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Kristina is so consumed by worry about Max and everything else that she has a hard time finding joy in her life. She has a meltdown on Max's new behavioral therapist and reveals that she is even unable to enjoy sex. When Adam hears this, he worries that she has been faking her satisfaction with him.
Crosby gets the results of the paternity test confirming that he is Jabbar's dad. Yay! This genetic connection gets Jabbar a spot in Joel's playgroup where Crosby is a firsthand witness to Raquel's flirting with Joel. When he reveals this to Julia, she confronts Joel about Raquel. He is forced to admit that Raquel hit on him months ago, even trying to kiss him. Julia insists that Raquel (and, thus, Harmony) be cut out of their lives. Later, watching the two girls together, she has a change of heart.
Finally, Crosby gets up the nerve to tell his parents about his son. They are shocked, but happy and welcome Jabbar into the family with a Braverman bike ride.
Amber has a huge crush on her English teacher. Unfortch, so does her mom. Awkward. Even more awkward, the guy seems to reciprocate Sarah's crush, and he reciprocates it suuuuper cutely and romantically. Sarah is so happy it makes her lose her mind and asks Crosby for advice. Naturally, he approves.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!People, I'm tired. Thanks much to Lulu Bates who took the reins last week while I was out on a whirlwind trip that took about 20 hours, eleventy thousand baby items for one night's stay with her grandmother, most of my vocal chords and ALL of my sanity. Just know that when I was screaming out my band's untouchable cover of the incomparable Jackson 5's greatest hit "Who's Loving You?" because I couldn't hear myself in the monitor... I was thinking of you.
Morning dawns on the house of Adam Braverman. Ah, the glorious suburban morning. Buzzing bees, birds singing in the trees and... the very loud and all-too-accurate sounds of people having sex. Must we, Ron Howard? I thought this was a family program. Anyway, yeah, they bangin'. Adam doesn't even get all the through his dismount before Kristina is looking at the clock. Likewise, his attempts to bask in the afterglow are cut painfully short. "I have to wash Max's bandana," Kristina says, suddenly. Adam is nonplussed, but Kristina is off like a shot, truly babbling as she throws on a robe about Max's new behavioral aide who is getting there at 10, and Haddie's biology test which she apparently hasn't studied for, at all. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," Adam interrupts. "We just had morning sex. Like, free, unadulterated, pre-kid morning sex." Here, our first sign of a problem: dude thinks women like morning sex. I mean, it's fine, but come on. "Yeah, it was nice," Kristina says, busy. Adam: "Nice?" Kristina says yeah, whatever, it was amazingly nice and chop-chop, time to get downstairs. Poor Adam is left to contemplate his manliness, or lack thereof.
Sarah is doing the daily dropoff, wondering aloud why school has to start so damn early and on a day as sucky as Monday. Their school starts at 8:30? That seems late, actually. Of course, somehow the schools in my neighborhood all start and end at different times, because I can't go out my door without getting behind a school bus, no matter the hour. These kids today, am I right? While Sarah, who was probably up all night working at the bar, continues to complain, Amber asks if she could maybe pull up a few hundred yards away from the door. "Are you kidding me?" Sarah asks. "I'm so embarrassing that I can't drop you off in the front of the school?" Amber says "kind of," and I say "bullshit." Sorry, I know it's TV, but on no planet would having Lauren Graham as your mom be embarrassing. No time to think on that, though, because into their orbit strolls Mr. Cyr, to the immortal strains of "Don't Stand So Close to Me." (Not really, but how I wish!) Instantly, both Amber and Sarah smile 1,000 watts each. "Hi-i-i," they each sing-song. "Don't Monday's suck," Mr. Cyr says, and just as Sarah is about to say "I was just saying the same thing," Amber says she was... just saying the same thing. "I literally just said that," she says flirtily. "That's so weird." Yes, it is very weird. Sarah does not rat her out, but as they both trill a cutesy goodbye to Mr. Cyr, Amber shoots her mom a little look of suspicion. I would have enjoyed seeing Drew's reaction to all of that, at the very least to see if he would drolly comment on Mr. Cyr's painful, Skeet-Ulrich-like 1997 facial hair.
