a joke. The phone rings and Bailey gets up to answer it, saying "A restaurant owner's work is never done," and his date laughs at that too. Bailey asks Joe to talk to him without laughing. Joe cracks a joke, but Bailey has noticed that Tracy (his married girlfriend) has walked in. I seriously almost just called her Maggie, because of the nearly identical storyline on Felicity. Anyway, Bailey asks her if they had made plans, and Tracy says they didn't, but she was bored and stopped by. Bailey looks at Susan from Eight is Enough, who glances back at him, and then tells Tracy it's a busy night. Tracy suggests they take "ten minutes" and "check out the wine cellar." Bailey turns her down and she says, "Your loss." Well, don't we think a lot of ourselves? Joe just shakes his head. Bailey returns to the table and Susan from Eight is Enough asks if the woman was someone else he is dating. Bailey says that it was, and asks if that's a problem. Susan from Eight is Enough says no, and starts laughing again. Bailey rolls his eyes and says that everybody wants to be closer to free.
Hey! They got new credits! Why would they do that mid-season? I miss the shot of Julia holding Owen and whirling around. Of course, that was three Owens ago.
Charlie and Kirsten are getting dressed in the morning. We discover that it's nearly Charlie's thirtieth birthday, and he says he doesn't want a party. Kirsten starts talking about how they can have a smallish party with just family at home, and have pasta for dinner. Then Kirsten says, "Duck season." Charlie says, "Rabbit season." Kirsten says, "Rabbit season" and Charlie says, "Duck season." So suddenly Charlie wants a big party instead. Oh, the reverse psychology lessons you can learn from Looney Tunes. At the end of the scene, Kirsten hands Charlie a syringe and says, "I'm ready for my medicine, doctor. Are you ready for yours?" I have no idea what that was supposed to mean.
At school, Claudia and her popular friends are having a homecoming committee meeting on the lawn. Stephanie Tanner clearly let Uncle Jesse pick out her outfit today; it is a really ugly purple sweater over a pink shirt. Alexa, the leader of the committee, asks Claudia for a refreshment report. Claudia is daydreaming, but finally responds that she was "thinking maybe crudités, but then I figured it was a chip and dip kind of crowd." Was she kidding with the crudités? She couldn't just say vegetables? As she is talking, Derek approaches and sits down. He interrupts her to give a report on the music. He and Cameron found "a killer DJ at that underground club in the Haight." Then for no reason, they all start wrestling, so Claudia gets up and leaves. ["I think I know the reason." -- Wing Chun]
Julia is walking down the street and Brian (Evan's son) catches up to her. He came back from school to apologize for the kiss, and he realizes it was inappropriate. Julia says they should just forget about it. Brian says he doesn't want to wreck "whatever it is you and my dad have going." Julia smiles weakly. Of course, that's how she always smiles because Neve Campbell is such a stoneface.
Bailey and Charlie walk into the basement, where we see Owen chained to the wall, Diana crying in her bassinet, and Thurber dying of starvation. Well, not really, but we should have. Instead, Bailey is clearing stuff out so that we can have a plot point about Charlie realizing he has forgotten about his dreams of being a furniture designer. ["Again." -- Wing Chun] But Bailey says he's clearing space for a bed for Will. It's all the same. Charlie is talking about how Bailey is juggling two women, but Bailey doesn't want to talk about it. He says when they come begging, there's no "thrill of pursuit." Isn't this the same guy who was all Mr. Low Self-Esteem after getting dumped a few weeks ago? The doorbell rings and Bailey goes to answer it, while Charlie yells after him that he wants details. Dude, get a life.
Bailey answers the door and it's a woman named Holly. She has an English accent and a very tight shirt. She walks right in and asks if John is almost ready. Bailey tells her that there's no John living there. Then there's a part where he figures out she's supposed to be across the street, but she couldn't read the address because of her own bad handwriting. And later, we find out she's a medical student. Get it? Doctors have bad handwriting! As Holly prepares to go to the correct address, she asks Bailey if she looks okay, like that's not a weird thing to ask a total stranger. Bailey tells her she looks "very presentable" as if she's going for a job interview instead of a date. After she leaves, he stands there with the googly eyes for a minute, so we know he's in love.
Suddenly, Bailey chases Holly across the street and tells her that they were fated to meet. Holly says she's "not into fate." Bailey ignores her and asks her out, but Holly turns him down because she doesn't even know him. He introduces himself, by telling her his name, age, occupation and interests. He leaves out that he's a recovering alcoholic and that his family is cursed, but I guess that's more second-date material. She tells him to go away. By now they are standing on the steps leading to Holly's date's house. Bailey says he can't take no for an answer because "fate has spoken so clearly." Holly tells him he's out of his mind. See, Bailey was just talking about the thrill of pursuit, and here it is. Wasn't that clever foreshadowing? Bailey gives her his card (which he just happens to have, even though he ran out of his house willy nilly, having just come from cleaning the basement) and tells her to call him. Then the door opens and some guy tells Holly that John is on the phone, and asks who Bailey is. I think that was supposed to be funny.