Crosby has come a-callin' on Julia at her office. "We just lost our key witness in our Downey-Smith trial," he says from her doorway. Cute. He's actually there to tell her he got the results of his paternity test. That was quick. He wants her to be with him when he opens it. "That's really sweet," she says. "And also kind of pathetic." He stalls by ribbing her for not having pictures of him in the office. "Embarrassed to have me in the family?" he asks. You know she wants to say yes, but instead informs him that she managed to get him and Jabbar into Joel's Wednesday playgroup. "You 'got us in,'" he scoffs. Julia: "There is a three-month waiting list!" She shoves the paternity test letter back at him and demands that he open it. "Can't we ease up to it?" he begs. "What are you in such a hurry for?" Julia asks if he's afraid of being a father, or not being a father. "Yes," he says. "Both." Julia assures him he's a wimp, he counters that she is a tyrant, and finally, he opens the results. "He's mine," he says, clearly relieved and blown away. "I'm a father." Taking a deep breath, he asks Julia what he's supposed to do now. "Buy a microwave?" he wonders. "Move to the suburbs?" Suddenly, he remembers the biggest thing. "We gotta tell Mom and Dad," he says. Julia: "Yes, you do." No, no, Crosby says, they'll go together. She tells him to grow up. "Growing up means asking for help," he says, "which I'm doing." She laughs, and tells him that's nice but that he needs to actually grow up and do it himself. "You want to frame this for your office?" he asks, waving the results as he goes out. "Because this might be the document that made me grow up. I mean, I know you don't want any pictures of me, so there's this." Ha! Did I just like Crosby?
Back at the Chez "Nice" Sex, Adam and Kristina open the door, together, to the hot(tttt) behavioral therapist, Gaby. Taking a seat, she asks them where they'd like her to start with Max's therapy. Kristina says she's not sure where to begin. "Well," Gaby says, "if there were a behavior of Max's that you could wave a wand and change, what would it be?" Adam groans: "How much would a wand like that cost?" Not helpful, man. Kristina stammers that Max takes forever to get ready in the morning. "His diet," Adam interrupts. "He only eats certain things cooked in certain ways." Kristina confirms this, saying Max will only eat eggs if they are cooked in the orange frying pan. Gaby raises an eyebrow, causing Adam to wonder if these are normal behaviors for kids with Asperger's. "Um," Gaby says. "The orange frying pan is new." Kristina's face falls. "Oh," Adam snarks, "he's weird, even for a kid with Asperger's! Great!" Siiiigh. I am actually not sure what we're supposed to be seeing in this scene. Is it that the therapist is attractive and Adam oogled her a little as she came in the door? Is it that Kristina is particularly stressed and Adam is... also stressed? Kristina adds that Max sometimes has severe tantrums. "I don't know if I'd call them severe," Adam says. Kristina lists a few examples: "Biting? The fish tank?" Adam can't argue with those. As a matter of fact, he seems to agree, but Gaby interjects as if we're supposed to think she is helping them save face. She asks how Max does socially like, with his friends. "Does he have playdates?" she asks. Adam and Kristina look at each other, super sad. "No," Adam says. On the verge of tears, but forcing a smile, Kristina adds: "Max doesn't really have any friends." Okay, Gaby says kindly. "Why don't we start there?" Kristina sighs. "That's good," she says, and Adam can only give a sad smile of his own.
Did I say this in a recap already, because I am just seeing the commercial again and I feel like I need to mention it, even if I already have: Dear Hollywood, the original Nightmare on Elm Street films were scary enough. Let's see... child molester, progeny of a nun raped by multiple asylum inmates, is burned to death only to return -- still burned -- to seek his deadly revenge within the nightmares of the children of his killers. P.S., he wears a glove made of knives. P.P.S., he inexplicably dresses like a gondolier. Yes, that was all quite enough the first 12 times, or however many films were made. No need to start over, because obviously every detail is burned (ha ha!) into my brain and sometimes when I close my eyes I can still see this one scene where Freddy lifts his shirt and the souls of his victims are trying to get out through his stomach or some shit? Why did I even watch that in the first place?! What I'm saying is, no thank you. Plus, don't the kids all go for the really scary stuff now like that guy with the saw? Okay, my husband is telling me the movie is actually called Saw? What? I don't know! Like I would see that movie?