Everyone is in the kitchen. Griffin walks in and he and Daphne smile at each other furtively. Bailey comes in and actually pays attention to Owen for once, and Owen says he's drawing a picture for Charlie's birthday party. Or of Charlie's birthday party. It doesn't matter. They just had to mention the party so that Bailey could invite Victor. Then he invites Daphne and Griffin as a unit, saying "you guys." Daphne gets all defensive about it, as if that's not a dead giveaway. Claudia also says something about the two of them and Daphne blames Victor for spilling the beans. Victor says that Daphne has "stopped by every day to borrow sugar" and so everyone figured it out and he just didn't deny it. Bailey says it's no big deal, as long as they're happy. Daphne licks her lips and drinks her coffee. I think she was trying to show that all is not well in their relationship, but I'm only saying that in light of later events.
Julia is looking at some papers and says that they are terrible. I thought she was looking at pictures of herself for her book's back cover, but it turns out they are editorial comments on her book. Evan tells her that it's standard for them to be so harsh. I think if she plans on publishing a book, she needs to develop a thicker skin because critics can be merciless. Julia reads one aloud: "Author's verbiage suggests material may be better suited for a teen magazine column." Ha ha! ["That's what I said when she read that, too!" -- Wing Chun] Evan tells her that responding to these criticisms will only make her book better. Julia wishes she hadn't read them. Evan says that he would rather have her read them, than hear them filtered through him. In other words, he doesn't have the heart to tell her that her book sucks. Or, he's afraid she won't give up the goods anymore if he's honest. Julia starts crying and says that if he's going to slip her the memos on the sly, he could at least show some sympathy. How wrong is it that Evan is showing her the memos on the sly? Weren't they worried like two weeks ago that everyone would think she was only getting published because they were sleeping together? And yet, violating some sort of policy is okay, apparently. Anyway, Julia tells Evan what he should say to her, and that she would like to hear it from him sometimes. Evan tells her he believes in her, but somehow it's not the same since she just told him what to say.
Julia is sitting at Evan's table writing and Brian enters. He asks her if she's studying (does she still go to class?) and she tells him about the criticisms. Brian observes that they must be pretty harsh and asks to read them. He picks one up and says, "Idiot!" and starts laughing. Julia tells him that since he hasn't read her book, the criticisms could be valid for all he knows. Brian tells her he's laughing because the guy spelled "ineffectual" with an A. For some reason, Brian suddenly has a southern accent. He picks up another paper and makes a joke about the editor having the initials "P.U." Julia laughs at that lame joke and then asks how she is supposed to stay depressed. Except Neve Campbell says the line really, really fast like she couldn't wait to get out of this scene. Brian says the editors are just jealous because she's young and smart and...smart. Obviously, he wanted to say beautiful or something, because everyone falls in love with Julia. Also, that southern accent came back about halfway through that sentence. Julia gets uncomfortable (and I know this because Neve Campbell swallowed a couple of times) so she goes to bed. ["How much do I hate the 'critics must be jealous' explanation? A LOT." -- Wing Chun]
Bailey and Holly are having a date at a carnival. Bailey is carrying a stuffed bumblebee, and he asks Holly about her first kiss. She says it was with Theresa Harrison. Bailey is intrigued that it was a woman, but Holly says she was just practicing to kiss some guy. Bailey orders some cotton candy. Usually doesn't the girl carry the stuffed animal after the guy wins it for her? The writers must have thought the same thing, because they have Holly ask Bailey if a woman has ever won a stuffed animal for him before, and he admits that this is the first time. Bailey says, "I like you," and asks if she noticed that his "suave, charming levels are way up." If a date said that to me, I would probably run away. Or laugh in his face. Or both. Holly says he gets "serious points off for having to point that out." Holly says she likes him too, but not as much as he likes her, and that's why he's interested. Has anyone ever had a first date where you actually discuss how much and to what degree you like one another? Maybe I've just lived a sheltered life, but this seems like a strange first date conversation. Holly says she knows Bailey's type and lists off a bunch of qualities, but all you really need to know is that she's independent, driven, likes to take charge and kind of a rebel. It's nice of the writers to just tell us what she's like instead of investing time in actual character development. Holly says she doesn't just know Bailey's type -- she is Bailey's type. Funny, none of those characteristics really apply to Sarah, do they?
Julia is taking out the trash, and she spots Griffin working on a bike. She mentions that he's been around a lot lately, and he says that business is good. Julia notes that Daphne's there a lot too. Griffin starts to explain, but Julia says she thinks it's cool, but at first she was a little jealous. Griffin tells her there's nothing to be jealous of because he and Daphne aren't together like that. Griffin thinks Daphne is fun, but he can't see himself with her. Julia points out that she and Griffin were an unlikely couple. Yeah, and they had a really successful marriage, didn't they? Griffin says that they were a terrible match but Julia was always surprising him. Daphne is too much like him. Julia asks if he's told Daphne about this, and says he should let her know. Griffin sighs and wipes his hands on a rag.
Owen and Charlie are in the basement, cleaning up. Owen asks Charlie if he wants some rolled-up papers and Charlie says they are designs from his furniture business. Charlie finds a model house in a box and lifts it out. Owen asks if it's a doll house, and Charlie says it's a model he made for school. This whole scene was kind of pointless, because they could have just had Charlie come across this stuff while he was down there with Bailey. I guess they wanted to give Owen a line or two.
Claudia tells Alexa that she is quitting the homecoming committee. Alexa protests. Claudia asks how Alexa can joke around with Derek after what he did. Alexa says that he was a jerk, but it was a while ago. Claudia kind of snaps and says that Derek was more than a jerk. Alexa asks her if that's her position now, because Claudia let the issue slide and it's not fair of her to ask them to punish Derek for her. Boy, Alexa is a really supportive friend, isn't she? Claudia purses her lips.
Julia comes into Evan's home with a grocery bag and yells that she brought food. I'm wondering where she got the money to buy said food, since she doesn't have a job or any visible means of income. Brian is there, and tells her he's going back to Santa Cruz. Julia asks why he's leaving so suddenly. Brian says that their kiss meant more to him. Julia says everything is okay, and that they're friends. Brian says he's fighting it, but he's a guy waiting for an opportunity and it's not right so he has to leave before he kisses her again. He walks out and Julia sees Evan standing on the landing. She asks how much he heard and he says, "Enough," and walks back up the stairs. I love Kyle Secor, but he did look really grandfatherly in this scene.
Bailey and Holly are eating at Salinger's. Bailey gives her the hard sell to try to get another date. Holly argues the advantages of only having one perfect date and then going your separate ways. Otherwise, you always end up disappointing each other because of the skeletons in your closet. Bailey says that he has problems that he's overcome, and that he ended a long-term relationship in the fall. That was three weeks ago, but he doesn't mention that part. Joe interrupts them because there is a guy to see Bailey. Hey, it's Tracy's husband! And he knows about the affair! And he has a really cheesy mustache and bad hair! He decks Bailey, who nearly falls into the fireplace.
At the Homecoming Dance, Cameron and Alexa are King and Queen. They get their picture taken and then invite their court up for more pictures. The court consists of all their friends. Claudia stands there watching, and Myra sidles up to her. Why would Myra be at the Homecoming Dance? I never saw her as the school spirit type. Anyway, Myra says that although Claudia probably hates her, Myra talked to Charlie and he's cool with everything. Also, she has a bottle of liquor in her coat, and she takes a swig. Everyone calls Claudia up on stage with them, and Claudia asks Myra if she has enough liquor to go around, and they leave.
Holly is wearing scrubs and walking to her car. There are flowers on her windshield, and Bailey stalks up out of nowhere, like that's not scary behavior for someone you've only dated once. Bailey tries to explain what happened, but Holly says he's not right for her and they should just walk away. Bailey says that after ending things with Sarah, he needed a pointless relationship to get her out of his head. Holly says that he's probably an okay guy, but he's a kid. She doesn't want "a boyfriend who's learning all his life lessons on my time." Then she gets in her car and leaves.
Julia is packing things up in Evan's den. Evan comes in and asks if she's leaving. Julia apologizes because she knows he rented movies, but she's got a lot of work to do. Evan says that he understands. Julia says it's never a problem with him, and that no one is that understanding. She says that she has to force him to feel any emotion. Evan says that he's not unfeeling, and Julia says that she has to force him to express his emotions. Knowing that Brian kissed her must make him feel something. Evan says that it bothers him, and asks if he should start yelling and screaming. Julia says she wants more of him than he gives to his editors or a bank teller. She continues, "So, I get to see you naked. Great. But anything deeper than that is off-limits?" Then she tells him that it can't work. You would think that someone who just got out of a relationship where her boyfriend expressed his emotions with his fists would appreciate a little restraint. I'm just sayin'.
Claudia comes back to the Homecoming Dance all drunk. Her friends notice her inebriated state and Stephanie Tanner asks if she saved any for them. Claudia says it's all gone, so Derek says he will go get a bottle from his locker. Are there chaperones at this dance? Anyway, Claudia yells that Derek is "one dangerous guy when he drinks." Alexa tries to drag Claudia to the bathroom, but Claudia says that she's been drinking, so that excuses everything she does since those are the rules for Derek. Cameron tries to get her out of there and she asks him if he's afraid that she'll say something about him. She finishes by saying she's tired of what she sees and stomps off. I would've have liked that scene a lot better if she had actually said something about what Derek did, or what Cameron did, instead of just alluding to it.