Back in the peaceful, non-deadly world of the Braverman's, things are scary in their own way. For example, Max is currently haranguing his new friend Gaby with a treatise on lizards, using one of his own lizards, Guacamole, as a visual aide. Many, many details about lizards are shared while Kristina looks on and Gaby times Max's lizard chat with a watch. The awesome little boy I know who has Asperger's collects these sorts of facts, as well and would habitually read Consumer Reports when he was barely a toddler. Trust that I will not be buying a new car without consulting him, for real. Finally, Gaby's watch alarm goes off. "That's very cool, Max," she says. She tells him they've been doing what he wants -- lizard lecture -- for 20 minutes, and now it's time to do something she wants to do -- play board games. "No way," he says, casually. Kristina nervously tells him to be polite and just as nervously tries to explain to Gaby that Max hates board games and won't play one, ever. Gaby, sotto voce, tells her that if Max makes a deal with her, he has to hold up his end of the bargain. She sweetens the deal, showing Max a cool book he can get if he plays board games with her for 20 minutes.
"How about..." Max suggests, "I get the book first and then we play the game?" Gaby says you know, she gets it, she always wanted to eat her dessert first when she was a kid, but it turned out she had to have her veggies first, so... no. He can't have the book first. Kristina listens to all this with dread, knowing what's coming. "Forget it, then," Max says, and goes back to doing his own thing. Sensing things are going to continue to go badly, Kristina offers him a cookie, but Gaby steps in. "Max, no cookie today," she says. "The reward is the book." And, see, Max wants the book, but he doesn't want to play the game, literally or figuratively, to get it. Kristina smells a tantrum coming on. "When he has that tone," she says, fearfully, "all bets are off. He's gonna lose it. He's gonna lose it." Gaby isn't worried. "It's okay," she tells Kristina, and then turns to Max and explains that nothing in this situation is going to change unless he puts Guacamole back in the cage and plays the game. "You make the choice," she says, and finally Max apologies (to the lizard), and puts Guac away.
Back at school, Amber has stopped by Mr. Cyr's classroom to ask him about that totally awesome sounding club thing, or whatever, who cares, I mean, the um... literary magazine? Hee. Look, it is hard being a teenager. Especially one like Amber who has a crush on her teacher and thus is wearing a drugstore's worth of makeup and hair gel. She looks 40. This alleged literary magazine is called The Spectrum, a fine name, but nothing beats the magazine my poor friend Mary used to have to head up as part of her English-teaching duties. It was called Catharsis, and even though it was years ago that she told me about it, I CANNOT stop laughing about the name. Has there ever been any more appropriately-named publication that features the poetry of teenagers? Oh, my LORD, I am laughing so hard about it right now, damn.
Anyway, poor Amber is awkwardly trying to act both interested and uninterested in this whole thing and it pains me to see her mooning over this dude, so (appropriately) out of reach. In the end, he tells her they'll be formatting in the computer lab after school, so she should come by. "Formatting and computer labs," Amber says. "And here I thought it would be nerdy and lame." Good one. He laughs and says oh, yeah, it's going to be so cool, what with all the footnoting and endnoting. She tells him he has chalk on his shoulder -- and I am so glad they didn't have her go up to him and brush it off -- and, now feeling a little awkward himself, he says it's an occupational hazard. Do any high school classrooms have chalkboards anymore? I would like to think so, but I wonder.
Crosby is at Braverman HQ supervising his mom doing his laundry. Whaaaat? Zeek staggers in, looking like... well, Crosby asks if he just got in a fight with a leaf blower, and the question is not unwarranted. "Didn't you just do like, eight loads here last week?" he asks. Camille says that Crosby just wants to visit them and uses the laundry as an excuse. No, Mom, no. He wants you to wash his new Underdog t-shirt, and then probably fold it for him and drive over to his boat to put it away. Actually, he is also wanting to do the big Jabbar reveal, and attempts it, now. "Someone has come into my life, recently," he starts, and his parents don't even hesitate before the ribbing begins. Apparently, there are often people -- women -- coming into Crosby's life. He loses his nerve in the end and bail for his office saying he'll tell them later.
Speaking of nerve, Sarah is surprised to see none other than Mr. Cyr show up at the bar. He's kind of agitated -- acting a lot like Amber was acting with him earlier, actually -- and Sarah asks if everything is okay. "This is probably lame and sort of embarrassing for me," he says, "but I'm gonna say it. I... really like you..." She smiles. Naturally, one of her regulars interrupts a few times as Mr. Cyr blurts out the rest -- he's been thinking about her and she makes him laugh, etc. When the lush at the bar interrupts again, Sarah finally excuses herself and pours the guy a splashy double on the house. At the end of the bar, Mr. Cyr brushes the chalk off his shoulder. "I just sensed there was this connection," he rambles cutely when she returns. "Despite, uh..." Sarah: "What? That you fall asleep when you try to count to my age?" Ha! He says no, no, despite the fact that he teaches her daughter. "I have a daughter?" Sarah asks, smiling again. With his facial hair nearly in flames, Mr. Cyr goes for the gold. "So, I wanted to give you this," he says, pulling out a note. He says that he knows texting is the thing the kids are into these days, "but I think there's something more romantic about (gulp) pen and paper." All of this is said at the height of nerves, and Sarah is so enamored she can hardly take it. He tells her not to open it, now, but to follow the directions in the note. Dudes, it's a "Will You Go Out with Me? Yes/No/Maybe." Is it lame that I am charmed? I got only one of those in my life, in junior high, and I wish so badly I had saved it. I think I was too shy to even answer it and as I recall it was from a boy I had known since first grade. I just felt such a wave of guilt I had to go friend him on Facebook.
Speaking of guilt, Sarah has obviously lost her mind over this whole business, because she is now seeking the advice of Crosby who is doing some alleged repairs to his boat sink. Even he thinks it's crazy. "You're asking for MY advice," he says, thrilled. "This is so great! You never come to me." Sarah says, yes, there's a first for everything. "What's ?" she adds. "You asking ME for advice?" Apparently this is also a crazy idea, because Crosby laughs. Sarah finally tells him that she met someone, and he's great. "He's Amber's teacher, and um, he's kind of young..." she says. Crosby casually asks if he's legal. "Age? Yeah, he's 26," Sarah says, incredulous that he'd so flippantly ask if she was dating a teenager. "Gross!" Crosby doesn't see the probs. "Oh," he nods. "He's married." Sarah shakes her head, newly amazed at his stupidness. No, she says. "Then what are you asking me?" he wonders. Sarah is amazed that he can't see the subtlety of the situation, though this IS the man who introduced his own son to his fiancé as some kid he met in the reception area. "What about Amber? He's younger than Julia!" Sarah begins listing off all the obvious difficulties. "He's younger than me, by a lot!" Crosby sighs. "Look, you want to say yes," Crosby smirks. Sarah: "I do." Crosby: "If you wanna say no, you'd ask Dudley Do-Right or Judge Julia." Ha! Sarah asks if he doesn't think it's weird that she'd want to date this dude. "No way," Crosby shrugs. Sarah: "No rules!" Crosby: "I didn't read a rule book!" Crosby's so pleased at how well his advice is being taken, he suggests Sarah can even the score by um, accompanying him to tell his parents about Jabbar. She, also, refuses.
At the park, Adam is snorting and scoffing that he cancelled a meeting to come to the park and watch Gaby work with Max when apparently all she is doing is babysitting him. Kristina, also, is skeptical that any of this is doing any good. To their credit, it looks like Gaby is just enduring a ball-playing game with Max as he lectures her about guns, their histories, every detail of one she could buy, etc. But as they look on, they see something fairly amazing -- Gaby convinces Max to go over to a little girl to invite her to play four square with him. She achieves this by promising him he can get any lizard he wants on the way home. I hope, for everyone's sake, he has no desire to parent a Komodo dragon or something, because that seemed like a very general reward to bestow on a kid with Asperger's who will hold you to your promise on pain of death. Watching from the sidelines, Kristina is filled with mixed emotions -- a LOT of emotions, actually. She's amazed and happy that Max is socializing, bewildered that he could be convinced to do it, and upset that she has never been able to help her son do this, on her own. "Hey, she just got lucky," Adam says, seeing her clouded face. "No, she didn't," Kristina says, fighting back tears, yet again, and gives Max a big thumbs-up.