Griffin is waiting for Daphne outside the strip club. Griffin tries to get Daphne to talk to him, but clearly she knows what's coming so she tries to get him to take her for a ride on his motorcycle. Griffin fights the good fight, but Daphne wins out. She's going to drive, and he only has one helmet, so she gets it. They take off, and he gives her instructions. Then everything goes slow motion and there's cars swerving and Griffin yells, "Daphne, look out!" so I guess they got in an accident. It was no Todd getting hit by a bus, like on Felicity. In fact, I've seen better accidents on Cops.
When they come back from commercial, there's this weird cut where Julia is in mid-sentence. Maybe that was just my local affiliate though. Everyone is at the hospital. Victor comes in and Charlie tells him that Griffin is still in surgery but Daphne's okay. They are keeping her overnight for observation. The doctor comes out and tells them that Griffin's head is okay, but there's a chance he won't regain the use of his hand. The doctor says that because he doesn't have insurance, they have to transfer him to the county hospital. The county hospital's facilities and staff aren't as good as the current hospital. You'd think they could get a volume discount since Julia was just there on Halloween. The doctor apologizes about the policy. Julia tells them to do the surgery and her family will pay. That's a bold statement coming from someone who doesn't contribute any money to the family coffers. Charlie tells her to hold on. Julia points out that Griffin's whole life is working with his hands. Okay, I have to say something here. When the doctor came out and said that Griffin could lose his hand, I almost laughed. Not that hands aren't important, but I expected it to be so much worse. My grandfather lost his hand in a farming accident, and he did just fine. In fact, I forget about it most of the time, because it certainly never affected his wage-earning potential, and he was decidedly blue-collar, like Griffin. I mean, if Griffin was paralyzed or something, it might be different. Anyway, Claudia tells them to do the surgery too, and I make the point again about it being a bold statement for someone without a job. Charlie says they need to figure out if they can pay for it, and Claudia says they'll find a way. Charlie agrees.
Bailey arrives at the hospital and runs into Holly. She accuses him of following her around, and Bailey tells her that someone he knows got in an accident and takes off.
Daphne is lying in her hospital bed, crying. Victor comes in and fills her in on Griffin's condition. Daphne starts crying some more and saying, "What have I done?" Victor gives her a hug. Where is Diana during all this? Probably the basement.
Evan shows up at the hospital and asks about Griffin. Julia says that Evan didn't have to come. Evan says that he wants to be there for her, and that what she said about his emotions is true. Brian and his wife had both pointed it out to him, and he knows he has work to do, but he hopes that Julia will bear with him. Julia says that as a result of writing her book, she has seen her pattern of getting involved with men who tell her to bear with them. She cares about Evan, and might love him, but it's too much work. That is about the worst excuse for a break-up I have ever heard. Poor Evan. I mean, lucky Evan to get away from Julia.
Charlie is standing up on the roof. Kirsten brings him a muffin with a candle in it for his birthday. Charlie says that looking at Griffin reminded him of when he had cancer. He promised himself that if he lived, he wasn't going to waste time on stuff that doesn't matter. He says he's decided to quit teaching. Kirsten says that he loves teaching. Charlie says that he can make more money at the furniture factory, because what matters most to him right now is making a baby, and that costs money. Then he gives a whole speech about how he's always had to wait for things, but they always come back to him in the end. So, he's putting his trust in fate that the things he wants will come back around. I'll let him off the hook, because I think it's natural to get philosophical on your thirtieth birthday.
Bailey is getting coffee from a vending machine and Holly shows up. She apologizes for thinking he was stalking her. Bailey tells her about the accident and Holly expresses disgust at motorcycles. Bailey asks if they are "too out of control, too young." That doesn't even make sense. Bailey says that Holly has pegged him wrong, and that he's not a kid. He think that chasing after her was reckless, but she said yes, so being reckless is not always bad. Bailey is sporting a big shiner in this scene, so it's nice to see the writers didn't forget about that. They did forget about Claudia being drunk though. I know harsh news can be sobering, but come on.
Griffin is lying in the hospital bed. Julia sits to it. He wakes up and Julia gives him some water. He looks at his hand and Julia explains about the surgery. He asks Julia if he's going to be okay. She gives him some sugar-coated answer, so he asks again. Julia tells him that he's getting the best care in the city. Griffin says, "So they don't know, do they?" I guess referring to his uninsured status.
week: Griffin gets mad when he finds out that the Salingers paid for his surgery. Charlie and Kirsten buy some illegal fertility drugs. Bailey and Holly take a shower together.