Crosby has entered the jealously guarded inner sanctum of Joel's Wednesday Playgroup. As Jabbar runs around having fun with all the kids, Crosby studies the mom dynamics (and gay dad dynamics) of the group. They're all in love with Joel. "He's like a rock star," he says to one woman. "Big time," she answers, with lust in her eyes. No one, however, is more into Joel than the omnipresent Raquel. Bringing over a tray of snacks, she gets a leeeetle too close and lingers a leeeetle too long. Crosby notices.
Back at the park, Kristina's emotions are getting the better of her. With Gaby, she watches Max continue to play with the little girl. "I've been trying to do this for so long," she tells Gaby. "I'm just amazed." Gaby asks how she is, personally. She swears she is okay, but she so isn't. It's so nice to see Max play with other kids, she says. "And you helped him do it," she adds, almost crying. "You did." The sensitive Gaby sees her turn away and reaches out. Poor Kristina says she just feels like a loser, not being able to provide this kind of help to her son. Gaby assures her that it's not easy. "I only work with him a few hours a day," she says. "This is your life. I don't know how you do it." Feeling like she has a friend, Kristina unleashes a meltdown. Monica Potter breaks my heart every single week. She says she can't sleep at night, worrying about Max and wondering if they're doing everything they can for him. She lists all the ways she's worried about her whole family, and it's overwhelming. She says that she rarely gets a chance to spend time alone with Adam, and when she does, she can't relax enough to enjoy any part of her life, "a movie, dinner, sex..." Suddenly she's embarrassed for having said too much. Gaby very sweetly swears that she shouldn't worry about it. "He does satisfy me," Kristina swears. "A lot! He's... got a good one!" Whoa. Come on, show! They laugh, the tension broken. Gaby tells her that the important thing to do, is relax, and cut herself some slack so that she can enjoy her life. "Okay," Kristina says. "Then I'm going to go to Hawaii, and you can raise my son." Gaby says she'll babysit.
Crosby arrives back at Julia's office on an unspecified day and is so overwhelmed with gratitude about his entre into Joel's playgroup that he throws his arms around her as if not having seen her for years. Since Julia seems to be the only Braverman who ever does any work, you have to wonder how much she appreciates these visits. Crosby waxes fond over the greatness of Joel and how much of a rock star he is to the playgroup participants. Something about this interaction seems very ad-libbed to me. Actually, I think the actors on this show do a lot of this, which sometimes seems very natural, and other times... forced. Like now. Like when Julia basically has to force Crosby to tell her just what this rock star business is all about, and he reluctantly reveals that Raquel flirts with her husband. Then he tries to act like that's not what he was saying, and finally leaves telling her she'll have to get another source for the info. Which... why did you show up in the first place, man?
Here we come to another moment that seems like the director was like, "You guys hang out in the kitchen and Adam comes home and then Gaby leaves and in the middle there you have to show that Gaby knows about your sex life." I'm just saying, I feel the extemporaneous vibe more than I should, possibly because some of them are better at it than others? Am I alone, here? Anyway, this is exactly what happens. Gaby is still at the house, having had dinner with Kristina, Haddie and Max, when Adam comes home. The kids disperse and Kristina, who is a bit in her cups, lays some serious smooches on Adam, who seems a little surprised to be passing Gaby in his kitchen. "You relax tonight," Gaby wink-nudges Kristina on her way out, and Kristina slyly mumbles that oh, she'll relax all right. Adam is somewhat confused but, you know, he's not going to turn down the free love... except maybe he is, since it seems to him like Kristina is not turned on because she is fondly remembering their morning sex, but because of Max's good playdate and her new BFF, Gaby. "What was that all about?" he finally asks, and Kristina tells him about her stress meltdown and how she told Gaby all about how it's sometimes hard for her and Adam to connect "certain ways." Adam is immediately on the defensive. "We're keeping our private life private, right?" he asks. "I mean, you're not talking to her about... sex?" Kristina rolls her eyes. "Honey, no, of course!" she says. "I mean... a little bit!" Haaa! She tries to backtrack a little but he wants to make sure, you know, she hasn't told Gaby that she isn't satisfied with him in bed. In fact, he suddenly worries that she, in fact, is NOT satisfied. "Have you been... faking it?" he asks.
Poor Kristina! She got this buzz on specifically to instigate the sexy time, and now she has to deal with the woman-like emotions of her husband? So unfair. "You're not telling her that you're not enjoying it?" he wonders. She insists that no, that's not what she's saying, and that yes, she's enjoying it "a LOT!" He is still skeptical and she resorts to teenage-style prevarications. "What?" she asks when he raises yet another eyebrow. "What did I tell her when? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm starting to get sweaty!" Hee. She finally admits that, yes, once in a while she fakes it. "I don't want you to think I'm don't appreciate the effort!" she says, which is the truth, I'm sure, but of course it's the wrong thing to say. "I don't need you to comfort me by faking it!" Adam gripes. Kristina suggests that maybe he sit down and eat something. "Or drink," she says. "Why don't you have a drink?"
Adam wonders if just now, when he came home and she was kissing him, she was faking it. "Honey, understand something," Kristina says, slowly, so that maybe he WILL understand it. "I feel better today than I have in so long." Y'all, stress will kill you. Go get laid off and adopt a baby and see what I am talking about. Wait, no. Don't do that first one. The second thing though, by all means do that! I can't recommend it enough!
Adam is still suspicious. He needs specifics. "What about that time after the Jon Stewart Daily Show? he asks. "That was pretty intense. That was the real deal, right?" First of all, I love the targeted branding. Secondly, that's a man right there -- I'm sure he had to wait until the show was over that night, and then in a complete smug liberal frenzy, had the best sex of his life. Nothing turns such a dude on more than hating crazy conservatives, believe that. And, I know he's having some issues right now, but President Obama is one sexy world leader. Anyway, Kristina, though it's obvious she's having trouble recalling that romantic night in front of Jon Stewart, says yes, yes, that was hot stuff. Adam just wants to know he's satisfying his wife, which is sweet, but dude, just be happy she's happy right now. To borrow a phrase I often scream at the television during football games: it's time to capitalize on the momentum. (Not that I screamed it that often last year during my alma mater's National Championship of Ass Kicking I Love You Sweet Home Alabama You Make Me Want to Live Again Football Season, or anything.)
Over at the shrine of playgroups, no screaming is going on, but things are nonetheless intense. Julia passive-aggressively confronts Joel about his rock star status. It must be very hard being married to an attorney. She asks if Raquel hit on him. "Did Crosby tell you that?" he asks. "He didn't have to," she says, "I inferred." Joel says no, she did not hit on him. "She's never hit on you?" Julia asks, taking the lawyer stance. Joel goes quiet. Oh, man. He says that once, a few months ago, Raquel came over to pick up Harmony, the girls fell asleep, and they got to talking about her marriage. "I listened, and she misinterpreted," he says. Julia's eyes bug out. "And...?" she asks. "What? She kissed you. Did she kiss you?" Joel looks like he wants to fall through the floor and, since we just don't know him well enough, yet, I'm not even sure if he's telling the truth. I think he is, though. He says Raquel did TRY to kiss him, but he shut her down immediately. Julia rightly flips. First, Joel didn't tell her any of this, and then he let her think she was crazy for feeling jealous of Raquel all this time. He says he did it for Sydney -- Harmony is her best friend and he didn't want her to lose her buddy. Julia makes an executive decision: she wants Raquel out of their lives. Except, Joel sad-bastardly reminds her, that will mean Harmony is out of their lives, as well. Julia says that Sydney is five, she'll make new friends which, though sad, is quite true, right? "What if I was at work every day," she asks, "with a guy who hit on me?" Damn, girl, look in the mirror -- surely you are getting hit on! Anyway. Joel gives her the puppy eyes, severely, but she won't budge. She'll tell Sydney herself, she says, but tomorrow. They embrace like someone has just died and hold hands.
Over at HQ, Adam has arrived to drop off some shoes for Zeek and finds Sarah alone in the house. Amber, she says, has not come home from school, yet. "She's probably smoking, or drinking or... stealing something, I don't know." Adam takes this opportunity to get some inside information. "Have you ever faked an orgasm?" he asks his sister. Look, there's family closeness and then there's insanity, but I guess he really wants to know. How he's gotten to whatever age he is without even considering the question, I have no idea. Of course, Sarah being Sarah, treats it like a joke. "No," she says, doing a little bottle cap toss of confidence, "I haven't had to." Adam looks like she just stabbed him. I really like Peter Krause on this show. He matches up well against Monica Potter and Lauren Graham, both of whom have rarely had worthy enough actors to work with. (I mean no disrespect to the unreasonably hot Scott Patterson from Gilmore Girls, of course.) Immediately, Sarah realizes her mistake. "Wait, why are you asking?" she asks. Adam: "No reason." Sarah: "Wait! I'm just kidding! Of course I have! And if someone in your life has, that's okay, too." Adam is distraught. "When? Why?" he wants to know. Sarah says there have been a few different times for a few different reasons. He says he just does not get it, at all. Sarah sighs. "It's like... we don't want you to feel bad..." she says. This causes him to feel much worse. "God! This is just horrible," he says. "Are you all in on this?!" Aw. Sarah is offended. "It's not horrible," she says. "And we're not 'all in on it.' She shouldn't have told you. That breaks the code, right there." Adam asks how he's supposed to tell the faking is going on. "You can't tell, honey," Sarah tells him. "It's fake." He says he still doesn't get it and wonders why women fake it at all. "Because! It's too long to explain in the moment," Sarah says. "It's like, you just kind of, you know, put on a happy face and... better luck time!" She says this with a cringing happy-go-lucky shrug that nearly kills me, and adds that it's not a lie, it's an act of generosity. "It's a gift!" she insists to his frustration. "It says to you 'thank you so much for trying, please come again soon!'" Warming to this theme, she throws her arm up and continues with "'come again as soon as you possibly can and...'" Adam's shooting eyebrows alert her to the fact that Amber has just entered the room. He makes a quick exit as Sarah tries to cover. "So, come back again time," she says gesturing to the shoes he brought for Zeek, "and I'll just... give him those... and yeah, okay..."
Sarah's obviously skeptical that Amber has been at school this whole time, but Amber insists it's true. "Extra credit stuff," she says. "I was uh, formatting in the computer lab if you must know." When Sarah finds out it was for Mr. Cyr, her whole attitude changes. "Extra credit," she says, all nervous now, thinking of Mr. Cute. "I'm proud of you! That's... extra!" It's Amber's turn, now, to look skeptical as she wanders off to her room. This encounter leaves Sarah a little shaken. She pulls out Mr. Cyr's note and considers it again. Below the multiple choices, she adds one more: "It's Complicated."
At a restaurant, Crosby is picking up the bill for his parents. Naturally, they are shocked. "Oh, this is embarrassing," Crosby says when he goes to take money out of his wallet. "Dad, can you float me about forty dollars..." He's just kidding, which also shocks them. This is all to prove, he says, that he's appreciative of everything they've done and continue to do for him. He's turning over a new leaf, he says, all due to his big news. Now his parents are scared. Zeek puts his arm around Camille, preparing for some awful news like Crosby's dying, or something. But, no, Crosby tells them, it's great news. "I have a son," he says. "I'm a father." His parents slowly smile. "So, you and Crazy Katie hit the jackpot," Zeek says, assuming Katie's plan to have a baby has worked. No, Crosby says. "It's not Crazy Katie." He half-admonishes Zeek for calling her crazy, but come on -- we all know she's crazy. Anyway, he explains that the mother of this child is a dancer he knew several years ago when she was touring the Bay Area. "She doesn't dance with a pole," he says as Zeek smirks. "It's like, ballet!" He tells how he didn't know she was pregnant back then and that she showed up a few months ago with a five-year-old boy. His parents are stunned. Camille hasn't even spoken, but when Crosby starts talking about how amazing his son is, her eyes fill with tears. Zeek, also, is moved. "Crosby," he says, hoarse, "you're a dad." Crosby says he knows, and he knows he has to be a more responsible person now and take care of things better, and he will. "This is me, now," he says, "Crosby the dad." He looks at Camille. "Mom," he begs, "please say something." She can hardly say anything, though, because she's so happy. "Does he look like you?" she finally asks. "Because you were just the cutest kid, ever." Aw. Tears, man. I can't help it. "I'm just so happy for you," she says. "For all of us." Dude. When my mother-in-law met our daughter for the first time, she burst into tears and thanked me. I'm still not over it. And I can't even tell you how my mother reacted, because you'll never stop crying and neither will I. Suffice it to say, it was like Terms of Endearment meets Steel Magnolias, all up in the South Terminal of the Atlanta airport at 2 AM on a Thursday. Finally they ask what the boy's name is. Zeek's reaction is as one might have expected. "What kind of name is Jabbar?" he asks, though as much basketball as we've seen people play on this show already, I'd think he would already know and, frankly, be proud. You don't just get named after the inventor of the sky hook unless you're significantly awesome, as we've seen Jabbar already prove himself to be. Anyway, Camille says it doesn't matter what his name is, she can't wait to meet Jabbar. She finally goes around the table and hugs her son, and they all smile as Zeek repeats "Jabbar Braverman?"
At work, Sarah is cashing out when she gets another visit from Mr. Cyr. "I've been thinking a lot about the note," he says, and her face falls. "I'm sorry," she tells him. No, no, he insists, she's right. "It is a little too complicated," he says. "I mean, three options is a lot of options. It's overwhelming. I understand." Sarah sees where he's going and slyly smiles. "Yeah," she nods. "I'm just not good with multiple choice." Mr. Cyr says no, it's fault. "These choices are ridiculous," he says. "I mean, 'maybe,' what's that all about?" Sarah jokes that, yeah, it was confusing. Mr. Cyr says he doesn't know what he was thinking and has decided that he should just be more direct, time. With that, he lays one on her. Pulling away, he asks directly: "Will you go out with me?" Sarah thinks about it and takes the note out of his hand, making a mark on it. He looks. "That is the correct answer," he says, and leaves her to her work. She smiles as she watches him walk out.
The time has come to initiate Jabbar into the Braverman Way. Crosby arrives at HQ with the little guy and Camille and Zeek are stunned once again. I don't think the show has addressed even once that Jabbar's parents are of different races, and I can't tell if Zeek and Camille are reacting to that, with surprise or if they're just blown away by Jabbar's overwhelming cuteness, but I think it's the latter. Crosby introduces his parents -- Grandma Camille and Grandpa Zeek -- and Jabbar shakes hands with both. "You can call me Grandma," Camille tells him. "Okay," he whispers back. Zeek congratulates him on a good handshake, which we know is so important. I guess Joel has moved the sacred playgroup to HQ today because all those kids are gathered around in the yard, now, watching Crosby put on an awesome puppet show. Camille, wearing fairy wings and a tiara, looks on proudly. Harmony is there, with her arms thrown around Sydney. "Does that just melt your heart, or what?" Raquel asks, coming over to Julia. Julia tries not to react, and Raquel doesn't notice, going on about how she was thinking of signing Harmony up for a pottery class. "Something about working with the clay just grounds you to the Earth," she drones. Julia looks over and sees Joel watching her, all Sad Dad. She sighs. Surely she is realizing now that this goofy woman is no threat to her marriage -- clay grounding you to the Earth? Come on. She looks again at Sydney with her beloved friend. "Maybe," she tells Raquel, "the girls could do it together."
Later, Camille and Zeek have a surprise for Jabbar. Crosby's old bicycle! "It's for me?!" he asks, delighted. "Maybe your dad will teach you some tricks on it," Camille says. Zeek: "But I don't want you doing any wheelies. Your dad broke three teeth and a lot of brain cells." They put an old football helmet on Jabbar and he climbs on. "Can you do this?" Crosby asks in a totally natural dad tone. "You already know how?" Jabbar says yeah, like he can't wait to get rolling, and off he goes, with Crosby running behind. Listen, just go head and assume that once this show reaches the 56 minute mark, I'll be crying, no matter what's happening, but especially if Jabbar is involved.
They sort of ruin it by cutting back to Adam and Kristina, who have just achieved bliss comparable or superior to that of The Daily Show evening. Hee. "I'm just gonna say that felt like, the real deal," Adam asks the exhausted Kristina. She says yes. "I haven't felt this relaxed in two months," she finally says. "Please don't ruin it." With that, he's satisfied, himself and, arms behind his head, he smiles.